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Today, I moved out of my apartment by the highway and airport, and into a new place below people who blast loud music, stomp their feet, and slam doors throughout the night. I haven't had a decent night's sleep in over a year. FML

by SakuraFubuki92 / 03/11/2012 at 10:13pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my wife made up her own theme song for when she pees in the shower. FML

by weave9z / 09/03/2012 at 10:08pm / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. Its was pretty good and heavy and she was moaning nicely. Then her moans got softer and softer and then nothing. She fell asleep. FML

by ryan / 02/10/2010 at 10:08am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I parked my car to go inside to grab my wallet than I'd forgotten. In the short time it took me to do that, someone broke two of my car's windows. FML

by lance / 03/12/2010 at 7:10am / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation

Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't like cuddling in bed because he hates rebreathing his own carbon dioxide. FML

by Carowl / 08/04/2015 at 10:33pm / Love

Today, I was pretending to talk on the phone with my wife just to avoid to speak with my boring coworker. After two awkward minutes of him waiting in front of my desk and me inventing a call, he handed me the disconnected phone cable and left. FML

by LaLince / 06/28/2013 at 4:17am / Switzerland (Aargau) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, after my boss has gotten in the habit of calling me "bubble wrap girl" at work because I'm clumsy and he claims I need to be covered in bubble wrap for my own protection, I have just probably broken two toes by dropping a hairdryer on my foot. I will never hear the end of this. FML

by Bubbles_the_klut / 07/06/2015 at 11:21pm / United States (Illinois) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, the small plane I was on almost crashed, all because the pilot's girlfriend figured out mid-flight that he's been cheating on her, causing her to start screaming abuse and furiously beating him. FML

by Anonymous / 12/12/2015 at 12:32am / United States (New York) / Transportation

Today, I couldn't find my hairbrush anywhere; I ended up having to brush my hair with a fork. FML

by jemila / 05/31/2012 at 9:14pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to come back home early from my holidays. Why? I had asked my grandmother to water my plants, some of which are illegal. Instead of doing it herself, she asked her neighbor... who is a cop. FML

by Cowan / 08/06/2009 at 8:27am / Belgium (Oost-Vlaanderen) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went over to my boyfriend's house to break up with him. After I left his house, I realized that my cell phone had fallen out of my pocket and onto his couch, where I had forgotten it. FML

by averagepromedio / 08/28/2010 at 4:41am / United States (Colorado) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boyfriend and I got into an argument; however, his new-found passion for hardcore rapping meant that he tried to "diss" me using bad rhymes and ill thought-out putdowns. It was ridiculous, and didn't really make any sense, so I started giggling. He stormed off, grumbling. FML

by Popscene / 09/26/2012 at 5:06am / Australia (Queensland) / Love

Today, I woke up next to my boyfriend. He gazed at me, stroked my cheek, and said "Christ, you really need something for this acne." FML

by Anonymous / 11/20/2015 at 2:48pm / United States / Health