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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I lost a book. I'd used my credit card as a bookmark. FML

#21415900
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14449) - you deserved it (45882)

On 05/26/2015 at 2:54am - money - by stupid (man) - United States (California)

Today, some friends and I went to Cosmic Bowling where they have a blacklight. Everyone's teeth were glowing. Mine weren't. FML

#6208863
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14448) - you deserved it (38181)

On 11/08/2009 at 6:12am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg)

Today, I learned that an inspired gardening spree is not as fulfilling as some would have us believe. One punctured hand, cactussed foot and bruised ankle later, I'm beginning to regret waking up this morning and thinking, "What the hell, I'll nuke the shit out of some weeds." FML

Today, I was secretly listening to a voicemail from my mom in maths class when I accidentally hit the speaker phone button. My whole math class now knows I have a gyno appointment at 9:45 on March 11. FML

#67507
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14443) - you deserved it (46264)

On 02/18/2009 at 10:43am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I accidentally deleted my entire email inbox. Everything from the last 3 years. EV-ER-Y-THING. FML

#54626
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14440) - you deserved it (51378)

On 02/16/2009 at 5:19pm - misc - by loserman - United States (California)

Today, I got bored and decided to visit a porn site. I typed in the address and hit enter. A split second later, I realized I wasn't typing into the browser address bar, but in a chat window on my other screen. I'd been chatting with a girl I wanted to get with at the time. FML

#17719852
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14434) - you deserved it (62508)

On 09/11/2011 at 1:53pm - intimacy - by Extended_desktop (man) - Poland

Today, I thought it would be sexy to surprise my boyfriend by hiding in the closet naked and pouncing on him as he came to get his pants. I never got to the pouncing. Apparently my boyfriend has heightened reflexes so instead I got slapped hard across the face. My ear is still ringing. FML

#4995103
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14433) - you deserved it (42305)

On 09/02/2009 at 7:19am - intimacy - by keepsmiling - France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur)

Today, I went to work to find two new beautiful trainees. I thought maybe I might be able to hook up with one of them, so I walk up and flash my blue eyes and begin to act like a gentleman. Not five minutes into our conversation the girls ask me if there are any cute guys working here. FML

#5764838
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14428) - you deserved it (35722)

On 10/10/2009 at 9:04pm - work - by SadisticSatire (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I applied and was accepted for a part-time network engineering position. Being contract work they asked me what I charge. I replied, "$12 an hour." After a look of surprise they accepted me for the position and said, "Our last guy charged $200 an hour, you're a bargain." FML

#8637301
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14428) - you deserved it (29964)

On 02/25/2010 at 10:39am - money - by compguy (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I threw a surprise birthday party for my 3 year old. There was music, snacks and lots of toys. My 3 year old is a cat. FML

#16231154
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14428) - you deserved it (47618)

On 05/17/2011 at 11:04pm - animals - by kaileigh10 -

Today, my parents sent me to the hospital because they thought I had diabetes. One of the symptoms is that you a pee a lot. The only reason I go to the bathroom so often is so I can masturbate. FML

#21449844
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14428) - you deserved it (21956)

On 07/31/2015 at 1:38am - intimacy - by doodoobref - United States (Arizona)

Today, I showed my boyfriend the new tattoo of a butterfly that I'd gotten on my lower back. He said, "It looks like it's flying when your rolls jiggle." FML

#5688481
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14400) - you deserved it (39345)

On 10/06/2009 at 7:32pm - misc - by lovebigmacs (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I made a Sim of myself and had her work out until she was completely fit, then got her a job and a husband. Meanwhile, I sat at my desk, fat, single and jobless. FML

#19013496
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14398) - you deserved it (37336)

On 02/06/2012 at 9:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States



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