Today, my boyfriend gave me an early wedding present. I opened the box and inside was the most adorable cat I've ever seen! It got scared, jumped out, clawed my face and pissed everywhere. My wedding is tomorrow and I look like Frankenstein's bride. FML
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On 11/19/2009 at 8:36am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)
Today, I got the flu. Feeling really sick and depressed, I called my boyfriend to get some comfort. When he didn't answer his cell, I called his house, only to hear his mother telling me "he was so sad that we broke up." I didn't know. FML
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On 11/18/2009 at 6:47am - love - by Anonymous - Denmark (Nordjylland)
Today, I was looking at the annoucements in the newspaper and find out that my boyfriend of the past 6 years is supposed to be married in 2 days to what I thought was his ex-girlfriend. FML
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On 11/16/2009 at 11:01pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I had a surprise birthday party thrown in my honor. All of my friends and family had been invited, and all of the details were perfect. Who threw the party for me? My ex-girlfriend who I dumped last week for "not being thoughtful enough." FML
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On 11/16/2009 at 9:40pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)
Today, my boyfriend came over to celebrate our anniversary. He had a card written in crayon with my name spelled wrong, and a basket I had seen his mother throw in the trash filled with flower petals ripped from my mom's garden. Our anniversary was 3 days ago. FML
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On 11/16/2009 at 1:12pm - love - by TLT (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I went to pick my date up at her house. When I got to the door, her dad answered. We talked for a little bit and he told me to take his 1958 Corvette. I politely refused and he told me, "If I can trust you with my daughter, I can trust you with my car." I crashed into his mailbox. FML
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On 11/16/2009 at 2:32am - love - by Manstobe92 (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, a neighbour called to say my water tank burst. A colleague followed me home to help, took off his shirt so it wouldn't get wet and climbed through my window to get to the roof. My boyfriend unexpectedly came home as we were emerging from the bedroom. My colleague was still buttoning his shirt up. FML
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On 11/15/2009 at 3:42am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, after dating for almost five years, my boyfriend stated that I have a "perfect and amazing personality" but that my looks are not what he "envisioned himself spending the rest of his life with." In other words, I'm ugly. FML
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On 11/15/2009 at 9:47am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I went to go see my boyfriend of over two years in a play. I knew that he'd be kissing his female opposite at the end of the show and I was okay with that. I snuck into his dressing room at intermission to find him "rehearsing" with her half naked. FML
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Today, my boyfriend gave me a bucket of Twizzlers for our 1 year anniversary because 'he knew I liked them.' He has no idea why I am so upset. FML
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On 11/14/2009 at 4:59pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I asked a girl I like out. She ended up having an asthma attack because she was laughing so hard. I guess that's a no. FML
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On 11/14/2009 at 1:38pm - love - by asthma_attacker (man) - United States (New York)
Today, my boyfriend of six years broke up with me for a girl he's known for less than 72 hours. Why? He wanted someone pure. I lost my virginity to him five years ago. FML
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On 11/14/2009 at 1:19pm - love - by unengaged (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I went on blind date with a guy because both our moms thought we'd like eachother. Things were going really well until I got up to go to the bathroom and he says: "My mom was right, you do have perfect breedin' hips!" FML
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On 11/11/2009 at 7:21am - love - by Starchyld (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my date sent me a text saying "I'm sorry we're running late, we will be there shortly." I replied asking what she meant by "we". She said her parents, who were coming along to chaperone. I laughed about two 27 year olds having chaperones, until she walked in with her parents. FML
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On 11/11/2009 at 1:53pm - love - by Tragics (man) - Canada (Saskatchewan)
Today, everyone was telling me a girl I like wanted me to ask her on a date. I approached her, and asked if it was true. She said yes, but only because she wanted to reject me in person. FML
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On 11/11/2009 at 7:49pm - love - by WhatWentWrong (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my date arrived far earlier than expected to pick me up. Apparently my mother decided to show him to my room anyway. When the door swung open, I happened to be butt naked in front of the mirror, trying to pick out an ingrown hair on my bum. FML
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On 11/13/2009 at 7:17am - misc - by stubblebutt (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I was cheering up the girl I've been in love with for years. She was having one of those, "I'm ugly, no one wants to be with me" days. To cheer herself up, she said to me, "If you were a hot guy, you'd date me, right?" FML
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On 11/08/2009 at 7:34pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I finally got a date with one of the hottest girls in school, a perfect 10. Just before I go to pick her up to go to the movies, I call her to find out where she lives. She answers the phone only to hear my father yelling in the background, "stop talking to that whore." FML
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On 11/07/2009 at 6:58am - love - by PISSED (man) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)
Today, to celebrate moving into a new apartment, my girlfriend decided she would get a kitten. She didn't know I'm allergic to cats. When I told her, she decided that she couldn't date someone who couldn't be around her cat; the one she doesn't have yet. FML
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On 11/07/2009 at 12:34am - love - by achoooo (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I told the woman that I've had a crush on for some time how I felt. She laughed so hard that water sprayed from her nose and hit me in the face. FML
