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Today, I parked my car in a garage that cost $13 for every 10 minutes past 10 o'clock. When I came back to the garage at 10, I had forgotten where I parked it and spent an hour looking for it. I paid $78 to lose my car. FML

by lostcar / 05/26/2009 at 1:39am / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, my girlfriend's Marine dad walked in on us fooling around naked. Now we can only hang out with "parental supervision". Oh, and I have to record my visits on a clipboard by the door. FML

by Duplighost / 01/12/2012 at 3:16pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy

Today, during a basketball game, I fell into metal chairs which then decided to fold in, causing me to fall to the floor in a very dramatic and painful fall. When I stood up, so did everyone else and they were all clapping, including the other team. FML

by aurorason / 02/06/2010 at 1:25am / Health

Today, my girlfriend's mother came over for a few hours. After she left I went to grab a drink, only to find that three bottles of expensive liquor were missing from our liquor cabinet. FML

by liquorless / 11/05/2012 at 9:02am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, in the flat I share with four students, I broke our toaster. The night before, they'd successfully managed to toast chicken soup-covered crumpets in it whilst drunk. I tried to toast a teacake, and the whole thing exploded in flames and smoke. Our toaster got taken out by a raisin. FML

by gofixmyhead / 08/30/2011 at 10:53am / United Kingdom (Glasgow City) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend told me that every time he has sex with me he thinks about some mutant bunny chick from "Final Fantasy." FML

by Anonymous / 11/12/2009 at 2:04am / United States (Kansas) / Intimacy

Today, I woke up, only to find my arm was still asleep. I tried to move it just a tiny bit, but somehow ended up punching myself in the face. FML

by Amy / 05/10/2012 at 3:14pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, while I was applying some eyeliner, my cat jumped onto the counter and managed to headbutt me. The wand scratched a good portion of my eyeball, and now for the next few weeks, I will have to deal with the pain of a corneal abrasion. FML

by rhya4n / 05/15/2012 at 3:27pm / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Health

Today, I realised how socially inept I am, when I muttered an apology to my laptop after I noticed I hadn't plugged its charger in. FML

by KDM / 02/05/2012 at 2:39pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I called my mum, crying because of my low self-esteem. She interrupted my sobs by saying, "Can I hang up now? The phone's getting hot." FML

by Anonymous / 05/03/2012 at 7:37am / Australia / Kids

Today, I was throwing rocks into a pond while our class was on a field trip. The teacher started to pass around an old rare civil war bullet. As the bullet got to me, I threw another rock in the river, only to notice a rock in my hand and the bullet gone. FML

by Anonymous / 02/16/2014 at 9:29pm / United States (West Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my study partner for my biology class didn't go to lecture. Not once has he gone to lecture. I went to almost every lecture. He got better grades than I did. FML

by noodle / 01/21/2009 at 5:36pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to a museum that had exhibits of wax people in the hallways. We were taking pictures of what we thought to be a waxwork old lady. Turns out she was real. FML

by yourmom / 09/21/2010 at 1:46am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous