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Today, I told a customer to have a nice day. Little did I know it'd make her have an emotional breakdown and nearly cause me to lose my job. FML

by Anonymous / 12/09/2015 at 10:22am / United States / Work

Today, it's been five days since I started my new job in a new town, just signed a lease on my new apartment too. Now I find out the company's closing down, and since I'm still on probation, I'm told I'm not entitled to any kind of severance. FML

by Anonymous / 02/06/2016 at 1:28am / United States (Utah) / Work

Today, I decided to take a well-deserved shower. When I let my hair down, twenty six cents fell onto the floor. I have no idea how they got there. FML

by kissandcontrol01 / 10/10/2015 at 12:22am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, the cockroach infestation at my house has gotten so bad that I can now tell the difference between male and female cockroaches. FML

by Anonymous / 03/25/2016 at 5:55pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous

Today, after weeks of eating in the same restaurant, I finally worked up the nerve to ask the super-cute cashier for her phone number. "Aw, how cute. Do you have an older brother?" FML

by CaptMacLeod / 01/26/2016 at 4:18am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I went for a job interview. I was asked if I wanted a drink. I have no idea why, but I replied "a bottle of milk please." FML

by bham boy / 04/20/2011 at 4:10am / Work

Today, I discovered that it's an hour and 45 minutes quicker to get the bus to work, rather than the train. I've worked there for six years. FML

by ihatemondays / 08/23/2012 at 2:15am / United Kingdom / Work

Today, I went to move a load of laundry out of the washer and into the dryer, but the clothes were already in the dryer. Normally, I would be happy about this. However, I am currently living alone. FML

by Pithegreat / 01/05/2016 at 11:48pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I experienced one of those moments in life you never forget. I walked into a homeless man masturbating in a parking garage stairwell. FML

by scarredforlife / 02/12/2016 at 4:00am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Intimacy

Today, I was walking to class. While waiting at the crosswalk, a guy cat-called me from his car. I guess he was pissed that I didn't respond, because he purposely drove through a puddle and completely soaked me and the expensive textbook I was holding. FML

by Soakedandbroke / 01/26/2016 at 12:05pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, things heated up with the new guy I've been seeing for a couple of weeks, he kept saying things like "I want you so bad" and "it's going to take hours" to the point that I was so hot, I decided to go for it. Apparently he has "a problem sometimes" getting it up. FML

by unsatisfied / 01/31/2010 at 7:20pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy

Today, a woman came up to me and sheepishly asked if my son is single. He's not my son, he's my boyfriend. FML

by iliana74 / 04/20/2016 at 12:07pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, my wife brought my 5-year-old daughter to visit me at the office. My boss has a speech impediment, and when she heard it, she exclaimed, "Hey my daddy can sound just like you! Show him daddy! Show him!" FML

by Anonymous / 01/12/2013 at 3:14am / United States (Texas) / Kids