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Today, I was speaking to an old friend and I asked her how her mother was. She replied, "She passed away, you came to her funeral last month." FML

#19121013
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8352) - you deserved it (40326)

On 02/20/2012 at 5:01am - misc - by elizabethyeo - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my boss was being a total asshole. While in the bathroom, he turned his back on me, so I gave him the finger, mouthed obscenities, and pantomimed stabbing him with a knife. He was looking in the mirror and saw everything. FML

#13947465
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8350) - you deserved it (57295)

On 11/23/2010 at 8:41am - work - by fired (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I accidentally admitted to two girls in my first year university astronomy class that I have a strict 10pm bedtime. FML

#13444529
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8343) - you deserved it (28736)

On 10/14/2010 at 10:45am - misc - by pathetic_girl (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was cashiering, and a customer's change came to $5.51. She looked pretty stinking rich, so I just gave her $5.50. She demanded the extra penny, and I asked if she really needed it. She said, "No, but they do, asshole," and dropped her $5.51 in the charity donation box. FML

#19781749
285 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8339) - you deserved it (104499)

On 06/13/2012 at 12:00pm - money - by ouch - United States (Florida)

Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML

#19897806
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8339) - you deserved it (23984)

On 07/05/2012 at 11:31pm - animals - by ambushcat - United States

Today, I got my foot stuck in the car seat belt. I kept pulling to loosen it up but it just kept getting tighter till my foot was in the air, so I started panicking and eventually started crying. My boyfriend had to pull over and save me from a seat belt. FML

#19368346
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8335) - you deserved it (22980)

On 03/29/2012 at 2:33am - misc - by greeneyedpothead - United States (California)

Today, while walking to my car through the snow, I noticed the sunroof was open and 2 feet of snow had poured in. Angry, I opened the door to start cleaning. That's when I noticed all the wildlife that had taken refuge inside from the cold. Not only were my seat cushions wet, they were torn open. FML

#9085698
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8334) - you deserved it (21646)

On 03/14/2010 at 9:39pm - misc - by grann (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I called up my ex girlfriend to ask her if I could come round hers to get my pyjamas back. She replied: “I’m keeping them just in case...”- “In case of what?”- “In case I want to dress up like an asshole”. FML

#1859
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8333) - you deserved it (23571)

On 01/20/2009 at 9:01am - love - by dude - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was doing a striptease for this guy over my webcam. I was shaking my ass while taking off my panties, but when they fell to my feet, I tripped over them and fell on my ass. FML

#2336
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8328) - you deserved it (49076)

On 01/23/2009 at 11:52am - intimacy - by sadgirl - United States (Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend called my cell. I picked up and said "Hi, this is Lisa and I want you to fuck me raw". It was my dad. He was at my boyfriend's parent's house and forgot his phone. FML

#7097610
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8321) - you deserved it (29158)

On 01/02/2010 at 2:02am - intimacy - by Lisa (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my friends took me to a strip club for my 25th birthday. I went onstage with 5 dollars in my mouth to tip the dancer. She then took off my belt and pants and spanked me 25 times with the buckle end of the belt. I paid a stripper 5 dollars to whoop my ass. FML

#13345855
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8321) - you deserved it (33085)

On 10/06/2010 at 7:18pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to get a haircut. The hairdresser at the counter was kind of cute, so I had to say something non-standard. When she greeted me with her hello, I replied "Guess what I need from you today?" She looked at me, considered, and replied "An eyebrow wax?" FML

#6118642
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8320) - you deserved it (34517)

On 11/02/2009 at 12:48pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I accidentally left my textbook at home. Normally this wouldn't be an issue, but today was my class final. Since it was an open-book final, I'd decided not to study for it. I'm pretty sure I failed. FML

#20201964
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8316) - you deserved it (32514)

On 12/12/2012 at 2:14pm - misc - by dumbassgrad - United States (California)



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