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Today, I was walking in Walmart with my dad. We walked past the deodorant aisle. My dad said, "Need any deodorant?" I said, "No thanks." He replied, "That was a hint." FML

#19898795
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9440) - you deserved it (28237)

On 07/06/2012 at 2:52am - misc - by CanadianTwin - Canada (Alberta)

Today, what I thought would be a romantic sleepover with the guy I like quickly turned into hell on earth when his girlfriend showed up. I had to scale the fire escape in my underwear so I could get back to my car in one piece. FML

#20002439
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9439) - you deserved it (31645)

On 08/04/2012 at 4:05pm - love - by nikki - Greece (Kikladhes)

Today, I had a check-up with my dermatologist. When I took off my pants, she noticed a small mark on my penis and was concerned. I had to inform her that it was not in fact a mole, but a bruise from getting it stuck in a Snapple bottle two days prior to the check-up. FML

#3686221
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9438) - you deserved it (71918)

On 07/12/2009 at 3:07am - health - by Best-stuf-on-Earth (man) - United States (California)

Today, while pumping gas, I stopped to think about what a failure my life is, and how badly I've treated people in my past. While deep in thought, I accidentally pulled the gas pump out too far and covered myself with gasoline. FML

#636
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9424) - you deserved it (20776)

On 12/30/2008 at 1:00pm - misc - by MikeMoosey - United States (California)

Today, in Chem, I was chosen to hold the fire extinguisher just in case something happened while showing how to blow up a dangerous chemical. My teacher told me to spray if anything got out of control. He lit the fire and I freaked out and sprayed it. The entire wing of my school was evacuted. FML

#5131890
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9424) - you deserved it (41423)

On 09/08/2009 at 6:10pm - misc - by firefighter (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while over at a friend's house, I saw a framed picture of a young African boy on her fridge. I asked, "Oh, is this one of those kids you adopt from third world countries? My grandma does that too." She responded, "What do you mean? That's my cousin." FML

#18857503
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9424) - you deserved it (35925)

On 01/19/2012 at 10:33pm - kids - by WillaminaL (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was posing in front of the mirror, when I realized that everyone who looks at me can easily tell which arm I use to masturbate. FML

#19154069
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9439) - you deserved it (32727)

On 02/24/2012 at 2:18pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I couldn't get into my car. In an attempt to get in, I broke a window. As I climbed in, the actual owner of the car walked up. Mine was across the street. FML

#14209327
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9422) - you deserved it (40562)

On 12/15/2010 at 12:48am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went to the store to buy a new lego set, only to find there weren't any left in stock. I started crying before I could make it out of the store. Oh, and I'm eighteen. FML

#8248390
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9415) - you deserved it (41640)

On 02/14/2010 at 12:43pm - misc - by Tibblesthepengwin (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I inexplicably claimed ownership of someone else's fart in the subway. FML

#16341227
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9414) - you deserved it (32633)

On 05/25/2011 at 10:33am - misc - by anonymous - Singapore

Today, one of my nostrils became completely blocked. At lunch time, I went out to my car to dig into my nose. When I finished, I held up the cornflake sized booger in victory. I noticed too late that my boss was in a car adjacent to me, shooting me a horrified look. FML

#19363371
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9414) - you deserved it (26432)

On 03/28/2012 at 12:25pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. I was on their bed having sex with their daughter. FML

#5582253
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9412) - you deserved it (32647)

On 10/01/2009 at 10:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario) - moderated by Kevin Nealon

Today, I was taking a lifeguard certification test. I nearly drowned halfway through. FML

#19361709
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9425) - you deserved it (18393)

On 03/28/2012 at 1:30am - work - by LiveGuard - United States



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