Today, it turned out the twit I've been overcharging for drinks in my bar for wearing shades indoors is actually blind. FML

by Fuck's sake! / 04/24/2016 at 9:34pm / Singapore / Work

Today, I was hired as a student assistant. I was excited, until I learned on my very first day that "Supporting the academic staff in their research" actually meant walking the professor's dog. FML

by need new job / 04/24/2016 at 2:12pm / Germany / Work

Today, the firm I work at informed all the employees about our annual staff trip. So, we're going to a tomato festival and everything is already planned and booked. I'm allergic to tomatoes. FML

by schnegg / 04/23/2016 at 1:33pm / Switzerland / Work

Today, the CEO of my company wanted to meet with me. I was excited until I found out she just wanted to bitch me out and personally fire me. Later on, I found out my boss had totally shafted me and blamed the failure of a big project on me instead of admitting it was all his fault. FML

by Anonymous / 04/23/2016 at 5:14am / United States (California) / Work

Today, while trying to get my boss to reconsider laying off much of my department, I accidentally convinced him to lay me off too. FML

by Anonymous / 04/21/2016 at 12:55am / India (Delhi) / Work

Today, I ran into a new guy at work who told me the regional manager was visiting today to evaluate the staff. I scoffed and said that everything I'd heard about the manager made him seem like a total prick. His reply? "Maybe, but I'm a prick who can FIRE people." FML

by Anonymous / 04/20/2016 at 6:04am / Australia (Victoria) / Work

Today, my boss called me and asked why I haven't been showing up to work. I didn't show up because he fired me last week over the phone. Then he fired me again for not showing up to work. FML

by faeliality / 04/18/2016 at 4:39am / United States / Work

Today, I had the longest, bloodiest, bloody nose ever when I was at work. I got blood on a few materials as I was running to the restroom. I work in a food factory, so everything had to be sanitized and thrown out. Now management wants me to pay for everything we had to throw out. FML

by Bloody Nose / 04/16/2016 at 1:14am / United States (Missouri) / Work

Today, I found out how acidic some of the chemicals I work with are. After a chemical shower, minor burns, and having to throw away my clothes due to a biohazard, I had the pleasure of running across the parking lot to my car, wearing only a lab coat around my waist. FML

by Anonymous / 04/15/2016 at 4:18pm / United States / Work

Today, I tried to power through work on a construction site after a couple of sick days. I can't do anything without constantly sucking on cough drops. And it turns out that excessive consumption of cough drops can have a laxative effect. FML

by Anonymous / 04/15/2016 at 1:06pm / United States / Work

Today, I was at work and caught my pants on the corner of the door hinge. They tore completely open and my hairy cheek was exposed for the whole office to see. FML

by Hairy Cheek / 04/15/2016 at 12:27am / United States (Missouri) / Work

Today, I was hauling cow shit. I had a car following me very closely, so I turned on the spreader to get them to back off. It was a cop. I got pulled over in a tractor for spraying cow shit on a cop car. FML

by farmingman / 04/14/2016 at 7:24pm / United States (Missouri) / Work

Today, I'd like to thank the genius who scheduled my class in a building which is actively being torn down. FML

by Anonymous / 04/13/2016 at 7:46pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work