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Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, she asked me to whisper her name. Apparently, her name is not Kate. FML

#20140315
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10429) - you deserved it (70418)

On 10/30/2012 at 3:46pm - intimacy - by you (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking with my friend. The girl in front of us had a really nice ass, so I turned to my friend and said, "Damn, she has a perfect ass." He replied, "That's a guy." FML

#20502853
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10429) - you deserved it (34315)

On 02/11/2013 at 9:30pm - misc - by notgay (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my father pulled me aside right before heading off to my girlfriend's house. He said "Next time you have sex, don't leave the tied up condom in its wrapper inside your short's pocket, otherwise your mother might find it again as she's folding laundry." FML

#4077228
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10428) - you deserved it (68589)

On 07/27/2009 at 10:34am - intimacy - by condom_kid (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I went with my family to go see a notoriously creepy abandoned house. We noticed the people had left a lot of stuff behind so we loaded up the car with books, records, etc. As we were leaving, we saw the family who lived there drive up. I robbed a house with my grandma. FML

#12826740
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10426) - you deserved it (45028)

On 08/30/2010 at 8:04pm - misc - by tikizombie (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I got so drunk that I tasered myself in the balls as a joke, fell down my friend's porch stairs and rolled out into the street. FML

#20559522
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10425) - you deserved it (63047)

On 03/25/2013 at 2:31pm - health - by anon - United States

Today, I was at the mall with my friend when I saw my boyfriend in Victoria's Secret - with another girl. They were joking and laughing, and I was really pissed off. So I stormed into the store and slapped him. He looked up at me with an angry and confused expression. It wasn't my boyfriend. FML

#4007461
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10419) - you deserved it (82970)

On 07/24/2009 at 3:06pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend and I were kissing. Halfway through the kiss, he rubs his tongue along all my teeth and says, "You need to brush your teeth." FML

#19806714
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10419) - you deserved it (33423)

On 06/18/2012 at 10:57am - misc - by Brittany (woman) - United States

Today, I got into a pretty heated argument with my boss. On my way out the door I told him he would be lucky if I came back to work. Unfortunately, I left the interior light on in my truck and it drained the battery. I had to go back in and ask for a jump. FML

#18043199
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10415) - you deserved it (31592)

On 10/22/2011 at 12:55am - work - by bob - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to a movie with my boyfriend. In the lobby, I asked why the glasses were not working. I said, "Do they only work inside the theater?" My boyfriend replied, "3-D glasses just work inside the movie, everything else in the World is pretty much 3-D." FML

#29434
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10412) - you deserved it (121958)

On 02/12/2009 at 1:00am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was walking home, when I saw a homeless man trying to tear the wallet out of another guy's hand. I can't stand bums, so I smacked him across the jaw. That's when the other one kneed me in the balls and made off with my wallet as well. FML

#19554297
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10409) - you deserved it (37422)

On 04/30/2012 at 5:46pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I gave in and let my friend give me a makeover. She couldn't find my eyelash curler, but decided that if she used scissors lightly, it would work just the same. Needless to say, it did not work. FML

#19286759
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10408) - you deserved it (27169)

On 03/16/2012 at 1:11am - misc - by neveragain - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was catching the bus to my new job. While waiting at the lights, I decided to play the staring game and ended up staring at a woman in the car next to the bus for ages, really creeping her out. It turns out she's my new boss. FML

#16408581
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10402) - you deserved it (44264)

On 05/29/2011 at 9:45pm - work - by milkymoo (woman) - Cyprus

Today, I accidentally dropped my cigarette down my shirt. There are now two unsightly, painful burns right in the center of my chest. FML

#11524663
436 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10400) - you deserved it (66044)

On 06/28/2010 at 7:37pm - health - by Pain (woman) - United States (California)



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