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Today, I got pulled over for a traffic violation. Thinking I could get away with it, I spoke with a French accent. The officer then asked me a question in perfect French. I got a ticket. FML

#14705471
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6250) - you deserved it (47321)

On 01/25/2011 at 1:13am - misc - by nmaidkieavg -

Today, my grandmother told me my favorite top had a permanent smell of BO, despite my constant deodorant use. I wear the top to work just about every shift. I now realize all the weird little comments my coworkers have made are actually hints to go take a shower. FML

#19677033
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6249) - you deserved it (20132)

On 05/25/2012 at 3:07am - work - by emliv12 - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I realized that I hadn't shaved in so long that when the wind blew, the hairs on my legs moved in the breeze. FML

#6270063
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6245) - you deserved it (40942)

On 11/12/2009 at 6:17am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I walked past a building site near my house, there was a sign saying "WARNING - Beware of the scaffolding". I started laughing at the stupidity of the sign, and walked straight into a metal pole. FML

#2963436
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6243) - you deserved it (51097)

On 06/17/2009 at 9:40am - misc - by jonnyc - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I'm in the hospital because I sliced my leg open. Why? I jumped off my bed and scratched myself on the metal bed frame when Miss America was crowned to Miss Virginia. I'm 20 years old, and a man. FML

#7744599
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6243) - you deserved it (26864)

On 01/31/2010 at 1:37pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I learned that a few pubes on your bed can stop you from getting laid. FML

#9095139
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6243) - you deserved it (26303)

On 03/15/2010 at 2:00am - intimacy - by PubelishedAuthor (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I had our parents over to our new apartment for the first time. We spent hours cleaning, cooking, and making sure everything was "parent-appropriate." Apparently we didn't notice the S and M catalog in the pile on our coffee table... but his mom sure did. FML

#6738802
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6241) - you deserved it (13811)

On 12/13/2009 at 1:55pm - intimacy - by sorrydad (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my family and I were watching Mulan, and I mentioned that I've always had a crush on Shang. After going into detail about how I would "marry his sexy voice" I decided to look up this mystery dream man. To my surprise he was played by Donny Osmond. I will never live this down. FML

#13807463
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6240) - you deserved it (16342)

On 11/11/2010 at 9:40pm - misc - by hot4donny (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found my son's iPod touch and was looking at a light-saber app. He walked into the living room to see me fighting the cat and making sound effects to myself. FML

#13760701
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6240) - you deserved it (26536)

On 11/08/2010 at 1:07am - animals - by yay! - United States (Arizona)

Today, I had a huge yard sale. Since I live in a good neighborhood, I decided to leave the stuff out tonight rather than pack it all in for only a few hours. The news didn't say anything about the impending severe thunderstorm. FML

#19580691
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6240) - you deserved it (26520)

On 05/06/2012 at 3:38am - misc - by penguindude82 - United States (Texas)

Today, I was out clubbing, when I saw a pair of very cute girls sitting at the bar, so I went over, hoping to introduce myself. I swung my leg over the stool, and through no fault of my own, sat on my own balls. I quickly got thrown out for "harassing the ladies." FML

#20185753
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6233) - you deserved it (15293)

On 11/30/2012 at 7:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I tried to swallow a spoonful of cinnamon. I ended up vomiting chunks of burgers, all while bleeding from the nose and suffering throbbing testicles. I then had to clean it all up. FML

#19640630
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6229) - you deserved it (47547)

On 05/18/2012 at 3:41am - health - by TLJ321 -

Today, I finished my shopping at Costco, and realized I had forgotten where I had parked. After scouring the parking lot for 20 minutes, I called the police and filed a report for a stolen vehicle. I then remembered I had bought a new car yesterday and parked it right next to the entrance. FML

#20044345
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6228) - you deserved it (29146)

On 08/27/2012 at 10:50am - misc - by dgilbs - United States (Michigan)



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