Choose the period

Choose a category

Today, I was walking down the road when a twat on a quad-bike smashed into my leg. It seems that I should've been "walking on the right side of the pavement." FML

by LukeyBoy / 11/09/2011 at 5:57am / United Kingdom (Nottingham) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to a job interview at a small family-owned business. After the interview, the owner's son took me into his office and told me I'm not getting the job and to get out, because apparently, the old man thinks I'm "possessed by a demon". FML

by Anonymous / 05/20/2012 at 3:43pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, due to my short temper, I punched myself in the nose because I wouldn't stop sneezing. FML

by Ow / 04/18/2014 at 7:09am / United States (Arizona) / Health

Today, my doctor informed me that the tests we've been doing the previous months show no sign of leukemia. I was just about to express my relief when he casually followed up with, "Never mind, there's still a lot of other blood-related diseases we need to look out for." FML

by Lily / 09/02/2015 at 6:09am / Austria (Wien) / Health

Today, I was driving home from an airport. On the way home, I got a flat tire. Once I was outside the car I realized that I had accidentally locked the car with the keys inside. I was in the middle of nowhere 20 miles from anywhere and couldn't call for help since my phone was in the car. FML

Today, I had an emergency appendectomy, so I texted my boss to let him know about the situation. He replied that it'd be good for my continued employment prospects if I come into work tomorrow. FML

by wormiformed / 10/03/2015 at 12:14am / New Zealand / Work

Today, I posted a status update on Facebook about how much I liked the Season Finale of NBC's "Heroes". My hand slipped to the right and it came out as "I really love Herpes. It's much better than everyone says it is". I didn't notice for few hours. FML

by NotThatKind / 08/24/2009 at 12:28am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, while I was out shopping, my pants decided that they just didn't have enough holes in them, and ripped a new one in the crotch. FML

by Anonymous / 01/20/2012 at 6:33pm / France / Miscellaneous

Today, I tried buying a video game that was rated "M - for mature". The Cashier told me "you have to be 17 to buy this game". I didn't have any ID on me. I'm 25. FML

by Noname / 01/18/2009 at 5:24am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was house-sitting for my friend. He was late to return and I ended up falling asleep on the couch and having a dream where I violently shat myself and suddenly developed a six-pack. When I woke up, I found the dream was half true. FML

by Anonymous / 11/21/2015 at 5:03am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I'm sick. I got the flu shot for the first time ever this year and for the first time in my life, I have the flu. FML

by cyantist / 01/23/2009 at 3:24am / United States (Massachusetts) / Health

Today, I have Hello Kitty band-aids on my nips because I dozed off while tanning and burned them extra crispy. FML

by extra crispy or original recipe / 02/16/2014 at 5:23pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I went to a concert with my new boyfriend. I had a panic attack halfway through and an ambulance picked me up. My boyfriend met my parents for the first time drunk, in the emergency room. FML

by anon / 03/23/2012 at 11:51pm / United States (Texas) / Love