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Today, my mom called to bestow upon me warm holiday pearls of wisdom: "I hope you aren't giving everyone your natural handmade eco-shit again. Gifts should be returnable. And have a price." FML

Today, I held the door for an elderly woman. As she walked through, she looked at me and told me I was a very handsome man and that I should meet her grandson. The woman was my grandmother, and yes, I'm straight. FML

#20978372
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41994) - you deserved it (3124)

On 12/02/2013 at 4:15pm - misc - by rick - United States (Alabama)

Today, I pulled over a speeding driver. I admit that I'd been hoping for this moment since I joined the police force; the moment a lady put her cleavage on display to get out of a ticket. Sadly, this lady was a senior citizen, and her breasts looked like two semi-deflated balloons. FML

#20977282
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44088) - you deserved it (19772)

On 12/01/2013 at 6:07pm - work - by fuck my eyeballs (man) - United States (California)

Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. He seemed thrilled, and went to buy some wine to celebrate. He left 11 hours ago and won't come back. FML

#20991978
288 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52298) - you deserved it (7277)

On 12/14/2013 at 2:24am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while at the gym, I noticed a creepy-looking guy watching me. When I got up from the equipment, I noticed that he sniffed the seat. I didn't say anything the first time. After he did it the second time, I asked him to stop. He bent down and sniffed it without breaking eye contact. FML

#20996147
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45899) - you deserved it (3387)

On 12/17/2013 at 6:48pm - misc - by gymgirl - United States (Texas)

Today, I received a pair of earrings, a necklace, and some rings as a Christmas gift from my grandma. This would have been nice if I weren't a guy. This is her way of mocking me for wearing what she calls "girl colors", such as white. FML

#21004875
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37803) - you deserved it (2980)

On 12/25/2013 at 12:58pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I had to explain to my parents why it is inappropriate to take selfies at a funeral. FML

#21018330
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45697) - you deserved it (3949)

On 01/05/2014 at 9:54pm - kids - by rain1 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I sent a message on Facebook to a girl I really like. She replied, "..." It took me three hours to realize she'd actually written it. I thought it was just Facebook telling me she was typing. FML

#21014568
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37215) - you deserved it (7739)

On 01/02/2014 at 6:49pm - misc - by Andrew (man) - Portugal (Lisboa)

Today, a guy I like asked me to a dance. Trying to act modest and at the same time compliment him, I told him, "You could do so much better, though." After thinking for a moment, he replied, "You're right, I could. Never mind," and walked away. FML

#21020576
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28411) - you deserved it (54920)

On 01/07/2014 at 7:39pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, in revenge for being grounded for bullying a kid at school, my eight-year-old son flung a handful of Lego in my path as I walked barefoot into the kitchen. I'm still in pain. 5ML

#21038562
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41197) - you deserved it (8144)

On 01/24/2014 at 6:10pm - kids - by limping (man) - Canada

Today, I asked my girlfriend's dad for permission to take her hand in marriage. He said no, because he doesn't want her marrying a "sexist idiot who treats her like property", which he thinks asking permission amounts to, then told me to grow up. FML

#21033078
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48829) - you deserved it (9974)

On 01/19/2014 at 5:59pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, someone hit my parked car. The impact caused the front of the car to go up onto the sidewalk, and I got a ticket for parking there. FML

#21046882
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47263) - you deserved it (3590)

On 02/01/2014 at 2:47am - misc - by ccgundum (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, at the grocery store, an elderly woman asked for help with some tea. I lent her a hand, spending a good twenty minutes reading different labels out loud until she found one she liked. After she was done, she handed me a pamphlet and said, "You're a nice girl. I hope you don't go to hell." FML

#21050005
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40675) - you deserved it (4363)

On 02/04/2014 at 1:16am - misc - by Lithiac - United States (Florida)



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