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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was texting at work when my manager walked in. I quickly dropped my phone in the garbage to avoid trouble. Since I was working so hard, she decided to do me a favor and throw the trash out for me. FML

#16352403
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9223) - you deserved it (49395)

On 05/26/2011 at 1:04am - work - by explosiveBAM - United States

Today, I planned my own wedding down to the very last detail, including favours for my guests, the sweets buffet and the bouquet of flower brooches I want. Too bad I'm still single. FML

#7516892
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9220) - you deserved it (32752)

On 01/23/2010 at 5:27am - love - by SINGLE (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my custom printed Christmas cards that I reviewed twice before ordering, came in the mail. This year I will be wishing everyone a "wondeful" holiday season. I'm an elementary school teacher. FML

#14126790
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9218) - you deserved it (20832)

On 12/08/2010 at 12:17am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I reached behind my couch to plug my phone charger in. My arm got stuck and I had to wait for my roommate to get home to help me. FML

#19746396
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9218) - you deserved it (14361)

On 06/06/2012 at 8:50pm - misc - by jenny2989 - United States

Today, I woke up thinking after wearing glasses and contacts all my life that I had miraculously been corrected to 20/20. Turns out I had just fallen asleep with my contacts in. FML

#8287074
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9216) - you deserved it (27992)

On 02/15/2010 at 2:44am - health - by kiriakousauce21 - Sent from mobile version

Today, my boss came to my cubicle to give me my annual performance bonus. I was asleep at my desk. FML

#3645286
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9210) - you deserved it (55414)

On 07/10/2009 at 5:21pm - misc - by ChrisC (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was at my work. To urge people to be generous, I paid my friends to put 15 bucks in the tip jar while saying how great I was. He did this about ten times throughout the day. Turns out, us employees don't get to keep the tips. FML

#7486334
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9209) - you deserved it (23787)

On 01/21/2010 at 9:49pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, a guy in my class was talking about himself. He started his story with, "When I was little, I was a ginger." I replied without thinking, "Is that why you got put up for adoption?" Him being adopted was the actual story he wanted to tell. FML

#21246134
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9251) - you deserved it (20231)

On 08/26/2014 at 11:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Kansas)

Today, I missed work because I was at the hospital getting treated for accidentally inhaling chlorine gas. I didn't realize that using Comet Industrial Strength Cleanser to scrub out a cat litter pan could be so hazardous. FML

#14189532
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9208) - you deserved it (21559)

On 12/13/2010 at 10:27am - health - by lakb -

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to do something fun and spontaneous, so we had sex in the disabled toilet in the shopping centre. Little did we know, the male AND female toilets were conveniently being cleaned at the time, so the only toilet open was the disabled one. Walk of shame. FML

#10279492
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9207) - you deserved it (41080)

On 05/01/2010 at 8:12pm - intimacy - by sam (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was shopping for pillows at Bed Bath and Beyond. My husband playfully picked up a pillow pretending to start a pillow fight. I grabbed the largest pillow and chased him with it. When I finally caught up with him, a manager came around the corner. I was escorted out. FML

#13496559
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9207) - you deserved it (29684)

On 10/18/2010 at 7:52am - love - by sofakingweetodit - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was masturbating to a girl with huge tits on the internet. I then scrolled down and found out she had a penis. FML

#4860
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9205) - you deserved it (52626)

On 02/01/2009 at 5:17pm - intimacy - by Noname - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my cousin and his fiancée took me to my first strip club experience. One of the strippers came over and danced for me. She pulled her thong string out and I tried to place the dollar in it with my mouth. I missed, to which she said "Put it in there, retard." FML

#13357555
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9201) - you deserved it (29695)

On 10/07/2010 at 7:45pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)



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