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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was listening to music while I wrapped Christmas presents. All was going well when the music was cut off, literally. I snipped the cable to my very expensive headphones in half. FML

#14212477
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11829) - you deserved it (30784)

On 12/15/2010 at 12:22pm - money - by Username - United Kingdom (Reading)

Today, I was browsing my computer to find naked pictures of my ex-girlfriend. I decided it'd be funny to photoshop a penis onto one of the pictures. I'm straight and the new picture turned me on more than before. FML

#3007389
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11827) - you deserved it (59311)

On 06/18/2009 at 7:39pm - love - by AlexK (man) - United Kingdom (West Sussex)

Today, I watched Paranormal Activity which is known to be the scariest film ever. After the film, I went to brush my teeth and out of the corner of my eye I saw the bathroom door closing by itself. I jumped out of my skin and stabbed myself in the eye with my toothbrush. It was just my dog. FML

#6436100
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11827) - you deserved it (30505)

On 11/24/2009 at 1:45pm - animals - by J (woman) - United Kingdom (Somerset)

Today, my boyfriend, who doesn't wear deodorant and has horrible dandruff, decided to shower for the first time in nearly a week because he got invited out to a bar. He didn't even invite me to go with him. FML

#13782541
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11822) - you deserved it (35582)

On 11/09/2010 at 9:11pm - health - by worthless (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my son told me to grow a pair and ask my girlfriend of a year and a half to marry me. He is 7 years old. FML

#6344201
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11819) - you deserved it (32753)

On 11/17/2009 at 5:58pm - kids - by unsuspcted (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I found out a guy I work with has an eye twitch. I thought he was just a winker. I have been winking back all week. He either thinks I'm an asshole or am trying to seduce him. FML

#14105864
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11820) - you deserved it (20013)

On 12/06/2010 at 9:38am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, it was the only time in my life that I have ever received an A+ for something. Thank you, eBay buyer. FML

#19442358
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11818) - you deserved it (17421)

On 04/10/2012 at 10:39am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I was in bed when I rolled over and saw a hand right beside my head. I freaked out and nearly peed myself, just to realize that it was the huggable heart pillow my boyfriend had given to me on Valentine's Day. FML

#20524057
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11813) - you deserved it (20587)

On 02/27/2013 at 2:59am - misc - by girlymae (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I found out the hot girl I'd been flirting with on Facebook is actually 3 10-year-olds who created a fake profile to see how many desperate losers would try to hook up with her. FML

#4412595
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11801) - you deserved it (62714)

On 08/09/2009 at 7:54pm - misc - by pwndbykidz (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, stepping on a scale for the first time in years, I had to lift up my stomach to see the number. FML

#18520794
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11798) - you deserved it (38796)

On 12/15/2011 at 4:52pm - health - by ms piggy - United States

Today, not wanting to be known as a lightweight anymore, I started drinking with some guy friends. After one beer I ended up in bed with one of them who kindly put my bra back on for me after, as I was too sloshed. I'm no longer known as lightweight, but instead, the slutty drunk. FML

#1869904
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11797) - you deserved it (78385)

On 05/12/2009 at 10:23am - misc - by Permafucked (woman) - United States (South Dakota)

Today, I woke up after a few friends came over last night. There are eggs, coins and Oreos glued to the ceiling, 10 broken jars, no food left, and most of the contents of my house are in the garden. And I'm naked and covered in permanent marker drawings of Pokémon. My parents return in an hour. FML

#17899100
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11795) - you deserved it (48261)

On 10/03/2011 at 9:19pm - misc - by danii - Reserved

Today, my boss stopped mid-walk during a conversation about the humidity in our office, after I told him I didn't like the air conditioner on, because I'd rather not be cold and wet, and that I liked it warm and sticky. I knew then he was no longer thinking about the AC. FML

#17498648
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11792) - you deserved it (32794)

On 08/17/2011 at 9:00am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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