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Today, I came home and found a can of body spray. My parents get me a new scent whenever they go shopping, which is usually at least twice a week. They left a note: "Do you get it yet?" FML

#13899111
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8775) - you deserved it (30159)

On 11/19/2010 at 11:54am - health - by SODbeatlesMCRlp (man) - United States

Today, I spent $400 at the stripclub and got 4 phone numbers. I as walked out of the club, I noticed it was trans-night. FML

#5857
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8772) - you deserved it (44824)

On 02/02/2009 at 11:42pm - money - by bluntedone (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my dad came home from work early only to walk in on me and the boy I'm not supposed to be seeing having sex. Did I mention doggie style? FML

#7070203
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8769) - you deserved it (26319)

On 01/01/2010 at 12:07am - intimacy - by meeranda - Sent from mobile version

Today, I called my mother who is vacationing in Florida with my dad and sister. Before they left I told them I would be very responsible and that they could trust me. The first thing she asked me is if all the animals were still alive. I said yes. I lied. Her favourite cat drowned in the pool. FML

#6325781
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8768) - you deserved it (35416)

On 11/16/2009 at 12:11pm - animals - by baddaughter (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I woke up and felt that my arm was sore. I got so drunk last night, I got an unprofessional tattoo of a penis. FML

#7213754
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8768) - you deserved it (44567)

On 01/08/2010 at 6:48am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I drank a ton of beers for my 25th birthday. My friends love to watch me open beer bottles with my teeth. I chipped both of my front uppers doing this. I'm no longer covered by my parents dental insurance because I'm 25 now. FML

#52066
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8767) - you deserved it (63598)

On 02/16/2009 at 8:01am - misc - by bready (man) - United States (California)

Today, I made it my life goal to own a towel heater. FML

#16262012
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8763) - you deserved it (23913)

On 05/20/2011 at 12:43am - misc - by Ahlph -

Today, I gave my boss a nick name. Everyone thought it was funny. Unfortunately "The Troll" was behind me and heard everything. FML

#18146930
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8763) - you deserved it (39359)

On 11/03/2011 at 12:13pm - work - by hatemyboss - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, drunk at a party, I leaned through a window to throw up. I was outside. FML

#20182175
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8763) - you deserved it (28457) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 11/28/2012 at 1:20am - health - by kise - Sent from mobile version

Today, I spent a full hour working on my British accent. FML

#16707397
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8763) - you deserved it (35929)

On 06/17/2011 at 3:32am - misc - by seriouslybored (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was at work and my mother texted me. The text read, "You take a nice picture." To which I responded, "what picture?" I then got a reply saying, "The one on your speeding ticket showing you going 73 in a 55 mph zone. You are even smiling." FML

#5337998
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8757) - you deserved it (40423)

On 09/18/2009 at 7:28pm - misc - by asdfas (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was invited into a group chat on Skype. Everyone ignored everything I said, so I got pissed and started yelling at them. Then I realised my microphone wasn't plugged in right. FML

#17055624
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8757) - you deserved it (51665)

On 07/10/2011 at 5:41pm - misc - by Canuckster (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was meeting friends for dinner at an Indian restaurant. I was waiting for the group to arrive and our table to be ready. An Indian man approached me smiling, so I said "We're not ready for our table yet". Then I realized it was my friend's boyfriend who I've met several times. FML

#181594
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8756) - you deserved it (61724)

On 03/02/2009 at 9:22am - misc - by neelloc83 - United States (New Jersey)



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  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

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