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Today, the guardian angel charm my grandma gave to me for "safe driving" fell off my sun visor while I was driving. This scared me enough to cause me to swerve into another moving car. So much for safe driving. FML

#20119674
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17872) - you deserved it (6235)

On 10/16/2012 at 2:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I decided to dress up sexy for my boyfriend. I put on cute undies and a corset because they made the most of my assets. The first thing my boyfriend said was 'the colours don't match'. FML

#6148778
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17871) - you deserved it (4772)

On 11/04/2009 at 8:53am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, after a particularly gruesome nightmare about spiders due to my irrational phobia, I decided to try and desensitise myself by googling 'house spiders'. I can't stop the feeling of something crawling over every inch of my body, but at least I now know they can live up to six years. FML

#8700237
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17870) - you deserved it (6395)

On 02/27/2010 at 9:03pm - health - by joolsie (woman) - United Kingdom (York)

Today, I was interviewing a cute guy for my journalism class, and he asked to borrow my laptop to check his email quickly. After the interview, I realized that the last thing I had searched for on my browser's Google box was "ingrown pubic hairs," and it was still up there. FML

#115661
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17869) - you deserved it (32943)

On 02/23/2009 at 5:50pm - misc - by loserface (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had a job interview. Everything was going really well until I noticed a bug on my interviewer's lower neck. I shouted that something really disgusting was crawling on him. It turns out it was his big hairy mole. FML

#1125126
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17868) - you deserved it (55726)

On 04/19/2009 at 5:52pm - work - by Crunchy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I met up with my dad after having worked abroad for the past six months. Apparently, during that time he's had a mid-life crisis or been snorting a few too many turds, because he's now some sort of hippie calling himself "Memnoch of Pleiades". FML

#19705574
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17866) - you deserved it (1735)

On 05/30/2012 at 5:34pm - misc - by wtf (man) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I gave my boyfriend a spontaneous blowjob while we were watching TV. After he finished, I tried to pull a sexy move I'd seen in a porno by zipping his pants back up with my teeth. His foreskin got caught in the zipper and we spent the next few hours in the emergency room. FML

#3604059
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17862) - you deserved it (56808)

On 07/09/2009 at 3:35am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I had to pay my bus fare in very small change. After carefully counting out coins under the withering glares of a bus-load of people, I quickly slid them into the machine, and somehow ended up jamming it. FML

#20112067
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17862) - you deserved it (4137)

On 10/11/2012 at 1:49pm - money - by iblamethetories - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, while I was trying to take off my eye make up, I accidentally used nail polish remover. FML

#13539
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17859) - you deserved it (30917)

On 02/07/2009 at 3:43pm - misc - by Snow (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, a co-worker asked me if I have a Facebook account, and I said I do. I had to politely smile as he spent the next half hour insulting me for supposedly being glued to it 24/7, before claiming that it's all a CIA front to steal people's social security details. Why are nutjobs like this even alive? FML

#20175635
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17858) - you deserved it (2872)

On 11/23/2012 at 7:49pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was hanging out with the guy I really like. I lifted my arms to put my hair in a ponytail when he noticed a hole that had apparently tore in the armpit of my shirt, so he put his finger through it. I haven't shaved in weeks. FML

#20513075
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17856) - you deserved it (51649)

On 02/19/2013 at 1:19am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I took my dog for a walk down by the river. I was throwing sticks for him with one hand and talking on the phone with the other. Then I accidentally threw my phone in the river instead of the stick and was standing there talking to the stick while my phone sat at the bottom of the river. FML

#102926
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17857) - you deserved it (57188)

On 02/22/2009 at 9:52am - animals - by El Boz (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my dad saw on TV that in some parts of Africa, it's not uncommon for people to attach make-shift flamethrowers to their cars to defend against carjackers. He's now lost his mind and is forcing me to help him put one together to scare off Jehovah's Witnesses. FML

#20124199
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17855) - you deserved it (2008)

On 10/19/2012 at 5:39pm - misc - by Watchtower? More like fortress. (man) - Norway (Oslo)



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