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Today, at school, I was trying to pee in the stall, but I couldn't. I repeatedly pushed my bladder. Unfortunately, I didn't realize a number of thing. My stall was open, I made noises from frustration, and I looked like I was jacking off. When I gave up, somebody clapped and yelled, "FINALLY!" FML

#2883400
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15682) - you deserved it (47220)

On 06/14/2009 at 11:54am - intimacy - by Bes (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my mom insisted on putting sunscreen on me. I closed my eyes and shut my mouth while she rubbed some on my face. Halfway through, I burped. I opened my mouth just in time to get a large glob of sunscreen in it. FML

#16851890
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15680) - you deserved it (33494)

On 06/25/2011 at 3:58pm - health - by Unberable (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was texting my girlfriend and asked her for a picture, expecting something provocative. She sent me a picture of her holding a positive pregnancy test. We had sex once. FML

#19758301
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15680) - you deserved it (41823)

On 06/09/2012 at 12:51am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I learned that I do not possess the upper body, core, or leg strength to hold my girlfriend up during sex. I simultaneously collapsed and dropped her onto her coffee table. We are now both being treated at the hospital; her for glass wounds, me for a concussion. FML

#19864989
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15676) - you deserved it (27747)

On 06/29/2012 at 4:47am - intimacy - by bob (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend tried to spice things up by sneaking into the shower with me. Instead, he walked in on me pooping. I only had the shower running because I was afraid he would hear me taking a dump. FML

#20071482
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15671) - you deserved it (26016)

On 09/14/2012 at 10:50am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was riding the subway home with some friends, and when I noticed something smelled awful. My friends noticed it too. After searching for the source of the smell, it became apparent that it was my breath. FML

#20096394
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15670) - you deserved it (15929)

On 10/01/2012 at 3:18am - health - by halitosis - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend told me that my feet smell. He was in the next room at the time. FML

#2293
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15668) - you deserved it (6825)

On 01/23/2009 at 7:04am - love - by sadass - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my girlfriend missed our date, so I text her angry, telling her if she can't make our dates then we should break up, and generally telling her off. 5 Minutes later I get a picture message of her sleeping in a hospital bed from her mother saying "Shut the **** up, she had appendicitis." FML

#3361176
316 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15665) - you deserved it (87570)

On 06/30/2009 at 7:20am - love - by annoyedguy (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, after finishing work, my friend was having a party next door and my driveway was blocked. I parked 6 houses down and went to the party for 20mins. After coming out after 3 beers, I went to move my car back to my house and go to sleep. I got a DUI for driving 30 feet. FML

#3199012
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15653) - you deserved it (50607)

On 06/25/2009 at 4:05am - misc - by Noj12345 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I learned if you've slept with your soon to be step-brother you should tell your family. If you don't, he may blurt it out while drunk at a family barbecue. FML

#18594969
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15639) - you deserved it (38828)

On 12/24/2011 at 1:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I tried to suck my own penis. Autofellatio. My mother walked in on me and I flipped backwards off the bed. ER and 10 stiches above my eyebrow later, I asked her not to ever bring it up again. FML

#2696
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15635) - you deserved it (68156)

On 01/26/2009 at 4:09pm - intimacy - by Boredom - United States

Today, my friend and I drove three hours to attend a U2 concert. We had been psyched about the tickets for weeks because they were awesome seats (my early Christmas present). After a long drive, we get to the venue and I realize in horror that I left tickets at home, on my desk, three hours away. FML

#5759678
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15630) - you deserved it (46566)

On 10/10/2009 at 3:22pm - misc - by sostupid - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I tried to pull the old "bucket of water above the door" prank on my brother, but the bucket didn't fall when he opened the door. He noticed it, took it down, then pinned me to the floor and waterboarded me with the ice-cold water. FML

#21252533
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15629) - you deserved it (36149)

On 09/05/2014 at 5:37pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Vasterbottens Lan)



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