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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, it snowed. So, a guy I like and I decided to go sledding. I really wanted to impress him by going down the hill and casually slowing down at the bottom right at his feet. Instead, I crashed into him and broke his ankle. FML

#6641672
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9171) - you deserved it (31674)

On 12/06/2009 at 10:32pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was meeting friends for dinner at an Indian restaurant. I was waiting for the group to arrive and our table to be ready. An Indian man approached me smiling, so I said "We're not ready for our table yet". Then I realized it was my friend's boyfriend who I've met several times. FML

#181594
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9170) - you deserved it (62951)

On 03/02/2009 at 9:22am - misc - by neelloc83 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I got a little too drunk and confessed to my fiancé, the love of my life, that I've been faking my orgasms all along. I hate that I can't lie when I'm drunk. FML

#13283938
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9169) - you deserved it (35651)

On 10/02/2010 at 12:28am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had an interview for an internship at an independent lawyer's office. Hoping to increase my chances of being hired, I dressed up sexily with a short skirt, high heels, and ample cleavage. Turns out his wife handles the interviews. FML

#17579225
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9171) - you deserved it (95049) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/25/2011 at 5:45pm - love - by santa_maria - Reunion

Today, after I had finished vacuuming, I ripped the cord out of the outlet and it hit me in the face cutting both my top and bottom lip. FML

#5980515
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9165) - you deserved it (30847)

On 10/24/2009 at 8:41pm - work - by Clutz (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I got a spray tan for homecoming. While I was dancing, I got really sweaty and the spray tan rubbed off on the guy's white tux. FML

#13241516
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9164) - you deserved it (46237)

On 09/28/2010 at 9:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was driving my twin daughters to school, when I accidentally honked my horn. I told them it was an accident. One of my kids said she already knew, because I didn't yell "asshole" afterwards. FML

#17458191
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9163) - you deserved it (35735)

On 08/13/2011 at 6:31am - kids - by Kathryn - Belgium

Today, I tried to get my girlfriend of nine months to have oral sex with me. She was eating a hot dog. She then said, "If you ask me again, this is what I'll do to you." She then bit the hot dog in half. FML

#6989105
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9161) - you deserved it (33356)

On 12/28/2009 at 5:16am - intimacy - by Dontworryaboutit (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was having a debate with my friend, who actually believes karma is real. He got very angry with me and stormed off, tripping over his own feet in the process. I laughed and asked what he'd done in a past life to deserve that one. He responded by getting up and punching me. FML

#19750799
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9161) - you deserved it (34013)

On 06/07/2012 at 5:26pm - health - by sh3n-D (man) - Denmark (Midtjylland)

Today, I got scared by my own leg fat. FML

#19144549
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9160) - you deserved it (28462)

On 02/23/2012 at 6:29am - misc - by wobble... - Australia

Today, it's my mother's birthday. She received the ultimate gift from my brother, who told her he had just been accepted into medical school. I bought her scratch-offs. She won a dollar. FML

#19787212
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9160) - you deserved it (25677)

On 06/14/2012 at 1:42pm - misc - by bad son - United States (California)

Today, I learned that you don't put your diamond earrings on over your bathroom sink. FML

#8915747
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9159) - you deserved it (38655)

On 03/08/2010 at 8:19am - misc - by what434 - United States

Today, I found out that the new management position I'm supposed to start in two days was delayed for a month and a half. I already quit my current job and called my boss gay. FML

#17801951
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9154) - you deserved it (49055)

On 09/22/2011 at 1:20am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)



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