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Today, at the gym, I saw this really pretty girl. Trying to impress her, I started lifting with heavy weights. One of the weights slipped out of my hand. I then dropped the other one, trying to make it seem like it was on purpose. I dropped the weight on my phone. I squealed. She giggled. FML

#547480
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11283) - you deserved it (80930)

On 03/23/2009 at 1:42am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was cleaning out my new guinea pig cage for the first time because one of them had babies last night. After using a spatula to shovel up the 3 inch layer of crap and placenta, I decided to hose it down. The hose came on so hard, it sprayed the dung and birth water all over my face. FML

#6674325
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11276) - you deserved it (25487)

On 12/09/2009 at 12:07am - animals - by poohead (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I lost my house keys while staggering home drunk, so I decided to climb through an opened window and promptly went to bed. Twenty minutes later the police wake me up while attempting to search my place. The neighbors thought I was a burglar and called the cops. FML

#5916110
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11275) - you deserved it (31320)

On 10/20/2009 at 5:31pm - misc - by FailedEngineer (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my girlfriend felt bad about a rude comment she made to me, and asked me to insult her in return. I told her she was getting fat. Wrong move; now she's not speaking to me. FML

#20199046
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11273) - you deserved it (38192)

On 12/10/2012 at 1:09pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I learned how hard it is to remove peanut butter from your own eye. FML

#18271050
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11273) - you deserved it (20402)

On 11/17/2011 at 6:22am - health - by ray - United States

Today, I was looking in the refrigerator for something to drink. I found a jug of lemonade with a piece of paper on it saying "Mom's Lemonade, Don't Drink!" I was really thirsty, so I ignored it and drank the whole jug. My mom is about to have a colonoscopy and had filled it with laxatives. FML

#4503474
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11270) - you deserved it (129702)

On 08/13/2009 at 3:47pm - health - by Nick (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I paid $80 to change my cell number because my ex-girlfriend had been stalking me. To inform all of my friends of the change, I sent a mass text message to everyone in my phonebook. Including my ex. FML

#3642198
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11268) - you deserved it (75389)

On 07/10/2009 at 3:15pm - love - by Blackberry (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I had to go to court to see whether my drivers license is suspended for an entire year. I woke up early, went to court, and everything went perfectly, with all the charges being dropped. Unfortunately, I then woke up, and am now going to be late. FML

#7437727
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11266) - you deserved it (26591)

On 01/19/2010 at 2:38pm - misc - by haus (man) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, saying I was immature for making gay jokes all the time. A few hours later, I got six texts and three calls from guys I didn't know. It turns out, she put my name and number on Craigslist as a gay man seeking a relationship. FML

#8013875
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11265) - you deserved it (48866)

On 02/08/2010 at 3:21pm - love - by christian9294 - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was babysitting my niece when we decided to play hide and seek. I went in the shed, and waited. After waiting a while, I went to go back inside to see what was happening. I saw my niece had locked all the doors and was eating cookies on the kitchen bench. FML

#5699135
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11263) - you deserved it (35297)

On 10/07/2009 at 6:42am - kids - by vbscb (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I quit smoking. It seems that when you don't smoke for almost 24 hours, your sense of smell comes back. I then noticed how disgusting my apartment smells. Great. FML

#17349530
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11261) - you deserved it (46507)

On 08/02/2011 at 11:33pm - misc - by Username - United States (California)

Today, I found out the hard way that everyone in my dorm knows I watch My Little Pony. FML

#18047257
375 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11256) - you deserved it (38059)

On 10/22/2011 at 4:25pm - work - by Brony - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was messing around with my wife. I grabbed her boobs and said, "Honk honk". Unbeknownst to me, my daughter saw it. Now my 3-year-old girl runs around honking everyone. Even her grandparents. FML

#20172916
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11254) - you deserved it (27316)

On 11/21/2012 at 8:20pm - kids - by piemasterzim (man) - Canada



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