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Today, I fed my cats their usual dinner of canned cat food. Without thinking, I put the spoon I had used for their food into my mouth so I could use both hands to rinse the can before recycling it. FML

#14526378
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10721) - you deserved it (28534)

On 01/09/2011 at 10:18pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I found out what cat food tastes like mixed with mayo, hot sauce, and between two perfectly toasted pieces of rye bread. My cat found out what tuna tastes like instead of her normal food. FML

#11310878
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10720) - you deserved it (31556)

On 06/19/2010 at 12:27pm - animals - by kasai_x0x (man) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I faked back pain to get out of sex with my wife. FML

#19519043
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10714) - you deserved it (31037)

On 04/23/2012 at 9:48pm - intimacy - by hjkashld (man) - United States

Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML

#19959363
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10712) - you deserved it (36809)

On 07/19/2012 at 2:55pm - misc - by Bontempi (man) - France

Today, I locked my keys in the car while the car was running because I got out to get the parking ticket attached to my windshield. FML

#6507762
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10703) - you deserved it (22283)

On 11/29/2009 at 2:25am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I proudly told my elitist dad that I now have a beautiful girlfriend. He didn't believe me, so I showed him her Facebook. He demanded that I stop seeing her, saying that the duck-facing in her avatar was the hallmark of "a lower form of being" who would only ever shame our family. FML

#19778453
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10699) - you deserved it (26517)

On 06/12/2012 at 7:39pm - love - by idontgetit (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was taking my boyfriend to the mall. In the parking lot I pointed out an old man in a vibrant pink sweater who was leaving by saying "He is so gay." My boyfriend got out of the car and walked towards the man calling "Hey Papaw!" It was his grandfather. FML

#1067181
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10693) - you deserved it (71191)

On 04/17/2009 at 8:46pm - misc - by grampsisgay (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got a new cell phone. I was texting pictures from my old phone to my new one, including several dirty ones, when I noticed I wasn't receiving any of them on the new phone. I was texting the wrong number. FML

#4792669
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10690) - you deserved it (54175)

On 08/24/2009 at 7:49pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was one of five people called up to the front in class to receive a special notice from the school administration. The first four people received awards for outstanding effort in school. Mine was a notice that I had overdue library fines. FML

#10502352
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10690) - you deserved it (24427)

On 05/13/2010 at 3:39am - misc - by leftout (man) - United States (California)

Today, it is New Year's Day. While all of my friends are out partying, I stayed home and mastered level 34 on FarmVille. FML

#7075240
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10689) - you deserved it (32116)

On 01/01/2010 at 3:16am - misc - by thatsjustlovely (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I took the subway. The man sitting across from me would not stop staring at my breasts, so when the train came to my stop, I said, "Nothing to see now, asshole." Then I noticed his white walking stick as he got up to get off. He was blind. FML

#144886
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10685) - you deserved it (71739)

On 02/26/2009 at 5:21pm - misc - by belladonna (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I knew his parents wouldn't be there. Later, I woke up in a hospital bed because his sister thought I was a burglar and tased me. FML

#5738232
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10684) - you deserved it (37483)

On 10/09/2009 at 11:05am - love - by TasedAndDazed (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was sitting on the toilet when I felt something brush my shoulder. I turned around in fright, and one of my bum cheeks slipped off the seat and into the toilet, making me fall sideways and hit my face on the toilet roll holder. I now have a black eye. It was my hair on my shoulder. FML

#9068483
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10684) - you deserved it (19867)

On 03/14/2010 at 6:50am - misc - by Hatty (woman) - United Kingdom



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