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Today, I visited my brother in jail for the first time. I didn't know what to say so I blurted out : "Are you having fun ?" FML

#76277
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12723) - you deserved it (46655)

On 02/19/2009 at 4:06am - misc - by cynicalcindy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I dropped my phone in water, and my friends told me to put it in rice to draw out the water. They put my phone in riceroni. My phone now smells like chicken and has rice seasoning stuck all over it. Needless to say it still doesn't work. FML

#12198521
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12724) - you deserved it (29467)

On 07/30/2010 at 12:40am - misc - by rosesareyellow - United States (Alabama)

Today, I came home to find my little sister had decided to play hopscotch under our carport. Feeling a small childish urge, I decided to hop on one leg to the front door. I tripped and fell, slicing my knee open. FML

#7525813
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12716) - you deserved it (18454)

On 01/23/2010 at 6:18pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I tried to stand by my toaster and train myself to not jump when it popped up. Not only did I jump, I also knocked the toaster off the counter and onto my toes. FML

#19998464
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12716) - you deserved it (19311)

On 08/02/2012 at 1:32pm - misc - by purplexangel (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I slashed my ass open with a shard of glass. How? I was making out with my crush, and threw my glasses on the ground. I forgot about them when we decided to lie down. FML

#18774764
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12708) - you deserved it (31339)

On 01/11/2012 at 12:19pm - intimacy - by Dockin (man) - India

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to declare my love to the girl I have a crush on. I guess I shouldn't have gone and kissed her without warning, because now my face is covered with slap marks, and I had to explain myself at the police station for sexual harassement. FML

#16531117
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12702) - you deserved it (49701)

On 06/06/2011 at 2:55pm - love - by Someguy (man) - Belgium (Oost-Vlaanderen)

Today, I spotted my neighbour's cat sitting on their front garden. I bent over and began walking towards it with my hand out saying, "Hello pussycat". I was only a few feet away when I realised I was talking to a white bag of sand. I turned to see my family in hysterics. FML

#4806587
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12700) - you deserved it (37142)

On 08/25/2009 at 7:40am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Reading)

Today, I was driving back from school 100 miles away from my home with my fiancé and dog. While stopping for gas, we accidentally left our car keys and cell phones in the car. The dog sat on one of the keys and engaged the locks. We were locked out of the car until the tow truck arrived. FML

#14474591
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12695) - you deserved it (19127)

On 01/05/2011 at 1:35pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I bought a brand new flat screen TV. When I brought it home it didn't work. Furious, I walked into Best Buy and yelled at a guy in a tucked in blue polo and khakis. I asked him why it didn't work and he said he didn't know. I kept screaming. He didn't have a nametag. He didn't work there. FML

#1101827
291 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12693) - you deserved it (119501)

On 04/18/2009 at 10:44pm - misc - by asdfghjkl (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML

#6392894
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12694) - you deserved it (34338)

On 11/21/2009 at 7:15pm - misc - by jibberish (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was leaving a campus parking garage. Suddenly, a huge man appeared behind me and kept saying "HEY!" "STOP!" In a gruff voice. I picked up my pace and so did he. I finally turned to him with a can of mace and threatened to use it. He was trying to return the $5 bill I dropped. FML

#1615706
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12688) - you deserved it (57274)

On 05/04/2009 at 1:08am - misc - by CriminalMistake (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was waiting in the car while my mom went into a store to get beer. A few minutes later, some guy was knocking on my window telling me to open the door. I started cursing him out, thinking I was getting attacked. Turns out he worked there and was putting the beer in the car. FML

#2010673
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12688) - you deserved it (50371)

On 05/17/2009 at 10:39am - misc - by Kerrilyn (woman) - United States



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