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Rebekahgriffith's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend was about to give me a blowjob. When her lips met my penis, there was a huge static shock. I never got the blowjob, she is still laughing and I have ice on my penis. FML

By beerpong26 / Friday 6 February 2009 19:54 / United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Instead of moaning like any normal person, he just kept saying stuff like "uh-huh," "not too bad," and "yup" in a complete monotone. It was probably the most uncomfortable experience of my life. FML

By awkward - / Friday 26 July 2013 18:00 / United States - Yorba Linda

Today, I went to the Giants game. During the seventh inning stretch they showed me on the jumbo-tron. It was just in time for the entire stadium to see me pull a tampon out of my purse. FML

By GiantsFan13 / Tuesday 23 July 2013 14:49 / United States - Fort Collins

Today, my friends took my work laptop and changed the sounds. Now, whenever I remove a USB device, a woman's voice screams "Put it back!" and when I insert a USB device, it says "Oh, you need to push it in harder!" I don't know how to change it back. FML

By Anonymous - / Saturday 20 July 2013 15:45 / United States - Newark

Today, after going out to dinner with my girlfriend, we went back to my place and things started getting hot. I went in the bathroom and put on a green condom. She wouldn't have sex with me because it looked "like a cucumber" and "cucumbers are nasty." FML

By dan - / Tuesday 25 June 2013 04:22 / United States - Phoenix