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Today, my husband won't seek medical treatment for a condition he's been living with for years because he saw an episode of House, in which the treatment made the condition worse in a very rare instance. FML

by Anonymous / 10/19/2015 at 5:26am / United States (Kentucky) / Health

Today, I noticed that when I sweat I smell like bacon. I'm a vegetarian. FML

by sweatstreaks / 09/16/2011 at 5:38am / United Kingdom (Wiltshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, after applying for a job at the local pet store, I picked up a ferret. It began licking my cheek, causing me to turn my head. It then latched onto my ear and hung like a giant furry hoop earring. I screamed, then quietly left the building. FML

by parkertownparadise / 02/16/2012 at 2:43am / United States (North Carolina) / Animals

Today, we received a wedding invitation from a couple who are renting an apartment from us. They haven't paid rent for several months. My father is listed as the "principal sponsor." FML

by moronicmoroccan / 01/23/2009 at 5:16am / Philippines (Rizal) / Money

Today, I parked my car in a garage that cost $13 for every 10 minutes past 10 o'clock. When I came back to the garage at 10, I had forgotten where I parked it and spent an hour looking for it. I paid $78 to lose my car. FML

by lostcar / 05/26/2009 at 1:39am / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, after putting in 110% at my shitty job for two years straight, my boss told me point-blank I'm too good in my current position for him to ever be able to justify promoting me. FML

by Anonymous / 08/25/2015 at 1:51am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I was opening up to my close friend about my low self esteem. To make me feel better, he told me that he gets a boner whenever he walks behind me. FML

by anonymous / 11/27/2009 at 4:20am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I overheard a conversation between coworkers, during which my name was mentioned, then, "and then I followed her around for a bit, but she didn’t do it again." Everyone laughed. I've no idea what I did that was so funny. FML

by What? / 04/18/2012 at 9:15pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, my girlfriend read an FML by some guy about fight he had with his nutjob of a girlfriend. It was so bizarrely similar to a fight we had recently that she accused me of not having any balls and bitching about her to strangers. It wasn't even my story. FML

by believe me now?? / 01/22/2016 at 3:55pm / United Kingdom (Derbyshire) / Love

Today, I finished painting my living room. I had to leave the house in a rush. When I got home, I found smears of paint all around and the carpet crusted with paint that had dried. My cat had rubbed up against the walls and tracked it around. FML

by Spelit / 08/13/2010 at 3:45pm / United States (Iowa) / Animals

Today, I went on a blind date. He took one look at me and said, "Well, we might as well get a drink anyway." FML

by dateless / 09/21/2012 at 7:48am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Love

Today, I woke up from a dream in which my girlfriend gave birth to a litter of puppies. I can't even look at her now without getting nauseous. FML

by yooitscallo / 08/22/2015 at 3:30am / United States (Illinois) / Animals

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after my check cleared for my half of the $1000 deposit on our new apartment. FML

by Anonymous / 05/23/2012 at 2:26am / United States / Love