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Today, I was in the grocery store buying a few things. A sales associate came over the intercom system saying, "Attention Safeway customers. If you drive a blue Subaru, it's rolling into 18th Ave." Everyone laughed except me. I forgot to set the brake. FML

#1582380
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18468) - you deserved it (44801)

On 05/03/2009 at 1:35am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I took my daughter to a pony ride at the fair. I paid to have her picture taken, and when we got home, I emailed it to my mom. She replied, disgustedly pointing out that the pretty little pony was displaying a pretty little penis. FML

#20076226
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18469) - you deserved it (2183)

On 09/17/2012 at 1:16pm - animals - by :,< - United States

Today, I taught my friend how to use a staple gun. She taught me how to get staples out of my hand. FML

#19514784
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18465) - you deserved it (3698)

On 04/23/2012 at 12:21am - misc - by leprechaun23 - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went outside to smoke a cigarette. I had my headphones in and was blasting my music. It was also cold so I had my hood up. I had my back turned to the house and wasn't paying attention. My brother thought I was a burglar and tackled me to the concrete. FML

#15720918
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18464) - you deserved it (28119)

On 04/10/2011 at 4:55am - misc - by Ouch (woman) - Canada

Today, my new neighbours moved in. I've neither seen nor spoken to them yet; all I know is that they enjoy hammering at the walls for hours on end and repeatedly setting off the fire alarm. All this in the small hours of the morning. I got two hours of sleep. FML

#19558757
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18463) - you deserved it (1658)

On 05/01/2012 at 3:51pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I took my puppy for a walk around town. I had to stop and explain to several people that yes, his head was purple because my little sister wanted to make him look like a Na'vi from Avatar. FML

#20041954
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18461) - you deserved it (2153)

On 08/26/2012 at 12:18am - misc - by AmyLeigh - Canada (Alberta)

Today, the dry skin on my feet has gotten so bad that my boyfriend uses my feet to itch his legs when we're cuddling. FML

Today, I organized a romantic evening with one of my old squeezes in the hopes I may re-ignite something special. She showed up at 8 and told me she had to leave by 9. She was gone by 8:30. FML

#2715
15 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18458) - you deserved it (4616)

On 01/26/2009 at 5:56pm - love - by LDL - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was proud when I started a confrontation with my best friend's brother because he is a sexist pig who treats women like crap. Six hours later my pride was gone: I made him an after-sex sandwich. FML

#20975509
100 comments

Today, I was skiing in Vermont for the third day straight. Since I was getting very little sleep, on the top of the chairlift I let out a huge yawn, pulling a muscle in my face. As I slid down the ramp, everyone saw me thrashing my head around and making funny, painful faces as I fell down. FML

#8292410
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18455) - you deserved it (4244)

On 02/15/2010 at 8:35am - misc - by Floof (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my husband and I were having sex in the shower while our 5-year old was sleeping. Apparently, she wasn't sleeping and she asked me what those loud noises were. I told her I was singing. Now I can't get her to stop "singing" in the shower. FML

#3058885
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18456) - you deserved it (57172)

On 06/20/2009 at 12:06pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I came home to find that my girlfriend had repainted my bedroom. As she had offered to do it, it shouldn't have been a problem. However, she decided to return the several unopened cans of off-white paint that I'd bought for something "more neutral." Like "Sunset Orange." FML

#20165039
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18453) - you deserved it (2548)

On 11/16/2012 at 12:51am - misc - by spaceforrent - United States

Today, I invited a girl I really like to spend the afternoon at my place. Everything went great... with my sister. They became really good friends, and me, well, I tried to alleviate my boredom in front of my computer. FML

#717
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18452) - you deserved it (2207)

On 01/06/2009 at 4:51am - love - by [SiMON] - Sent from mobile version



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