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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I woke up by inhaling a fly up my nose, and feeling it twitching and slowly dying inside my nasal cavity. FML

#20027750
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21999) - you deserved it (1443)

On 08/18/2012 at 3:49am - misc - by sneaky1324 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I discovered that my 12-year-old son has secretly been printing out and selling copies of the suggestive photos from my camera that I'd taken for my husband. He's been selling them to kids at school for a dollar each. FML

#20103277
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9168) - you deserved it (19130)

On 10/05/2012 at 7:02pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my live-in-boyfriend lost his job. Jokingly, I told him that we weren't going to have sex until he found a new job. He then turned to me with the most excited look I have ever seen on his face and said "I am going to stay unemployed forever!" He was serious. FML

#19987101
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18905) - you deserved it (5885)

On 07/27/2012 at 9:45am - intimacy - by Nikki (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my dad forced me to take part in a pathetic act of revenge against our neighbors, who keep parking their 4x4 in front of our house. He made me stand watch while he kept trying to slash their tires. An hour later, we were waiting for my mom to bail us out of jail. FML

#20092583
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14362) - you deserved it (6307)

On 09/28/2012 at 6:21pm - misc - by GEE, THANKS DAD (woman) - United States

Today, my grandparents took me out for dinner for my birthday. After singing, "Happy birthday dear..." they froze. I had to say my own name because they'd forgotten it. FML

#20058422
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18092) - you deserved it (1013)

On 09/05/2012 at 2:12am - misc - by holymoly - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I spent hours crafting a tiara to look like the princess from my boyfriend's favourite game series, Zelda. I sent him a picture of me wearing it, and got the reply: "Sure, that's nice, but you'd be better as Majora." FML

#20079245
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12891) - you deserved it (2115)

On 09/19/2012 at 1:25pm - love - by MT (woman) - Finland

Today, after being totally in love with a guy since middle school, I finally had enough self confidence to go and talk to him. Turns out he's boring as fuck. I obsessed over this guy for nearly 4 years. FML

#20123261
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8066) - you deserved it (22231)

On 10/18/2012 at 10:49pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, my boyfriend and I reached that point in our relationship where just a simple phone conversation was too boring. His idea to spice things up? Playing Minecraft together. FML

#20035502
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12661) - you deserved it (4846)

On 08/22/2012 at 11:13am - love - by Minecraftwhyyy (woman) - United States

Today, my husband and I found out that our dog was pregnant. He now refuses to have kids with me for at least two years, because he wants to raise the puppies without any "distractions". FML

#20140254
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19501) - you deserved it (2630)

On 10/30/2012 at 2:45pm - animals - by Lilly - United States

Today, I jokingly asked my girlfriend what she got me for my half birthday, to which she replied "A baby." She was serious. FML

#20138663
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8538) - you deserved it (16080)

On 10/29/2012 at 2:10pm - kids - by JiggaJayZ - United States

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was woken up by my teenage son pulling down my shirt and taking pictures of my breasts. FML

#20124963
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26413) - you deserved it (1929)

On 10/20/2012 at 4:42am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, after I gave birth to our first child, my husband looked at the doctor and seriously asked, "When do you circumcise the baby?" We had a baby girl. FML

#20138333
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17448) - you deserved it (1501)

On 10/29/2012 at 6:32am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, a woman on the train demanded I give up my seat for her, claiming it was for people with disabilities. Tired from a long day at work, and seeing she had nothing wrong with her, I asked what her disability was. Apparently, obesity is one. FML

#20152323
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21968) - you deserved it (1250)

On 11/07/2012 at 12:58am - misc - by NotAnExcuse (woman) - United States



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