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Today, I lost a bet with my girlfriend. I now have to wear a shirt saying "Worlds Smallest Penis" everywhere I go for a month. FML

#4627317
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19670) - you deserved it (63622)

On 08/18/2009 at 12:34pm - love - by badtimingdude (man) - Mauritius

Today, my dad approached two girls at a store and told them I'd crashed into their car. They didn't find it funny either. FML

#19804025
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19668) - you deserved it (1733)

On 06/17/2012 at 9:57pm - misc - by annonymous - United States

Today, my mom needed coffee so I drove to Starbucks to get her some. She let me drive the Porsche, which has never happened. Upon coming home I picked the coffee up out of the cupholder so it wouldnt spill. My phone vibrated in my pocket, I spilled the coffee and crashed the car into the garage. FML

#218369
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19667) - you deserved it (58807)

On 03/05/2009 at 4:44pm - misc - by cane - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I phoned up my bank's customer service department. I waited eleven minutes on hold with the lovely music, and when a woman finally picked up, I ran out of phone credit. FML

#582
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19663) - you deserved it (2374)

On 12/24/2008 at 12:56am - money - by Colin - Sent from mobile version

Today, I came home from out of state. I found out someone online had told my husband that the "fumes" from hot showers can be lethal. As a precaution, he removed the draft-blocking bathroom door to make sure it's "properly ventilated." FML

#19116671
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19662) - you deserved it (2197)

On 02/19/2012 at 5:45pm - misc - by marriedtoaretard (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had to ask my mum not to meditate while driving. FML

#19216296
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19659) - you deserved it (1760)

On 03/04/2012 at 7:59pm - misc - by Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was hanging out with a few of my friends, including an old ex-girlfriend and her current boyfriend of 5 years. When my ex, whose virginity I had taken years earlier, mentioned, "I had the iPhone first," without thinking, I immediately responded, "Well, I had YOU first." FML

#2103981
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19656) - you deserved it (90491)

On 05/20/2009 at 1:10am - intimacy - by Takuma (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while waiting on a customer at a restaurant, I accidentally asked a midget if she'd like a children's menu. FML

#14866852
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19652) - you deserved it (27998)

On 02/06/2011 at 12:53pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I got to drive my mom's car. I'd recently watched the new Fast and Furious movie, I thought it'd be fun to drift around a few corners. I ended up smashing straight into someone's front yard. FML

#20712154
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19652) - you deserved it (110502)

On 06/07/2013 at 6:00pm - money - by Anonymous - United States

Today, at a family Seder, (a Jewish service for Passover), my mom served matzah balls during the festive meal. Considering how much I love matzah balls and there aren't many options for me to eat because I'm a vegetarian, I shouted, "I like really big balls!" in front of my entire family. FML

#921004
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19648) - you deserved it (90779)

On 04/12/2009 at 12:27am - intimacy - by anon13 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was walking around my new school trying to figure out where to go. Then I realized I was talking to myself. Out loud. FML

#8578589
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19646) - you deserved it (9907)

On 02/23/2010 at 1:25am - misc - by itsawonderfulife (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my grandmother said to me, "You look just like your mother did at your age. Except you're fatter of course." FML

#20148363
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19646) - you deserved it (4270)

On 11/05/2012 at 12:39am - misc - by poro123 - United Kingdom

Today, I bid on an item on eBay, only to find the exact item I wanted later while out in the city. I bought it, assuming I would be outbid, as always. Nope. FML



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