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Today, for the first time all month I felt truly proud and accomplished. I finally figured out how to change the toilet seat. FML

#16246614
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10721) - you deserved it (21147)

On 05/18/2011 at 11:48pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I left my number on my receipt for a cute waitress. As I was leaving the bar, she came running out and called me over. I obviously got excited. Turns out I'd forgotten to sign my slip. FML

#19516000
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10719) - you deserved it (19145)

On 04/23/2012 at 9:22am - love - by Dave (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was walking on the track when this really cute guy shows up. I was hot and sweaty, and wanted to impress him by pouring water on myself. Instead of being turned on, all he saw was me wiping my face on my shirt screaming. It wasn't water, I forgot I had brought Sprite. FML

#1686217
288 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10716) - you deserved it (95974)

On 05/06/2009 at 7:36am - love - by gymbob (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, at work, somebody stole my sunglasses. Fed up with the constant theft in my office, I stormed up to my boss, as he had long ago promised to catch the thief. He listened patiently to my rant before pointing out that my sunglasses were on my head. FML

#16235775
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10716) - you deserved it (42888)

On 05/18/2011 at 9:08am - work - by Red-cheeked -

Today, I woke up with a hangover from hell. My clothes were stained with vomit, I was propped up on the sofa with a bowl between my knees, and my hair tied to one side. My mum was taking photos to send to Grandma. FML

#20418077
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10715) - you deserved it (36899)

On 12/24/2012 at 3:46am - misc - by chunderful202 - United Kingdom (Havering)

Today, I was smoking in my car and flicked the butt... into the face of a cop on a motorcycle going the other way. FML

#2846826
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10710) - you deserved it (70336)

On 06/13/2009 at 12:09am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, when I got home from work, my fiancé was finishing up with the plumber who had just installed new fixtures for our shower. I decided that I was going to be the first to break it in. I went to the bathroom, got undressed and went to start the water. The OTHER plumber was still in there. FML

#13613595
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10708) - you deserved it (23842)

On 10/27/2010 at 10:37am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I tried drinking "Smart Water" for the first time. I couldn't figure out how to open the bottle. FML

#12077733
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10706) - you deserved it (34471)

On 07/24/2010 at 1:20am - misc - by tstaeger (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I ordered take out, and paid with a credit card. The cute cashier gave me the receipt to sign, and under 'tip' I gave a couple of dollars. I realized that I had given too much, crossed it out, and changed it. Unaware she was watching, She then responded, "Did you just lower the tip by $1?" FML

#1106901
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10705) - you deserved it (69204)

On 04/19/2009 at 1:03am - money - by imanidiot (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, our favorite teacher walked into our history class and everyone started whistling, I decided to join in by screaming 'sexy'. The room went quiet and all heads turned to me. FML

#3266554
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10703) - you deserved it (73461)

On 06/27/2009 at 2:33am - misc - by mtorres8789 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that I have enough driving skills to manage to hit a pothole and have two of my tires go flat. FML

#14954062
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10703) - you deserved it (16495)

On 02/13/2011 at 12:30am - misc - by FlatTire - United States (Colorado)

Today, my favorite song came on and I started playing the air guitar and head banging to it. I didn't realize just how close I was to the chair next to me and went face first into the metal back. FML

#15991972
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10699) - you deserved it (33787)

On 04/30/2011 at 3:52pm - health - by Jordan - United States

Today, I was doing a shit load of sit-ups on my mattress. After realizing the bed was squeaking, I heard my dad laughing very hard from the basement. He thought I was masturbating. FML

#7348405
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10694) - you deserved it (16570)

On 01/14/2010 at 10:16pm - intimacy - by nooneatall - Sent from mobile version



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