Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, the condoms I bought a few years ago as a celebration of dumping my girlfriend due to a lack of sex, have expired. Every last one of them. FML

#17659023
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13431) - you deserved it (45520)

On 09/04/2011 at 3:01am - intimacy - by Gurior (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, while at work, a customer gave me a $20 tip. I explained to him we aren't allowed to accept tips, but he insisted. When I called the manager to report it, he pocketed my tip. FML

#20157115
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13430) - you deserved it (27469)

On 11/10/2012 at 2:23am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, after my son's new friend spent the night, I commented on how his hair had such a straight line in it from one ear to the other. I joked about how he must have fallen asleep with headphones on, or had bad hat hair. He informed me it was a scar from brain surgery he had when he was younger. FML

#3853046
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13419) - you deserved it (54351)

On 07/18/2009 at 7:26am - misc - by insertfoothere (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I sent my best friend Mike the link to a porn site we were talking about at a party. Turns out the name "Mom" is right next to "Mike" in my contacts list. FML

#9718
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13414) - you deserved it (47447)

On 02/05/2009 at 10:39am - intimacy - by menerethrr - United States (Virginia)

Today, I used an airplane bathroom. I used a paper seat cover because I didn't want my butt to touch the seat. The seat cover clogged the toilet. I stuck my hand in and fished the seat cover out. I essentially stuck my hand into an airplane toilet because I didn't want my ass to touch the seat. FML

#1186504
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13413) - you deserved it (67340)

On 04/21/2009 at 5:30am - misc - by Jen (woman) - South Africa (Western Cape)

Today, I learned the hard way that when a pierced, tattooed, and otherwise extremely stereotypical biker chick jokingly threatens to find you and beat you up if you don't call her back after a one-night stand, she's not actually joking. FML

#17531904
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13406) - you deserved it (44207)

On 08/20/2011 at 8:08pm - intimacy - by owmyhead (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I unwrapped my present and, to my surprise, I had gotten a repair manual for my truck. Apparently, my parents are "Tired of seeing that piece of shit in front of our house." FML

#20423026
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13402) - you deserved it (20477)

On 12/26/2012 at 3:30am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was driving 3 of my guy friends to a party that was half an hour away. There was an awkward silence for most of the trip. I just figured out why now. I've had sex with all 3 of my guy friends. They talk about it when I'm not around. FML

#3210112
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13400) - you deserved it (103534)

On 06/25/2009 at 7:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I tried to stand by my toaster and train myself to not jump when it popped up. Not only did I jump, I also knocked the toaster off the counter and onto my toes. FML

#19998464
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13400) - you deserved it (20195)

On 08/02/2012 at 1:32pm - misc - by purplexangel (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while I was substitute teaching a middle school class, a boy, named Chris, refused to get in the boy's line for the bathroom. After I had said, "Chris, what makes you think you're a girl?" in a very loud voice, one of the other students said "She is a girl." I've scarred a child for life. FML

#13571431
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13388) - you deserved it (48884)

On 10/24/2010 at 1:26am - kids - by badteacher (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got a speeding ticket while taking my drivers license test. FML

Today, severely tired and pulling an all-nighter, I was editing documents at work. Eventually the words blurred together and "which" began to look funny, so I corrected them. I realized too late that I'd turned in the company's brochure with every "which" spelt as "witch". FML

#17368765
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13383) - you deserved it (26216)

On 08/04/2011 at 4:49pm - work - by Donny - United States

Today, I got in an elevator at a hotel. Just as the door was closing, somebody banged into the door and stuck their hand through. I yelled, "What, are you retarded?!" The doors then opened to reveal a mentally handicapped boy with his parents standing behind him. FML

#6792235
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13378) - you deserved it (48035)

On 12/17/2009 at 11:38am - misc - by Mike (man) - United States (Texas)



FML's blog

  • Angie's illustrated FML
  • Here we go again. This week I'm talking to you live from the Paris Japan Expo. I'm dressed up as Bernard from the Sailor Moon series, and I almost got kicked out because my katana wasn't the…

Friday 3 July 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: