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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I thought it would be funny to bother my friend Emily. I kept punching her. She asked if I wanted to fight. I agreed because she's a 15 year old skinny girl and I'm 17 year old buff guy. She beat the crap out of me until I cried. FML

#2234853
433 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19751) - you deserved it (148185)

On 05/24/2009 at 5:49am - misc - by AyoitsSteveo (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend, of a year, got drunk and called me flat chested then said the reason he won't have sex with me anymore is because he is "used" to me. He said all of this in front of his friends. FML

#7701844
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19749) - you deserved it (2438)

On 01/30/2010 at 9:25am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to a theme park. The first ride I went on broke down just as my cart reached the highest point. I had a nice view of my loving family laughing at me while management failed to fix the rollercoaster. FML

#20061769
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19748) - you deserved it (1575)

On 09/07/2012 at 11:33am - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, I slammed the car door on my head while I was getting in the car. If that wasn't bad enough, my boyfriend is convinced I now have a concussion and insists on waking me up every hour to make sure I'm still alive. FML

#20001841
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19746) - you deserved it (5393)

On 08/04/2012 at 5:33am - health - by MAC. - Canada (Ontario)

Today, as I was walking home from work, I became the victim of a drive-by peanutting. Yes, apparently I'm only worth a bag of nuts. FML

#19341181
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19745) - you deserved it (2377)

On 03/24/2012 at 9:41pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I finally got to hook up with this hot guy I'd been talking to for a few weeks. To my surprise, he was sinfully drunk when he arrives. As we were going at it, he shits on my white carpet. Now the phrase "f***ing the shit out of someone" has a brand new meaning for me. FML

#8471213
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19746) - you deserved it (5173)

On 02/20/2010 at 5:47am - intimacy - by jo - United States

Today, I'm participating in a 30 hour awareness-raising event on famine in Africa. I'm supposed to hand out leaflets to people from my booth. My school decided to hand out a literal crate-load of free cupcakes right in front of us. FML

#19239512
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19738) - you deserved it (2792)

On 03/08/2012 at 2:15pm - misc - by hungry - Canada

Today, I found an enormous raccoon in my backyard. After a couple of nasty scratches, I finally managed to capture the filthy animal. After calling animal control to relocate it, I waited for hours to learn that "relocating" actually means releasing it into my front yard 10 feet away. FML

#20069823
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19738) - you deserved it (4201)

On 09/13/2012 at 2:02am - animals - by anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was masturbating in my room when my dog started to bark obnoxiously. He does this all the time so I ignored it and kept going. This went on for about a half hour. When I went downstairs, I found an open door and an empty TV stand. FML

#691341
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19736) - you deserved it (88526)

On 03/29/2009 at 10:08pm - animals - by trainE - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was lobstering. While I was getting bands, my co-worker decided it would be funny to make a lobster pinch my ear. it was a 4 pound lobster, and my ear was swollen for 5 hours. FML

#8731287
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19736) - you deserved it (2369)

On 02/28/2010 at 9:42pm - work - by Fonzie34 (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I had to spend the morning and afternoon waiting for my uncle to take a crap after his hernia surgery. It never happened, and in the end I drove home, only to find the highway just as backed up as my uncle's colon. FML

#17697581
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19736) - you deserved it (2697)

On 09/08/2011 at 4:47pm - health - by wilmerjean - United States

Today, I bought my first iPhone. Today, I broke my first iPhone. FML

#19484468
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19731) - you deserved it (21916)

On 04/17/2012 at 3:23pm - misc - by phoneless - Jordan

Today, my girlfriend and I went to the drive-in theater, planning to have some fun during the movie. We were pretty excited that no cars were parked near us. As soon as the movie started, a bus full of little kids pulled up next to us. FML

#20041946
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19731) - you deserved it (6991)

On 08/26/2012 at 12:15am - love - by bummerdood (man) - United States (Kansas)



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