About Maloccarini Not specified
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Maloccarini's FML badges
  • Profile completed

    You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.
  • It's in the can!

    Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!
  • This isn't what should be happening

    You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done, wrong turn. Go back.
  • 50 favorites

    Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already added 50 FMLs to your favourites list!
  • Up and coming moderator

    It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.
  • Mobility

    You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
  • Beginner

    You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.
    60%
  • The return of the thumb

    You have thumbed 5000 comments.
    0%
  • The thumb strikes back

    You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.
    0%
  • Who’s the fairest of them all?

    This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
    33%
  • A new thumb

    You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.
    0%
  • 100 kick-ass comments

    100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!
    1%
  • One more and it's business time

    You've received 68 Hugs on your profile. Kinky.
    0%
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Maloccarini's favorite FMLs

Today, while on the bus, the guy sitting beside me let out the vilest and most nauseating fart I've ever encountered, the kind that could retroactively sterilize five generations of one's ancestors with the smell alone. As I gagged, he smirked and said, "That's Taco Bell for ya." FML

By methane overload - / Saturday 19 January 2013 01:32 / United States

Today, I went to a family dinner. My grandma wasted no time calling me a slut for not wearing a dress, my dad called my police officer boyfriend a "fucking pig", and then he told my mother to "put a cock in it" when she defended me. No wonder I hardly ever visit these people. FML

By mel - / Friday 18 January 2013 23:18 / New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my husband sent me a text before heading home from work. All it said was, "Need a fuck. Backed up to hell. You're about to shower face first in a fire hydrant." Love you too, hun. FML

By Anonymous - / Friday 18 January 2013 20:59 / Canada - Owen Sound

Today, I decided to go to a UV-light party dressed all in white. Before leaving, my little brother dumped a glass of tomato juice over my head saying, "Now you look just like a used tampon!" FML

By Mary / Sunday 13 January 2013 15:49 / Czech Republic

Today, I finally got to conduct my first questioning of a suspect, who had been arrested in connection with a car theft. As I recited the Miranda warning to him, my mind went totally blank, and after a few seconds, he sarcastically continued the speech for me. FML

By Anonymous - / Thursday 17 January 2013 17:15 / United States - Savage