Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I walked in on my new puppy peeing on the carpet. The trainer had told me to punish her when she's bad by shaking a metal can of pennies at her, since the noise scares dogs. I shook it at her, and she responded by having explosive diarrhea all over the carpet in fright. FML

#19578544
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17487) - you deserved it (29939)

On 05/05/2012 at 7:07pm - animals - by doggone - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I saw a psychiatrist for the first time. He asked me what had brought me there, so I said I needed to get over some issues. He told me to close my eyes and visualize myself constructing a bridge. I paid to get told to build a bridge in my mind's eye. FML

#19664202
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17475) - you deserved it (4301)

On 05/22/2012 at 7:54pm - health - by fml - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my professor, who was born without arms, asked somebody "need a hand?" There are over 300 students in that class and I was the only one laughing. FML

Today, I moved into my new apartment. I was feeling really excited until my new neighbor knocked on my door and left me what looks like rabbit ears on my welcome mat. He just stared at me expectantly as though I should be thankful. FML

#20076090
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17461) - you deserved it (1432)

On 09/17/2012 at 10:59am - misc - by Nickie809 - United States (Nevada)

Today, at work as an optician, I gave a little girl a new pair of glasses and asked her if she could see well with them. She replied, "Oh yes, you have two big spots on your nose!" FML

#599
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17457) - you deserved it (2156)

On 12/25/2008 at 11:53pm - work - by jamjamy - Sent from mobile version

Today, I found out that the car I got a great deal on a few days ago, needs a new transmission. I'm now the proud owner of a very large and very expensive paperweight. FML

#20066208
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17449) - you deserved it (5948)

On 09/10/2012 at 12:48pm - money - by BuspassBob - United States

Today, I met a really nice guy. He was funny, handsome, and we were both into each other. He told me his name, and when I replied with mine, it came out sounding like "I'm a bear." FML

#17071540
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17445) - you deserved it (14996)

On 07/11/2011 at 9:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I found out why the girl I like won't give me the time of day. Apparently, I called her ugly and pushed her into a puddle when we were in kindergarten. FML

#20091625
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17442) - you deserved it (26802)

On 09/27/2012 at 10:41pm - love - by thatwas10yearsago (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I realized just how awful my relationships have been when I discovered I emotionally connect with women on Jerry Springer. FML

#19511364
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17440) - you deserved it (5110)

On 04/22/2012 at 2:14pm - love - by Coquette (woman) - United States

Today, I was at the airport and I offered to help an elderly man carry his golf clubs. Apparently, I sounded sarcastic and condescending, because he started screaming at me about etiquette and manners in front of the entire airport. FML

#19879557
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17438) - you deserved it (1988)

On 07/02/2012 at 3:23am - misc - by JDBigDawg - United States (California)

Today, I accidentally deep throated a fork. FML

#17150480
278 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17430) - you deserved it (34584)

On 07/17/2011 at 3:15pm - intimacy - by CaoiiBieber - Ireland

Today, I was watching a movie with my new boyfriend. I got tired so I thought it would be cute to fall asleep on him. He woke me up and said "You got me wet" Thinking it was a joke, I said smoothly, "That's what she said" He replied "No really." I looked down, I'd drooled all over his shirt. FML

#4320217
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17429) - you deserved it (38077)

On 08/05/2009 at 10:23pm - misc - by drooler (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I ran out of underwear and so I went into my mom's drawer to borrow a pair from her. It was then that I found out my mom uses the same vibrator as I do. FML

#18530
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17429) - you deserved it (37331)

On 02/09/2009 at 8:50pm - misc - by Ab (woman) - United States (Maryland)



FML's blog

  • JT's illustrated FML
  • Hello everybody, how's it going? This week we're looking at the delicate art of getting along with your neighbours. If you've ever lived in an apartment building, you'll know that having people live…

Friday 22 May 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: