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Today, moments after leaving early, my boss emails me asking if I'm in the office. After an illegal U-turn, running a stop sign, parking in a visitor spot, and sneaking back to my desk, I find out she was locked out of the building but had since found her keys and let herself back in. FML

#1008
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12128) - you deserved it (8790)

On 01/12/2009 at 3:34pm - work - by Leaving Early Fail - United States (California)

Today, I shook hands with a girl and held onto her hand while telling her she had very tiny, delicate hands. When I let go to look at them, I discovered she only had two fingers. FML

#30362
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12121) - you deserved it (34092)

On 02/12/2009 at 8:28am - misc - by KWM (man) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I was flying home from LAX when I realized I left my ID back at the hotel. After making phone calls to the hotel and rental car company, I found it and made it back to the airport in time for my flight. After going through security, I realized I left my cell phone on the hotel counter. FML

#5903706
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12119) - you deserved it (31769)

On 10/19/2009 at 9:10pm - misc - by LAXsucks (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I had a stomach virus. I tried to make myself throw up to feel better. My long nails sliced open my throat from the inside, and I threw up blood. FML

#12869426
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12118) - you deserved it (54221)

On 09/02/2010 at 12:03pm - health - by Sickie. (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was working on my new house and I was taking out a large cactus. While picking up the pieces to throw away, I noticed a spider on my forearm. Without thinking, I swiped at the spider with a piece of the cactus. I missed the spider, not my forearm. FML

#17467525
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12118) - you deserved it (22816)

On 08/14/2011 at 4:17am - animals - by romea244 - United States (Puerto Rico)

Today, as I was walking home, I passed some little girls who threw a bunch of snowballs at me. I dodged every single one, ran away laughing, and gave them the finger. I then ran into a snowman. FML

#14727355
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12117) - you deserved it (41925)

On 01/27/2011 at 12:19am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I began my job as an intern at a high school. I saw one of the students looked very familiar, and I couldn't remember from where. Then I figured it out, I had hooked up with him at a club last week. He's a junior in high school, I'm in my last year of college. FML

#5041088
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12114) - you deserved it (46756)

On 09/04/2009 at 1:36pm - misc - by akward (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I took my driver's test. I did everything flawlessly, but my examiner kept all but pissing his pants throughout. He yelled, "ARE YOU TRYING TO GET US KILLED?!" when I drove past a traffic light just as it was about to turn red. The road was almost empty. He failed me on the spot. FML

#20517994
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12110) - you deserved it (46646)

On 02/22/2013 at 8:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia

Today, I grabbed the nearest plastic bag in my bedroom when my boyfriend and I left for Wal-Mart so I could return a pair of shorts. When the cashier dumped the contents of the bag onto the counter at customer service, my shorts and a used condom fell out. It was the longest return of my life. FML

#4574757
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12108) - you deserved it (50307)

On 08/16/2009 at 2:51pm - intimacy - by lolreturn (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, at work, there was some teenage hoodlums outside in our parking lot. When I tell them to leave, one of the bigger guys steps up and says "I'll kick your ass!". I yell "No balls!", to the teen. He then whips me to the ground and sits on my face, proving to me that he did. FML

Today, my wife was complaining she always has to put up the Christmas tree. So this year while she was out shopping, I decided to put it up. I set it too close to the fireplace and it caught fire. I'm a firefighter. FML

#14149224
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12106) - you deserved it (36852)

On 12/10/2010 at 12:11am - misc - by 479firefighter -

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I came to the conclusion that you should always tell the truth. While I was busy reassuring her that the condom didn't break, she was telling me how it was okay because she was on the pill. According to the pregnancy test, we both lied. FML

#14585624
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12106) - you deserved it (46800)

On 01/15/2011 at 2:09am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I put on makeup for a picture. My Facebook profile picture. That's how much of a life I actually have. FML

#12534816
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12097) - you deserved it (29324)

On 08/15/2010 at 4:42am - misc - by Lifeless (woman) - United States (Texas)



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