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Today, I had a dream about the damn cappuccino machine at work. FML

#19170840
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18943) - you deserved it (3413)

On 02/26/2012 at 9:43pm - misc - by slickrick22 (man) - United States

Today, I was showing my boyfriend some stuff I bought that day: a new thong and a bag of his favorite brand of peanuts. He was more excited about the peanuts. FML

#20053819
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18941) - you deserved it (4534)

On 09/02/2012 at 9:38am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Maryland)

Today, my girlfriend of 11 months told me that she's been faking her orgasms the whole time. Just to make me "proud" of myself. FML

#8074818
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18936) - you deserved it (5393)

On 02/10/2010 at 12:09am - intimacy - by evecamp - United States (California)

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. All the magic vanished when I kept queefing every time he thrust into me. We made it about 10 seconds before he broke down into hysterical laughter and lost his boner. FML

#21436148
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18972) - you deserved it (2553)

On 07/04/2015 at 1:02am - intimacy - by alison (woman) - United States

Today, I brought a girl home from a bar. Things were getting hot and heavy when she asked if I had a condom. I opened my wallet to grab the one I keep in there, only to find the empty wrapper in its place; it was the only one I had. It seems drunk me is a bigger jerk than I thought. FML

#20570299
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18936) - you deserved it (42145)

On 04/01/2013 at 5:00pm - intimacy - by Marco (man) - United States

Today, I found one of my roommate's giant yellow toenail clippings on the counter next to the kitchen sink. When I confronted him about it, he told me the cat must have carried it out of his bedroom and put it there. FML

#19200408
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18932) - you deserved it (1768)

On 03/02/2012 at 12:46am - misc - by Peach - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I decided to cheat on my math test by writing a couple of equations on my hand. Totally satisfied, I handed my test in feeling like I had aced it. As I was heading toward the door, I happily waved goodbye to my teacher. She saw everything. FML

#637114
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18924) - you deserved it (197497)

On 03/27/2009 at 12:39am - misc - by rutho (man) - United States (California)

Today, an exchange student was telling us how he once used a black light to detect semen stains on his "abstinent" ex-girlfriend's face. I called him out on the obvious lie, saying it's an old urban legend. He wigged out, screamed that I'm a "bastarding shite-wank" and ran out of class. FML

#19573864
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18924) - you deserved it (4718)

On 05/04/2012 at 5:53pm - intimacy - by Garry (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me I smell like his grandma's house. FML

#19477089
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18923) - you deserved it (4536)

On 04/16/2012 at 2:53am - misc - by hdgyfjdzdfg (woman) - United States

Today, I finally told my roommate, who doesn't pay rent, to go get a job. He left, came back, and immediately went to my refrigerator to eat. I asked him about his job and what his pay is. Apparently, putting together a bike for a kid is a job. FML

#19671365
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18921) - you deserved it (2517)

On 05/24/2012 at 3:41am - money - by hunterjumper1212 - United States (California)

Today, the dry skin on my feet has gotten so bad that my boyfriend uses my feet to itch his legs when we're cuddling. FML

Today, my boss captured a huge spider and put it in a jar on the desk in our shop. He's named it Fluffy and is threatening to fire me if I harm it. I'm horribly arachnophobic and we share that desk. FML

#20102066
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18919) - you deserved it (2059)

On 10/04/2012 at 10:02pm - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my mother described what her ideal daughter-in-law should be like. Half-way through her description, fishing for some compliments, I told her that such a girl would be way above my league. She sighed and emphatically agreed. FML

#19643133
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18914) - you deserved it (8569)

On 05/18/2012 at 6:20pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)



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