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Today, I was talking to my mom lamenting the fact that none of my few relationships seem to last longer than 2 months. She asked why and I said, "because I'm paranoid, obsessive compulsive, judgmental, defensive, and stubborn." Instead of encouraging me, she said, "Well, at least you're honest." FML

#4026463
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11469) - you deserved it (41503)

On 07/25/2009 at 7:13am - love - by lonely (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I realized that I lie to my friends online and go "offline" for hours at a time so it appears that I have a life outside of the internet. FML

#5942193
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11467) - you deserved it (30607)

On 10/22/2009 at 8:26am - misc - by Kimberly - Sent from mobile version

Today, it was my first day working as a nightclub bartender. All through the evening, a really creepy bloke stood in a dark corner and leered at the girls on the dance floor. When I took the bouncer to one side to let him know, he told me the man was a coat stand. FML

#18554140
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11444) - you deserved it (28691)

On 12/19/2011 at 3:57pm - work - by Bob smith (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my friend told me she had a stalker who had been emailing her. I laughed, and told her it was probably some fat, ugly virgin sat behind his computer all day. I then continued to describe and mock the stalker, only to realise that I was basically describing myself. FML

#3083519
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11443) - you deserved it (48464)

On 06/21/2009 at 3:26am - misc - by TheHatedOne (man) - Qatar (Ad Dawhah)

Today, my cat was too overweight to get out of the litter box, so he gave up, and went to sleep. I had to pick him up out of his own waste and clean him up. FML

#20175044
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11443) - you deserved it (23812)

On 11/23/2012 at 10:10am - animals - by Jeanna S. - United States

Today, I thought it would be fun to tease my dog by standing above her and hitting each of her paws repeatedly. My dog thought it would be fun to jump up and bite at my chest whilst I wasn't wearing a shirt. I just spent four hours in hospital getting my nipple sewn back on. FML

#5289656
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11437) - you deserved it (80168)

On 09/16/2009 at 9:24am - animals - by nipped (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I decided to smoke a cigarette while I was driving to work. I was also eating french fries during the drive. I had never realized how much a cigarette feels like a french fry. In conclusion, cigarettes don't taste very good when you bite into them. FML

#1418421
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11432) - you deserved it (101807)

On 04/28/2009 at 10:08am - health - by david - United States (Colorado)

Today, my boyfriend, who doesn't wear deodorant and has horrible dandruff, decided to shower for the first time in nearly a week because he got invited out to a bar. He didn't even invite me to go with him. FML

#13782541
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11424) - you deserved it (35021)

On 11/09/2010 at 9:11pm - health - by worthless (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up needing to wee. I was at my boyfriend's and didn't want to wake him, so I sat on the edge of the toilet and peed as quietly as possible. I realised after that I'd sat too far over and had peed on the floor. There was no loo paper. FML

#16267774
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11421) - you deserved it (37365)

On 05/20/2011 at 3:05pm - misc - by lionhead14 (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I changed my Facebook relationship status to "In a relationship". The girl is made up and the picture is from Google. FML

#14480016
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11417) - you deserved it (52201)

On 01/05/2011 at 10:35pm - love - by sadlife -

Today, I found out that if a cop asks you if you have any weapons, and you reply by saying "only these guns" while flexing your biceps, they won't take it very well. And neither will the cops down at the station. FML

#18444451
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11417) - you deserved it (43673)

On 12/06/2011 at 12:24pm - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, I was browsing a website where you can talk to strangers anonymously, when I met a guy I really hit it off with. After talking for two hours, we decided to keep in touch, just in time for me to hit the "Next Person" button by mistake. There's no way to undo it. FML

#8665468
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11412) - you deserved it (25595)

On 02/26/2010 at 2:58pm - love - by Ellen (woman) - Norway (Aust-Agder)

Today, I drew a face on a balloon and pretended to make out with it. The balloon popped and shot to the back of my throat, where it got caught. FML

#11831310
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11410) - you deserved it (65144)

On 07/12/2010 at 3:42pm - health - by jazthefish (man) - United States (Illinois)



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