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Today, I took my girlfriend out for a fancy dinner to celebrate our anniversary. When the waitress came, we instantly recognized each other. She was the girl I'd had a one night stand with a few weeks before. FML

#19066381
432 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9350) - you deserved it (113712)

On 02/13/2012 at 4:49pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada

Today, I couldn't get into my car. In an attempt to get in, I broke a window. As I climbed in, the actual owner of the car walked up. Mine was across the street. FML

#14209327
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9344) - you deserved it (40350)

On 12/15/2010 at 12:48am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was carrying several bags of groceries up the stairs to my 3rd story apartment when I saw a giant rat climbing down the wall towards me. I screamed and dropped my groceries, which went over the rail and landed on the bottom floor, destroying them all. The rat? Just a big leaf. FML

#5798950
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9339) - you deserved it (30969)

On 10/12/2009 at 4:19pm - misc - by n_london (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was posing in front of the mirror, when I realized that everyone who looks at me can easily tell which arm I use to masturbate. FML

#19154069
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9338) - you deserved it (32488)

On 02/24/2012 at 2:18pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was hitting on a girl that was getting ready to walk into the same class as I. We were waiting outside the room, and I told her that I heard the Professor for the course was a total bitch. We walked into the room. I sat down in a desk. She stood behind the podium. FML

#2109
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9336) - you deserved it (30974)

On 01/21/2009 at 6:15pm - misc - by footinmouth - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was taking a lifeguard certification test. I nearly drowned halfway through. FML

#19361709
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9336) - you deserved it (18227)

On 03/28/2012 at 1:30am - work - by LiveGuard - United States

Today, my boyfriend finally invited me over to his parents house so I could meet them. My boyfriend, his dad and I were sitting in the living room, when I saw a really sketchy person outside, so I said, "There is some creepy hobo man outside, messing with your trash." The "creepy hobo" was his mom. FML

#6658638
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9327) - you deserved it (35334)

On 12/08/2009 at 12:09am - love - by CheLi (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I bought a safe. I put all of my most prized possessions in it, including all of my jewelry, family heirlooms and important papers. Oh, and just before I locked it up, I put the key to the safe in there too. FML

#5853420
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9324) - you deserved it (44125)

On 10/16/2009 at 5:02pm - misc - by smarty (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. I was on their bed having sex with their daughter. FML

#5582253
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9324) - you deserved it (32267)

On 10/01/2009 at 10:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario) - moderated by Kevin Nealon

Today, I was at a local talent show and during a piano performance I had to go to the bathroom. I sang along in the bathroom but was unaware how loud I was until I walked out and everyone started applauding me while the pianist was still playing. FML

#15661071
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9323) - you deserved it (32175)

On 04/06/2011 at 2:19am - misc - by American idol -

Today, I was late for work and got chewed out by my boss. To console myself I decided to drink a cup of coffee and a cup of tea. My work provides this for free. When I did, my boss told me that in fact it wasn't, nor has it ever been, free; all this time I've been stealing other people's coffee. FML

#13812694
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9319) - you deserved it (27325)

On 11/12/2010 at 7:07am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Sweden (Hallands Lan)

Today, my friends and I got front stage tickets to our favorite band. Being my first concert, we planned to start a small mosh pit in the back. I got knocked out by my bestfriends elbow and was rushed to the hospital, during the first song. FML

#13372101
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9318) - you deserved it (25427)

On 10/08/2010 at 11:12pm - health - by ~Mr.Void - United States (South Carolina)



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