About Twofister Not specified
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Twofister - Followed
Twofister's page visits
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Twofister's FML badges
  • It's in the can!

    Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!
  • Mobility

    You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
  • Up and coming moderator

    It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.
  • Judgmental

    You have voted "You deserved it" over 100 times.
    9%
  • Keen reader – Level: godlike ninja

    You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
    0%
  • Keen reader – Level: master ninja

    You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
    0%
  • Keen reader – Level: student ninja

    You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
    0%
  • The return of the thumb

    You have thumbed 5000 comments.
    0%
  • The thumb strikes back

    You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.
    0%
  • A new thumb

    You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.
    0%
  • 50 favorites

    Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already added 50 FMLs to your favourites list!
    30%
  • Who’s the fairest of them all?

    This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
    33%
  • I agree, my mouse works.

    200 "I agree" votes is a good start.
    1%
  • YDI Master

    You made your 500th "You deserved it" vote.
    2%
  • One more and it's business time

    You've received 68 Hugs on your profile. Kinky.
    0%
The list of badges to find
Twofister's favorite FMLs

Today, feeling angry at the world, I threw a bottle, that had been clearly marked to be recycled, into a garbage can as an act of defiance. Minutes later, I guiltily retreated and spent the next few minutes with my entire arm stuck up the stinking ass of a city garbage can. FML

By Anonymous / Thursday 13 September 2012 03:58 / United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, she did it again. While I was minding my own business reading the paper, she casually walked up to me and slashed my face with her nails, drawing blood and screams of pain. I need to get out of this abusive relationship, but no one will adopt my asshole of a cat. FML

By Anonymous - / Friday 8 November 2013 23:02 / Canada - Calgary

Today, I lost my dog and so I put up 'lost' signs. As I was coming back home I noticed one had been written on. It said: "Found your dog. Keeping it". FML

By Hurrikhan / Saturday 23 March 2013 11:43 / New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, I held hands with the boy I like. Without thinking, I commented that his right hand is softer, as if he only used lotion on that one hand. And then we stood there in terribly awkward silence. FML

By Anonymous / Wednesday 13 March 2013 04:57 / United States - Blue Springs

Today, our dog jumped on the bed while my fiancé and I were having sex, and let out the most horrific fart. My fiancé, like a gentleman, held my nose closed while he continued banging me. FML

By cremyfrozentreat / Sunday 10 March 2013 13:40 / United States - Orlando