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Today, I woke up needing to wee. I was at my boyfriend's and didn't want to wake him, so I sat on the edge of the toilet and peed as quietly as possible. I realised after that I'd sat too far over and had peed on the floor. There was no loo paper. FML

#16267774
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11460) - you deserved it (37453)

On 05/20/2011 at 3:05pm - misc - by lionhead14 (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was at the airport, about to listen to Disney's Camp Rock soundtrack on my iPhone. I pressed play, only to realize that my headphones weren't plugged in all the way. Everone sitting near me heard Joe Jonas' voice coming from my phone. I am 40 years old. FML

#54346
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11458) - you deserved it (62744)

On 02/16/2009 at 4:44pm - misc - by Italian_Stallion (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I had the last wedding meeting with my fiancé at our church. Running extremely late from my friends house I failed to notice a small penis drawn on my forehead by my friends when I fell asleep after a party. The priest wasn't too happy and said numerous prayers for me. FML

#14369439
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11457) - you deserved it (22887)

On 12/28/2010 at 1:04pm - misc - by Good 2 have friends. - United States (New York)

Today, I was at my girlfriends house. After having sex, we went downstairs to where the rest of the family was. At this point I did not realise that I had a used condom stuck to my foot. The family did. FML

#14586619
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11455) - you deserved it (35121)

On 01/15/2011 at 5:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I was at a band concert with 500 other people. The song they were performing stopped, and I loved it so much I stood up and clapped. Everyone stared, while I slowly realized the song wasn't over. FML

#15649522
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11447) - you deserved it (30891)

On 04/05/2011 at 10:06am - misc - by RedFace (woman) - United States

Today, my cousin taught me how to make dinner. My cousin is in first grade and I'm in college. FML

#16598107
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11445) - you deserved it (37118)

On 06/10/2011 at 5:22pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I drew a face on a balloon and pretended to make out with it. The balloon popped and shot to the back of my throat, where it got caught. FML

#11831310
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11443) - you deserved it (65259)

On 07/12/2010 at 3:42pm - health - by jazthefish (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I brought my boyfriend home, and I introduced him to my parents. Afterwards, I took him to my room so we could have some "bonding" time. Right as things got pretty intense, I heard my dad yell, "Stop faking, honey." FML

#19643337
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11443) - you deserved it (30743)

On 05/18/2012 at 7:01pm - intimacy - by iris (woman) - Portugal (Lisboa)

Today, I gave a safe sex speech to teens at my local high school. This was just ten minutes after my girlfriend had texted me, telling me she's pregnant. FML

#15038922
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11442) - you deserved it (42665)

On 02/19/2011 at 9:51am - misc - by Anonymous - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I was playing twister with my girlfriend at the school carnival. I jokingly squeeze her butt, only to find her mom standing right above us. FML

#18106898
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11442) - you deserved it (29201)

On 10/29/2011 at 9:31pm - love - by Messiahman - United States (Texas)

Today, I painted an area I had carefully sanded, cleaned, and taped off. I pulled a fan out of the closet to help dry it faster. I turned the fan on, and a million dust particles flew off onto the wet paint. FML

#15124646
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11441) - you deserved it (27369)

On 02/26/2011 at 8:57am - misc - by Carmen - United States (Ohio)

Today, as I was walking home, three burly men suddenly began to approach me. Thinking they were going to mug me, I reached for my pocketknife and said "Stay away, I have a knife." Turns out they just wanted directions to an ice cream shop for their daughters, who were now bawling their eyes out. FML

#5306318
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11438) - you deserved it (49104)

On 09/17/2009 at 1:00am - kids - by almostmugged (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I drank a fifth of vodka before I took my political science final. My professor later called me to tell me that I had written "Obama is a beautiful chocolate man" to every essay question. FML

#18465913
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11438) - you deserved it (88876)

On 12/09/2011 at 1:11am - misc - by blondie101 - United States



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