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Today, I was masturbating, and out of the corner of my eye I saw a figure. It was my neighbor staring at me through the window with a total look of disgust. I moved in this weekend and hadn't yet introduced myself to her. FML

#19277377
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13653) - you deserved it (28353)

On 03/14/2012 at 3:31pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I finally met the guy I've been talking to online for a year. I'd dropped 10lbs off my weight. He'd shaved 20 years off his age. FML

#11364418
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13652) - you deserved it (34813)

On 06/21/2010 at 8:27pm - love - by keisha89 (woman) - United States

Today, I was unbearably hungry, so I went to Wendy's, bought myself a Baconator and took it outside to eat on the patio. One bite in, I went back to grab a few napkins. Within seconds of my departure, a seagull snatched it up. FML

#11240102
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13647) - you deserved it (38424)

On 06/16/2010 at 12:28pm - misc - by theorifice (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I dried my hands on the same towel I used this morning to wipe up a few shards of glass. You can't see the small splinters in my hands, but believe me, I can feel them. FML

#15196116
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13647) - you deserved it (38326)

On 03/04/2011 at 12:18pm - health - by Anonymous - Germany (Schleswig-Holstein)

Today, I was with my girlfriend and she was making me listen to one of her recordings for chorus. As I was listening to it a solo came on, and i turned to her and said "This is the worst F*ing solo I've ever heard in my life." Little did I know, it was her solo. FML

#539195
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13646) - you deserved it (80007)

On 03/22/2009 at 8:38pm - misc - by anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was passing a building and saw a fat, ugly person inside. I started to laugh and noticed it was my reflection. FML

#13325
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13643) - you deserved it (66345)

On 02/07/2009 at 1:16pm - misc - by name50 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was having a funny conversation with a guy I had met on Xbox. I told him the state I lived in, and he said, "Don't tell me that, I might stalk you." He wasn't kidding. He has somehow found out my phone number, and my address. He says he's going to send me flowers. FML

#19828397
275 comments

Today, I threw a surprise birthday party for my 3 year old. There was music, snacks and lots of toys. My 3 year old is a cat. FML

#16231154
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13639) - you deserved it (46191)

On 05/17/2011 at 11:04pm - animals - by kaileigh10 -

Today, a guy from my school came into my work. I knew him but forgot his name. I didn't want to be rude and ask for his name when he probably expected me to know it. So, thinking I was clever, I said "How do you spell your name again?". His name was Rob. FML

#2734791
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13638) - you deserved it (50935)

On 06/09/2009 at 2:44am - misc - by purrtygirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, some friends and I were pulled over on our way back from a party. We'd had a few drinks, so we tried to play it cool just in case we were over the limit. The cop didn't seem to want to breathalyze us, until my really high friend in the back seat said, "These are not the droids you are looking for." FML

#18451653
282 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13633) - you deserved it (42491)

On 12/07/2011 at 9:46am - misc - by Notadrinkanddriveidiot - United States

Today, I walked into work to see my boss's hot son. I wanted him to notice me, so I did my "sexy walk". I then slipped and fell onto my desk, broke my desk, and sprained my wrist. Oh he noticed me alright. FML

#11105211
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13632) - you deserved it (44813)

On 06/10/2010 at 3:26pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend reached into my pocket to get my keys so she could get something out of my car. When she yanked them out, the condom that we just used flew up into the air and landed on the floor in front of her entire family. FML

#5023089
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13630) - you deserved it (55338)

On 09/03/2009 at 4:59pm - misc - by Co-B (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I learned that when a man in the row in front of you at a movie theater tells you to shut up, you shouldn't tell him to fuck off. He might be 6'4 with a short temper. FML

#21337906
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13629) - you deserved it (43366)

On 01/15/2015 at 10:15pm - misc - by whoops.. (man) - United States (North Carolina)



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  • Oi! Stop "playing" that digeridoo and get out! There, now that I've tidied up my apartment, we can begin. How are you all doing? Have you got your leather jacket out of storage to go hang out down at…

Thursday 22 January 2015

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