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On 11/08/2009 at 11:13pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, my boyfriend of 2 years told me he had feelings for someone else. He also told me he wanted to continue dating me until things progressed further with the other woman. FML
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On 11/08/2009 at 8:27pm - love - by toughlove (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, It was pretty nice out, so I decided to walk to work. Not twenty minutes after leaving, it started to pour. I was soaking when I got there and had to change. My boyfriend works next door, so I asked him if he could give me a ride. His reply? "Sorry Babe, I just can't be seen with you like that." FML
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On 11/08/2009 at 6:46am - love - by MissBeEyeTeeSeeH (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I went to the movies with the guy I have been in love with for a long time. I laid my head on his shoulder and he held my hand throughout the movie. Afterwards he asked me for advice on the girl he likes. Apparently she isn't talking to him anymore. FML
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On 11/08/2009 at 5:36am - love - by SkySkyChan (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I confronted my boyfriend because I suspected he had been cheating. His reply? "Took you long enough to figure it out." FML
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On 11/07/2009 at 10:26am - love - by batgirlrules881 (woman) - United States
Today, my boyfriend of two years took me out to breakfast. So we were eating and he kept on staring at me like he was thinking of something really important. I thought he was going to say "I Love You". So I told him to "say it already". Turns out he was thinking of a way to dump me. FML
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On 11/06/2009 at 3:36pm - love - by Her (woman) - United States (Nevada)
Today, I re-joined a popular on-line dating service. I first signed up 3 years ago and was matched with a wonderful woman. After about a year, she broke up with me. I was devastated. After two years of trying to win her back, I decided it's best just to move on. Guess who they matched me with? FML
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On 11/05/2009 at 12:20pm - love - by z (man) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I finally got the courage to go on a first date with this guy I had a crush on for months. It was such a big deal for me cause it was my first date ever. The first thing he says when we met was "I have to take a dump." I sat by myself for 10 minutes. FML
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On 11/05/2009 at 1:41am - love - by dumper - United States
Today, I had a blind date that my friend set me up for. My date was the ugliest, most disgusting person you will ever meet, but I thought that I would give him a chance. He saw me, eyed me up and down, then said to my friend "You're kidding, right?" FML
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On 11/04/2009 at 1:51am - love - by BlackCheetah101 (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I told my boyfriend I was afraid he would no longer love me when he returned from basic training. Hoping he would reassure me his feelings wouldn't change and we'd still be together, he replied instead, "Shit happens." FML
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On 11/04/2009 at 9:00am - love - by reality_stricken (woman) - Guam
Today, the guy I've been dating texted me to say he joined an online dating site. He must have thought I was the best person to share this information with. FML
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On 11/04/2009 at 12:05am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Northwest Territories)
Today, I got my crush's phone number. I started texting him and once I told him who it was, he stopped replying. FML
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On 11/03/2009 at 10:17pm - love - by tbanana95 (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I went on a date with a man I met on Halloween. It appears that his mullet wasn't actually part of his costume. FML
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On 11/03/2009 at 9:12am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Montana)
Today, I went on a date, and within the first five minutes, he said, "Before we go any further and get anymore serious, you need to know a few things, I have kissed a guy drunk because it was a dare, and have a $400 silk rose Victoria's Secret blanket." FML
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On 11/02/2009 at 10:41pm - misc - by Shawty (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I flew to see the guy that I've been in love with for 3 years. We spent the day at Walmart. To buy a plunger. After I blocked up the toilet. FML
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On 11/01/2009 at 9:40pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Iowa)
Today, I was playing a game of truth or dare in a group with a girl I liked. She was dared to kiss me, but then the group decided that that was too cruel of a dare. FML
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On 11/01/2009 at 1:30am - love - by Loser (man) - United States (California)
Today, my good buddy of about two years set me up on a blind date. I got to the meeting point and realized that my date was a guy. My "buddy" honestly thought I was gay. FML
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On 10/31/2009 at 4:18pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, while I was on a second date with this guy, my roommate tried calling me and I ignored her. After dinner my date brought me back to my apartment and there was a waterfall gushing down from the balcony above our apartment. The guys above us had started a fire and our apartment was flooded. FML
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On 10/30/2009 at 12:31am - misc - by effinit (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, I went on a first date with an employee from Sobey's who asked for my number while I was grocery shopping. We decided to each bring a friend. I brought my roommate. He brought his girlfriend. FML
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On 10/29/2009 at 12:11am - love - by lds124 (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)
Today, I went on a date with a girl that I really like. I picked her up from her house, and as I was pulling out of her driveway, I hit her dad's BMW, knocking off the bumper. FML
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On 10/25/2009 at 12:38am - misc - by Badday (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I met and asked a cute girl out on a date. We decided to meet at a fancy restaurant downtown. When I got there I saw her sitting with what turned out to be her parents. They made a huge scene, calling me a pedophile and a low-life. Apparently, the girl was 16 years old. I'm 25. FML
