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Today, I bought the only cat on Earth that doesn't like chasing after a laser dot. Goodbye, hours of sick, sick entertainment. FML

#20026951
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12151) - you deserved it (22588)

On 08/17/2012 at 7:33pm - animals - by lonelygirl (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was working my job as a waitress near my college. I handed a customer her check, and she noticed that I had added her bill wrong. I apologized, and she pointed to my "student" labeled nametag, asking what I was studying. I said English. I'm a math major. FML

#2543138
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12145) - you deserved it (42032)

On 06/02/2009 at 7:13pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Delaware)

Today, I finally found out that the tattoo on my lower back means "slut" in Chinese, instead of "good fortune" as I always thought it did. FML

#17612047
258 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12139) - you deserved it (52603)

On 08/29/2011 at 12:22pm - misc - by slut (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was joking around with my eight-year-old son. I told him to pull my finger. I farted, then laughed. He decided to try it on his mother. When she pulled his finger, he crapped his pants. He told her I taught him how to do it. FML

#19791702
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12136) - you deserved it (25791)

On 06/15/2012 at 10:21am - kids - by habbsrule - Canada

Today, moments after leaving early, my boss emails me asking if I'm in the office. After an illegal U-turn, running a stop sign, parking in a visitor spot, and sneaking back to my desk, I find out she was locked out of the building but had since found her keys and let herself back in. FML

#1008
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12132) - you deserved it (8791)

On 01/12/2009 at 3:34pm - work - by Leaving Early Fail - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend and I were role playing when her mum walked past the slightly open door, saw me, and chased me out of the house for stealing her baby's innocence. I was only wearing a red speedo. FML

#12775979
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12130) - you deserved it (33444)

On 08/27/2010 at 7:16pm - intimacy - by yeah - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I shook hands with a girl and held onto her hand while telling her she had very tiny, delicate hands. When I let go to look at them, I discovered she only had two fingers. FML

#30362
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12122) - you deserved it (34098)

On 02/12/2009 at 8:28am - misc - by KWM (man) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I had a stomach virus. I tried to make myself throw up to feel better. My long nails sliced open my throat from the inside, and I threw up blood. FML

#12869426
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12123) - you deserved it (54224)

On 09/02/2010 at 12:03pm - health - by Sickie. (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was flying home from LAX when I realized I left my ID back at the hotel. After making phone calls to the hotel and rental car company, I found it and made it back to the airport in time for my flight. After going through security, I realized I left my cell phone on the hotel counter. FML

#5903706
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12122) - you deserved it (31780)

On 10/19/2009 at 9:10pm - misc - by LAXsucks (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, as I was walking home, I passed some little girls who threw a bunch of snowballs at me. I dodged every single one, ran away laughing, and gave them the finger. I then ran into a snowman. FML

#14727355
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12120) - you deserved it (41928)

On 01/27/2011 at 12:19am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was working on my new house and I was taking out a large cactus. While picking up the pieces to throw away, I noticed a spider on my forearm. Without thinking, I swiped at the spider with a piece of the cactus. I missed the spider, not my forearm. FML

#17467525
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12120) - you deserved it (22821)

On 08/14/2011 at 4:17am - animals - by romea244 - United States (Puerto Rico)

Today, I began my job as an intern at a high school. I saw one of the students looked very familiar, and I couldn't remember from where. Then I figured it out, I had hooked up with him at a club last week. He's a junior in high school, I'm in my last year of college. FML

#5041088
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12115) - you deserved it (46759)

On 09/04/2009 at 1:36pm - misc - by akward (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I grabbed the nearest plastic bag in my bedroom when my boyfriend and I left for Wal-Mart so I could return a pair of shorts. When the cashier dumped the contents of the bag onto the counter at customer service, my shorts and a used condom fell out. It was the longest return of my life. FML

#4574757
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12111) - you deserved it (50308)

On 08/16/2009 at 2:51pm - intimacy - by lolreturn (woman) - United States (Mississippi)



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