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Today, I became a father. Unfortunately, my wife found out. FML

#19253868
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9980) - you deserved it (144860)

On 03/10/2012 at 9:16pm - misc - by Major3 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my girlfriend and my parents staged an intervention, and have asked me to go to rehab. What they want me to go to rehab for? World of Warcraft. FML

#13588897
262 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9976) - you deserved it (61804)

On 10/25/2010 at 11:06am - misc - by leve80paladin (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, in health class, I raised my hand and asked if you could get an STD from dogs. I have officially now ruined any extremely small chance I had of being popular. FML

#17304355
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9976) - you deserved it (71335)

On 07/30/2011 at 12:38am - animals - by loser4life - United States (Colorado)

Today, while at work, after reading more than 100 FMLs and moderating more than 500, I decided to write one of my own with the help of my boss, who had been standing next to me for over an hour. "How about being fired?" FML

Today, I sent my romantic interest a sexy text about a dream I had about a "sex gameshow." I sent it by replying to the last text sent. I'm now responsible for traumatizing my 12 year old niece who could only reply, "Like Jeopardy?" FML

#16842955
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9972) - you deserved it (42902)

On 06/25/2011 at 12:32am - intimacy - by PandaMantis (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend on the way to meet him. While chatting, I told him that I had a rip in my favorite jeans. When he sympathetically apologized, I said "It's okay, you're just going to take them off in a minute, anyway." I forgot my mom was in the car. FML

#5057922
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9968) - you deserved it (64094)

On 09/05/2009 at 9:39am - love - by leahbeuhh (woman) - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, I jumped into a pile of snow which had built up against a wall. Turns out it wasn't snow but a pile of cement covered by an inch of snow. I now have a 3 inch cut along my leg and a sprained wrist from falling. FML

#7277653
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9969) - you deserved it (24569)

On 01/11/2010 at 8:43am - misc - by Chris (man) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I was at work when I found an iPhone on the floor. I decided not to turn it into the manager and keep it. Five minutes later, a customer asked if anyone had turned in her missing phone. I said no and began to walk away, when her friend called her phone. It rang. She recognized the ringtone. FML

#18086269
520 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9968) - you deserved it (180347)

On 10/27/2011 at 1:01am - work - by charlie3289 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I came home to find a car parked in my assigned space. Pissed off, I left a note on the car's windshield saying, "Hey Assface, thanks for parking in my spot. I spat on your door handle." It turns out it was my girlfriend's parent's car. They took us out to dinner. FML

#1285510
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9966) - you deserved it (69704)

On 04/24/2009 at 9:24am - love - by jason (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. I speak 4 languages and thought if I spoke French, the Officer would let me off with a warning thinking I was a tourist. Afterwards I turned to my wife and said "I can't believe that worked." He was a few feet away and heard. FML

#3838271
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9966) - you deserved it (93936)

On 07/17/2009 at 6:40pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I bleached my hair for the new school year. Instead of blonde, it came out orange, making my hair resemble a bloated pumpkin. FML

#12918754
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9964) - you deserved it (28087)

On 09/05/2010 at 3:20pm - misc - by xXRowynXx - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I entered the crowded bus and one man sitting in the priority seat glanced at me. Upon seeing my protruding tummy, he quickly offered me his seat. I took the seat. I am not pregnant. FML

#8005282
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9963) - you deserved it (28767)

On 02/08/2010 at 5:52am - health - by preggers (woman) - United Kingdom (Bristol)

Today, my boyfriend and I pulled over to have sex in his mother's car. It was going great until I leaned back onto the horn, waking up our whole neighborhood. FML

#16635570
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9961) - you deserved it (40901)

On 06/12/2011 at 10:50pm - intimacy - by Shelly - United States (Indiana)



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