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Today, my parents came to visit me. I bought boxers and cologne to make it look like I had a man here. I've been single since I moved away. FML

#17866876
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10422) - you deserved it (23979)

On 09/29/2011 at 9:33pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was at a friend's party. Her neighbor and I really hit it off. We went off into the woods and left everyone, including her parents, at the bonfire. We started hooking up when my friend ran over. Apparently they could see everything. We had on glow stick necklaces and bracelets. FML

#3905141
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10419) - you deserved it (62869)

On 07/20/2009 at 12:50pm - intimacy - by hoho5191 (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, after having been a vegetarian for 8 years because I'm opposed to cruelty to animals, I lost a bet and had to eat a whole cheeseburger. I loved it. FML

#7666116
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10419) - you deserved it (51767)

On 01/29/2010 at 2:25am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I boarded a trans-Atlantic flight by myself, and struck up a nice conversation with the passenger across the aisle. Before we even took off, the man in front of me unbuckled, stood to face me, and asked me to please shut the hell up. "It's a 9 hour flight, and you're VERY loud!" FML

#13275274
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10418) - you deserved it (31771)

On 10/01/2010 at 10:32am - misc - by northernlass - United States (Ohio)

Today, I fell asleep for an hour in the bathroom while taking a dump. I had to convince everyone I went for a walk during lunch since no one saw my car leave. FML

#17736567
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10418) - you deserved it (21367)

On 09/13/2011 at 2:14pm - work - by Brian B - United States

Today, I was walking in Walmart and this cute guy walked by me and winked. I thought he wanted to talk so I followed him around the store trying to catch up. Turns out it wasn't a wink, he had something in his eye. And he told the security person that a weird girl was stalking him. FML

#2156907
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10414) - you deserved it (46507)

On 05/21/2009 at 7:46pm - misc - by liz (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was dared to eat durian. With my reputation hanging in the balance, I bought one. Only after I opened it did I realize the extent of the dare. It smelled and tasted like dried cat shit that Satan himself had regurgitated. FML

#17243352
363 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10411) - you deserved it (32039)

On 07/24/2011 at 5:01pm - misc - by cadillacfrank - United States

Today, my dogs broke through our electric fence, one of whom managed to get his collar off. I picked it up and, without thinking, went across the fence line. I screamed like a chihuahua being run over by a bulldozer. FML

#18378000
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10411) - you deserved it (33087)

On 11/28/2011 at 6:54pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, I found out that shutting off the heat in the rental property my parents owned was a bad idea. The water froze and the pipes burst, causing the whole kitchen ceiling to fall down. The water ruined the wood floors and the appliances. I turned off the heat to save money. FML

#7146444
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10409) - you deserved it (31577)

On 01/04/2010 at 2:20pm - money - by WorkSexMonkey (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was so starved of human contact that I almost took up a transsexual hooker's offer of a "good time." Nothing wrong with that really, but they looked like a haunted tree dressed as Liza Minnelli. FML

#17675561
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10409) - you deserved it (20272)

On 09/05/2011 at 10:38pm - intimacy - by Username (man) - United States (California)

Today, a few friends and I ran through sprinklers at our school until we were all soaked. Then we were told that they put fertilizer in the water. I'm soaked in manure. Now I know why it tasted weird. FML

#10777630
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10407) - you deserved it (36720)

On 05/26/2010 at 2:35pm - misc - by noraidk - United States (Texas)

Today, my best friend who I've known since high school is getting married. I'm supposed to give a toast during the reception about how great the bride and groom are. I've been sleeping with the groom for the past 7 months. FML

#12294723
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10407) - you deserved it (128032)

On 08/03/2010 at 7:54pm - intimacy - by Emily (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I ran into Target's dressing rooms to try pants on, leaving my full cart outside. An employee thought it had been left there, and took it to put the stuff back. My coat, hat, gloves were in it. I had to walk home. FML

#14074795
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10402) - you deserved it (18951)

On 12/03/2010 at 7:11pm - misc - by freezingtodeath - United States (Ohio)



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