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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I got a $200 bonus at work and was super excited about getting a plane ticket to see my family. On the way back from work I got a $300 speeding ticket. FML

#13450505
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9833) - you deserved it (37017)

On 10/14/2010 at 8:43pm - money - by copmagnet - United States

Today, we had to evaluate each other in class. Apparently I'm a quarrelsome, uncommitted, commanding bitch. FML

#14906139
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9831) - you deserved it (30766)

On 02/09/2011 at 4:30am - misc - by Heretique (woman) - Norway (Finnmark)

Today, I went to a party where I met some nice girls. One of them was really sweet and we were having a great time in my friend's backyard. As I was on the swing, I was gonna give her my number, but instead, I gave her a harsh kick to the face. FML

#5831331
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9827) - you deserved it (22855)

On 10/14/2009 at 5:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I received a $50 iTunes card for my birthday. I immediately sat down at my computer and starting buying all my newest favorites. Then I realized I never redeemed my card so the $50 was all charged to my account. FML

#17067596
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9827) - you deserved it (47054)

On 07/11/2011 at 3:09pm - money - by brokeaf - United States

Today, I was pulling my trolley luggage at the airport when I passed 2 cute girls smiling at me. Thinking I looked real cool, I kept on walking without paying heed to anything else. Then my brother shouted asking me what was I doing, only to realise that the handle had come off a few metres back. FML

#1954003
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9826) - you deserved it (37547)

On 05/15/2009 at 12:41am - misc - by NotSoCool (man) - Singapore

Today, I was at Disneyland with a friend. We were watching the light show, and when Tinkerbell came out, we both started crying. Some guy noticed and called us "fucking pussies". FML

#18862954
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9826) - you deserved it (40495)

On 01/20/2012 at 4:17pm - misc - by sharky (woman) - United States (California)

Today, trying to be romantic, I invited my girlfriend over to watch a movie. I said she could pick one up on the way, and I'd pay for it later. I ended up having to suffer through some "movie" that involved nothing but Nicolas Cage gurning like a stroke victim between crappy fight scenes. FML

#18872855
281 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9824) - you deserved it (25200)

On 01/21/2012 at 5:44pm - love - by actor my ass (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was in the bathroom in a rush to get ready. Without thinking, I put hand soap on my toothbrush. I didn't notice until it was already in my mouth. FML

#14214762
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9818) - you deserved it (23588)

On 12/15/2010 at 5:32pm - health - by captfml (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my mother called to say that my 11 year old nephew found my secret stash of nipple tassles, furry hand cuffs, and a bottle of lube. He doesn't want to visit me anymore. FML

#5874
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9811) - you deserved it (26755)

On 02/03/2009 at 1:51am - kids - by peneloperigby (woman) - United Kingdom (Belfast)

Today, I was babysitting a young boy. I accidentally let a few words slip when I dropped something. He won't stop dropping the F bomb and his mother is coming to get him in the morning. FML

#17883500
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9812) - you deserved it (33014)

On 10/02/2011 at 12:53am - kids - by Kelly - United States (Florida)

Today, in bio class, we were studying the reproductive system. I don't like talking about this stuff, and I twitched every time my teacher said "penis" or "vagina." When I told my family, they laughed and kept repeating those words just to see me twitch. FML

#19182988
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9810) - you deserved it (31804)

On 02/28/2012 at 4:03pm - misc - by kal - United States (New York)

Today, when petting my friend's dog, I acted like I was going to make out with him. While I wasn't looking the dog stuck his entire tongue in my mouth. FML

#2663554
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9807) - you deserved it (76868)

On 06/06/2009 at 3:44pm - health - by thedogkisser (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while babysitting I decided to play with a children's puzzle to pass the time. Fifteen minutes in I gave up. The kid then came over and put it together in less than five. There were only ten pieces. FML

#16481636
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9807) - you deserved it (54086)

On 06/03/2011 at 10:04am - misc - by Username - United States



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