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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I decided I would finally get up and weed our front yard. After a long couple of hours, I was hot and sweaty and decided to jump in the pool, with all my clothes on, just for fun. Right as I was in the air doing a cannon ball, my BlackBerry started to ring from my pocket... FML

#5105234
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14084) - you deserved it (51549)

On 09/07/2009 at 1:32pm - money - by ByeByeBlackberry (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I'm being evicted from my apartment for not paying rent. My father is the on-site landlord. Meaning I now have to move my stuff downstairs into his place and hear every day how I'm a failure. FML

#4971137
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14066) - you deserved it (42018)

On 09/01/2009 at 3:30am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to an orchestra concert. Halfway through the performance I had to fart really bad, so I decided to try and sneak it in while the orchestra was playing a loud exciting part. Just as I let it rip, there was a dramatic pause in the music. Everyone heard. FML

#19917515
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14065) - you deserved it (26061)

On 07/10/2012 at 12:44am - misc - by Concert Flatulent - United States (Texas)

Today, I noticed there was a red truck following me. I walked as fast as I could. I then ran. It followed. I slipped on some ice and fell. I was unable to get up. It stopped beside me and the driver got out. I then said hello to my husband's new car. FML

#7305863
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14063) - you deserved it (20792)

On 01/12/2010 at 7:55pm - misc - by meee (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I accidentally called my cute boss "babe." I now have to pretend it's what I call everyone, and start calling all my coworkers "babe." FML

#18508459
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14061) - you deserved it (30623)

On 12/14/2011 at 12:18am - work - by Shelly - United States (California)

Today, I was shopping for clothes. I thought this guy was a mannequin because he was standing perfectly still. I poked him and he screamed like a girl. FML

#16464729
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14051) - you deserved it (32654)

On 06/02/2011 at 6:05am - misc - by ohcrap - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I woke up late for a job interview. I hadn't shaved in six days, but figuring I could do so en route, I grabbed my electric razor and ran for the bus. While shaving, the razor's battery died midway through, leaving me to attend the job interview with a Miami Vice scruff on half my face. FML

#16117533
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14050) - you deserved it (33576)

On 05/10/2011 at 1:24pm - work - by scruffy (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I realized that before I can legally drink, I will have been married, divorced, and pregnant. FML

#14095149
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14045) - you deserved it (76578)

On 12/05/2010 at 12:04pm - misc - by Username - United States

Today, I took the bus to Boston. My bike is in Boston. My bike lock is in Boston. The key is in New York. FML

#4035299
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14043) - you deserved it (33737)

On 07/25/2009 at 6:17pm - misc - by zinka - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I am severely hungover. Upon returning home, I came to find that both of the elevators were out of order. I live on the 12th floor. FML

#10547864
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14042) - you deserved it (32155)

On 05/15/2010 at 2:01pm - misc - by prettybich - United States (New York)

Today, I planted a bit of a condom wrapper in my bed so my housekeeper would think I have a love life. FML

#7161504
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14040) - you deserved it (30180)

On 01/05/2010 at 9:06am - love - by PJ (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, after taping 5-year-olds do a skit at an improv camp, I used the camera's view-finder to zoom in on a female co-worker's chest. Another female co-worker tapped me on the shoulder to show that the TV was still connected to the camera. Parents, kids, and instructors all witnessed it. FML

#310419
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14030) - you deserved it (126687)

On 03/13/2009 at 9:06pm - misc - by Noname - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I drove to Bank of America to deposit money. Upon returning to my car I saw some new scratches on the front. I kicked and rubbed it to try and get rid of it. Then I notice someone in the car staring at me in bewilderment. I'd parked 2 spaces away. We have the same car. FML

#228564
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14026) - you deserved it (36051)

On 03/06/2009 at 7:09pm - misc - by 1 Giant Cupcake (man) - United States (California)



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