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Today, I was at work as a lifeguard. The temperature was absolutely stifling, but I tried to tough it out. A couple of hours into my shift, I passed out, fell off my stand, and crashed into the water. Or so the medics tell me. FML

by Soap0015 / 08/16/2012 at 5:57am / United States / Work

Today, I complained about being bored to death on Facebook. Someone took it as a suicide threat and called the police. They showed up at my apartment and my workplace. FML

by Nucleus / 10/08/2015 at 9:48am / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Health

Today, I was in the bus on my way home. I was reading a book, and drops of something were getting all over it. It was the man sitting next to me who was asleep and drooling. FML

by fml_forever32 / 12/23/2009 at 1:56pm / United States (Florida) / Transportation

Today, the only one that became aroused while looking at me in my sexy Halloween costume was my dog. FML

by Shelly / 10/30/2010 at 2:09pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, wanting to break up with my boyfriend, I invited him to dinner with my parents. I was sure they'd hate him, which would give me the excuse I needed. They ended up loving him, and now they won't stop mentioning marriage. FML

by Anonymous / 02/07/2014 at 6:16pm / United Kingdom / Love

Today, while I was putting up Christmas lights, my younger brother wouldn't stop pestering me. It seems he hadn't forgotten the time I gave myself an electric shock last year, and he wanted to see if I'd do it again. FML

by Anonymous / 12/03/2011 at 1:11pm / United States / Kids

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me and while trying to make a dramatic exit, I slammed his car door, slipped on the ice and landed on my back in front of a large crowd of onlookers. FML

by kill me / 01/31/2009 at 10:30am / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Love

Today, I went on a blind date. He took one look at me and said, "Well, we might as well get a drink anyway." FML

by dateless / 09/21/2012 at 7:48am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Love

Today, I found out that whenever I send my son to his room, he goes on his iPod and buys the most expensive apps he can find. So far I've been charged $600. FML

by StupidApple / 05/24/2011 at 8:02pm / Kids

Today, after our old roommate left because he was too dirty for us to live with anymore, we found out that our new roommate has "borrowed" our shampoo, towel, toilet paper, liquor, without replacing them. I wish we still only had to clean up. FML

by upset room mate / 08/18/2011 at 2:59am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I met my girlfriend's mom. She went on about how my girlfriend's dad is a no good drunk, following this statement with spilling her fifth glass of wine. FML

by Anonymous / 04/23/2012 at 1:50am / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, I went to the orthodontist, and found out when I was supposed to get my braces off. His exact words, "You'll get them off around Christmas... but we're not sure what year." FML

by KenzoBVB / 09/01/2015 at 11:55pm / Canada / Health

Today, I discovered I have really bad dandruff. I learned this when I went indoor mini golfing and my whole upper body lit up like a Christmas tree underneath the black light. Among my friends I'm now known as the abominable snowman. FML

by Andrew7847 / 04/22/2012 at 1:24am / United States (Texas) / Health