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Today, I have such bad diarrhea that every time I sneeze I poop. I've discovered it's very hard to run to the bathroom every time I feel the urge to sneeze. FML

by monkers / 10/06/2012 at 3:12am / Canada (Alberta) / Health

Today, I bought an eye mask to help me sleep during the day, as I work night shifts. Upon waking up after my first time using it, I forgot I was wearing it and thought I had gone blind, causing me to fall out of the bed and split my head open on my bedside table. FML

by idiot / 01/04/2013 at 5:13am / Sweden / Health

Today, I had my eyebrows waxed for my senior pictures. After manhandling me, the cosmetologist managed to "accidentally" take my whole eyebrow off. It looks like I'll be remembered forevermore as the girl with one eyebrow. FML

by booo / 07/27/2012 at 1:46pm / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend offered to give me a piggyback ride from the house to the car as means of avoiding walking in mud. Both aware of how tall he is, he crouched extra low and I jumped extra hard. This makes for a terrible example of leapfrog, and a faceplant in the mud. FML

by Anonymous / 03/14/2010 at 10:17pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I submitted a poem for my English class. I had fun writing it, so I wrote a second which was not nearly as good. My procrastinator of a friend never did his, so I gave him my extra poem. Mine was given a 75% while "his" received a 93%. FML

by WhyIHateTeachers / 06/24/2015 at 11:49pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I said "I love you" to my girlfriend for the first time. She responded with, "I'm just gonna pretend I never heard that." FML

by Unreciprocated / 02/25/2016 at 1:12am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I went to a group gym lesson. While working on our abs, the coach came through, touching our stomachs to check we were doing the exercises correctly. When he got to me, he asked, "How many kids have you got then?" I'm 22, and I've got none. FML

by Mel / 10/05/2015 at 12:21am / France (Midi-Pyrenees) / Health

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when my dad pulled up to pick me up from his house. My dad beeped his horn and my boyfriend opened his bedroom curtain, knocked on the window, and waved. While he was still inside of me. FML

by ohdeargodthatswrong / 01/09/2010 at 8:25am / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy

Today, my mother won't let me intern at a prestigious college, working with graduate students and professors, and being paid, because she doesn't want to drive me. FML

by crushed / 12/10/2015 at 7:12pm / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, I had lunch with an old friend I've had a crush on for years. We're both single, so I figured it to be kind of like a date. Until he started talking about how he told his brother last night that we would never be a thing. FML

by Anonymous / 07/19/2015 at 2:02pm / United States (Indiana) / Love

Today, my boyfriend hasn't showered in two weeks. He says he doesn't want his "manliness" to wash off. FML

by Anonymous / 08/02/2015 at 5:16am / Canada / Miscellaneous

Today, I decided I wanted to bleach my hair, so I asked my mother for help. Apparently, something went wrong, because clumps of my hair started falling out. Now I'm half blonde and half bald, and my mom is just laughing at me. FML

by notquitejuliet / 07/03/2015 at 8:54pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I'm 4ft9 "tall" and I always have trouble reaching things that are high up. It's my birthday, and I got three footstools as gifts. FML

by mini matthylde / 11/19/2015 at 4:57am / France (Pays de la Loire) / Miscellaneous