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Today, my ballet teacher decided to tell us, in detail, about the nasty staph infection she has on her boob. The whole time, she was scratching it. FML

by fightingkittens / 11/19/2010 at 1:07am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I parked in a different lot because the one I usually park in was full. When I came back later, a bumper sticker was stuck to the windshield that said, "INCONSIDERATE F***, DON'T PARK HERE AGAIN!" To make matters worse, it was stuck on with a special type of glue, so it can't be removed. FML

by El Camino / 11/25/2010 at 4:01pm / United States (Indiana) / Transportation

Today, I saw a portable speed camera on the highway and braked hard. I caused a 4 car pile-up and my car is totaled. It wasn't a speed camera. FML

by Gemma / 11/03/2010 at 7:23am / United Kingdom (London) / Transportation

Today, my math teacher brought his laptop to tally up all our scores for our report card. He then displayed the results on a big screen in front of the whole class. The ones who failed were marked yellow. I was the only one marked yellow. FML

by thestudent / 02/18/2011 at 4:30am / Philippines (Manila) / Miscellaneous

Today, to impress my friends, I attempted to do a back flip. The only one impressed was the doctor who set my broken leg. FML

by fail / 04/14/2011 at 6:27pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I got a really bad sunburn on my face while at the lake. Not to worry, though; my friends made me feel better by saying, "It takes the attention away from your acne." FML

by Username / 08/15/2011 at 5:38pm / United States / Health

Today, I cleared out the messages in my voicemail. Of the 50+ messages, most were from my mother wanting to know when I'd be home. I'm 27. FML

by Nudge23 / 09/26/2011 at 3:26am / Australia / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned that when I got my driver's permit, I agreed to be the designated driver for my family. FML

by Anonymous / 10/15/2011 at 2:54pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was issued with a £60 fine for being parked in a supermarket car-park for more than 3 hours. I work there. FML

by mitchell904 / 04/18/2012 at 7:51pm / United Kingdom (Newport) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I left my number on my receipt for a cute waitress. As I was leaving the bar, she came running out and called me over. I obviously got excited. Turns out I'd forgotten to sign my slip. FML

by Dave / 04/23/2012 at 9:22am / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, my mother screamed at my brother for ages for playing a Nicki Minaj music video. She said it's "terrible, demonic garbage" that'll get us "spitroasted in Hell". I don't even disagree with the first part, but she does this kind of thing every single day when I get home from my night job. FML

by arghgffhdfg / 07/14/2012 at 8:22pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, after meeting my girlfriend's family and trying my hardest to impress them, she told me that they came up with a nickname for me. My new name is "Matt the Doormat." FML

by oreoblizzard619 / 09/25/2012 at 8:13am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, after a year of living with my boyfriend at our new place, he told me that he wants to sell our house and live in a trailer, so he can be closer to his mom. FML

by Anonimo / 11/08/2012 at 4:22pm / Italy (Sardegna) / Miscellaneous