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  • Mobility

    You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
  • 50 favorites

    Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already added 50 FMLs to your favourites list!
  • Up and coming moderator

    It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.
  • Keen reader – Level: godlike ninja

    You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
    0%
  • Keen reader – Level: master ninja

    You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
    0%
  • Keen reader – Level: student ninja

    You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
    0%
  • The return of the thumb

    You have thumbed 5000 comments.
    1%
  • The thumb strikes back

    You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.
    2%
  • A new thumb

    You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.
    6%
  • I agree, my mouse works.

    200 "I agree" votes is a good start.
    4%
  • YDI Master

    You made your 500th "You deserved it" vote.
    4%
  • Judgmental

    You have voted "You deserved it" over 100 times.
    20%
  • One more and it's business time

    You've received 68 Hugs on your profile. Kinky.
    0%
The list of badges to find
Theonlydalz's favorite FMLs

Today, while sexting my girlfriend, I accidently sent a picture to her father instead of her. He sent back a link to a penis enlargement company's website. FML

By tinypenis / Tuesday 4 June 2013 12:15 / United States - Jamaica

Today, while shopping for dresses, I found a really cute one that fit me really well, but not at all in the breast area. My grandma screamed "buy her some titties!" Everyone in the store looked at me. FML

By no boobies / Wednesday 29 May 2013 16:39 / United States

Today, I confronted my 18-year-old daughter about her excessively lengthy showers. She said she didn't see the big deal, considering the water "comes free with the house." No dear, it doesn't. FML

By Jane - / Saturday 22 December 2012 23:29 / Canada - Niagara Falls

Today, being near-broke, I resorted to shopping at Walmart. Barely ten minutes in, an obese sack of lard posing as a human being shoved me away from the bacon I was looking at. I fell, busted my lip, then got screamed at by another woman for not watching where I was going. FML

By Anonymous - / Saturday 22 June 2013 20:55 / United States

Today, my little sister was scared to sleep alone, so my parents made her sleep in bed with me. I barely slept, due to the utter terror of waking up to her chanting into my ear in a low whisper, "This is where you die, this is where you die..." FML

By Anonymous - / Thursday 6 June 2013 18:47 / Isle of Man - Douglas