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Today, it's the five year anniversary of the day I broke up with my girlfriend to see other people. I've not had sex a single time since. FML

#20134961
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12384) - you deserved it (56971)

On 10/27/2012 at 12:04am - intimacy - by Cslouth - United States (New York)

Today, I took chocolax to help lose some weight before I left for Miami. Turns out it doesn't happen right away like in the movies, it happens six hours later in front of your girlfriends parents, that you've just met for the first time at a very upperclass restaurant. FML

#3355159
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12383) - you deserved it (50357)

On 06/30/2009 at 1:14am - health - by POLYBLOT (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, severely tired and pulling an all-nighter, I was editing documents at work. Eventually the words blurred together and "which" began to look funny, so I corrected them. I realized too late that I'd turned in the company's brochure with every "which" spelt as "witch". FML

#17368765
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12382) - you deserved it (24714)

On 08/04/2011 at 4:49pm - work - by Donny - United States

Today, while I was in the break room at work, one of my coworkers walked in on me playing with my animal crackers, complete with animal noises. Now, the entire department won't stop teasing me and calling me Tarzan. FML

#18687343
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12379) - you deserved it (32566)

On 01/02/2012 at 3:55pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I drove past a fragrant steakhouse and my mouth began to water and my stomach started rumbling, which would've been perfectly fine if it wasn't for the fact that I'm a vegan and an animal lover. My confused body craves burning flesh. FML

#18127858
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12377) - you deserved it (56914)

On 11/01/2011 at 9:22am - health - by loves the smell of burning flesh - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend gave me a fancy chocolate candy and I got angry at him for forgetting that I'm allergic to chocolate and threw the candy into the garbage disposal. Turns out, he had spent a ton of money getting a chocolatier to put an engagement ring inside the candy that I just destroyed. FML

#5914745
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12376) - you deserved it (73871)

On 10/20/2009 at 4:17pm - misc - by jaxattax (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was feeling depressed and got very, very drunk. This evening, I was feeling equally desperate, and ended up having to get my special dildo removed from my asshole at the hospital. FML

#20051425
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12367) - you deserved it (35849)

On 08/31/2012 at 8:23pm - intimacy - by pride? what's that? :( (woman) - Belgium (Vlaams-Brabant)

Today, I had to take a urine test. I drank a lot of water so that I wouldn't force it. When I got there, I had to pee really bad. The cup was too small and when I relieved my bladder, it was a jet that rebounded off of the cup and overflowed going all over my hands, clothes, toilet, and floor. FML

#6805799
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12366) - you deserved it (22488)

On 12/18/2009 at 1:42am - misc - by Tib (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I realized my girlfriend has way more friends than I do. How did I realize this? She called me to tell me she was at the beach with her friends and how much fun she was having. I was playing WoW in my room, and my friends don't answer my texts. FML

#9122950
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12354) - you deserved it (23170)

On 03/16/2010 at 1:12am - misc - by LonelyBoy (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was at dinner with my boyfriend and his family. We were talking about relationships, and I commented on how online dating was the dumbest thing ever. His mom and step-dad went on to tell me how they had met through an online dating service. FML

#3415575
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12349) - you deserved it (44905)

On 07/02/2009 at 12:42am - love - by dork - United States (Florida)

Today, the girl that I fancy was sick and I offered to hug her, but she protested saying that she didn't want to get me sick. I told her, "If hugging you gets me sick, then I'll just have to deal with being sick." She gave me the biggest hug she could. I haven't stopped puking since. FML

#10812675
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12347) - you deserved it (52709)

On 05/28/2010 at 12:15am - love - by TheSickness (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I asked my dad if my girlfriend could sleep over. He winked at me and agreed. When I brought her home, we went to my room for a quickie. There, I saw that my dad had taped multiple Richard Simmons posters to the wall, causing my girlfriend to suddenly come down with a "headache." FML

#19607447
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12347) - you deserved it (20333)

On 05/11/2012 at 2:29pm - love - by cockblocked (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I found out the electric bill I have been paying was on my old house. I found this out when they shut off the power to my house. FML

#8988720
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12345) - you deserved it (16770)

On 03/11/2010 at 12:18am - money - by secret - United States (Minnesota)



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