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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was about to have sex with my boyfriend when he reminded me that I needed to cut my toe nails. FML

#8062082
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7618) - you deserved it (14168)

On 02/09/2010 at 7:56pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, after lunch with my frail, disabled, 87-year-old father, I reached into my purse for lipstick. I didn't recognize the cute cylinder I pulled out, but thinking it was a flashlight, I pressed the little button, spraying my dad and myself in the face with pepper spray. FML

#13104906
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7619) - you deserved it (30892)

On 09/18/2010 at 9:57pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I learned no matter how much your friends pressure you, you must never snort lines of curry powder. FML

Today, my landlady roasted a joint of beef and the whole house smelled wonderful. OK, even if I am a masochistic vegetarian and former omnivore, that was way beyond cruel. FML

#19152969
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7610) - you deserved it (28554)

On 02/24/2012 at 10:28am - misc - by i2xl (woman) - Canada

Today, I went swimming in a pond. I came out covered in leeches. Terrified, I screamed, flailed about and cried out for help until half a dozen people ran over. One of them was kind enough to point out that those leeches I was so afraid of were actually patches of mud. FML

#19223342
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7607) - you deserved it (27151)

On 03/05/2012 at 8:36pm - misc - by asdfBUTT (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I had to wait in a hospital room because I cut myself with a knife while trying to open a box of soda. After three stitches, I went home only to notice the box has an easy-open tab. FML

#20047310
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7604) - you deserved it (27297)

On 08/29/2012 at 12:59am - health - by Holly - United States (Colorado)

Today, my mum and I decided to go on a hike. Beforehand we left my car at the end of the trail and took my mums car to the beginning. After 4 hours we arrived at my car. I had left my keys in mums car. It was a long walk back. FML

#13701882
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7601) - you deserved it (25166)

On 11/03/2010 at 2:10pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was approached by the head cheerleader, and she asked for my number. I was so excited that I gave it to her without question. Then she smiled, and walked away. Too bad my girlfriend was right behind me when it happened. FML

#4443952
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7600) - you deserved it (98968)

On 08/11/2009 at 2:42am - misc - by A.L.Woody - United States (Colorado)

Today, while driving, I slowed down and made sure I safely went by a pedestrian, and in the process rear-ended the car in front of me. FML

#19133346
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7598) - you deserved it (18289)

On 02/21/2012 at 6:56pm - misc - by me (man) - United States

Today, while running in the park, I noticed some ducks in a pond. I stopped to look at them and began quacking at them, to see if they would react. This would have been OK had I not been wearing ear-buds, blasting music, making me unable to realize just how loud I was quacking. With people all around. FML

#19449312
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7596) - you deserved it (31925)

On 04/11/2012 at 11:39am - animals - by Quackers (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, as my lame excuse to not give a guy I met at a club my phone number, I told him I didn't have a cell phone. Guess what I checked when he asked me what time it was a few minutes later. FML

#20512812
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7593) - you deserved it (48591)

On 02/18/2013 at 10:21pm - misc - by hhhhhhhpeterwut - United States (Maryland)

Today, my family and I were decorating the Christmas tree. It seemed a bit unstable, but we decorated it without any problems. Later, while my daughter sat by the tree, it began to fall. Her grandmother stopped the tree from hitting her. I, on the other hand, screamed like a little girl. I'm a 38 year old guy. FML

#6763164
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7592) - you deserved it (29191)

On 12/15/2009 at 10:06am - misc - by wjones (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was trying to see how far I could get away from the toilet while pissing. Instead I tripped over backwards and pissed all over my face. FML

#7101810
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7588) - you deserved it (66503)

On 01/02/2010 at 8:41am - misc - by pissfaced (man) - New Zealand (Wellington)



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