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Today, my roommate has gone home for the weekend. She forgot to turn her alarm clock off. Her door is locked. FML

by leez / 02/01/2009 at 5:43am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I came into work with a new hair cut and so far everyone has asked me If I lost a bet. FML

by Xpresss / 02/02/2009 at 5:39am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I spent $20 on a spray tan, $30 to have my make up done, and $50 on a pretty new dress all for a special date with my boyfriend. It turns out I spent $100 just to get dumped. FML

by bertthelamb / 02/17/2009 at 12:05pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, I was talking to my boss about her children. She told me she didn’t want them to develop any problems by letting them sleep with the light on. I didn’t tell her last night I slept with the light on because I’m scared of ghosts. FML

by pussy / 05/04/2009 at 10:46am / Italy / Work

Today, my manager bailed on me during the afternoon rush; swamped and distracted, I cut off the pad of my thumb in a cheese slicer. Some clinic hours later I returned, hungry and sick with blood loss, to sign WC papers. Manager's only words: "You're staying late to cover your long break, right?" FML

by Sarah / 05/07/2009 at 12:53am / United States (Tennessee) / Work

Today, I woke up to a tap on my shoulder and had no idea where I was. I quickly discovered It was 11 am and I was still at the bar I had been drinking at the night before. My shoes were gone. FML

by mylifeisamovie / 02/28/2009 at 1:39am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to a party to see my crush. He offered me a drink and I declined telling him that I don't drink because alcohol makes people act stupid and crash their cars. He then saw me back into a car parked on the street and shatter my backlights as I reversed from the driveway to go home. FML

by icantdrive / 03/19/2009 at 12:22am / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation

Today, I was in class finishing up an assignment when the guy next to me, my crush, said "I really love your hair." I started to blush then I turned towards him and said thanks, at the same time as the girl he was actually talking to. FML

by bastardddd / 04/10/2009 at 9:47pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I told my boyfriend that I gained a few pounds and thought I looked fat. He replied that I looked the same and that I shouldn't worry because he likes fat girls. I never thought I was fat before this. FML

by notsoskinny / 04/18/2009 at 12:13pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I learned that shaving my unibrow while drunk/high was a terrible idea. I also learned that one brow looks better than no brow. FML

by Anonymous / 07/01/2009 at 2:37am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finished a ballet class with a group of seven-and-unders. Afterwards, a new student's mother came up to me and thanked me, saying she was glad that her daughter had a "role model with a, ahem, fuller figure" and "not to worry about my weight." I have never thought I was fat before. FML

by Jessika / 08/07/2009 at 5:18am / United Kingdom (Sunderland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to this meditation center which my mom suggested to get mental peace as I have been hating my job and life for some time now. I drove for an hour and then walked around in scorching Indian sun for 2 hours trying to locate the damn place. I got lost and returned home angrier than ever. FML

by zboy_123 / 08/23/2009 at 2:33pm / India (Haryana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was messaged by a great guy I went to college with, and he was telling me how stupid he had been for not asking me out in college and about how much he had liked me. After talking for 30 minutes about trying to get together soon, he told me that he had mistaken me for someone else. FML

by Ljsmitty / 09/12/2009 at 4:14pm / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous