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Today, I had to give my husband a tutorial on how to use jumper cables. Confused and flustered, he requested written instructions. FML

by MM / 02/02/2012 at 9:50am / Miscellaneous

Today, while shopping, I bumped into a guy I knew in high school. He went on about he heard I'd got married, looked like I'd had a baby, and that, "she looks just like you!" The kid was my niece, and my husband broke up with me 2 years ago. Thanks for bringing that up. FML

by thankspal / 06/24/2012 at 6:57am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend hasn't showered in two weeks. He says he doesn't want his "manliness" to wash off. FML

by Anonymous / 08/02/2015 at 5:16am / Canada / Miscellaneous

Today, I'm 4ft9 "tall" and I always have trouble reaching things that are high up. It's my birthday, and I got three footstools as gifts. FML

by mini matthylde / 11/19/2015 at 4:57am / France (Pays de la Loire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out I wasn't cool enough to be invited to a college party that happened last night. The one in charge of inviting people was my girlfriend of two years. FML

by Anonymoose / 09/08/2015 at 3:12pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me and while trying to make a dramatic exit, I slammed his car door, slipped on the ice and landed on my back in front of a large crowd of onlookers. FML

by kill me / 01/31/2009 at 10:30am / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Love

Today, I went to get my car washed at one of those places where you can watch through the glass. I watched in horror, face pressed against the glass, as my car went through with the window down. FML

by lanaoftherey / 06/02/2015 at 5:30pm / United States / Transportation

Today, I found out that my parents bought a stripper pole, my mom even hired a stripper to teach her some "moves." I'm scared to go in their room now. FML

by kte / 12/30/2009 at 5:36am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I discovered I have really bad dandruff. I learned this when I went indoor mini golfing and my whole upper body lit up like a Christmas tree underneath the black light. Among my friends I'm now known as the abominable snowman. FML

by Andrew7847 / 04/22/2012 at 1:24am / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after my check cleared for my half of the $1000 deposit on our new apartment. FML

by Anonymous / 05/23/2012 at 2:26am / United States / Love

Today, I realized I'm pregnant by a man who won't even accept my Facebook friend request. FML

by happycow122 / 06/20/2015 at 4:54pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband changed the voice on my car's GPS to Mr T's. I don't know how to change it back. I've been saying, "I pity the fool" over and over again ever since. FML

by annoyed / 12/14/2011 at 9:06am / United States (Texas) / Transportation

Today, I was robbed. I didn't know how the robber got in, as there was no clear signs of forced entry. I later found out that my psycho ex had written my address on the key I lent her when we were going out. And then purposely left it on a table in a café. FML

by Luke / 09/10/2015 at 1:56am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous