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Today, I was vigorously putting primer on my canvas for a beginning painting class. I accidentally sprayed specks of primer on the very dark painting to the right of mine. The painter is in an advanced class. She's been working on this one all semester. There's no one to her right. FML

#5825790
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6985) - you deserved it (27850)

On 10/14/2009 at 5:31am - misc - by fmypaint (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my band played for our school. We were cheered for and everything. Being the lead singer I tried to look cool and push the mic away and pull it back by pushing down the bottom of the stand with my foot. It hit my face and I bled like crazy but I kept singing. No one clapped at the end. FML

#6297066
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6981) - you deserved it (24481)

On 11/14/2009 at 2:27am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I had to clean my walls with those Mr Clean Magic Sponges because we were having visitors. I got bored and started drawing penises with it because they would leave wet marks. There is nothing magic about how slow they dry when your visitors come an hour early. They saw all ten of them. FML

#3723567
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6980) - you deserved it (55350)

On 07/13/2009 at 6:18pm - misc - by iJehx (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got my foot stuck in the car seat belt. I kept pulling to loosen it up but it just kept getting tighter till my foot was in the air, so I started panicking and eventually started crying. My boyfriend had to pull over and save me from a seat belt. FML

#19368346
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6979) - you deserved it (19871)

On 03/29/2012 at 2:33am - misc - by greeneyedpothead - United States (California)

Today, I was having an argument with my girlfriend in front of our friends. I didn't want her to spoil my good time, so I ignored her until she disappeared. She re-appeared thirty minutes later just to throw a punch that would make Muhammad Ali jealous. Our friends' reaction? They clapped. FML

#19884925
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6977) - you deserved it (36944)

On 07/03/2012 at 7:51am - misc - by ali (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me for the fifth time, and all I could say was: "Can I have my parking permit back?" FML

#7451699
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6974) - you deserved it (24314)

On 01/20/2010 at 2:33am - love - by mapollis (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had an interview for a job I really wanted. On my resume, I wrote that I speak conversational Spanish, although I don't. When I arrived for the interview, my interviewer decided to conduct it in Spanish. FML

#20549811
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6973) - you deserved it (76550)

On 03/18/2013 at 7:42pm - work - by nohablaespanol - United States (Texas)

Today, I used the phrase "bitch please" in real life. It was funny until the "bitch" bitch-slapped me in the face. FML

#20100764
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6972) - you deserved it (26755)

On 10/03/2012 at 11:14pm - misc - by staticman101 - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was disciplining one of my students for behavior, and he started to roll his eyes every time I was trying to teach the lesson. So I threatened to write him up. After looking closely at the student, I realized he has a lazy roaming eye. FML

#13555511
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6959) - you deserved it (28638)

On 10/22/2010 at 10:15pm - work - by qhu - United States (Florida)

Today, I spent $400 at the stripclub and got 4 phone numbers. I as walked out of the club, I noticed it was tranny-night. FML

#5857
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6957) - you deserved it (34568)

On 02/02/2009 at 11:42pm - money - by bluntedone (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, to scare my little brother I dressed up as the killer from the Scream movies. The outfit was a little too long on me, and I ended up falling down the stairs. Not only was he doubled over laughing, but so were the people in the emergency room. FML

#20186785
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6955) - you deserved it (21501)

On 12/01/2012 at 3:21pm - health - by fieldmarshalclitter (man) - United States

Today, I was cuddling on the couch with my girlfriend when I started to tickle her, she asked me to stop but I continued. She had a reaction, and kneed me in the happy sacks. FML

#5494744
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6954) - you deserved it (56160)

On 09/26/2009 at 10:19pm - love - by civicman (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to court expecting to walk out a free man. Turns out my misdemeanor offense couldn't compare to the crime I committed when I walked into the court house with a switchblade tucked into my shoe. FML

#17500518
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6951) - you deserved it (91500)

On 08/17/2011 at 2:27pm - misc - by Tom - United States (Texas)



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