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Murderblack's FML badges
  • A new thumb

    You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.
  • The return of the thumb

    You have thumbed 5000 comments.
  • The thumb strikes back

    You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.
  • Work is a 4-letter word

    Voting on an FML in the "Work" category on a Monday morning between 8 and 9 a.m. How ironic.
  • Mobility

    You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
  • I agree, my mouse works.

    200 "I agree" votes is a good start.
  • YDI Master

    You made your 500th "You deserved it" vote.
  • Judgmental

    You have voted "You deserved it" over 100 times.
  • 50 favorites

    Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already added 50 FMLs to your favourites list!
  • Keen reader – Level: student ninja

    You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
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  • Keen reader – Level: master ninja

    You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
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  • Keen reader – Level: godlike ninja

    You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
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  • One more and it's business time

    You've received 68 Hugs on your profile. Kinky.
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Murderblack's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend visited my restaurant with some guy I'd never seen before. She introduced him to me as her "new boyfriend". She was always a cold bitch, but I never saw this coming. I had to serve their food while choking back tears, and I couldn't work up the nerve to spit in it. FML

By Anonymous - / Thursday 18 September 2014 07:32 / Australia - Rosebery

Today, I was called in over speakers at the airport. The man who was speaking clearly and nearly burst out laughing when he said my name. Soon, a few people around also snickered when they heard it. I had to wait five minutes before I could casually stand up. My last name is Bastard. FML

By poorbastard - / Saturday 30 August 2014 08:35 / Canada - Longueuil

Today, my girlfriend got her period. It seemed more painful for her than usual, so I offered to go out and buy some painkillers and maybe some chocolate for her. She thought I was being sarcastic and slapped me so hard I saw stars. FML

By nhyari - / Monday 25 August 2014 18:58 / South Africa - Cape Town

Today, my 8 year old son asked me why he had to make his bed everyday if he would just use it again. I replied with, "You flush the toilet even though you're going to use it again, right?" He said, "Good point." Now he's not making his bed or flushing the toilet. FML

By sam_666777 / Saturday 30 August 2014 02:54 / United States - Farmingdale

Today, my parents sat me down and told me that I'm adopted. I took it in stride, and reassured them that as far as I'm concerned, they're my true parents. That annoyed them. Apparently the whole thing was a prank for a YouTube video, which I ruined by not crying or freaking out. FML

By hannahka - / Friday 29 August 2014 18:09 / Canada - Ottawa