Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, after a late night at a bar, I stepped into my building's elevator with a Chinese man who was carrying a plastic bag. Without thinking, I said, "Oooh, are you still delivering?" His response was, "I live here." FML

#6479
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6925) - you deserved it (48145)

On 02/03/2009 at 2:57pm - misc - by Noname - United States (New York)

Today, I had a rude awakening after a traffic accident the day before. I'd fled the scene to avoid having to pay hefty damage fines. I would have gotten away with it too, if my license plate hadn't fallen off and incriminated me. FML

#14578612
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6925) - you deserved it (107119)

On 01/14/2011 at 2:43pm - money - by calidumbass - United States

Today, I got pulled over for a traffic violation. Thinking I could get away with it, I spoke with a French accent. The officer then asked me a question in perfect French. I got a ticket. FML

#14705471
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6922) - you deserved it (49827)

On 01/25/2011 at 1:13am - misc - by nmaidkieavg -

Today, in one of the corridors at university, I was pretending to have passionate sex with one of my lecturers to make my mates laugh. She happened to walk by just at that moment. She reminded me when my next exam is; she will be marking me. FML

#385
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6918) - you deserved it (30276)

On 11/25/2008 at 1:54am - intimacy - by TomPom - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was looking in the refrigerator for the chicken I bought four days ago. I finally found it - not in the refrigerator, not in the freezer, but in the trunk of my car, which now smells like a dead animal. FML

#12968691
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6919) - you deserved it (26268)

On 09/08/2010 at 9:33pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my mom and I had an argument about my laziness. We did this as I was eating uncooked rice because I didn't want to have to walk to the kitchen and put it into the microwave. FML

#16104577
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6916) - you deserved it (70968)

On 05/09/2011 at 1:22pm - misc - by wtfseriously (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I stole a pen from the doctor's office while she wasn't looking. Later on at work, I idly pulled the pen out during a meeting. My colleague looked at me, horrified. The pen had the words "minimally invasive gynecological surgery" emblazoned on it. I'm a man. FML

#20516811
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6914) - you deserved it (45323)

On 02/21/2013 at 9:56pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to a school football game alone. I sat next to these hot girls. To seem cool, I picked up my phone and had a fake conversation with the coolest guy in the grade. Halfway through, he came over and talked to the girls. FML

#12997934
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6912) - you deserved it (54921)

On 09/11/2010 at 12:01am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I tried to inconspicuously hock a loogie. It went down my bra. FML

#18993154
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6912) - you deserved it (30247)

On 02/04/2012 at 3:22pm - misc - by Courtney - Reserved

Today, my best friend and I went to the movies. There was a hot cashier, so I thought it would be cool to talk in a British accent to try and be sexy. I walked up and started talking when he interrupted me and said in a very heavy British accent, "I know you're faking. You can stop now." FML

#5752857
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6911) - you deserved it (53067)

On 10/10/2009 at 2:10am - work - by dammitt (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I tried a new sugar scrub soap that's supposed to help get rid of cellulite. I didn't read the instructions correctly and now as well as still having the cellulite, my butt looks like I got a massage from an angry cat. FML

#15144008
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6904) - you deserved it (29905)

On 02/27/2011 at 9:20pm - health - by shirley (woman) - Spain

Today, my wife sent me to the store to pick stuff up so we could make BLTs. I got the bacon, but couldn't remember what else went into them, so I bought an avocado and napkins. When I got back home, my wife very slowly and sarcastically explained what BLT stands for. FML

#19424336
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6902) - you deserved it (46953)

On 04/07/2012 at 3:40pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was at a stop light when I saw a cute police officer at the light across the intersection. Trying to be cute as I drove by, I turned and winked and waved. The car in front of me stopped, I rear ended them and then got rear ended. The cute cop winked back, then wrote me a ticket. FML

#5294180
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6901) - you deserved it (50970)

On 09/16/2009 at 4:08pm - misc - by Jennnn (woman) - United States (Virginia)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: