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Today, I was trying to convince my flatmate to agree to let me get us a kitten. After gushing about how cute they are, and showing her loads of pictures, she just stared at me and said, "You really need a penis inside you now and again." FML

#20087001
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15789) - you deserved it (19833)

On 09/24/2012 at 7:12pm - intimacy - by foreveralone (woman) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)

Today, a stoplight turned yellow as I was approaching it. I was about to go through but saw a cop, panicked, and slammed on the brakes. I ended up in the middle of the intersection and had to reverse. Soon the light turned green, and I stepped on the gas. My car was still in reverse. FML

#142298
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15784) - you deserved it (49842)

On 02/26/2009 at 11:17am - misc - by River (woman) - United States (Delaware)

Today, I was singing one of my favorite songs in my car while at a red light. A guy made it a point to get my attention and said, "If you're really going to sing that bad, you should probably roll your windows up." FML

#20126033
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15783) - you deserved it (10477)

On 10/21/2012 at 12:24am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house for dinner with his family. His mom cooked up a steak dinner, except that I'm a vegan, but trying to be a good girlfriend, I forced it down. Upon his mother finding out I was a vegan, she called me "disloyal to my beliefs." FML

#13980533
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15779) - you deserved it (35329)

On 11/25/2010 at 10:28pm - misc - by saywhat (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to get my spray tan before my semi-formal. After I applied lotion to the bottom of my feet as instructed, I went in the booth and began to start the tanning session. I lost my balance and fell right as the machine began to spray. I look like a spotted cheetah. FML

#154795
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15777) - you deserved it (34656)

On 02/27/2009 at 6:09pm - misc - by tan disaster - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went shopping with my sister. Looking for something to say, I told her how one of my friends had been burgled. Then I realised it was Bree on Desperate Housewives. FML

#2010345
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15777) - you deserved it (56040)

On 05/17/2009 at 9:24am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland (Wexford)

Today, I was playing and laughing with my new baby boy. He was giggling, and it was adorable. Out of nowhere I say "you're my favorite!". Now I'm sitting here talking to my two other children about how what I said earlier I didn't mean personally. They never want to talk to me again. FML

#1176288
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15772) - you deserved it (117717)

On 04/20/2009 at 10:39pm - kids - by Damnlife123 (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, the hooker I have been seeing regularly for almost a year texted me to say she thinks we should no longer see each other again. I just got dumped by a hooker. FML

#13915907
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15761) - you deserved it (53165)

On 11/20/2010 at 8:06pm - intimacy - by pst - South Africa (Western Cape)

Today, I bought some perfume that I thought smelled absolutely amazing. Later, my boyfriend walked in, sniffed, and said, "What smells like bacon?" The bottle cost $83. They won't take a refund. FML

#20050522
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15759) - you deserved it (8103)

On 08/31/2012 at 3:06am - misc - by baconlady (woman) - United States

Today, I was in a store using the only bathroom there. After I was done, I realized I couldn't open the door. Panicked it locked me in, I banged on the door, and screamed for help. The security and a whole group of people gathered, only to find that I was pulling the door instead of pushing it. FML

#851826
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15744) - you deserved it (86564)

On 04/07/2009 at 11:51am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Japan

Today, I heard some rhythmic moaning from the apartment next door. It took me 10 minutes to realize that my neighbor was not having it off, she was actually vacuuming her apartment. It's been so long since I've had sex that I can't even recognize the sound of other people having it. FML

#5858048
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15741) - you deserved it (3707)

On 10/16/2009 at 10:27pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was driving into a parking lot with some friends. I carelessly passed a sign when my friend said, "Wait what did that sign say?" I backed up to read it and guess what it said: "Severe Tire Damage. Do Not Back Up." Now all 4 of my tires are slashed. FML

#5006277
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15736) - you deserved it (38991)

On 09/02/2009 at 8:18pm - misc - by ooops (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I walked out of my house, waved at my neighbors, walked through my front yard and into the side yard to turn off the sprinkler. It wasn't until I was back into the house that I remembered I wasn't wearing a top. FML

#16066360
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15728) - you deserved it (48278)

On 05/06/2011 at 10:07am - intimacy - by eringoBRA (woman) - United States (Texas)



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