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Today, I had my first real meeting with my girlfriend's parents. We had dinner at a pretty upscale restaurant and everything was going great. When the check came, I offered to pay and I stood up to take out my wallet. When I opened it, 3 condoms fell out on the table in front of them. FML

#1639101
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18542) - you deserved it (58843)

On 05/04/2009 at 7:27pm - misc - by Brian (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was so insecure, I got scared of what people might think of my fingers. FML

#19549907
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18540) - you deserved it (5428)

On 04/29/2012 at 8:23pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was driving home and stopped at a light. A cute guy in the truck ahead of me waved me forward and told me to roll down my window. It was the first time a cute guy had talked to me in a while so I was pretty excited. He told me to turn my lights on. FML

#7697046
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18532) - you deserved it (9024)

On 01/30/2010 at 2:04am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was going through Facebook photos of a pep rally in the hopes that I'd be in at least one of them. I was in one alright. Pulling out a wedgie. FML

#20096548
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18531) - you deserved it (5267)

On 10/01/2012 at 8:50am - misc - by awks - United States (Virginia)

Today, while at the store, I realized how socially inept I am when I said "excuse me" to a shopping cart because it was in my way. FML

Today, I woke from last night after meeting the most amazing man, and after giving him a good morning kiss, roll out of bed to use his bathroom. After using his toothbrush, I go to replace it in his holder only to find not one, but several prescriptions for herpes in his unzipped toiletry bag. FML

#5784
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18530) - you deserved it (39227)

On 02/02/2009 at 8:42pm - love - by screwed. - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I went in to get my first tattoo. I'd put a lot of thought into it and was really excited when the day came. Long story short, the Celtic knot I'd gotten turned out to have an alternate meaning of "female sex slave." The faces my very Irish family made were beyond words. FML

#20511821
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18528) - you deserved it (46400)

On 02/18/2013 at 3:50am - intimacy - by UnluckyInk (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was driving home on the highway with my wife and her parents. As I overtook another car, a rock got kicked up into our windshield. My wife screamed about the crack it created, while my mother-in-law goaded her on and mocked my "piss-poor driving." FML

#20085361
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18521) - you deserved it (1844)

On 09/23/2012 at 5:05pm - misc - by future MIL slasher (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I took my puppy for a walk around town. I had to stop and explain to several people that yes, his head was purple because my little sister wanted to make him look like a Na'vi from Avatar. FML

#20041954
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18519) - you deserved it (2158)

On 08/26/2012 at 12:18am - misc - by AmyLeigh - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my new neighbours moved in. I've neither seen nor spoken to them yet; all I know is that they enjoy hammering at the walls for hours on end and repeatedly setting off the fire alarm. All this in the small hours of the morning. I got two hours of sleep. FML

#19558757
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18516) - you deserved it (1661)

On 05/01/2012 at 3:51pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I taught my friend how to use a staple gun. She taught me how to get staples out of my hand. FML

#19514784
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18513) - you deserved it (3700)

On 04/23/2012 at 12:21am - misc - by leprechaun23 - United States (Ohio)

Today, while driving home from work, I noticed the driver next to me was happily chatting on her phone. I fucking despise these would-be murderers, so I slammed my horn to signal my disgust. She panicked and swerved straight into my car. FML

#19761420
390 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18512) - you deserved it (60134)

On 06/09/2012 at 5:35pm - misc - by k - United Kingdom (Telford and Wrekin)

Today, I took my first fare as a qualified taxi-driver. The pride soon diminished as I was forced to listen to my passenger give a greatly detailed description of his recent colonoscopy. FML

#20000200
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18510) - you deserved it (2157)

On 08/03/2012 at 10:52am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States



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