Choose the period

Choose a category

Today, I was sitting in a secluded corner of a coffee shop and felt extremely gassy. Thinking I'd be safe, I let out a pretty nasty smelling fart. Next thing I know, a cute guy is approaching me and asked my name, but all it took was for him to inhale once and he bolted. FML

by Stinky and Single / 08/06/2015 at 7:14pm / United States / Love

Today, my neighbor called me a lucky bastard and said he heard me getting my wife off last night. I was too ashamed to admit the sounds he was referring to were from my 17-year-old daughter after a wasp flew through her bedroom window. FML

by ashamed / 11/25/2015 at 10:50am / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, my fiancé picked which new house he thinks we should live in based on the fact that the bathroom was set up in such a way that he can drink himself in to a stupor, then use the toilet and puke in the sink at the same time. FML

by ohshit / 03/07/2010 at 12:25pm / United States (Iowa) / Love

Today, I found out that what I thought could be a life-threatening issue causing me chest pains was only because I over-obsessed about it. Now not only do I have social anxiety, but I get so anxious I can create fake illnesses. FML

by daybyday / 11/22/2011 at 3:08am / Australia / Health

Today, I was telling 3 classmates on Whatsapp about my depression. One of them told me to "nut up n grow a pear." Two hours after we mocked him for being an illiterate jackass, one of us has had our car tires knifed and another's house has been egged. I'm terrified of what will happen to me. FML

by Anonymous / 07/24/2015 at 1:59pm / Northern Mariana Islands / Health

Today, I had a job interview. I have a nervous tendency to rub my foot against the bar under the table. After the interview I noticed I had been rubbing my foot against the interviewer's leg. FML

by Anonymous / 06/19/2009 at 3:00pm / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, my dad was helping me move my stuff out. I'd asked my boyfriend to deal with my sex toys and lingerie, but still my dad showed up later at my new place, handed me a box full of them all, and simply said, "I don't want to know." FML

by nean83 / 01/12/2013 at 12:11am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I found an enormous raccoon in my backyard. After a couple of nasty scratches, I finally managed to capture the filthy animal. After calling animal control to relocate it, I waited for hours to learn that "relocating" actually means releasing it into my front yard 10 feet away. FML

by anonymous / 09/13/2012 at 2:02am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I received the first compliment from the opposite sex that I've gotten in months, from an elderly, cross-dressing man in the parking lot of Goodwill. Apparently my clothes look like they'd be "exciting to try on." FML

by mishie1 / 02/21/2012 at 7:44am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, while at a pool party, I found out the reason I got my new, white bikini at such a bargain price; it goes completely transparent when wet. I only realized this after everyone was staring at me and whistling. FML

by bargainshopper / 10/16/2012 at 7:28am / South Africa (Western Cape) / Miscellaneous

Today, my roommate will fall asleep to Muppet Treasure Island. We sleep 3 feet away from each other and he has been doing this since Christmas. FML

by Oze / 02/18/2010 at 4:48am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that after three years of telling my boss our strategy wasn't going to work, that I was right - it didn't work. I also found out that because it didn't work, I lost my job. My boss still has his. FML

by Unemployed / 09/17/2015 at 3:14am / Work

Today, I had to have a word with my boss about how him coming into work drunk is probably not a very good idea. FML

by Christinemh329 / 02/17/2012 at 1:22am / United States / Work