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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my dad told me he had a present for me. It was his tooth, which he had pulled out a few minutes before. FML

#21422763
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23503) - you deserved it (2103)

On 06/08/2015 at 10:11am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I finished painting my living room. I had to leave the house in a rush. When I got home, I found smears of paint all around and the carpet crusted with paint that had dried. My cat had rubbed up against the walls and tracked it around. FML

#12501881
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23502) - you deserved it (12979)

On 08/13/2010 at 3:45pm - animals - by Spelit (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, my roommate revealed that the reason he's so grumpy is because he hasn't gotten laid in a year. I'm his only female friend, and the entire time he talked to me, he stared at my chest. FML

#5923040
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23502) - you deserved it (3619)

On 10/20/2009 at 11:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend thought I was going to ask him if we wanted children together. Instead of talking about it, he pretended to have a violent seizure and die. FML

#21465257
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23501) - you deserved it (2500)

On 09/06/2015 at 2:33pm - love - by tessie94 (woman) - Austria (Wien)

Today, at work, I spent half an hour on the phone with a customer. At the end of the conversation, as he was putting down the phone, I heard him say 'God, he was a miserable git'. I'm a 28 year old woman. FML

#14637512
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23500) - you deserved it (3671)

On 01/19/2011 at 9:55am - work - by tgpgs -

Today, I was in the bus on my way home. I was reading a book, and drops of something were getting all over it. It was the man sitting next to me who was asleep and drooling. FML

#6903052
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23499) - you deserved it (2354)

On 12/23/2009 at 1:56pm - misc - by fml_forever32 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I met my girlfriend's mom. She went on about how my girlfriend's dad is a no good drunk, following this statement with spilling her fifth glass of wine. FML

#19515132
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23497) - you deserved it (1966)

On 04/23/2012 at 1:50am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, as I left my house, the front door slammed shut behind me, causing an entire roof-length of snow to slide over the edge and land directly on my head. FML

#14385124
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23495) - you deserved it (5570)

On 12/29/2010 at 6:32pm - misc - by snowball (woman) - Switzerland (Zurich)

Today, I started my new job at a fragrance store. While training, the manager had me smell all of the scents to become familiar with the products. Before my shift was over, I'd had three asthma attacks. FML

#20044273
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23494) - you deserved it (5472)

On 08/27/2012 at 9:33am - work - by Joe - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my boss called me to say that I've been slow at work this week and that I will be replaced if I don't pick up the pace. That would be understandable, if I didn't have a broken ankle and pneumonia. FML

#21464590
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23493) - you deserved it (1495)

On 09/04/2015 at 5:56pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I had to give a speech on abstinence to a bunch of teenage boys, and surprisingly they were paying attention. After they left, I went to the bathroom and saw I had missed a few buttons on my blouse. The boys had a close up view of my cleavage for 3 hours. FML

#831890
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23492) - you deserved it (62827)

On 04/06/2009 at 6:41am - misc - by Anna (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, one of my idiot classmates decided it was a good idea to throw his water bottle across the room to his friend. Unfortunately, I was sitting in front of his friend. I now have a very noticeable bruise and bump near my temple along with a headache. Everybody laughed at me. Even the teacher. FML

#21466996
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23493) - you deserved it (1548)

On 09/10/2015 at 7:21pm - misc - by WhyM3Th0ugh - United States (Washington)

Today, I drove 45 minutes to take my full driver's test. At the end of the test, the instructor told me I'd done everything perfectly, but had failed before I left the parking lot. I didn't see the "one way" sign at the entrance. FML

#19996379
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23490) - you deserved it (9000)

On 08/01/2012 at 12:20pm - misc - by unlicensed - United States (North Carolina)



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