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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my boyfriend said we should re-enact a porn episode he saw. I jokingly said yes. He had an outfit and everything. I thought it was going to be fun, until he started playing Bon Jovi in the background. FML

#8910631
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16596) - you deserved it (5497)

On 03/08/2010 at 12:42am - intimacy - by Ah - Sent from mobile version

Today, by request from my new boss, I came into work over an hour early to finish some backed-up filing. This seemed like a great opportunity to earn some extra overtime pay. After spending an hour and half filing, I realized I hadn't clocked in for the day. FML

#3170547
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16595) - you deserved it (36873)

On 06/24/2009 at 10:34am - work - by Tottie (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I climbed the tree in my backyard so I could cut off some stray branches. I ended up getting stuck, and instead of immediately getting help, my wife started laughing and recording me. The video is now circulating on Facebook, and my new nickname is "Hawkeye." FML

#20029971
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16590) - you deserved it (3066)

On 08/19/2012 at 2:09pm - misc - by spasticock (man) - Portugal (Setubal)

Today, I was called a pervert. On a phone sex line. FML

#17857316
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16587) - you deserved it (51121)

On 09/28/2011 at 6:16pm - intimacy - by Hypocrisy (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was complaining to my roommate that I never get asked out. Then, at work, a mentally challenged man left me his phone number on his pay ticket. Well, I guess I can't complain about never getting asked out. FML

#8430991
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16585) - you deserved it (6458)

On 02/19/2010 at 12:31am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, the Star Wars Cantina song had been stuck in my head since I woke up, as my brother was humming it. I finally managed to get it out of my head. Then my mom started to whistle it. It's stuck in my head again. FML

#19588733
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16583) - you deserved it (3661)

On 05/07/2012 at 7:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was watching TV when a Toy Story 3 commercial came on. My Mom said, "Oh, I remember when I took you to see Toy Story. Now Andy's all grown up and so are you. The only difference is Andy is going to college and you're not." FML

#12463713
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16582) - you deserved it (41504)

On 08/11/2010 at 9:55pm - misc - by Chris (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I'm apparently so desperate for companionship that my body has subconsciously synced my period with the girl who works in the cubicle adjacent to mine. FML

#20044589
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16582) - you deserved it (2411)

On 08/27/2012 at 2:20pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I blurted out something like "humdidumdum erm lalala" in public, attracting mystified stares. The thing is, I do this every time I remember something embarrassing I've said or done in the past, in an attempt to erase it out of my consciousness. So it happens a lot. FML

#19499543
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16581) - you deserved it (9131)

On 04/20/2012 at 3:34am - misc - by Ashamed (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was making out with this guy I had been seeing, and things start to get pretty steamy. As he paused for a second, I thought he was going to get up and find a condom, but instead he turns to me and says, "I think I'm going to go to the library." I wasn't invited. FML

#7004300
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16577) - you deserved it (2918)

On 12/29/2009 at 12:02am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I noticed that whenever someone belches, I immediately think of my boyfriend. FML

#19636097
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16571) - you deserved it (3203)

On 05/17/2012 at 8:00am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, the kids I teach informed me that I had spelled my name incorrectly on the board. I looked at it and assured them that I had spelled it correctly. I'm 22 and a graduate student, they're six and mentally challenged. Guess who was right? FML

#260093
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16570) - you deserved it (63248)

On 03/10/2009 at 11:46am - work - by Noname (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I overheard someone at the mall telling his friend, "So I'm going in for a brain scan." Trying to be funny, I piped up, "Better hope they find something!" Turns out that had been the end of his sentence, and the scan is to see if his cancer has spread. FML

#21134153
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16567) - you deserved it (67437)

On 05/08/2014 at 3:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)



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  • Oi! Stop "playing" that digeridoo and get out! There, now that I've tidied up my apartment, we can begin. How are you all doing? Have you got your leather jacket out of storage to go hang out down at…

Thursday 22 January 2015

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