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Today, it's the fourth day of my new diet. I told my friends and family to watch me every time I eat to make sure it's healthy. I got so desperate that I hid some chocolates in my pocket then scarfed them down while pooping. FML

#20941432
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17668) - you deserved it (45670)

On 11/01/2013 at 2:52pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I realized my acne looks like star constellations. I've already found the Little Dipper on my left cheek. FML

#20063395
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17665) - you deserved it (2112)

On 09/08/2012 at 4:32pm - health - by balletteacher - United States

Today, I had to explain to my friend that being arrested isn't something a decent person should have on their bucket list. I had to explain this while bailing her out of jail. FML

#20002792
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17661) - you deserved it (2060)

On 08/04/2012 at 8:27pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, when I got home, I went into my room to find a Bratz doll and a Ken doll laying naked, on top of each other on my bed. Attached to them was a note that stated, "Please, use your imagination and find other ways besides porn to get excited. The computer keeps getting viruses. Love, Mom." FML

#13927798
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17656) - you deserved it (48668)

On 11/21/2010 at 6:43pm - intimacy - by sydysyd (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, and for the third time this week, my bank manager called me to tell me that my account is still overdrawn. He doesn't seem to understand that my wages always get paid at the end of the month. FML

#488
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17651) - you deserved it (4260)

On 12/10/2008 at 6:09am - money - by dmlk - Sent from mobile version

Today, I spent all day and last night in the bathroom. The seafood I'd been keeping in the refrigerator apparently had gone bad, and is now intent on finding its every possible route to the Great Porcelain Whirlpool. FML

#9026047
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17651) - you deserved it (7601)

On 03/12/2010 at 4:44pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, after getting a pat of appreciation from my girlfriend's father for taking it slow, he found me later, in her room, with my head between her thighs. FML

#19187510
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17651) - you deserved it (45356)

On 02/29/2012 at 5:07am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, me and my girlfriend went paintballing. I made sure we were on the same team, so I could protect her and be manly. The first time she got shot was by me, I shot her finger. It broke. FML

#2268591
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17644) - you deserved it (48874)

On 05/25/2009 at 6:35am - misc - by AquaRevolver (man) - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, the closest I got to a vacation was the smell of my new towels, because they remind me of a hotel. FML

#19481018
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17643) - you deserved it (2181)

On 04/16/2012 at 10:09pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally came to terms with the fact that my girlfriend considers me a glorified ATM. FML

#16144960
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17631) - you deserved it (29247)

On 05/12/2011 at 3:25pm - love - by ClearOne (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I went into my office and told my boss that I hated my job and was quitting on the spot. I tried to leave quickly but I slipped and fell on the marble floor right in front of everybody during my exit. FML

#3037
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17627) - you deserved it (5112)

On 01/28/2009 at 10:50am - work - by Noname - United States (California)

Today, I bought myself a pair of beautiful, hand-crafted earrings with lighthouses on them. My mother was quick to point out the lighthouses look like dicks. I don't think I can ever wear them again. FML

Today, I went for a run and took my shirt off part way through. The next person I saw was a nine year old girl playing outside her house. She looked at me and said, "Ewwwwww! Gross!" FML

#91993
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17619) - you deserved it (24717)

On 02/20/2009 at 9:37pm - misc - by Jim Smith (man) - United States (California)



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