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  • Profile completed

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  • Up and coming moderator

    It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.
  • I agree, my mouse works.

    200 "I agree" votes is a good start.
  • YDI Master

    You made your 500th "You deserved it" vote.
  • Judgmental

    You have voted "You deserved it" over 100 times.
  • It's in the can!

    Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!
  • Mobility

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  • The return of the thumb

    You have thumbed 5000 comments.
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  • 42

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  • The thumb strikes back

    You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.
    1%
  • Who’s the fairest of them all?

    This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
    33%
  • 50 favorites

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    52%
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    2%
  • One more and it's business time

    You've received 68 Hugs on your profile. Kinky.
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Ummm_me's favorite FMLs

Today, I went into a shop, not really completely awake. To get to the upper floor, I took the escalator... in the wrong direction. After about 30 seconds (which seemed like hours) trying to climb up the wrong way, my brain started working and by that time I already had a few amused spectators watching me. FML

By maaaryy / Wednesday 7 January 2009 05:53 / France

Today, I had to tell my ex that I'm pregnant with his baby. I sent him a casual "Hey :)" text to try to ease into things. He replied, "WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?" and ended up threatening to make my life hell if I don't tell my new boyfriend that the child is his. FML

By =( - / Saturday 5 April 2014 17:48 / United States - Houston

Today, I thought it would be funny to smack my daughter's head gently with a balloon. It hit her hair clip and exploded. She won't stop crying, and my wife will be home any minute. I'm screwed. FML

By and not even in the good way - / Sunday 30 March 2014 20:36 / United States

Today, a bee flew into my classroom and landed on my cheek. Not only am I allergic to these things, I was hit in the face with a textbook to "make sure it's dead." FML

By shabowbow / Thursday 27 March 2014 18:14 / United States - Hillsboro

Today, I was waiting at the bus stop and noticed a girl that I played netball with. I ran across the road to meet her and she ran across the car park to meet me. We hugged and looked at each other slowly backing away as we both realised that we didn't know each other. FML

By Anonymous / Tuesday 11 March 2014 00:26 / United Kingdom