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Today, I put lemon juice in my hair as a cheap and easy way to get highlights. I left it in my hair and I laid out in the backyard to get some sun. The sunshine wasn't the only thing that found me; it seems every bug in the neighborhood is now hiding in my hair. FML

#16580988
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13139) - you deserved it (46043)

On 06/09/2011 at 4:32pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I went to an orchestra concert. Halfway through the performance I had to fart really bad, so I decided to try and sneak it in while the orchestra was playing a loud exciting part. Just as I let it rip, there was a dramatic pause in the music. Everyone heard. FML

#19917515
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13137) - you deserved it (24655)

On 07/10/2012 at 12:44am - misc - by Concert Flatulent - United States (Texas)

Today, McDonalds charged me 21 cents for a honey mustard packet. The jerk manager made me break a $50 bill. So I grabbed all their napkins, carried them into the parking lot and tossed them all into the air in protest and drove off. Down the road, I realized I left my wallet at the counter. FML

#3117856
325 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13131) - you deserved it (75367)

On 06/22/2009 at 12:18pm - misc - by Jesse (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I showed my aunt and mother my tattoo. They both burst out laughing. FML

#20562807
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13131) - you deserved it (31129)

On 03/27/2013 at 7:17pm - misc - by anon - Netherlands (Limburg)

Today, I handed the keys to my Mustang to my mom so she could go car shopping. As she pulled away, I remembered the condom wrappers, sex toy packaging, and empty bottle of rum that was in the passenger's seat of my car. I'm twenty. FML

#945659
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13122) - you deserved it (75673)

On 04/13/2009 at 6:46am - intimacy - by jackass (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I found out that if you whistle Christmas carols while shitting in a public bathroom, a little boy might just look under the stall to see if Santa is pooping. FML

#19784207
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13115) - you deserved it (23531)

On 06/13/2012 at 9:17pm - misc - by ww2freak - United States (Virginia)

Today, I got a sunburn all over my stomach from a tanning bed. In an attempt to relieve the itching, I looked up natural treatments since we have no aloe. After trying yogurt, milk and mayo I found out that our water was shut off so the shower could be fixed. I now reek of mayo and milk. FML

#4097731
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13110) - you deserved it (41976)

On 07/28/2009 at 1:19am - health - by erika (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I pretended like I was dead to my 4 year old brother. He cried my name for a couple of seconds, then took my iPhone out of my hands and ran away laughing. FML

#12760646
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13108) - you deserved it (38709)

On 08/26/2010 at 8:19pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I cut myself with child-proof scissors. FML

#23513
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13107) - you deserved it (29387)

On 02/11/2009 at 12:30am - misc - by tylerlove361 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I sat in the cafeteria at work and saw a girl, which is a rare sight at my workplace, from the back with a beautifully long ponytail. After a full hour of building up courage to perhaps say hi to her, she turned around. It was a 50-year-old man. FML

#14257746
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13104) - you deserved it (27747)

On 12/19/2010 at 5:28am - love - by lonelyengineer (man) - Germany (Niedersachsen)

Today, I walked into work after being completly wasted last night. I was sitting in a meeting when all of a sudden the presenter had gotten an e-mail saying "crazy girl dances on tables at local bar". So obviously everyone wanted to watch it. That crazy girl was me. FML

#123321
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13080) - you deserved it (44617)

On 02/24/2009 at 2:21pm - work - by lifesucks (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went for a lunch interview for my dream job. The interview was great and at the end, I tried to seal the deal by complimenting my future boss. I said, "You're really hardworking. Do you always work on a Saturday?" He looked at me, smiled and then wrote something down. Today's Friday. FML

#897398
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13080) - you deserved it (54474)

On 04/10/2009 at 3:06am - work - by sifa (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, I posted my status on Facebook as "slightly hungover." My grandma commented on it with "liar, you were helping me clean last night." She's right. FML

#16221236
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13080) - you deserved it (63743)

On 05/17/2011 at 12:15pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Kentucky)



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  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

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