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Today, I was in my room and I drew a Harry Potter lightning bolt on my forehead in eyeliner because it cheers me up. Then some friends came over, so we went out to get yogurt, and when I got back I realized the lightning bolt was still there. I'm in college. FML

#150971
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12281) - you deserved it (68702)

On 02/27/2009 at 3:57am - misc - by Fenny (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was suffering from a persistant, irritating itch on my butthole. Worried, I took a picture with my iPhone to get an idea of what was causing said itch. I never found the source, but my Mum and grandmother did, on the iPad. Thanks, Photo Stream. FML

#19208526
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12275) - you deserved it (27370)

On 03/03/2012 at 11:12am - health - by Buttscratcher (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I thought it would be funny to touch my girlfriend's back with my cold hands. She thought it would be funny to crush my left testicle with her knee as I was trying to fall asleep. FML

#6378966
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12271) - you deserved it (35719)

On 11/20/2009 at 10:51am - love - by inpain (man) - United States (California)

Today, I wore a beautiful new dress that I got for £5 only in a sale. I've been turning heads in it all day. When I got home, my mum pulled the massive red £5 tag off of the back. FML

#5620277
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12269) - you deserved it (35247)

On 10/03/2009 at 11:38am - misc - by Adalia (woman) - United Kingdom (Bournemouth)

Today, at work, a man walked up the escalator with his chubby kid next to him and asked me where the shoe section was. I said, "For you or your son?" He said, "For my daughter." FML

#29521
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12265) - you deserved it (31101)

On 02/12/2009 at 1:13am - misc - by Mal2222 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I came through a DUI checkpoint. The trooper noticed some donuts I had. He asked, "Are those donuts?" Jokingly, I replied, "Yes. Why? Are you going to confiscate them?" He didn't see the humor and pulled me off to the side to have a team search my truck. FML

#13932750
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12264) - you deserved it (24594)

On 11/22/2010 at 1:26am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I started my brand new job. I was late because while repairing my favorite pair of high heels, I got superglue in my eye. They had to scrape my cornea and I have to wear an eye patch. I'm now the "new pirate" in the office. FML

#19408949
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12257) - you deserved it (17279)

On 04/04/2012 at 9:41pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, I found out that since I stopped shaving my legs, my boyfriend and his friends have started referring to me as a Wookiee. FML

#16374893
332 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12256) - you deserved it (57868)

On 05/27/2011 at 4:57pm - misc - by FMLer (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, was the last day of the prank war between me and my husband. I told him the last prank needed to be the best one. I took a shower and tried to think up my last prank. When I got out of the shower, my hair was green. FML

#18080621
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12256) - you deserved it (33666)

On 10/26/2011 at 1:56pm - misc - by mycedes - United States

Today, I helped myself to some homemade biscuits that had been left in the kitchen. I thought they looked a little odd, but they tasted pretty good. I found out later they were homemade dog treats. FML

#17017863
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12249) - you deserved it (27048)

On 07/07/2011 at 6:52pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I was in bed with my cat on my lap. No one was around, so I felt comfortable enough to let out a huge fart. What I didn't expect was my cat jumping up and then clawing and biting my crotch. FML

#6971032
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12247) - you deserved it (25256)

On 12/27/2009 at 8:04am - animals - by axwound (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my girlfriend agreed to doing it doggy style. During it all, I pulled on her hair. I guess I pulled too hard, because when I let go, her face smacked straight into the bedside table. FML

#18220908
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12246) - you deserved it (40526)

On 11/11/2011 at 5:29pm - intimacy - by Henry - Norway (Hordaland)

Today, I went to a restaurant and only brought $14 with me to eat. I ordered and ate my meal, then went to the counter to pay for it. I threw $2 into the tip jar then got my bill. My bill was $13.86. I had to reach into the tip jar and take my $2 back so I could pay for my meal. FML

#3046159
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12245) - you deserved it (50261)

On 06/19/2009 at 11:17pm - money - by pinkplasticjesus (man) - Canada (Ontario)



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