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Wombatkid's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out my new Commanding Officer is my ex-wife's new boyfriend. We're going on a two year tour at sea in two weeks. The reason we got a divorce is that she couldn't handle being tied down with someone in the Navy. FML

By Drunken Sailor / Monday 27 June 2011 19:20 / United States

Today, I woke up to go pee and my cat followed me into the bathroom as usual. Then, in a not so usual fashion, she tried to jump from the sink to the top of the toilet, missed, and fell into the bowl while I was peeing. I'm scratched in a bad place, I have urine to clean up off the bathroom floor, and a traumatized cat. FML

By Adam - / Tuesday 16 March 2010 20:51 / United States

Today, I told my 3 year old daughter to behave or I'd spank her. She looked right at me and said "Bring it." FML

By Username / Monday 13 September 2010 01:38 / France

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, he started playing with my nipples. Suddenly he stops kissing me, looks at my nipples and says, "Have they always been like this? They look like joysticks!". He then started singing the Super Mario Brother's theme song and playing the game with my nipples. FML

By Anonymous - / Monday 15 March 2010 02:09 / United States

Today, after a horrible day at school, I went through the McDonald's drive thru for an ice cream cone. Everything went well until I had to pull a sharp turn. The ice cream is now no longer on the cone, but instead all over my hands, face, steering wheel, and the carpet. FML

By teachingsucks - / Sunday 14 March 2010 18:29 / United States