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Today, we got our family pictures back from the printers. I complained to my mom about the ones she picked. "Oh don't worry," she said. "I had them photoshop out your gut." I was talking about my smile. FML

by Me / 01/12/2010 at 12:11am / United States (Montana) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother met my boyfriend. She thought it would be appropriate to tell him that he looks just like my ex-husband. FML

by Anonymous / 06/28/2012 at 8:08am / Ireland (Dublin) / Miscellaneous

Today, we received a wedding invitation from a couple who are renting an apartment from us. They haven't paid rent for several months. My father is listed as the "principal sponsor." FML

by moronicmoroccan / 01/23/2009 at 5:16am / Philippines (Rizal) / Money

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after my check cleared for my half of the $1000 deposit on our new apartment. FML

by Anonymous / 05/23/2012 at 2:26am / United States / Love

Today, I babysat the Antichrist of all kids. After the 5 long hours were over, his parents came home. Instead of paying me what they agreed, they offered to let me eat some leftovers of a takeout in the fridge. I'm so afraid of confrontation that I accepted. FML

by raquel / 07/17/2015 at 12:40pm / United States / Money

Today, my mom tried to give me advice on how to improve my looks. I scoffed at her but listened to her advice anyway. She ended her tirade with, "I just want you to get laid someday." FML

by Anonymous / 11/27/2009 at 4:45pm / United States (Idaho) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that my old roommate used to clean her goldfish bowl with my toothbrush. We lived together for six months. FML

by disgusted / 03/16/2012 at 5:02am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, while swimming under water, my 80-pound lab thought I was drowning and tried to "rescue" me by jumping in after me, wrapping his front legs around my neck, and standing on my chest. FML

by Angel / 06/21/2015 at 10:16pm / United States (Michigan) / Animals

Today, I received frantic calls and messages from my husband wondering where I was and if I was cheating on him. I was in the same house as him. FML

by Katie / 10/09/2012 at 1:42am / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, at work, a drunk demanded a salad dressing we don't have. He marched into my kitchen and demanded I make it for him. When I said we didn't have the ingredients, he pushed the microwave over and stormed out. My boss came in and wrote me up for being "pushy and rude to customers". FML

by Talis / 01/12/2016 at 8:24am / United States (California) / Work

Today, while cooking, I managed to burn my finger. I quickly turned the tap on and ran my finger under cold water, but apparently someone had just used the hot tap, because boiling water flooded out onto my nicely scalded finger. FML

by burnt / 08/13/2012 at 12:43am / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my elderly dad learned how to use Facebook. He now spends most of his time messaging me about his meals, his bowel movements and his foot fungus. He's now learning how to use Skype. FML

by IceWrath / 08/16/2015 at 4:14am / United Kingdom (York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I asked my boss if I could have a bigger cubicle. I'm now working in one that is half the size of my old one. FML

by hatemyboss / 04/12/2012 at 8:37pm / United States (California) / Work