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Today, I was working at a soup kitchen with people from my church. Seeing a rather disheveled couple, I told them the line started "over there". Only then did I realize that they were from my church, and were there to help serve soup. FML

#3261823
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10155) - you deserved it (36261)

On 06/27/2009 at 12:12am - misc - by zyordz (man) - Peru (Huanuco)

Today, I went to church for the first time in my life. They had a Jesus statue at the altar, and I noticed he was surprisingly muscular. Ten minutes later, I had to excuse myself, after I caught myself fantasizing over a crucified Jesus. FML

#20432015
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10155) - you deserved it (34475)

On 12/30/2012 at 1:39pm - misc - by Weirdo (woman) - United States

Today, I saw an attractive, thin woman eating a salad. Trying to be smooth, I approached her and told her that she didn't need to eat so scarcely, because she was beautiful. She promptly gave me a dirty look and informed me that she was a vegetarian. FML

#14895762
234 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10151) - you deserved it (43721)

On 02/08/2011 at 1:32pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, whilst stacking the dish washer I dropped a steak knife. Luckily, I caught it just before it hit my foot. I fist-pumped to celebrate my amazing catch and stabbed myself in the cheek. My parents couldn't stop laughing all the way to the hospital. FML

#19277345
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10149) - you deserved it (31488)

On 03/14/2012 at 3:11pm - misc - by zztopspinner (man) - United States

Today, my dad walked into my room, threw some magazines on my bed, and calmly said "You left your porn in the bathroom again." FML

#18624814
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10145) - you deserved it (44440)

On 12/27/2011 at 12:58pm - intimacy - by ;)loganberry(; - United States (Montana)

Today, I was having a cybersex chat with a "girl" on a website whilst at work. I noticed my colleague who sits next to me start cracking up with laughter. Turned out it was him I was chatting with and he was winding me up. Worst thing is it had given me a stiffy. FML

#1065
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10144) - you deserved it (46608)

On 01/14/2009 at 3:49am - intimacy - by diddlysquat - United Kingdom (Wakefield)

Today, I went to the supermarket; it was taking me ages to walk home because of the heavy food bags. Halfway home, I realised I had gone in my car. I had to walk all the way back to get my car. FML

#10906033
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10143) - you deserved it (52789)

On 06/01/2010 at 11:59am - misc - by Lou (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I made a positive remark to the owner of my local groceries store for employing a special needs girl. Not only is the girl not mentally handicapped, she's also the owner's daughter. FML

#20190915
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10141) - you deserved it (27576)

On 12/04/2012 at 1:51pm - misc - by Vassy (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I woke up thinking my house was on fire because I could hear crackling flames downstairs. I panicked and tripped out of bed. It was the fireplace channel I left on last night so I could wake up to a Christmas ambiance. FML

#20422230
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10140) - you deserved it (31143)

On 12/25/2012 at 9:46pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was on the phone with my mother. She asked me if I was going to make it to Christmas at home. I told her that I would try and make it home since it would be my grandma's last Christmas alive. To my luck, grandma was sitting in the car with my mother, and speaker phone was in use. FML

#13864593
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10139) - you deserved it (32557)

On 11/16/2010 at 12:09pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I bought a lanyard for my new car keys. "Epic Fail" was printed on it. Not two hours after getting it and putting my keys on it, I locked them in my car. I don't have a spare. FML

#17826214
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10139) - you deserved it (29828)

On 09/25/2011 at 12:18am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I yelled at my dog for waking me up growling and barking out the window. He was doing it at the person stealing my car. FML

#5146144
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10135) - you deserved it (45989)

On 09/09/2009 at 9:21am - animals - by GoodDog (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was working as a host at a pasta dinner. The hostess I was working with was very attractive and we were flirting quite a bit. A large woman walked in to be seated, and I leaned over to her and dared her to ask the woman if she wanted two chairs. She leaned back and said "that's my mom". FML

#4224204
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10135) - you deserved it (66692)

On 08/02/2009 at 3:35am - work - by bigmouth (man) - United States (California)



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