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Today, I locked myself out of my car. While walking home to retrieve the spare, I realized I locked my house keys inside the house this morning. Now I must decide whether to break into my house or car. FML

#13158298
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11536) - you deserved it (21843)

On 09/22/2010 at 4:39pm - misc - by artmfanforever - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I learned it's a bad idea to text and smoke while drunk, because there is an increased risk of throwing your phone off the balcony and sticking your cigarette into your pocket. FML

#20485916
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11536) - you deserved it (53772)

On 01/30/2013 at 5:13am - misc - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, while taking a shower, I saw shadows moving across the curtains. The shadow turned out to be a cricket that then fell into the tub. I ran out of the bathroom screaming and naked. My little sister came to my door and said, "If I hadn't just seen your balls, I would swear mom had TWO daughters." FML

#6712676
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11534) - you deserved it (36725)

On 12/11/2009 at 8:03pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, stepping on a scale for the first time in years, I had to lift up my stomach to see the number. FML

#18520794
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11529) - you deserved it (38292)

On 12/15/2011 at 4:52pm - health - by ms piggy - United States

Today, I was walking around Walmart feeling pretty good about myself as I received numerous looks from guys in passing. All of a sudden a man approached me to tell me that my dress was extremely see-through. And, since I was wearing a thong, he and everyone else could totally see my ass. FML

#4178652
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11517) - you deserved it (54619)

On 07/31/2009 at 9:43am - misc - by EmBAREassed (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, after taking a shower, I decided to weigh myself. Curious, I peered down. I couldn't see the scale. I am fat. FML

#1198
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11513) - you deserved it (18839)

On 01/15/2009 at 6:43am - health - by Mr. Shawzy - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, while in the elevator with the girl from my office that I've been crushing on, but never spoken to, I said "aren't elevators awkward?" After a long silence, she got off three floors before our office. FML

#7774982
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11502) - you deserved it (22176)

On 02/01/2010 at 7:36am - misc - by wilsmith (man) - China (Beijing)

Today, and for the last week, I've resorted to driving myself to the nearest corner store to take my daily dump. I'm doing this because I recently moved in with my boyfriend, and I'm afraid he'll be disgusted at how often I clog the toilet. FML

#19822934
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11493) - you deserved it (25725)

On 06/21/2012 at 6:02am - health - by TheDumper (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I jokingly mocked my dad about his age. He jokingly poured milk all over my head. FML

#18713079
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11491) - you deserved it (31307)

On 01/05/2012 at 1:58am - misc - by Kyle - United States

Today, I woke up after a night of drinking in my backyard. All I was wearing were my boxers and one sock. I staggered up to see my car halfway through my garage wall with a note saying "Sorry Dude". FML

#5655970
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11490) - you deserved it (37693)

On 10/05/2009 at 1:11am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I finally found a reason to quit smoking. I threw my cigarette butt out the window and it blew back in, went down the back of my pants, and burnt my butt in 3 different places. FML

#15693395
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11479) - you deserved it (48315)

On 04/08/2011 at 11:30am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my extended family came over for Christmas. I forgot to get a present for my extremely sensitive aunt. I took a gift from my re-gift pile and wrapped it quickly. Little did I remember that it was the same gift she gave me last year. She noticed. FML

#20421236
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11478) - you deserved it (37149)

On 12/25/2012 at 12:45pm - misc - by Christmasloverandstuff - United States

Today, I hired a cleaner to clean my apartment so when my in-laws visited tonight, they wouldn't think I was lazy. I got home from work, the cleaner hadn't shown at all, and my in-laws had arrived early. My mother-in-law is now mopping the floors. FML

#16824027
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11474) - you deserved it (32863)

On 06/23/2011 at 10:00pm - misc - by gypsy - Australia (Victoria)



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