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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my mom decided to subtly bring up her desire for grandchildren. "You really need a girlfriend. I'm surprised you don't have a crippling case of Carpal Tunnel by now." FML

#20102423
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18455) - you deserved it (2709)

On 10/05/2012 at 1:59am - misc - by alittlepersonal (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was stepping out of the shower while home alone. I heard voices coming from the living room. I grabbed a bat to defend my self and ran into the living room. I slipped on my tile floor and smashed my TV with the bat. No one was in my house but I left my radio turned on. FML

#159713
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18453) - you deserved it (44412)

On 02/28/2009 at 8:08am - misc - by Slipperywhenwet (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, while waiting on tables at work, I was carrying a glass of red wine when I lost balance and spilt it everywhere. After cleaning the floor and myself up and after refilling a new glass, I did exactly the same thing again. FML

#15958012
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18452) - you deserved it (26012)

On 04/28/2011 at 12:04am - work - by tryandtryagain (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I had to give my boyfriend an enema. FML

#20038693
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18449) - you deserved it (2448)

On 08/24/2012 at 1:21am - health - by coop7291 - United States

Today, I got a chance to have dinner and a movie with a girl I've liked for a while. I ran late, so in a hurry to make the movie, and trying to be smooth for her, I told the waiter I'd "take care of him" if he made it fast. He did. When he brought the check, I realized I had forgotten my wallet. FML

#677350
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18446) - you deserved it (58835)

On 03/29/2009 at 9:38am - money - by BrokeAsAJoke (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I tried to blackmail my dad by threatening to tell mom about the bong and weed he keeps hidden in the garage. Turns out she already knew about it and neither of them give a shit. Now I'm grounded until the new year. FML

#21294812
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18446) - you deserved it (34391)

On 11/08/2014 at 3:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I ran out of cash. The nearest ATM to my house is over a half hour away by foot. After walking all the way there under the blistering heat of the sun, I realized I'd left my card back at home. FML

#21339623
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18446) - you deserved it (20281)

On 01/18/2015 at 2:44pm - money - by saqmuel093 (man) - Malaysia (Sarawak)

Today, a co-worker gave me a couple of CDs he said he wanted me to listen to. I got excited, thinking that they were playlists he'd made for me. They were self-help tracks. FML

#20104274
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18447) - you deserved it (2137)

On 10/06/2012 at 1:09pm - work - by The Last Cockbender (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I called my boyfriend and when he answered, I said the dirtiest thing I could think of to him on the phone. After a long silence, I heard, "Lacey? Is that you?" I accidentally called my dad. FML

#3664691
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18444) - you deserved it (66589)

On 07/11/2009 at 11:13am - intimacy - by crazyt446 (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, after a party, I brought a girl to the flat I share with my 2 best friends. While we are doing it, she asks me "You're not afraid your friends could hear us?". The only answer that spontaneously came out of my mouth: "Don't worry, they're used to it". FML

#76
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18442) - you deserved it (84275)

On 10/27/2008 at 12:57am - intimacy - by Daemon - Sent from mobile version

Today, my parents told me I was conceived at Disneyworld. Monday, I take a class trip to Disneyworld. My friends will be having fun and all I'll be able to think about is my parents having sex. FML

#7957372
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18442) - you deserved it (4501)

On 02/07/2010 at 12:02am - intimacy - by Mike (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend and I reached that point in our relationship where just a simple phone conversation was too boring. His idea to spice things up? Playing Minecraft together. FML

#20035502
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18440) - you deserved it (6015)

On 08/22/2012 at 11:13am - love - by Minecraftwhyyy (woman) - United States

Today, while I was at work in a machine shop, I cut myself really bad. Not by any sharp tools, drills, or metals I work with. Just the soap dispenser. FML

#19535825
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18439) - you deserved it (3832)

On 04/27/2012 at 1:49am - work - by Bullocks (man) - United States (New York)



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