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  • Mobility

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  • Up and coming moderator

    It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.
  • Keen reader – Level: godlike ninja

    You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
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  • Keen reader – Level: master ninja

    You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
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  • Keen reader – Level: student ninja

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  • The return of the thumb

    You have thumbed 5000 comments.
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  • A new thumb

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  • I agree, my mouse works.

    200 "I agree" votes is a good start.
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  • YDI Master

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  • 50 favorites

    Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already added 50 FMLs to your favourites list!
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  • One more and it's business time

    You've received 68 Hugs on your profile. Kinky.
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Sexandtwinkies's favorite FMLs

Today, while at the store with my mom and baby brother, a guy started to talk to me. Just as he went to give me his number, my mom handed me my brother and said, "Here's your son, your AA meeting's in an hour, let's go." FML

By Anonymous / Wednesday 26 December 2012 18:30 / United States - Bakersfield

Today, a friend informed me that my dog's name means "penis" in Greek. I live in a predominantly Greek neighbourhood, and apparently I've been screaming for "dong" every evening for the past 3 years. No wonder they don't talk to me much. FML

By Dog_Lover - / Tuesday 18 December 2012 15:30 / Canada - Montreal

Today, as I was waiting for my girlfriend in the street, I saw a woman who looked a lot like her. I ran towards her, my arms in the air ready to give her a hug, only to realise it wasn't her. I then had to pass the woman, my arms in the air, still running. FML

By minibuch1505 / Friday 21 September 2012 11:31 / France - Halluin

Today, I accidentally kicked a child down a set of steps. I work in a kids play area. FML

By Crog - / Wednesday 11 February 2009 11:59 / United Kingdom