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Today, I started college after a night out. I'd got tipsy at the club and started dancing with a cute guy. He asked for my number. I didn't want to give it to him, so I gave him a rejection number. Guess who's the new professor for my bio class? And yes, he recognized me. FML

#13424544
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13672) - you deserved it (32262)

On 10/12/2010 at 7:51pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I realized that my alcoholism has gotten so bad that I rotate liquor stores so the clerks don't think bad about me. FML

#5407765
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13661) - you deserved it (47212)

On 09/22/2009 at 12:37am - health - by Cpt_Concerned (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I have a degree in electrical engineering, my wife was doing a crossword and asked me what are the units of capacitance, I couldn't remember. FML

#967
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13648) - you deserved it (7679)

On 01/11/2009 at 11:46am - misc - by jibjab - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I tried to sneak up on my girlfriend who was sitting in her car with one of her girlfriends. I snuck up to the driver's side window and tried to startle her by banging on the window. The window was down. My thumb went right in her eye. She has to wear a patch for 2 weeks. FML

#1021558
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13645) - you deserved it (63532)

On 04/16/2009 at 2:43pm - misc - by shiftybizniss - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got back from a service trip to Kenya, where I had no running water or electricity. I encouraged my friends to go green and help raise awareness by conserving as much electricity as possible. I return home to find that all my lights have been on for 2 weeks. FML

#2232813
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13636) - you deserved it (58182)

On 05/24/2009 at 2:46am - misc - by APRRECIATION (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, while dining at a restaurant I heard a women choking. I immediately ran to her, wrapped my arms around her and started giving her abdominal thrusts. She freed herself and slapped me. Turns out she wasn't choking, she was just laughing. FML

#6546053
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13631) - you deserved it (29337)

On 12/01/2009 at 1:15am - misc - by helper (man) - Costa Rica (Heredia)

Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted to spice up our sex life, so we went and had sex in the park. We had 30 minutes of "spice", just to spend seven hours in jail. FML

#16954796
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13629) - you deserved it (44858)

On 07/02/2011 at 11:01pm - intimacy - by T-Guy (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, while finishing up raking leaves, I decided it would be a fun idea to jump into them. After rolling around in the leaves for a bit, I smelled something funny. Turns out I was rolling around in dog shit. FML

#6226609
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13628) - you deserved it (33158)

On 11/09/2009 at 10:18am - animals - by Kirta (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was walking with my girlfriend when a little guy walked up and flirted with her. I'm a pretty weak guy and he looked weaker, so I gave him a little push and said "Back off". He's actually not weak at all. I've got a black eye and a girlfriend who won't stop laughing to prove it. FML

#5506642
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13622) - you deserved it (37697)

On 09/27/2009 at 2:12pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I saw my upstairs neighbor outside getting the mail. She asked how my day was, and then apologized that the sound of her baby's crying through the walls kept me up last night. Apparently she heard me when I yelled at 2am for her fucking demon spawn to shut up. FML

#18086804
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13621) - you deserved it (34792)

On 10/27/2011 at 2:41am - misc - by Deborah - United States

Today, I had hooked up with this girl and had finally lulled her asleep. I didn't want to stay so I quietly managed to get my clothes back on and get out the door without waking her. I made it all the way out of her building and to my car before I realized I had forgotten my keys. FML

#911522
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13620) - you deserved it (102908)

On 04/11/2009 at 3:38am - intimacy - by Smooth (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I went to my doctor to get the morning after pill. I explained to her that the condom broke and I was nervous. She simply asked me "when" so I replied "...towards the end". I didn't realize she was really asking what day this happened. FML

#2503309
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13619) - you deserved it (59468)

On 06/01/2009 at 4:11pm - intimacy - by embarrassed (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, after taping 5-year-olds do a skit at an improv camp, I used the camera's view-finder to zoom in on a female co-worker's chest. Another female co-worker tapped me on the shoulder to show that the TV was still connected to the camera. Parents, kids, and instructors all witnessed it. FML

#310419
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13616) - you deserved it (124515)

On 03/13/2009 at 9:06pm - misc - by Noname - United States (Arkansas)



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