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Today, I got a job babysitting two really sweet kids. When their parents left, they told me that their cat had died. I told them how sorry I was, to which one of them replied, "That's okay. We still have him in a box. Wanna see?" FML

by Jessica / 10/18/2012 at 9:57pm / United States / Kids

Today, while cooking, I managed to burn my finger. I quickly turned the tap on and ran my finger under cold water, but apparently someone had just used the hot tap, because boiling water flooded out onto my nicely scalded finger. FML

by burnt / 08/13/2012 at 12:43am / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I dropped my kid into a crowded wishing fountain instead of a coin. FML

by jake / 08/12/2014 at 6:21am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids

Today, I went to the orthodontist, and found out when I was supposed to get my braces off. His exact words, "You'll get them off around Christmas... but we're not sure what year." FML

by KenzoBVB / 09/01/2015 at 11:55pm / Canada / Health

Today, my mom tried to give me advice on how to improve my looks. I scoffed at her but listened to her advice anyway. She ended her tirade with, "I just want you to get laid someday." FML

by Anonymous / 11/27/2009 at 4:45pm / United States (Idaho) / Intimacy

Today, while I was putting up Christmas lights, my younger brother wouldn't stop pestering me. It seems he hadn't forgotten the time I gave myself an electric shock last year, and he wanted to see if I'd do it again. FML

by Anonymous / 12/03/2011 at 1:11pm / United States / Kids

Today, I found out that my 'girlfriend', who I've been emailing with, was really my friend playing a prank on me. He asked me for naked pictures of myself and I sent them to him. FML

by Paco4242 / 06/12/2009 at 9:47pm / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, I babysat the Antichrist of all kids. After the 5 long hours were over, his parents came home. Instead of paying me what they agreed, they offered to let me eat some leftovers of a takeout in the fridge. I'm so afraid of confrontation that I accepted. FML

by raquel / 07/17/2015 at 12:40pm / United States / Money

Today, we got our family pictures back from the printers. I complained to my mom about the ones she picked. "Oh don't worry," she said. "I had them photoshop out your gut." I was talking about my smile. FML

by Me / 01/12/2010 at 12:11am / United States (Montana) / Miscellaneous

Today, at work, I spent half an hour on the phone with a customer. At the end of the conversation, as he was putting down the phone, I heard him say 'God, he was a miserable git'. I'm a 28 year old woman. FML

by tgpgs / 01/19/2011 at 9:55am / Work

Today, I found out that my old roommate used to clean her goldfish bowl with my toothbrush. We lived together for six months. FML

by disgusted / 03/16/2012 at 5:02am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I flexed so hard for a selfie, I gave myself a hernia. FML

by ShutTheFuCupcake / 05/13/2014 at 7:46pm / Canada (Alberta) / Health

Today, my boyfriend showed up at my grandmother's wake in torn jeans and a Family Guy t-shirt. When I took him aside asked him what the hell he was thinking, he lost his temper and stormed out. FML

by Anonymous / 01/04/2013 at 5:52pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous