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Today, there were a few loud and annoying kids running around my store. My coworker and I started talking and I jokingly stated "Yeah, kids ruin everything." But before I could get out "God knows I'm not ready to be a dad," my phone rang. It was my one night stand. I'm going to be a daddy. FML

#13180863
295 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12750) - you deserved it (68582)

On 09/24/2010 at 7:25am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I found out the people I babysit for have a nanny cam. Problem is, when I'm there, I act out scenarios in which I have the sweetest boyfriend. I also say his parts out loud in a man's voice. FML

#17932386
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12746) - you deserved it (39747)

On 10/08/2011 at 12:49am - work - by Laura - United States

Today, I was in a business meeting. I was giving a Powerpoint presentation to my boss and a few other associates. Then a notification popped up in the middle of my presentation reminding me that I needed to renew my pornhub subscription. FML

#19754220
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12745) - you deserved it (43097)

On 06/08/2012 at 7:58am - work - by WaffleMan (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had my new boyfriend come over. Within five minutes of him arriving, I accidentally let one rip. Shocked, I quickly tried to explain it away with, "That was my shoe." I was barefoot. FML

#20503454
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12736) - you deserved it (31162)

On 02/12/2013 at 9:18am - love - by gassy - United States

Today, we had the (great?) idea of having sex on a bean bag before my roomate got back home. Result: thousands of small polystyrene balls all over the living room. And no, they can't be picked up in 30 minutes. FML

#383
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12734) - you deserved it (30756)

On 11/24/2008 at 11:27pm - intimacy - by William - Sent from mobile version

Today, I finally found the perfect quote to open my college essay. Then I found out that the author was one of the founders of the KKK. FML

#20080326
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12725) - you deserved it (3212)

On 09/20/2012 at 2:10am - work - by Albert (man) - United States

Today, my mother was vacuuming my room and found a towel under my bed. She asked "why does it smell so bad?" I replied "sweat". FML

#672
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12724) - you deserved it (32680)

On 01/01/2009 at 10:04pm - intimacy - by Noname - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was driving 3 of my guy friends to a party that was half an hour away. There was an awkward silence for most of the trip. I just figured out why now. I've had sex with all 3 of my guy friends. They talk about it when I'm not around. FML

#3210112
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12721) - you deserved it (101131)

On 06/25/2009 at 7:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boss fired me because I corrected him after he misspoke during a meeting. FML

#13161532
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12721) - you deserved it (31216)

On 09/22/2010 at 8:52pm - work - by gt - Canada (Ontario)

Today, at work a really hot guy came up to me and asked "what are your hours?" Excited, I told him I get off at 4 but might be able to get out sooner. He started laughing and then said "I meant your store hours". He turned around and walked away, shaking his head and laughing. FML

#8293432
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12714) - you deserved it (28564)

On 02/15/2010 at 9:29am - work - by Dumbdumb (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I came home from school to find almost every single personal possession and piece of furniture from my bedroom all laid out or disassembled in the back yard. My dad smugly told me I'd better start moving it all back. This is his revenge for me salting his coffee this morning. FML

#17985253
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12713) - you deserved it (36635)

On 10/14/2011 at 9:48pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, my parents asked me if I had a nice time with my girlfriend at the amusement park I took her to yesterday. She was pretty freaked out by some of the rides so without thinking I said, "Yeah, but she sure is a screamer." My parents then exchange a look and say, "Oh trust us, we know." FML

#13836763
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12708) - you deserved it (27557)

On 11/14/2010 at 2:36am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Reserved

Today, I went to the gas station, paid the clerk, and drove off without pumping any gas. FML

#18921610
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12702) - you deserved it (34252)

On 01/26/2012 at 11:46pm - money - by ChevRooon - United States



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