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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, some friends and I went to Cosmic Bowling where they have a blacklight. Everyone's teeth were glowing. Mine weren't. FML

#6208863
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12995) - you deserved it (35804)

On 11/08/2009 at 6:12am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg)

Today, I was at the pool, casually flirting with one of the lifeguards. He said that he would gladly give me CPR, in the event that I needed it. I laughed and thanked him, stating that it was a sweet idea, even though I wouldn't be needing assistance. I then choked on my bottled water. FML

#4445744
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12991) - you deserved it (40290)

On 08/11/2009 at 4:58am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up in the hospital. I had apparently overworked my heart so much that I fainted. What caused it? I was playing a racing game on my Wii and freaked out when I won first place. FML

#7789192
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12993) - you deserved it (33998)

On 02/01/2010 at 7:40pm - health - by overexcited (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I didn't realize until I was home that I'd thrown my retainer away with my tray at Chick-fil-A. FML

#12149322
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12985) - you deserved it (26332)

On 07/27/2010 at 6:15pm - money - by idgit42 (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, the iPhone app I downloaded that plays cricket noises during the night, has attracted a horde of actual crickets into my bedroom. FML

#20062154
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12979) - you deserved it (24695)

On 09/07/2012 at 6:32pm - misc - by Gurl - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I was out drinking with some friends in a Safeway parking lot, when I saw a familiar-looking vehicle pull up beside us. It was my dad, who angrily got out and demanded that I come home. I'm twenty-four, and now the laughingstock of my social circle. FML

Today, at work we were gathered to be told some bad news. One of our colleagues would be taking indefinite leave because his wife had dropped their newborn baby. I accidentally laughed at the image. FML

#6043300
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12974) - you deserved it (54883)

On 10/28/2009 at 6:29pm - work - by R (woman) - United Kingdom (Belfast)

Today, I figured out how serious my weight problem really is when my boyfriend had to lift a fat roll before he could enter me. FML

#20067540
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12974) - you deserved it (52919)

On 09/11/2012 at 12:56pm - intimacy - by gemma - United Kingdom (Belfast)

Today, I was racing my friends to the car for shotgun in the parking lot at night. I opened the passenger door of the car to find an old lady staring at me. It was the wrong car. FML

#20427324
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12972) - you deserved it (31419)

On 12/28/2012 at 3:14am - misc - by Anon - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I saw my dad's friend across the street working on my neighbor's roof. To continue the airsoft war we'd been having I shot at him with the sniper gun I bought. I hit him, and he fell off the roof. I ran over to see if he was ok. It wasn't my dad's friend. FML

#15431141
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12971) - you deserved it (47497)

On 03/22/2011 at 12:31pm - misc - by FailedSniper (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I called my seven-year old son to help me with the ice-maker on the fridge because it wasn't working. Without even pausing, he turned the child lock off and started laughing at me. FML

#17260733
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12968) - you deserved it (34540)

On 07/25/2011 at 11:19pm - kids - by unnamed - United States (California)

Today, at the end of a night of heavy drinking, I decided it was a good idea to go off into the park with a friend of mine. We ended up fooling around in the park, when a couple of kids stole our clothes. We had to walk back to town with no clothes on. FML

#3792630
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12955) - you deserved it (68101)

On 07/16/2009 at 2:15am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was talking to this really nice guy who likes me, and he tells me he's packing. I asked him where he was going, he said Puerto Rico. And I said "LUCKY!" He replied "it's for the funeral". I forgot his grandma had died. FML

#429939
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12952) - you deserved it (57240)

On 03/17/2009 at 11:40pm - misc - by natalieeee (woman) - United States (Florida)



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