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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was working at a soup kitchen with people from my church. Seeing a rather disheveled couple, I told them the line started "over there". Only then did I realize that they were from my church, and were there to help serve soup. FML

#3261823
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10174) - you deserved it (36295)

On 06/27/2009 at 12:12am - misc - by zyordz (man) - Peru (Huanuco)

Today, I yelled at my dog for waking me up growling and barking out the window. He was doing it at the person stealing my car. FML

#5146144
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10167) - you deserved it (46047)

On 09/09/2009 at 9:21am - animals - by GoodDog (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I woke up thinking my house was on fire because I could hear crackling flames downstairs. I panicked and tripped out of bed. It was the fireplace channel I left on last night so I could wake up to a Christmas ambiance. FML

#20422230
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10167) - you deserved it (31181)

On 12/25/2012 at 9:46pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was on the phone with my mother. She asked me if I was going to make it to Christmas at home. I told her that I would try and make it home since it would be my grandma's last Christmas alive. To my luck, grandma was sitting in the car with my mother, and speaker phone was in use. FML

#13864593
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10164) - you deserved it (32608)

On 11/16/2010 at 12:09pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went to the supermarket; it was taking me ages to walk home because of the heavy food bags. Halfway home, I realised I had gone in my car. I had to walk all the way back to get my car. FML

#10906033
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10163) - you deserved it (52855)

On 06/01/2010 at 11:59am - misc - by Lou (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I bleached my hair for the new school year. Instead of blonde, it came out orange, making my hair resemble a bloated pumpkin. FML

#12918754
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10161) - you deserved it (28507)

On 09/05/2010 at 3:20pm - misc - by xXRowynXx - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I bought a lanyard for my new car keys. "Epic Fail" was printed on it. Not two hours after getting it and putting my keys on it, I locked them in my car. I don't have a spare. FML

#17826214
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10161) - you deserved it (29879)

On 09/25/2011 at 12:18am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I started my job as a waiter. I was excited when my first customer paid for the bill. I go over to the table, half-expecting a tip. I got to the table and no money was on the table. On the bottom receipt was written: "Ever heard of deodorant?" Apparently I smell bad. Thanks for the tip. FML

#6888984
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10160) - you deserved it (25061)

On 12/22/2009 at 7:05pm - misc - by themonkeyman - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my dad walked into my room, threw some magazines on my bed, and calmly said "You left your porn in the bathroom again." FML

#18624814
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10159) - you deserved it (44491)

On 12/27/2011 at 12:58pm - intimacy - by ;)loganberry(; - United States (Montana)

Today, I was working as a host at a pasta dinner. The hostess I was working with was very attractive and we were flirting quite a bit. A large woman walked in to be seated, and I leaned over to her and dared her to ask the woman if she wanted two chairs. She leaned back and said "that's my mom". FML

#4224204
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10158) - you deserved it (66791)

On 08/02/2009 at 3:35am - work - by bigmouth (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was on my back patio talking with my husband. It got dark outside, and I saw something shuffling in the back yard. I freaked out so bad that I went to run inside, only to fly face-first into the screen door. Turns out the shuffling was from a baby rabbit. FML

#17490947
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10157) - you deserved it (23424)

On 08/16/2011 at 3:27pm - misc - by scaredscreenless - United States

Today, I found out why teenage boys have "Keep out" and "Please knock" signs on their bedroom doors. FML

#19305643
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10153) - you deserved it (46703)

On 03/19/2012 at 1:49am - intimacy - by ari - United States

Today, I realised just how grossly out of shape I am, when I started violently sweating, felt light-headed, and almost blacked out. All this from helping my sister shift a sofa from the move-in truck to her living room. FML

#16092299
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10152) - you deserved it (31653)

On 05/08/2011 at 3:08pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)



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  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

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