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On 10/23/2009 at 10:23pm - misc - by lloydLO (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I went on a date with an awesome guy. I got super hammered and punched him in the face. FML
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On 10/19/2009 at 11:42am - love - by DrunkGirl - France (Nord-Pas-de-Calais)
Today, I got asked to Homecoming by the person I really like. I said yes and I was really excited. But my best friend who has liked me since the 6th grade wasn't. He went and broke my date's jaw. FML
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On 10/17/2009 at 1:11pm - misc - by AdriBAMF - United States (Oregon)
Today, this guy and I went on a date to the movies. We got up to the desk and I asked for one ticket for 'Jennifer's Body.' The guy moved his way in front of me and said, "make that two tickets." He then walked away to look at movie posters and left me with the $22.50 charge. FML
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On 10/14/2009 at 9:47pm - misc - by Nikki (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I took a girl out I've been seeing for two months on our first real date. I had saved all my money for the week for this. I took her to a beautiful restaurant uptown. She got hammered, hit me and screamed that I would never be as good as "Marshall." FML
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On 10/10/2009 at 2:06pm - love - by pistonsunshine (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I went to my Homecoming dance. I had a great time until some fat girl kept trying to dance with my date, even though he politely asked her to stop. I decided to intervene. I found myself pinned to the floor by a fat girl crushing on my date, who was cheering her on as she tackled me. FML
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On 10/04/2009 at 12:06am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today I was on a date with a guy having a great time. I went up to go to the ladies' room, but as I walked back to the table, I heard some giggles. I looked and found out why. My skirt was tucked into my underwear. I was wearing my lucky Star Wars-themed panties. FML
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On 10/03/2009 at 2:41pm - love - by diva467 (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I went on my first date in nearly a year. A few minutes into the meal, he called me "scrumptious" and proceeded to make animal noises for the rest of it. FML
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On 09/26/2009 at 10:24am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I joined a dating website and spent all day filling out and improving my profile. My first match is a guy who relentlessly tried to date me for all 4 years of high school. Now he just has more reasons to tell me how much we're meant to be. We're a 97% match. FML
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On 09/25/2009 at 2:16pm - love - by looking (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I went on a date with a new guy after not dating for quite some time. I'd drank a lot of water, so I wouldn't eat so much on the date and look like a pig. Unfortunately, I'd forgotten how funny this guy really was. He made me laugh so hard, I peed all over myself. FML
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On 09/25/2009 at 12:43pm - love - by MessedXUp (woman) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, my school is having homecoming. I'm taking a date who I really like, and she happens to have fairly large boobs. I have a friend who seems to think I have an obsession with boobs, so I texted her last night reading "btw, no big boob jokes tomorrow." I accidentally sent it to my date. FML
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On 09/19/2009 at 11:20am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nebraska)
Today, I had a blind date with a girl someone in my office set me up with. Before the waitress returned with our drinks, this girl asked me to go to her parent's house and pretend to be the father of her yet unborn child because the real father is a drug addict and in jail for stealing her dad's car. FML
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On 09/18/2009 at 3:23pm - misc - by oh_its_true (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I went on a blind date. We had agreed on meeting in front of a park. Thinking I was there first, I texted her "I'm already there, sitting next to the fat chick." I heard a beep. SHE was the "fat chick." FML
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On 09/16/2009 at 2:23pm - love - by sarahh38 (man) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I was hanging out with a guy I liked. We sat in the gardens, me facing the path, him with his back to it. We were in deep conversation when I noticed a dog that looked exactly like mine. Then I looked up and saw a man that looked like my dad. Yes - my parents followed me on a date. FML
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On 09/14/2009 at 5:30pm - love - by bumblebee (woman) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)
Today, I went on a blind date with a guy who talked about himself in the 3rd person. Seriously. FML
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On 09/13/2009 at 12:15am - love - by blind_date (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I went on a romantic date to the mountains to look a stars with a boy I had just met. We started kissing and he stopped, asking if it was rude for him to take me home now. After getting dropped off, he texted me saying we could never do that again and we should never talk about it. FML
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On 09/12/2009 at 5:26pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Utah)
Today, I took this girl out that I've been crushing on for 2 years to a fancy restaurant. At one point during the date, I had to get up to take a massive dump. As I was walking back to the table, a little boy stood up and shouted, "THAT'S THE POOPOO MAN" in front of the whole restaurant. FML
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On 09/12/2009 at 12:12am - misc - by taman (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I went on a blind double date. My date was drunk before I got there. He kept getting my name wrong, and ended up spilling a glass of red wine down the front of my dress. FML
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On 09/08/2009 at 2:22am - misc - by Chaznuts (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I saw a girl I haven't seen in 4 years. She used to like me back then. Since then I have lost 50 pounds, and never had the confidence to ask her out. She said I looked really sexy so I decided to ask her out on a date then and there. She said no, she only likes fat guys. FML
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On 09/06/2009 at 12:19am - love - by Nofatforme (man) - Canada (Ontario)
