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Today, I was talking to my guy friend on the phone. He said, "You sound depressed, I should cheer you up and give you a big hug." Jokingly, I responded, "You wouldn't hug something as gross as me." His response? "You'd be surprised." FML

#4174665
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13362) - you deserved it (39854)

On 07/31/2009 at 2:44am - misc - by Girafarig (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I asked to borrow my fat friend's pants for a semi-formal activity tomorrow. I figured I'd just get a belt to hold the pants up. Turns out, the pants fit me. FML

#76555
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13358) - you deserved it (55719)

On 02/19/2009 at 7:18am - health - by Machine (man) - Japan (Okinawa)

Today, while in the shower with my girlfriend she was going on and on about how she thinks she's fat when she's in perfect shape. With what she said still on my mind, I meant to say "honey, you're so beautiful", but accidentally said "honey, you're so fat". I'll be sleeping alone tonight. FML

#7460932
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13356) - you deserved it (30033)

On 01/20/2010 at 7:23pm - love - by showerpower (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I locked myself in the bathroom and started spanking the ferret. I started to get really into it when my dad started pounding on the door and yelled, "Son, that's great staying power, but can you finish up already?" FML

#16068047
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13356) - you deserved it (47364)

On 05/06/2011 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Saudi Arabia

Today, I decided to dress up a little to go out to the bar. I put on a nice shirt, some leggings and heels. When I walked out the door my dad said that I looked like a whore. When I got to my boyfriends house I told him what my dad had said and he replied "I'd have to agree with him." FML

#3953472
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13355) - you deserved it (56968)

On 07/22/2009 at 2:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was working at a hospital-level rest home. I was making the rounds when I noticed a woman was sitting in her (electric) wheelchair in the middle of the hall. Going closer I saw her battery was flat so I said "Uh-oh! Looks like you've died." She bawled her eyes out and said "Not yet." FML

#5144800
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13354) - you deserved it (48730)

On 09/09/2009 at 5:58am - misc - by Anonymous - New Zealand (Otago)

Today, as a prank, a friend and I tied a 10 dollar bill to a fishing line, and yanked it away from people as they reached for it. It was going really well until one of our victims pulled a knife and chased us around the block. FML

#16144015
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13354) - you deserved it (53021)

On 05/12/2011 at 1:53pm - misc - by Jackassed - United States (New York)

Today, I was in an exam and was chewing the end of my pen, stuck on a question. My mouth filled up with ink. I wasn't allowed to leave, so I had to sit for another hour with a foul-tasting blue tongue and a half-working pen. FML

#5698156
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13348) - you deserved it (37033)

On 10/07/2009 at 3:48am - misc - by shoeaddiikt (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, trying to be kinky while giving my boyfriend a blow job, I whipped him with my ponytail. He was thrilled, until I accidentally head-butted his dick. He curled up into a ball and wouldn't let me touch him again. FML

#20170605
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13348) - you deserved it (31538)

On 11/20/2012 at 3:43am - intimacy - by kinkicali (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I stood in line for one hour to get a new phone. It then took me 2 minutes to drop it and shatter the screen, and 2 seconds for the employee to look at, laugh, and tell me, "That Sucks." FML

#6322699
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13342) - you deserved it (27093)

On 11/16/2009 at 2:29am - misc - by bananaface (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores, I bought my fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans. Her reaction was to squeal, "Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!" FML

#19463606
582 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13341) - you deserved it (54591) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/13/2012 at 10:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - France

Today, my boyfriend requested that I shave my lips so I spent an hour in the shower carefully removing every trace of pubic hair. Turns out he wanted me to shave my moustache, not my carpet. FML

#20062588
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13337) - you deserved it (28766)

On 09/08/2012 at 12:03am - intimacy - by sasquatch (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up with a hangover. I had a party last night. Besides a stolen TV, someone seemingly decided to take a dump in my piano. FML

#7637275
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13332) - you deserved it (25650)

On 01/28/2010 at 6:00am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Norway (Telemark)



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