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Today, I took my daughter to the zoo. I threw a piece of my sandwich towards a very cute chimpanzee. As a thank you, he threw a piece of crap at me, which exploded all over my shirt. FML

#6482495
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8684) - you deserved it (41070)

On 11/27/2009 at 6:36pm - misc - by Thanks (man) - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)

Today, I learned that when you piss on a hornets' nest from a window, the hornets will go after the source of the stream. It can also cause you to fall through your friend's second story window. FML

#17176803
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8683) - you deserved it (65945)

On 07/19/2011 at 12:41pm - misc - by freakfreak12345 - United States (Maine)

Today, I threw my brand new iPhone 4 in the air whilst laying on my bed. It came down, went through my fingers, landed on my balls, then broke on the concrete floor. FML

#15045692
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8682) - you deserved it (67748)

On 02/19/2011 at 9:03pm - misc - by breakinphones - United States (Arizona)

Today, my husband revealed that he found me drunk and shoe-less in a shrub in our front garden last night, sending dirty texts to my new employee. I've recently had my meds switched and apparently can't drink now. My husband's pissed, my shoes are gone, and I can't look the new guy in the face. FML

Today, I was at the pool when I saw a man eating the food I had ordered near my seat. I immediately ran up to him and asked him to stop stealing my food. I took the food away and threw it in the trash. Seconds later the attendant came out with my actual food. FML

#20562925
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8682) - you deserved it (64308)

On 03/27/2013 at 9:02pm - misc - by Hahamaster333 -

Today, my boss came to my cubicle to give me my annual performance bonus. I was asleep at my desk. FML

#3645286
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8679) - you deserved it (53656)

On 07/10/2009 at 5:21pm - misc - by ChrisC (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my nose was really stuffy. I heard somewhere that inhaling tea steam clears up the nose. While reading a magazine I inhaled my cup of green tea steam, without knowing that slowly I was moving my cup closer to my nose. Hot tea was sucked into my left nostril and burned the inside badly. FML

#12985084
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8679) - you deserved it (30427)

On 09/10/2010 at 12:09am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I asked the girl I like to send me 'yummy pictures.' I got a picture of cheesecake. FML

#17213168
368 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8677) - you deserved it (73802)

On 07/22/2011 at 2:29am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I was driving my twin daughters to school, when I accidentally honked my horn. I told them it was an accident. One of my kids said she already knew, because I didn't yell "asshole" afterwards. FML

#17458191
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8673) - you deserved it (34448)

On 08/13/2011 at 6:31am - kids - by Kathryn - Belgium

Today, my boyfriend of a month had to leave early. I asked him why and he replied that his brother was getting off the bus and he needed to feed him. I had never met his brother, and I said "He can't feed himself? What is he, retarded?" He is. FML

#3620839
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8665) - you deserved it (81635)

On 07/09/2009 at 8:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I got a new smart phone and wanted to surprise my girlfriend with a naughty picture with it. A few minutes after sending it, I got a reply back from my girlfriend. And my best friend. And my sister. And everyone on my contacts list. FML

#6645209
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8663) - you deserved it (41376)

On 12/07/2009 at 1:36am - misc - by smart phone mms - United States

Today, I was playing piano for a wedding rehearsal. Bored, I decided to pass the time playing through a book of music I found in the piano bench. Some time later the bride turns to me and screams at me to stop. I had turned the page and had begun to play "Let's call the whole thing off." FML

#2730448
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8661) - you deserved it (42068)

On 06/08/2009 at 8:14pm - work - by Chipper (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boss was telling everyone that he knew a guy who went to a college at which multiple people were shot and killed recently. Being extremely socially awkward and uncomfortable, I blurted, "That's awesome." Now everyone in the office is terrified of me. FML

#20191114
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8658) - you deserved it (13813)

On 12/04/2012 at 4:34pm - work - by Adan - United States (Washington)



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