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Today, I went to get my car washed at one of those places where you can watch through the glass. I watched in horror, face pressed against the glass, as my car went through with the window down. FML

by lanaoftherey / 06/02/2015 at 5:30pm / United States / Transportation

Today, I went to a group gym lesson. While working on our abs, the coach came through, touching our stomachs to check we were doing the exercises correctly. When he got to me, he asked, "How many kids have you got then?" I'm 22, and I've got none. FML

by Mel / 10/05/2015 at 12:21am / France (Midi-Pyrenees) / Health

Today, my boyfriend hasn't showered in two weeks. He says he doesn't want his "manliness" to wash off. FML

by Anonymous / 08/02/2015 at 5:16am / Canada / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother won't let me intern at a prestigious college, working with graduate students and professors, and being paid, because she doesn't want to drive me. FML

by crushed / 12/10/2015 at 7:12pm / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the last two hours he's been continuously asking if I "want to be touched by Jesus" or will I "let Jesus in to spread his warmth." FML

by syl / 02/11/2010 at 1:18am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, I'm 4ft9 "tall" and I always have trouble reaching things that are high up. It's my birthday, and I got three footstools as gifts. FML

by mini matthylde / 11/19/2015 at 4:57am / France (Pays de la Loire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I witnessed a man die from a heart attack. When I told my dad later, he said "Lose some weight or you'll be next." FML

by Annienomous / 10/09/2015 at 2:44am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, while on trial for a desperately needed new job, I tripped crossing a road with my would-be manager. I twisted my ankle, and he had to carry me across the road and call a taxi for me to go home. FML

by Katie / 03/09/2012 at 1:48am / United Kingdom / Work

Today, I realized I'm pregnant by a man who won't even accept my Facebook friend request. FML

by happycow122 / 06/20/2015 at 4:54pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my parents bought a stripper pole, my mom even hired a stripper to teach her some "moves." I'm scared to go in their room now. FML

by kte / 12/30/2009 at 5:36am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I had to give my husband a tutorial on how to use jumper cables. Confused and flustered, he requested written instructions. FML

by MM / 02/02/2012 at 9:50am / Miscellaneous

Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML

by Hannah / 03/04/2012 at 3:46pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out I wasn't cool enough to be invited to a college party that happened last night. The one in charge of inviting people was my girlfriend of two years. FML

by Anonymoose / 09/08/2015 at 3:12pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love