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Today, I was feeling a little racy and decided to send my boyfriend some naked pictures of myself. He responded, "That's OK, but does your face have to be in them?" FML

by denise / 11/23/2009 at 12:07am / United States (Connecticut) / Intimacy

Today, I was debating with my now ex-boyfriend over the ethics of using torture in interrogations of suspected criminals. It took just ten minutes before he freely admitted that he'd have no problem "torturing the shit" out of me if he even suspected I was seeing another man. FML

by what the actual fuck / 08/11/2012 at 12:38pm / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, after weeks of intense studying with the intent of pulling my grades up, I saw that in fact, they've all gone down. FML

by Rae / 05/04/2012 at 5:09pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took my two kids to a Christmas festival with a train theme. I spent $24 on conductor hats for them. When I gave them the hats, they threw them on the ground and put the red paper bags they came in on their heads. FML

by Anonymous / 12/21/2010 at 8:15pm / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, my grandpa saw one of the paintings in the guest room at my house. "What the fuck?" he snorted, then said whoever painted it should "stick to their damn day job". I painted it. FML

by is cum a fruit or a vegetable? / 07/17/2015 at 1:50pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, my daughter turned 18. She decided to use this day to tell me everywhere her and her boyfriends have had sex in my house to get revenge for being overprotective. FML

by Anonymous / 06/01/2011 at 2:06pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I bought my cats two new litter boxes in hopes that they would use them. They still prefer to pee on the clothes in my closet. FML

by princessbbee / 08/18/2011 at 1:40pm / United States / Animals

Today, I had to take my 15-year-old daughter to remove the handcuffs her father had placed on her as a joke. He didn't know they were real. FML

by Anonymous / 04/30/2012 at 12:44am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I realized that my neighbors can not only hear me singing in the shower through my apartment's paper-thin walls, they also take great delight in recording it so that they can play it at high volume for their friends when they next throw a party. I want to disappear. FML

by ShowerStar / 08/15/2012 at 5:14pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I tried to be sexy and put a condom on with my mouth. Instead, I inhaled it and my boyfriend broke three of my ribs giving me the Heimlich maneuver. FML

by Anonymous / 07/30/2009 at 5:23am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I drove to my college campus for my 8 a.m. class, parked, walked the mile and a half to my classroom, just to find out class had been cancelled. The prof didn't send an email because she couldn't remember her password. I paid $1200 to be taught by this woman, who has a doctorate. FML

by crb25453 / 10/15/2015 at 1:07am / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, at school, I got in trouble for plagiarizing on a paper. The subject of said paper was where I see myself in ten years. FML

by jzidar24 / 10/21/2015 at 10:37pm / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, as I pulled to a halt at a stop sign, a cyclist ripped through the air, slammed straight into my fender, and almost launched over my car. I ended up being cited for reckless driving. FML

by Anonymous / 05/09/2012 at 2:50pm / United States (Colorado) / Transportation