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Today, I came home to find my dad drinking. Trying to be cheerful, I greeted him with a "Hi, dad!" He sighed, shook his head, and said "It hurts me when you call me that." FML

by Anonymous / 05/15/2015 at 7:55pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I put on the same jeans that I had left in a bundle in my bedroom the day before. A few hours later, my boxer shorts decided to make their spectacular reappearance trick at the bottom of my leg in the middle of one of my meetings. FML

by Tomtom / 11/17/2008 at 12:04am / Work

Today, I thought it'd be cool and trendy to buy a Blackberry Storm. FML

by fecurtis / 01/22/2009 at 9:38am / United States (Virginia) / Geek

Today, my roommate has gone home for the weekend. She forgot to turn her alarm clock off. Her door is locked. FML

by leez / 02/01/2009 at 5:43am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I came into work with a new hair cut and so far everyone has asked me If I lost a bet. FML

by Xpresss / 02/02/2009 at 5:39am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I spent $20 on a spray tan, $30 to have my make up done, and $50 on a pretty new dress all for a special date with my boyfriend. It turns out I spent $100 just to get dumped. FML

by bertthelamb / 02/17/2009 at 12:05pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, I was talking to my boss about her children. She told me she didn’t want them to develop any problems by letting them sleep with the light on. I didn’t tell her last night I slept with the light on because I’m scared of ghosts. FML

by pussy / 05/04/2009 at 10:46am / Italy / Work

Today, I went to a party to see my crush. He offered me a drink and I declined telling him that I don't drink because alcohol makes people act stupid and crash their cars. He then saw me back into a car parked on the street and shatter my backlights as I reversed from the driveway to go home. FML

by icantdrive / 03/19/2009 at 12:22am / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation

Today, I was in class finishing up an assignment when the guy next to me, my crush, said "I really love your hair." I started to blush then I turned towards him and said thanks, at the same time as the girl he was actually talking to. FML

by bastardddd / 04/10/2009 at 9:47pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I told my boyfriend that I gained a few pounds and thought I looked fat. He replied that I looked the same and that I shouldn't worry because he likes fat girls. I never thought I was fat before this. FML

by notsoskinny / 04/18/2009 at 12:13pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I learned that shaving my unibrow while drunk/high was a terrible idea. I also learned that one brow looks better than no brow. FML

by Anonymous / 07/01/2009 at 2:37am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finished a ballet class with a group of seven-and-unders. Afterwards, a new student's mother came up to me and thanked me, saying she was glad that her daughter had a "role model with a, ahem, fuller figure" and "not to worry about my weight." I have never thought I was fat before. FML

by Jessika / 08/07/2009 at 5:18am / United Kingdom (Sunderland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to this meditation center which my mom suggested to get mental peace as I have been hating my job and life for some time now. I drove for an hour and then walked around in scorching Indian sun for 2 hours trying to locate the damn place. I got lost and returned home angrier than ever. FML

by zboy_123 / 08/23/2009 at 2:33pm / India (Haryana) / Miscellaneous