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Today, I noticed that I have gained enough weight to give me back boobs. FML

#19040950
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11070) - you deserved it (30165)

On 02/10/2012 at 11:12am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was pumping gas and decided to go in for a drink. I discovered that when it's cold, sometimes the gas doesn't stop pumping automatically and starts spewing out onto the sidewalk. I had to pay for $53 of spilled gas. FML

Today, I work at a pizza place and one of my jobs is to spoon crushed red pepper into bags. After I finished this, without thinking to wash my hands first, I used the bathroom. It still burns. FML

#10959899
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11062) - you deserved it (31091)

On 06/04/2010 at 1:36am - work - by firecrotch (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I woke up and looked over to see the "beautiful girl" I slept with last night. Turns out it was the obsessive girl from my class with a man-face I had avoided all semester. In conclusion, beer goggles are very real and very powerful. FML

#20149916
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11060) - you deserved it (40830)

On 11/06/2012 at 12:15am - intimacy - by coolguy (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I got called for a job interview. I didn't catch where it was, and in my excitement I forgot to ask. I now have no idea where I'm being interviewed. FML

#17919933
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11056) - you deserved it (28020)

On 10/06/2011 at 1:27pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I'm on holiday, but my alarm clock isn't. It rang at 6 o'clock. FML

#213
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11053) - you deserved it (41144)

On 11/05/2008 at 2:35am - misc - by Fsd - France (Franche-Comte)

Today, I got pulled over for speeding. I started fixing my hair and unbuttoning a couple of buttons on my shirt, hoping the policeman would let me off with a warning. When he got to the car, he rolled his eyes and muttered something under his breath. I saw him walk back to the cop car gagging. FML

#1316192
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11050) - you deserved it (77117)

On 04/25/2009 at 9:51am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was getting a pedicure, and they used some sort of scrubby thing that really tickled my feet. When I couldn't take it any more, I accidentally kicked the lady who was doing my nails in the face. FML

#7562154
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11046) - you deserved it (20421)

On 01/25/2010 at 1:33am - health - by nyu (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I went to the sandcastle contest at my local beach. While waiting in line for my hotdog, a man cut in front of me and demanded a cup of water. I called him a jack ass and was saying how people like him give us a bad reputation on the beach. I then see him running to his choking daughter. FML

#1123133
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11042) - you deserved it (78465)

On 04/19/2009 at 4:49pm - misc - by howembarrasing (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I felt like letting my ex know just how I felt about all the bullshit he put me through. I dug up his number, typed a long paragraph with lots of pain and emotion, and sent it. The reply: "No wonder he broke up with you." Thanks, whoever has that number now. FML

#20512366
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11040) - you deserved it (40951)

On 02/18/2013 at 4:30pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I came home from work and went to open the door. I Iooked in the window and saw a man in my house. Terrified, I called the police. They came, searched the house, and found nothing missing. I went back inside and looked through the window and saw him again. It was my reflection. FML

#1467567
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11038) - you deserved it (73256)

On 04/29/2009 at 7:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while at the bakeshop, I got bored waiting in line so I decided to sit on the glass case protecting cupcakes. Turns out there was no glass. I had to pay $50 to cover all the mess and had to walk out of the bakeshop with icing all over my butt. FML

#1618603
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11039) - you deserved it (71791)

On 05/04/2009 at 3:34am - misc - by kandi (woman) - Philippines (Bulacan)

Today, I had a big party that left my house really messy. I spent hours cleaning the house until it was spotless. When my parents got home, my dad said "Did you have fun at the party?" and I said, "How'd you know?" and he replied "You hate cleaning and the house was filthy when we left". FML

#3777145
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11035) - you deserved it (48800)

On 07/15/2009 at 3:44pm - misc - by far23 (man) - United States (New Jersey)



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