Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my ex told me she still misses having sex with me. Her next text was "but it's still over." FML

#6211757
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20129) - you deserved it (2996)

On 11/08/2009 at 1:16pm - intimacy - by peacexout108 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend and I had the weekend all to ourselves. On the second day, we finally got intimate, with me doing all she asked of her. In return for hard-work, she took my meat in her hand and started making lightsaber noises, before pronouncing "I don't see why people like it so much." FML

#5876001
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20126) - you deserved it (3240)

On 10/18/2009 at 7:29am - intimacy - by Ignitingmylightsaber (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I met a really nice girl at a club. One thing led to another, and she told me to meet her out front in 5 minutes. I was so drunk that I stumbled into the restroom instead, then curled up on the floor crying in despair when I realized my mistake. FML

#20907372
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20122) - you deserved it (39669)

On 10/04/2013 at 4:25pm - misc - by vcarder (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, as I was filling out divorce paperwork, I realized that my son has had the same girlfriend through both of my marriages. He's 17. FML

#16141236
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20120) - you deserved it (53754)

On 05/12/2011 at 7:09am - love - by Username -

Today, I was leaving my friends' apartment in my mom's car and I backed into a fire hydrant. I lied and told my mom it was a hit and run. So she called the apartment complex. They had me on video hitting the fire hydrant. FML

#20824837
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20120) - you deserved it (53972)

On 08/07/2013 at 12:21am - misc - by why me?? - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was putting a wristband on a little boy's wrist so he could swim in the waterpark. Just before I finished, he coughed all over my hands and arms. I finished and looked up at the boy just in time for us to make eye contact and for him to cough directly into my face. FML

#1471
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20119) - you deserved it (2098)

On 01/17/2009 at 3:57pm - kids - by kallens - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I got a haircut and the first thing the lady asked was "so do you want to keep the mullet?". What mullet?! FML

#3797
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20117) - you deserved it (4589)

On 01/30/2009 at 2:06pm - misc - by Noname - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was reminded that I used by dad's camera all summer to take naked pictures for boyfriend when my dad sent me an email saying: "FYI: when you delete pictures directly off the camera they get uploaded as trash files when the camera is connected to the computer." He saw them all. FML

#892613
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20116) - you deserved it (80392)

On 04/09/2009 at 9:15pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I took my daughter to the grocery store. The bag boy seemed to be flirting with me and smiling. He had to be half my age. Once in the car I glimpsed myself in the rear view mirror. I had chocolate completely covering one of my front teeth. FML

#14403939
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20114) - you deserved it (7215)

On 12/31/2010 at 1:13am - misc - by brenami (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I came home from school and found my mother singing along to her latest investment, a compilation CD filled with heavy metal covers of ABBA classics. FML

Today, my wife brought my 5-year-old daughter to visit me at the office. My boss has a speech impediment, and when she heard it, she exclaimed, "Hey my daddy can sound just like you! Show him daddy! Show him!" FML

#20454855
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20113) - you deserved it (40788)

On 01/12/2013 at 3:14am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was on a transatlantic flight, ear plugs in my ears. The steward walked past with a plastic bag. I threw my litter into it and didn't immediately understand why he said, "Very funny, sir." It wasn't a bin bag, he was collecting for Unicef. FML

#461
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20110) - you deserved it (8994)

On 12/06/2008 at 10:49pm - misc - by greg76 - Sent from mobile version

Today, my girlfriend's mom and dad walked in on us while we were playing naked twister. FML

#12476862
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20112) - you deserved it (33079)

On 08/12/2010 at 12:19pm - intimacy - by FML (man) - Canada (Saskatchewan)



FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie replies #1
  • Hello all you crybabies, from Land's End to John o' Groats. Yes, I'm finally here my lovelies. Since last week, my inbox hasn't stopped humming with the noise of new mail dropping into it, letters full…

Friday 31 July 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: