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Today, my wife made up her own theme song for when she pees in the shower. FML

by weave9z / 09/03/2012 at 10:08pm / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally picked up my new bank card after my old one was stolen. It took the bank six weeks and five separate orders to figure it out, on top of which they've charged me a rush fee. FML

by annoyed / 08/28/2012 at 1:50pm / United States (Nevada) / Money

Today, I asked my husband to come upstairs to our bedroom, thinking I could get some "special time." It ended up with us arguing about his mother, and him falling asleep cuddling my pillow while sucking his thumb. FML

by anonymous2.0 / 10/12/2012 at 2:15am / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, I went indoor rock climbing. After finally making it to the top, my pants ripped on my last move. I wasn't wearing any underwear. FML

by Anonymous / 05/20/2015 at 10:43am / United Kingdom (Stockport) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to a restaurant and asked for vegetarian options. They told me, "We have a chicken Caesar salad, will that work?" FML

by Anonymous / 07/05/2015 at 3:20pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, on a nature hike, covered in poison oak rashes from the day before, I accidentally stepped on a hornets' nest. I'm now covered in hornet stings and I can't scratch the poison oak because I might accidentally touch the stings. FML

by RHChiliPeppers / 09/11/2015 at 8:05pm / United States (Vermont) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, a student set me on fire while I was lecturing my class about proper lab safety. FML

by burnbabyburn / 11/11/2015 at 12:47pm / United Kingdom / Work

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my dad. He met him after my boyfriend ran his truck into a tree, and my dad had to pick us up. FML

by canadiansun / 02/26/2010 at 1:37pm / United States (Ohio) / Transportation

Today, I went over to my boyfriend's house to break up with him. After I left his house, I realized that my cell phone had fallen out of my pocket and onto his couch, where I had forgotten it. FML

by averagepromedio / 08/28/2010 at 4:41am / United States (Colorado) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I woke up to find that the large container of leftover beef stroganoff that I put down the garbage disposal last night had backed up into my bathtub this morning. FML

by Noname / 01/09/2009 at 6:21am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, thanks to my brilliant hairstylist, I ended up with a brand new haircut, which I like to call the "Bowler hat-and-Spaghetti" cut. FML

by AtikaSucks / 02/28/2010 at 2:00pm / Tunisia / Miscellaneous

Today, I introduced my new boyfriend to my parents. Everyone knows he's into the emo scene, but this didn't stop my dad from slowly looking him up and down, then saying, completely deadpan, "You never told us you were a lesbian, honey." FML

by Anonymous / 10/21/2011 at 9:33pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, I couldn't find my hairbrush anywhere; I ended up having to brush my hair with a fork. FML

by jemila / 05/31/2012 at 9:14pm / United States / Miscellaneous