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Today, I heard my cat climbing on the counters in the kitchen. To prevent a tremendous avalanche of dishes, I picked up the cat and put it outside. She got scared from the blinds and scurried away leaving deep scratches across my nipple. I wasn't wearing a shirt. FML

by ihatecats / 12/01/2009 at 2:05am / United States / Health

Today, I finally picked up my new bank card after my old one was stolen. It took the bank six weeks and five separate orders to figure it out, on top of which they've charged me a rush fee. FML

by annoyed / 08/28/2012 at 1:50pm / United States (Nevada) / Money

Today, I moved out of my apartment by the highway and airport, and into a new place below people who blast loud music, stomp their feet, and slam doors throughout the night. I haven't had a decent night's sleep in over a year. FML

Today, while walking around my college campus, I passed by a dorm where a drunk guy was peeing out one of the top floor windows while his drunk friends cheered him on. That guy is my boyfriend. Lucky me. FML

by 21! / 07/02/2012 at 9:53pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad decided that he wanted to start a collection of sporks. They're filling up our car. FML

by Anonymous / 01/09/2012 at 10:14pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I got up on stage excited to recite a spoken word piece that I worked on and memorized for about 20 hours, neglecting other obligations like studying for an exam the next day. I blanked out in the middle of the performance in front of hundreds of people. FML

by KJS / 03/10/2010 at 12:00am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I dropped my keys in the drain. Thankfully, my new flat mate generously offered his help to reach the keys via flower pot. FML

by Mandoune / 11/07/2008 at 9:18am / Finland (Western Finland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I celebrated the new year. Alone. FML

by Nick Nameous / 01/01/2009 at 1:22am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a serious conversation about our future. Somehow it turned into a 10-minute discussion about what time of day we usually take a crap. FML

by kellie1115 / 04/10/2012 at 12:41am / United States (West Virginia) / Love

Today, my boyfriend and I got into an argument; however, his new-found passion for hardcore rapping meant that he tried to "diss" me using bad rhymes and ill thought-out putdowns. It was ridiculous, and didn't really make any sense, so I started giggling. He stormed off, grumbling. FML

by Popscene / 09/26/2012 at 5:06am / Australia (Queensland) / Love

Today, I decided to shave my legs completely to be more confident in my dress. I spent over an hour making sure my legs were perfectly shaved. It wasn't until I had been out awhile that I realized I forgot to shave my armpits. FML

by Anonymous / 05/13/2009 at 3:39pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, at my internship, I was told we were going to do something fun. I was excited, until I found out that this "fun" thing was labeling 500 folders. FML

by strongjon60 / 02/07/2012 at 10:07am / United States / Work

Today, I tried to explain to my 23-year-old boyfriend the difference between "your" and "you're". I do this every other day, but it's like his head is permanently stuck in the first grade. FML