Today, it's been months since I graduated university. I still haven't managed to land a single interview. Meanwhile my brother recently woke up from a week long bender, realized he had no money for weed, went out, and 4 days later landed a well paid sales job 15 minutes from home. FML

by yamblam5 / 05/28/2016 at 11:32pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, I was so tired, I passed out at work in the middle of a call. All because my neighbor's car alarm kept going off every 3 minutes all through the morning. It was still going when I left for work. If you see a news story in a few days about a whole neighborhood beating a guy to death, that's probably us. FML

by Anonymous / 05/28/2016 at 9:00am / United States (Georgia) / Work

Today, I was practicing the piano. My brother told me that if I loved him, I would stop. FML

by ijustwannaplaymymusic / 05/27/2016 at 12:40am / United States (New Jersey) / Work

Today, my co-workers decided in our meeting with my boss that everything is my fault. When asked for examples, they couldn't come up with any. Now they are mad at me, because I'm apparently good at my job. FML

by Anonymous / 05/26/2016 at 12:58pm / Belgium (Oost-Vlaanderen) / Work

Today, at my job as a teacher, I saw a student cut another student's hair, I stopped a group of students from eating glue, and I had to tell a student to put away the toy cars he was playing with. I teach high school math. FML

by Courtney / 05/26/2016 at 8:12am / United States / Work

Today, upon my arrival at work, I was greeted by 2 police officers, 2 managers, my coworker, and a meth-head in my office. They quickly told me that the meth-head was wearing stolen merchandise under her clothes, then left me alone with her, saying I had to watch her undress. FML

by Undercover_Agent / 05/25/2016 at 2:04am / United States (Iowa) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while playing basketball with my new coworkers, I managed to get the ball stuck between the hoop and backboard. In trying to free it, I also got a traffic cone stuck and ended up having to drag a large ladder across the court while everyone watched. FML

by awkwardballer / 05/24/2016 at 12:53pm / Work

Today, I tried to change my usually stoic behaviour and be friendly to a coworker. Now she is convinced that I finally went insane and intend to murder her. FML

by Anonymous / 05/24/2016 at 10:05am / Work

Today, it was my second day working as a cashier in a drug store. I thought everything went great, but by the end of my shift, my cash register was $10 short. Maybe it wouldn't be that bad if on my first day it hadn't been $30 short. FML

by TheNewCashierInTown / 05/23/2016 at 3:30pm / Canada (Quebec) / Work

Today, I woke up at 6:30 this morning, but I didn't have to be at work till 11. I walked the dog, made breakfast and read for a little bit. I then woke up again at 11:30. FML

by Seriouslynow / 05/22/2016 at 1:55pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, as I was instructing our new third grade students about how our martial arts classes are safer than people think, someone broke their leg right in front of their innocent faces. They saw the bone sticking out. FML

by muaythaiboss / 05/22/2016 at 1:45pm / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, a woman threw a sandwich at me, told me to go back to "fucktard island" and demanded to see my manager. All because the mayonnaise sandwich she ordered, shockingly enough, had mayonnaise in it. FML

by xoxo_retailslave420_xoxo / 05/21/2016 at 8:57am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, after many days of messing around with wording and pictures, a huge and expensive printed card order came in to the office. I spelt the first word wrong. I can't get a refund. FML

by smidgit / 05/19/2016 at 1:32pm / Work