About Murppatd
Married to a wonderful woman with three great kids. Im known for an incredibly dark sense of humor, I have a tendency to laugh at tragedy. Im horrible.
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Murppatd's favorite FMLs

Today, I was babysitting a 7 year old girl and we were eating chocolate covered nuts. She kept on chewing the nuts and wondered where the chocolate was. I told her to taste the chocolate you suck on the nuts. Then her parents came home and the first thing she said was "I learned how to suck nuts!" FML

By nutsucker - / Sunday 8 March 2009 19:08 / United States

Today, I had to drag my grandmother out of a store because she went up to a black family and started apologizing for slavery. FML

By daddy's girl / Tuesday 22 January 2013 04:08 / United States - Springfield

Today, my boyfriend ended sex by yelling, "THIS IS SPARTA!" and using his foot to push me off the bed. FML

By Saradee - / Monday 24 December 2012 04:55 / United States - Inglewood

Today, I had to get the manager of a grocery store to explain to his employee how coupons work. The employee had refused to accept the coupons I was using, for fear that, "they will be deducted from my paycheck." FML

By brunurb - / Tuesday 29 May 2012 11:40 / United States - Norwood

Today, my family is on the third day of driving cross country. My husband is still pretending he is driving on a NASCAR track, sound effects and all. FML

By Stacy Dee / Wednesday 20 July 2011 20:18 / United States