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Today, I was at the bar and my friend and I were making fun of this guy wearing a Affliction muscle tee and bedazzled Ed Hardy hat. We were saying how he was the epitome of a douche bag and that he probably likes UFC. Turns out he's an MMA fighter and I now have a broken nose. FML

#4827023
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8830) - you deserved it (59780)

On 08/26/2009 at 12:40am - misc - by brokennose (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I wore my new Brazilian thong bikini to the pool for the first time. I was lying face down feeling so sexy, until flies started buzzing my butt. FML

#19344343
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8830) - you deserved it (32729)

On 03/25/2012 at 11:34am - misc - by BookBabe (woman) - United States (California)

Today, wanting to impress my date, I bullshitted her about how I was an environmental scientist. She got so impressed that she invited me over to her place. Not her home, her office. So that I could give her pointers on her current project. She's a real environmental scientist. FML

#20531914
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8823) - you deserved it (67838)

On 03/05/2013 at 3:48am - work - by is there a environmental scientist in the house? - United States (California)

Today, on a plane I was showing my brother the life jackets kept under the seat. After pulling on what I thought was the lifejacket, I then realized that they were kept in the arm rest to my right and for the last five minutes I had been pulling on the foot of the man who was sitting behind me. FML

#4826792
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8820) - you deserved it (36001)

On 08/26/2009 at 12:28am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my nose was really stuffy. I heard somewhere that inhaling tea steam clears up the nose. While reading a magazine I inhaled my cup of green tea steam, without knowing that slowly I was moving my cup closer to my nose. Hot tea was sucked into my left nostril and burned the inside badly. FML

#12985084
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8819) - you deserved it (30774)

On 09/10/2010 at 12:09am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was home alone. It was very dark and so I went to turn on the lights, when I heard the sound of a gun loading. I dropped to the floor but never heard a gun fire. I got up and heard the sound again. When I got lights on, I discovered it was only my printer telling me it was out of paper. FML

#8882513
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8817) - you deserved it (21712)

On 03/07/2010 at 12:02am - misc - by OhaiiKid (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I accidentally set my hair on fire while lighting a cigarette. I panicked and put it out by slapping myself in the face. FML

#16016488
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8817) - you deserved it (55335)

On 05/02/2011 at 5:33am - misc - by Burnt (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to the OBGYN for my annual, and noticed they now supplied babywipes. After 3 seconds of "cleaning", the intense burning started. Turns out they were antibacterial bleach wipes. FML

#14502012
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8813) - you deserved it (27120)

On 01/07/2011 at 10:09pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, all I wanted was stress-relief sex with the guy I sleep with. Instead, I was so exhausted from my day that he thought I wasn't into it and ended up just talking to me about what we're going to do after college. Trading a booty call for a meaningful and heartfelt discussion. FML

#1468
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8812) - you deserved it (33628)

On 01/17/2009 at 3:40pm - intimacy - by Noname - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I attended a musical. A new song was played, and I thought I'd heard it before because it sounded strangely familiar. I sang along quietly as the song progressed, positive I knew it. Anticipating the next chorus, I belted out the lyrics with all my heart. It was instrumental. FML

#13408997
295 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8804) - you deserved it (43154)

On 10/11/2010 at 6:29pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while I was in the middle of making love with my boyfriend, I mentioned bringing another lady in the picture to spice it up. He looked at me and said "let's ask your sister." He then got dressed and called her. FML

#6334893
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8803) - you deserved it (24595)

On 11/16/2009 at 10:46pm - intimacy - by 3sacrowd (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, to impress my friends, I attempted to do a back flip. The only one impressed was the doctor who set my broken leg. FML

#15786221
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8803) - you deserved it (33709)

On 04/14/2011 at 6:27pm - health - by fail (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to city hall to pay for a parking ticket. After returning to my truck, I found a parking ticket on my window. FML

#19935840
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8803) - you deserved it (23268)

On 07/14/2012 at 2:55am - money - by journeytotheend - Canada (British Columbia)



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