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Today, I realized that my neighbors can not only hear me singing in the shower through my apartment's paper-thin walls, they also take great delight in recording it so that they can play it at high volume for their friends when they next throw a party. I want to disappear. FML

by ShowerStar / 08/15/2012 at 5:14pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up in my best guy friend's bed to the sound of him jerking off. As I laid there motionless with my back to him, he reached around me to grab a tissue. I don't think I can ever speak to him again. FML

by dfkjhregoiuberiug / 12/09/2009 at 4:20am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, I got a $20 tip from an old lady I delivered pizza to. Ecstatic, I walked back to my car where there was a $30 parking fine waiting for me. FML

by dammit33 / 05/28/2012 at 9:55am / Australia (Victoria) / Money

Today, I was taking a bath after a long day at work. I closed my eyes and listened to music. My cat thought this was the perfect time to come out of his hiding spot and jump in the bath. Once he realized it was filled with water, he freaked out and dug his claws into my face. FML

by lyssthemiss / 09/22/2015 at 6:51am / United States (Illinois) / Animals

Today, I was talking with some friends and the girl I like. During a lull in the conversation, she looked at me and said, "Ugh, I really wanna pop your zits." FML

by Anonymous / 10/14/2015 at 9:45am / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, I took my two kids to a Christmas festival with a train theme. I spent $24 on conductor hats for them. When I gave them the hats, they threw them on the ground and put the red paper bags they came in on their heads. FML

by Anonymous / 12/21/2010 at 8:15pm / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, my grandpa saw one of the paintings in the guest room at my house. "What the fuck?" he snorted, then said whoever painted it should "stick to their damn day job". I painted it. FML

by is cum a fruit or a vegetable? / 07/17/2015 at 1:50pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, after weeks of intense studying with the intent of pulling my grades up, I saw that in fact, they've all gone down. FML

by Rae / 05/04/2012 at 5:09pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up and my boyfriend was already awake. Feeling in the mood I slipped off my nightdress and looked him in the eye. He looked me up and down, smiled seductively, reached over... and turned his PS3 on. FML

by ps3isbetterthanme / 12/11/2009 at 11:44am / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Intimacy

Today, I couldn’t have a conversation with my fiancé unless it was about Dragon Ball Z. FML

by DBZ / 02/20/2012 at 10:53am / United States (Tennessee) / Love

Today, I had to take my 15-year-old daughter to remove the handcuffs her father had placed on her as a joke. He didn't know they were real. FML

by Anonymous / 04/30/2012 at 12:44am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I had to admit to everyone, including my cable guy, that I'm moving back in with my parents. FML

by Anonymous / 08/04/2010 at 5:08pm / United States (Connecticut) / Money

Today, when I tried to break up with my girlfriend of 2 years, she had no idea we were even dating. She thought of all the movies, dinners and "sleep overs" I had with her was because we were such great friends. FML

by K.S.S. / 04/16/2016 at 10:24pm / United States (Indiana) / Love