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  • A new thumb

    You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.
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  • I agree, my mouse works.

    200 "I agree" votes is a good start.
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  • YDI Master

    You made your 500th "You deserved it" vote.
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  • The thumb strikes back

    You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.
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  • The return of the thumb

    You have thumbed 5000 comments.
    40%
  • One more and it's business time

    You've received 68 Hugs on your profile. Kinky.
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Jmarti1024's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend was in the shower, and I decided to go join him. I took all my clothes off and stepped into the bathroom. I slipped on some water, and ended up hitting my head on the toilet and passing out. When I came to, I saw my boyfriend's dad looking over me in his towel. Wrong person. FML

By showerstupid - / Saturday 4 April 2009 08:04 / United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob. I was laying in between his legs because it's just more comfortable. I looked down, and he had pieces of toilet paper sticking out of his butt cheeks. FML

By anonymous / Tuesday 4 November 2014 12:03 / Canada - North Vancouver

Today, I stumbled across one of my son's English assignments. Apparently, he decided to submit a haiku about how electrical outlets are technically "whores" because they hook up with countless cords for a "charge." I don't know whether to be amused or furious. FML

By MySonThePoet - / Monday 27 October 2014 02:42 / United States - Racine

Today, let's just say it's not always a good idea to storm into your mum's bedroom after hearing several loud slaps accompanied by yelps. What sounds like domestic violence might just be your mum and step-dad's foreplay. For Christ's sake, I need brain bleach. FML

By Anonymous - / Saturday 25 October 2014 21:31 / United Kingdom - Watford

Today, my husband told me he cheated on me two years ago with his ex-fiancée. In the process, he got her pregnant, but said it was okay, because she didn't keep it. FML

By Anonymous - / Saturday 25 October 2014 01:23 / United States - San Francisco