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Today, my girlfriend asked if her friend Alex from high school could join in with us and we could have an amazing threesome. As a horny dude how could I say no? Turns out Alex is also a guys name. FML

#5350
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16194) - you deserved it (65658)

On 02/02/2009 at 11:29am - intimacy - by Randy Savage (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I woke up and I'm still in the Marine Corps. FML

#2960
13 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16177) - you deserved it (38216)

On 01/28/2009 at 4:24am - work - by carboat - United States (California)

Today, I took a massive dump at work and clogged the industrial toilet. Since I used the unisex one at the end of the hall, I watched my super hot coworker walk in after me. And then she ran out immediately. Everyone had seen me walk out before her. FML

#79663
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16171) - you deserved it (31993)

On 02/19/2009 at 4:44pm - work - by wow (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, a couple of mates and me have a reservation on this fancy restaurant to celebrate Chinese New Year. I found out that 80% of our money goes to the wine tasting event that they have, a free flow of gorgeous, decent wine all around. I'm allergic to fruit. I'll stick to my 20RMB water bottle. FML

#2482
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16170) - you deserved it (2641)

On 01/24/2009 at 8:36pm - health - by anx133 - China (Shanghai)

Today, I discovered that no matter how hot and exhausted you are, being blasted in the face with a high pressure hose is always more painful than refreshing. FML

#20165112
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16170) - you deserved it (9413)

On 11/16/2012 at 2:32am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I tried to bleach my upper lip hair. I now have a bright red mustache. FML

#20093112
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16169) - you deserved it (16777)

On 09/29/2012 at 1:06am - misc - by mustachioed (woman) - United States

Today, I was enjoying some "alone time" with the detachable shower head when someone flushed the toilet, causing the cold water to run out and badly scald my genitals. It hurts to walk. FML

#5793265
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16168) - you deserved it (18787)

On 10/12/2009 at 8:34am - intimacy - by ravestradamus (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my mom found out I'm failing three classes. Now she won't let me go to a convention I bought passes for weeks in advance. Each pass was $45, and I bought 2 more for my friends. You do the math on that, because I apparently can't. FML

#21369220
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16169) - you deserved it (41124)

On 03/06/2015 at 9:20am - misc - by Byepax (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I dragged my boyfriend to see Les Misérables with me. He now refuses to communicate with me through any medium other than singing. Apparently, this is his revenge. FML

#20471580
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16164) - you deserved it (46548)

On 01/21/2013 at 4:39pm - love - by lesson.learned (woman) - United Kingdom (West Sussex)

Today, my mom sold my Magic box at a garage sale because I "never use it." Locked inside it was my fake ID, a couple of hundred bucks, and a bag of weed. She can't remember who she sold it to. FML

#20170086
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16163) - you deserved it (33262)

On 11/19/2012 at 9:04pm - misc - by karmaquestionmark (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was walking up some stairs and heard a noise as if someone was following me. The faster I went, the louder the noise got. I was too scared to realize that it was just my thighs causing my jeans to chafe. FML

#20016166
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16155) - you deserved it (9575)

On 08/12/2012 at 12:34am - misc - by FlorenceD - United States (Texas)

Today, like every day, I used my phone while taking a dump. As I reached for some toilet paper to wipe myself, my sister pounded on the door for me to hurry up. I yelled "Fine," and without realizing it, wiped myself with my phone. FML

#18239656
301 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16150) - you deserved it (55225)

On 11/13/2011 at 5:46pm - misc - by shootme - Canada

Today, while working at a pizza shop near a college campus, I got an order to deliver to the dorms. Extremely busy at work and annoyed that someone wouldn't take 3 minutes to walk over, I spat on the pizza. When I arrived to the dorm, a woman in a wheelchair opened the door. FML

#1767727
693 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16147) - you deserved it (246180)

On 05/09/2009 at 12:43am - work - by pizzagurl (woman) - United States (Georgia)



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