Today, in my rush to do my hair and get to work, I managed to trip over my dog, hit my eye on the counter, and sprain my ankle. I arrived at work with a black eye and a painful limp. My boss didn't care, and fired me for showing up late. FML

by Anonymous / 04/21/2013 at 1:07am / United States / Work

Today, my crew was called out to do some house maintenance. We were nearly done, when someone had the goddamned fucking brilliant idea of washing plaster off their hands in the kitchen sink, which clogged the pipes. Instead of getting paid, we now owe for damages. FML

by Anonymous / 04/20/2013 at 10:26am / United States / Work

Today, my boss made me give a presentation to several senior company officials about the serious financial losses our division has made this year. Barely an hour later, my boss had palmed all the blame off onto me and gotten me fired. FML

by unemployed / 04/19/2013 at 8:16pm / El Salvador (San Salvador) / Work

Today, it's my only day off work in a while. I told my boss I'd be available via phone in case of emergencies. So far I've been called three times: To ask how the fax works, to let me know it's a slow day, and to ask me where the letter R is on a keyboard. FML

by Anonymous / 04/19/2013 at 6:17am / Germany (Berlin) / Work

Today, someone at my workplace yelled at me and filed a complaint for staring at them too often. I'm a lifeguard. FML

by lamelifeguard / 04/19/2013 at 1:07am / United States (Colorado) / Work

Today, I tried to explain to my history teacher why Woodrow Wilson would not have called the Great War "World War 1" as she constantly claims. I was sent to the office for my insubordination. FML

by Anonymous / 04/18/2013 at 3:54am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, I had to explain to a woman why she wasn't allowed to squeeze all the contents of the sample lotion bottle into her own bottle. She threw a fit, and dumped the whole bottle on my head. FML

by Anonymous / 04/18/2013 at 12:00am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I had a job interview with a man that I got drunk with at a bar on Saturday night. He spent an hour telling me things I did that I don't even remember. FML

by Anonymous / 04/17/2013 at 11:25am / United States / Work

Today, working in customer support, I received a call from a woman who'd just been robbed. My supervisor asked what was taking so long; I told him that she was hysterical. He took my phone and told her to call back when she had her "shit together", then hung up. I take orders from this man. FML

by no compassion / 04/16/2013 at 6:50am / United States (Colorado) / Work

Today, I went to the doctor to inquire about the nasty rash on my arms. He concluded that I'm allergic to beer and the rash will go away if I stay away from it. I'm a bartender. FML

by BarBacked / 04/15/2013 at 3:31am / United States / Work

Today, trying to be friendly, I said good morning to the creepy guy at work. He responded by wordlessly hugging me. I was touched, until I realized he was trying to unhook my bra. FML

by Anonymous / 04/13/2013 at 9:14pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I was screamed at and told that I was denying someone's "second amendment" by not letting him through with a gun. I work at the border; he was trying to enter Canada. This is not the first time, and it probably won't be the last. FML

by Anonymous / 04/12/2013 at 6:23am / Canada / Work

Today, I started my new job as a mail carrier. One of my assigned roads was Milbrooke Street, which I'd never heard of. After driving around for ages trying to find it, I called for directions. The street doesn't exist in my city; it's just the boss' way of seeing how stupid you are. FML

by Directionally challenged / 04/11/2013 at 12:18pm / United States / Work