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Today, my husband and I were fooling around in the shower. For some reason, I thought it'd be a good idea to grab his man meat and show him how to wash someone at a nursing home. He said he'd never be turned on by a nurse again. I'm a nurse. FML

#20515797
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10964) - you deserved it (37441)

On 02/21/2013 at 12:51am - love - by tomedicalforlove -

Today, I got a bikini wax. They said it wouldn't hurt too badly, and that it would just sting. My friend heard me screaming from all the way down the hall in the waiting room. FML

#19739055
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10963) - you deserved it (16918)

On 06/05/2012 at 3:42pm - misc - by higgles15 (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I found out the guy I've been dating is heavily into a mystical card game and spends all of his money going to "Magic" card conventions across the country. FML

#8153164
351 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10962) - you deserved it (23873)

On 02/12/2010 at 12:03am - love - by anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, while my girlfriend was going down on me, she looked up at me and said, in a high-pitched voice, "Yummy yummy yummy yummy yummy!" FML

#6312781
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10956) - you deserved it (19964)

On 11/15/2009 at 1:28pm - intimacy - by loldick (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, after a long night of drinking and partying, I woke up in my bed next to a beast of a woman. At least I know I made it home safely. FML

#16696125
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10955) - you deserved it (42555)

On 06/16/2011 at 2:34pm - intimacy - by Madmanmorton (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was writing my rough draft of an essay, and I forgot how to spell a word. I waited for auto correct to help. I was writing on paper. FML

#19144925
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10955) - you deserved it (39378)

On 02/23/2012 at 8:49am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom noticed the hickey that I have on my neck. Embarrassed, I tried convincing her that I burnt myself using a hair straightener. She then told me that that's the same excuse she told my grandma when she got a hickey. FML

#5086359
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10950) - you deserved it (41820)

On 09/06/2009 at 5:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I found out that my crush didn't make up a fake girlfriend to get me jealous; he made her up as a way to tell me to back off. FML

#17934833
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10950) - you deserved it (30629)

On 10/08/2011 at 12:01pm - love - by Cassidy - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I woke up in a daze after a long night drinking. I felt a subtle nudge on my shoulder. I was at my ex-girlfriends house, passed out on top of her, with no pants on. Her dad was, in so many words, informing me that I had to leave immediately. FML

#3718923
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10945) - you deserved it (52745)

On 07/13/2009 at 3:06pm - love - by Matt (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I took pictures of myself and my girlfriend doing naughty things together on my camera. My mom later asked me if she could borrow the camera for the weekend. Without thinking, I gave her the camera. FML

#12836221
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10945) - you deserved it (48117)

On 08/31/2010 at 9:13am - intimacy - by weezel (man) - South Africa (Western Cape)

Today, I let a guy I like look at my phone. A second later I remembered I had a secret copy of his Facebook profile picture on there to show a friend what he looked like. I was forced to tackle him to get my phone back. FML

#17940122
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10945) - you deserved it (35388)

On 10/09/2011 at 1:17am - love - by Emily S - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I injured my knee and dislocated my shoulder fighting over a cookie with my brother. He's 14. I'm 26. He still got the cookie. FML

#12818513
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10942) - you deserved it (32853)

On 08/30/2010 at 6:34am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Oman (Masqat)

Today, I flirted with a guy for ten minutes before realizing I was sitting between him and his girlfriend. FML

#14881953
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10941) - you deserved it (38483)

On 02/07/2011 at 12:41pm - love - by Lindsay (woman) - United States (Missouri)



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