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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I started the job of my dreams. Our first marketing meeting was an in-depth analysis of the phrase, "Haters gonna hate, potatoes gonna potate". I have a 5 year contract. FML

#19611170
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23367) - you deserved it (4355)

On 05/12/2012 at 10:36am - work - by picklet (woman) - Malaysia (Negeri Sembilan)

Today, while in the break room at work, I laughed at a co-worker's joke and started choking on my drink. My boss exclaimed in front of everyone, "We need to teach this girl how to swallow!" to everyone's childish amusement. Now they won't stop calling me Spit. FML

#19608060
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22999) - you deserved it (2945)

On 05/11/2012 at 5:23pm - work - by mel (woman) - United Kingdom (Bournemouth)

Today, I started a new job. I noticed all the beautiful women. Then I tripped on a cord running across the floor. They noticed me too. FML

#19605681
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19761) - you deserved it (5673)

On 05/11/2012 at 1:03am - work - by Brown345 (man) - United States

Today, I started my new job. It seems my colleagues are moronic pranksters, because when I leaned back in my chair, the back-rest fell apart and I fell to the ground, to much laughter. My boss immediately shouted at me to "stop fucking about." I thought this only happened in movies. FML

#19598076
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23426) - you deserved it (2008)

On 05/09/2012 at 4:10pm - work - by dan (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was at my job life-guarding, when a woman pushed the spine-board over, hitting me on the back of my head. She laughed, but I now have a concussion and a stiff neck, and my co-workers can't stop laughing at the "irony." FML

#19591635
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21060) - you deserved it (1603)

On 05/08/2012 at 10:00am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, the father of my child couldn't understand why he had been laid off from his job as a painter's assistant. He couldn't find a broom or vacuum, so he "cleaned" a carpet by laying down strips of painter's tape and pulling it up. FML

#19586827
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22701) - you deserved it (3587)

On 05/07/2012 at 11:57am - work - by notrocketscience (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I was working at the local liquor store. An obviously drunk girl stumbles in, grabs two cases of beer and puts them on the counter. Then she grabs a pregnancy test, pees on it right there, shows me, and says, "I'm not pregnant, I want beer." FML

#19572319
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34772) - you deserved it (2210)

On 05/04/2012 at 8:08am - work - by viviham - United States (Texas)

Today, I finally found out what the horrible smell at work was. A rat had decided to make its home in our emergency exit sign and had been fried by the electricity. I now have to fix this. Hello scorched dead rat. FML

#19569212
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23638) - you deserved it (1950)

On 05/03/2012 at 5:17pm - work - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I went for a job interview for a building position at a retail store. They saw on my application that I was good at math. They asked me what the circumference of a circle is. Being nervous during the interview, I accidentally said the area of a circle. I didn't get the job. FML

#19567583
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21720) - you deserved it (7039)

On 05/03/2012 at 8:16am - work - by mathguy (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was to have an important phone interview for a job. I got a call and everything went perfectly, and they said I was hired. Later, I found out that one of my "friends" had gotten one of his buddies to prank call me and make sure the line was engaged when the real interviewer called. FML

#19564521
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33925) - you deserved it (2047)

On 05/02/2012 at 5:58pm - work - by panther of the desert (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, I had to ring up our local competitors to get prices for paint. I pretended I'd just bought a house and was doing it up, and I actually got excited about doing up a make-believe house. FML

#19562532
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19753) - you deserved it (4600)

On 05/02/2012 at 7:18am - work - by tillyg15 - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)

Today, I was talking to my co-workers about how I've sadly been an orphan since an early age. One of them exclaimed, "Hey, just like Batman!" FML

#19557716
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24226) - you deserved it (4801)

On 05/01/2012 at 9:58am - work - by Nice (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I fell asleep during a job interview as it was taking place over the phone. FML

#19552616
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9033) - you deserved it (28546)

On 04/30/2012 at 9:28am - work - by jobless (woman) - United States



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