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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, when petting my friend's dog, I acted like I was going to make out with him. While I wasn't looking the dog stuck his entire tongue in my mouth. FML

#2663554
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8168) - you deserved it (60404)

On 06/06/2009 at 3:44pm - health - by thedogkisser (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while at work, after reading more than 100 FMLs and moderating more than 500, I decided to write one of my own with the help of my boss, who had been standing next to me for over an hour. "How about being fired?" FML

Today, I went to the mall with a couple of friends. While walking through the parking lot, we saw a very dirty car. You couldn't even see the inside of the car through the windows. I thought it would be funny to trace on the window, "Wash Me." After doing so, the driver got out of the car. FML

#1280254
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8165) - you deserved it (56511)

On 04/24/2009 at 12:38am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I bought a safe. I put all of my most prized possessions in it, including all of my jewelry, family heirlooms and important papers. Oh, and just before I locked it up, I put the key to the safe in there too. FML

#5853420
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8165) - you deserved it (40411)

On 10/16/2009 at 5:02pm - misc - by smarty (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was supposed to go on a date with a guy I really like. My friends convinced me that he was going to stand me up and that I should just stay home to avoid being hurt. He showed up; I didn't. My friends laughed at my gullible nature. FML

#8859695
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8164) - you deserved it (25907)

On 03/06/2010 at 12:14am - love - by mariah_1_11 (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I learnt that if you accidentally sit on a hamster, instead of dying, it bites your testicles. FML

#8742333
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8161) - you deserved it (33825)

On 03/01/2010 at 4:13am - animals - by ItHurtsLIkeHell (man) - Malaysia (Pulau Pinang)

Today, I was pissed that I got a £60 parking ticket so rang my friend to rant about it. I then got pulled over by the cops for using my phone, and was fined £120. FML

#14807320
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8161) - you deserved it (59574)

On 02/02/2011 at 2:12am - money - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, while having sex, I tried to kick the blanket over my feet and kneed myself in the face. FML

#9371733
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8160) - you deserved it (19747)

On 03/25/2010 at 4:00am - intimacy - by ouch (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my roommate showed me that her pepper spray had expired, so I decided to test it on myself. It worked. FML

#17001302
289 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8159) - you deserved it (70320)

On 07/06/2011 at 2:45pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I got a $200 bonus at work and was super excited about getting a plane ticket to see my family. On the way back from work I got a $300 speeding ticket. FML

#13450505
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8151) - you deserved it (32063)

On 10/14/2010 at 8:43pm - money - by copmagnet - United States

Today, I used a prank app, where you shake the cell, and it makes the screen looks cracked. I ended up losing my grip on the phone. It went flying, and it is now cracked for real. FML

#19763954
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8148) - you deserved it (28538)

On 06/10/2012 at 2:24am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was in my room, in my briefs and texting my girlfriend. Suddenly, I got a massive erection and I decided to take a picture to send her. As soon as my camera phone clicked, my mom walked in. You can see my mom in the picture screaming at me. FML

#8861010
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8147) - you deserved it (24187)

On 03/06/2010 at 1:10am - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I was told by my neighbors that my guitar playing sounded a dying cat. FML

#13754576
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8147) - you deserved it (18549)

On 11/07/2010 at 5:07pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - Israel (Tel Aviv)



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