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Today, whilst working as a language assistant in Germany as part of my degree, some 9 year-old German kids asked me to please speak English to them because my German was so poor. FML

#13139163
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14391) - you deserved it (20024)

On 09/21/2010 at 3:10am - kids - by themildthings (man) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML

#19993573
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14387) - you deserved it (37876)

On 07/30/2012 at 11:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I saw a spider crawling on my new roommate's cheek, so I told her to stand still so that I could flick it off. Several long seconds of flicking made me realize that it wasn't a spider at all. I had been flicking her hairy mole. FML

#13331304
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14386) - you deserved it (30755)

On 10/05/2010 at 5:01pm - animals - by jabba (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I received the results of the exams that I re-took in order to improve my grades. I got exactly the same grades as before in all four exams. Point for point identical. FML

#19237669
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14363) - you deserved it (17013)

On 03/08/2012 at 3:06am - work - by stuckonrepeat (woman) - United Kingdom (Hampshire)

Today, while giving a lecture about gases to a large chemistry class, I went outside to let loose an unusualy loud fart while they took some notes. I came back in only to see 300 students dying of laughter. I had left the wireless mic on. FML

#5033555
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14359) - you deserved it (42109)

On 09/04/2009 at 12:30am - work - by DrGas (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I fell asleep in class during a boring economics lecture. I heard a whisper say "Rise and shine sleeping beauty." I thought it was my boyfriend, so i responded "Baby, what time is it? When is this F*ing class going to be over!?" it wasnt my boyfriend talking, it was my teacher. FML

#437815
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14359) - you deserved it (77614)

On 03/18/2009 at 11:48am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I applied and was accepted for a part-time network engineering position. Being contract work they asked me what I charge. I replied, "$12 an hour." After a look of surprise they accepted me for the position and said, "Our last guy charged $200 an hour, you're a bargain." FML

#8637301
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14356) - you deserved it (29785)

On 02/25/2010 at 10:39am - money - by compguy (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I accidentally deleted my entire email inbox. Everything from the last 3 years. EV-ER-Y-THING. FML

#54626
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14336) - you deserved it (51222)

On 02/16/2009 at 5:19pm - misc - by loserman - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend bought this hot pink Chanel nail polish. Bored, she thought it would be funny to paint my nails. I finally gave in and let her paint my toe nails. After she left, my buddy calls to to see if I can give him a ride. I forgot I had a swim meet today. FML

#1479670
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14334) - you deserved it (49764)

On 04/30/2009 at 12:52am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I did a barbecue. My boss won't believe me tomorrow when I tell him that the main pages of his 2-months work file helped make the best sausages I've ever done. FML

#164
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14326) - you deserved it (26440)

On 10/30/2008 at 10:51am - work - by Sam - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I signed up on one of those "cheater" dating sites. I ended up meeting my own girlfriend. FML

#798
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14323) - you deserved it (71798)

On 01/07/2009 at 6:56pm - intimacy - by Lou Czar - United States (Oregon)

Today, I banged into a glass door. My friend laughed at me, so I turned around and gave him the finger, then turned back to continue walking and banged into the door again. FML

#15319937
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14323) - you deserved it (51317)

On 03/15/2011 at 8:37am - misc - by sylverster - Singapore

Today, I found there was a 4 year old boy behind me on my flight. When I looked at him, he screamed playfully and hid. I decided to play tiger with him. While I was grinning like a tiger and trying to scratch him, he smashed a water bottle across my face. I now have a black eye. FML

#16169430
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14322) - you deserved it (33444)

On 05/14/2011 at 9:32am - misc - by Plasticface (woman) - United States (Florida)



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