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Today, to punish me for being hungover, my roommate blasted the bagpipe version of "Amazing Grace" through his stereo. FML

#15128708
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11968) - you deserved it (31102)

On 02/26/2011 at 5:59pm - misc - by jm_track - United States (Montana)

Today, I was cooking with super hot ghost peppers. The package said "After handling them not to touch your eyes, nose or pets". They should've added "penis" to that list. FML

#18729935
357 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11964) - you deserved it (55317)

On 01/06/2012 at 9:22pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my mom had a tantrum and screamed at me over my use of bronzer. She called me a selfish bitch and claimed that I'm somehow slowly giving myself skin cancer. FML

#20176711
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11962) - you deserved it (14883)

On 11/24/2012 at 2:38pm - health - by Anonymous Cunt (woman) - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)

Today, I sold a customer some beer. He then asked to see the manager, and told me he was a 19 year old undercover cop. My knee jerk reaction was to panic and curse aloud, before realizing he was balding, toothless, probably 50, certainly not a cop, and laughing at me for being such a gullible moron. FML

#4231879
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11960) - you deserved it (48550)

On 08/02/2009 at 3:23pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, I helped myself to some homemade biscuits that had been left in the kitchen. I thought they looked a little odd, but they tasted pretty good. I found out later they were homemade dog treats. FML

#17017863
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11958) - you deserved it (26599)

On 07/07/2011 at 6:52pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I drove past a fragrant steakhouse and my mouth began to water and my stomach started rumbling, which would've been perfectly fine if it wasn't for the fact that I'm a vegan and an animal lover. My confused body craves burning flesh. FML

#18127858
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11959) - you deserved it (55937)

On 11/01/2011 at 9:22am - health - by loves the smell of burning flesh - United States (California)

Today, I gave my ex-girlfriend two concert tickets to show her I still care about her and want to win her back. She sold them. FML

#14220139
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11952) - you deserved it (38767)

On 12/16/2010 at 12:51am - love - by LD619 - United States (California)

Today, I texted my girlfriend that I'm going to 'lick my professor's ass' instead of 'kick' due to auto-correction on my phone. FML

#8052532
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11941) - you deserved it (23717)

On 02/09/2010 at 2:10pm - misc - by kingmetal42 - Sent from mobile version

Today, while I was at work, my wife sent me a few pictures of her in a new lingerie, to "spice up" my day. She didn't realize that I have iCloud turned on so I can share files with my colleagues. My boss and a dozen other employees received the same pictures. FML

#20040897
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11938) - you deserved it (22530)

On 08/25/2012 at 12:06pm - work - by Michael D. (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, as I was going to bed, I spotted a man staring at my window from a neighbor's yard. Ten minutes later, he was still there. I freaked out, started crying, and contemplated calling the cops. My creeper turned out to be the neighbor's wooden lawn ornament. FML

#16925056
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11937) - you deserved it (33163)

On 06/30/2011 at 5:10pm - misc - by Nell (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was working at a children's play centre, and my stomach was twisting and turning. Thinking no one was around, I let out a small fart, only to turn and see a little girl running to her mom yelling, "Mommy-mommy that lady just farted and it sounded like daddy!" FML

#6441579
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11932) - you deserved it (23415)

On 11/25/2009 at 2:36am - kids - by n/a - United States

Today, my girlfriend called me and asked what I was doing. I replied, "What I'm always doing." She couldn't think of anything besides eating. FML

#15621344
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11932) - you deserved it (29258)

On 04/03/2011 at 1:39pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I discovered my wife and I have referred to our two-year-old as 'cutie' or 'beautiful' so many times she won't respond to her own name. FML

#18304597
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11930) - you deserved it (37761)

On 11/21/2011 at 1:23am - kids - by BadFather (man) - Australia (New South Wales)



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