About Optimuspimp
Wathuhwait.tumblr.com
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Optimuspimp's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to my friend's house for the first time. As I was pulling up, I called him and asked him if I could use his bathroom. He told me to just go in the back and use it, so i did. As i'm sitting on the toilet, someone knocks on the door and asks me who I am. It wasn't my friend's house. FML

By whitewater_al - / Friday 10 July 2009 21:22 / United States

Today, I sat down with my daughter to have the sex talk, because she recently started seeing a guy. I mentioned at one point how disappointed I would be if she got pregnant. She went wide-eyed and asked, "Didn't mom tell you?" FML

By unknown - / Saturday 2 November 2013 21:10 / Canada - Courtenay

Today, a shopper asked me where my nipples were. Seeing as I work in Babies'R'Us, this is a common question. I brought her over to the nursing equipment aisle where she then grabbed my nipples, gave them a twist, and walked away. I need a new job. FML

By NotGabe / Sunday 1 September 2013 14:25 / United States - Houston

Today, we went boating with friends. For some reason the bottom of our tube deflated, causing me to be bounced roughly up and down on the water. As a result, I had the most intense orgasm of my entire life, while sitting 2 inches away from my dad's friend. He definitely noticed. FML

By SplishSplash - / Sunday 1 September 2013 01:21 / United States

Today, I got screamed at by a woman at work for feeding her 3-week-old infant formula instead of the bottled Kool-Aid that she packed. FML

By Anonymous - / Monday 26 August 2013 01:28 / United States - Marietta