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Today, I came through a DUI checkpoint. The trooper noticed some donuts I had. He asked, "Are those donuts?" Jokingly, I replied, "Yes. Why? Are you going to confiscate them?" He didn't see the humor and pulled me off to the side to have a team search my truck. FML

#13932750
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12260) - you deserved it (24588)

On 11/22/2010 at 1:26am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, was the last day of the prank war between me and my husband. I told him the last prank needed to be the best one. I took a shower and tried to think up my last prank. When I got out of the shower, my hair was green. FML

#18080621
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12253) - you deserved it (33665)

On 10/26/2011 at 1:56pm - misc - by mycedes - United States

Today, I found out that since I stopped shaving my legs, my boyfriend and his friends have started referring to me as a Wookiee. FML

#16374893
332 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12252) - you deserved it (57866)

On 05/27/2011 at 4:57pm - misc - by FMLer (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I started my brand new job. I was late because while repairing my favorite pair of high heels, I got superglue in my eye. They had to scrape my cornea and I have to wear an eye patch. I'm now the "new pirate" in the office. FML

#19408949
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12252) - you deserved it (17278)

On 04/04/2012 at 9:41pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, I helped myself to some homemade biscuits that had been left in the kitchen. I thought they looked a little odd, but they tasted pretty good. I found out later they were homemade dog treats. FML

#17017863
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12247) - you deserved it (27042)

On 07/07/2011 at 6:52pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I was in bed with my cat on my lap. No one was around, so I felt comfortable enough to let out a huge fart. What I didn't expect was my cat jumping up and then clawing and biting my crotch. FML

#6971032
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12244) - you deserved it (25253)

On 12/27/2009 at 8:04am - animals - by axwound (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at my psychologist's. We were talking about creative outlets and I told him that I wanted to start playing Dungeons and Dragons again. He starts chuckling, and then says, "Oh, you were serious." FML

#14032735
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12244) - you deserved it (19293)

On 11/30/2010 at 2:16am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my girlfriend agreed to doing it doggy style. During it all, I pulled on her hair. I guess I pulled too hard, because when I let go, her face smacked straight into the bedside table. FML

#18220908
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12243) - you deserved it (40515)

On 11/11/2011 at 5:29pm - intimacy - by Henry - Norway (Hordaland)

Today, I went to a restaurant and only brought $14 with me to eat. I ordered and ate my meal, then went to the counter to pay for it. I threw $2 into the tip jar then got my bill. My bill was $13.86. I had to reach into the tip jar and take my $2 back so I could pay for my meal. FML

#3046159
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12242) - you deserved it (50253)

On 06/19/2009 at 11:17pm - money - by pinkplasticjesus (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boss showed us a small picture of his family on his phone. Jokingly, I commented on how the orange shirt he was wearing reminded me of a big pumpkin. He wasn't wearing an orange shirt. His wife was. FML

#18390647
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12241) - you deserved it (24597)

On 11/30/2011 at 12:23am - work - by TheCrossingChick (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, someone broke my car's left side mirror. A friend of mine was buying a replacement one and texted me to confirm which one I needed. He asked: "It's the driver's side, right?" To which I replied: "Right". I got the wrong mirror. FML

#4975580
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12240) - you deserved it (42172)

On 09/01/2009 at 12:25pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, while walking across campus, I stopped to look at my reflection in a window. I straightened my bra straps and then turned to the side to dig a wedgie out. It wasn't until I heard peals of laughter that I realized I couldn't see IN the classroom, but they could see OUT. FML

#14678100
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12235) - you deserved it (31721)

On 01/22/2011 at 8:35pm - misc - by RBHSWedgieGirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got hit in the face with a piece of bacon. FML

#7231938
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12233) - you deserved it (30486)

On 01/09/2010 at 5:12am - misc - by Face (woman) - Australia (Victoria)



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