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Today, like every other day, I turn up at work at the security guard's gate to show my ID badge. Except that my brother had stuck a huge "FBI" sticker on it. My co-workers now all call me Mulder. FML

#1020
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14758) - you deserved it (2504)

On 01/13/2009 at 4:47am - work - by MAC - Sent from mobile version

Today, I've been a vegan for a year. It's also the day that I met my dad's new best friend, who happens to be a retired butcher. They tried to pull an intervention on me for not "being sensible" by eating meat. FML

#20099840
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14755) - you deserved it (15914)

On 10/03/2012 at 11:34am - misc - by Jlhfan90 - United States

Today, I grinned for five minutes straight because my friends told me it would put me in a good mood for the rest of the day. It gave me a migraine. FML

#17122126
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14754) - you deserved it (23488)

On 07/15/2011 at 1:14pm - health - by so much for a good day - United States

Today, I was taking care of a friend's hamster. Thinking the hamster wanted to make a bed, I put some cotton balls in his cage so he would be comfy. He promptly ate them and died. FML

#12781273
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14751) - you deserved it (36979)

On 08/28/2010 at 12:56am - animals - by Kelli (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I thought that an ingenious way to protest against high tuition prices would be to steal a box of soymilk from my university dining hall. The box exploded in my backpack. Not only did I lose all my soymilk, I now have replace my $120 calculator. FML

#20886247
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14751) - you deserved it (61079)

On 09/18/2013 at 4:46am - money - by Stupid (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I fell asleep in my driver's ed class, and I woke up in a middle of a dream laughing. Everyone stared at me. I found out that the teacher had just finished talking about his vegetative niece who didn't wear a seat belt. FML

#43148
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14751) - you deserved it (33067)

On 02/14/2009 at 6:15pm - misc - by Biggest Jerk (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I realized the closest thing I have to a love life is organizing my porn folder by category. FML

#17618254
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14747) - you deserved it (29727)

On 08/30/2011 at 1:20am - intimacy - by WithoutLove (man) - United States

Today, I discovered that no matter how hot and exhausted you are, being blasted in the face with a high pressure hose is always more painful than refreshing. FML

#20165112
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14748) - you deserved it (9032)

On 11/16/2012 at 2:32am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my coworker sent an email to the whole company asking us to fill in a survey. I've been secretly seeing her for two months, so I responded with "sure thing baby, and by the way I ran out of condoms, can you bring more for tonight?" I accidentally hit reply all. FML

#1489394
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14735) - you deserved it (83381)

On 04/30/2009 at 12:54pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went to pay my vehicle registration in person to avoid paying the $10.00 online service fee. After a long wait, I came out to find a $15.00 parking ticket on my car. FML

#12754430
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14734) - you deserved it (20493)

On 08/26/2010 at 11:09am - money - by avalanche719 (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was debating weed legalization in drug awareness. I was thoroughly unleashing arguments: how marijuana turns normal citizens into criminals, how the government spends billions to enforce drug laws, when I lost my train of thought. My teacher grinned saying, "My point exactly." FML

Today, I couldn't answer almost any of the questions in the game "Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader?" I'm a 40 year old man. FML

#232055
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14732) - you deserved it (47206)

On 03/07/2009 at 1:43am - misc - by laywer_man (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went driving for the first time. I made it twenty miles to my step mom's house, and didn't stop until I was inside the garage. Too bad the garage door was closed when I got there. FML

#19255892
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14729) - you deserved it (14637)

On 03/11/2012 at 5:15am - misc - by meganisabella - United States



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  • Oi! Stop "playing" that digeridoo and get out! There, now that I've tidied up my apartment, we can begin. How are you all doing? Have you got your leather jacket out of storage to go hang out down at…

Thursday 22 January 2015

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