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Today, I didn't wear my contacts. Determined to prove to my friends I didn't need them, I read all the signs in sight. I couldn't read a particular one, so I began to walk closer. Suddenly I fell on my face, bruising my cheekbone. The sign said: "Caution: Watch Your Step." FML

#1248987
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11688) - you deserved it (58606)

On 04/23/2009 at 3:36am - misc - by notexactly (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while riding my bike on the sidewalk, I came across a ladder. To avoid bad luck, I swerved around it into the street. I got hit by a car. FML

#19889661
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11688) - you deserved it (26389)

On 07/04/2012 at 5:04am - health - by magicman - United States

Today, I sent a text message to my boyfriend, saying "Come over in an hour, I love you." An hour later, the doorbell rang. It was my ex, looking happy and still as taken with me as before, with a bunch of roses. I'd got the wrong number. My ex and my boyfriend have the same name. FML

#432
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11681) - you deserved it (37391)

On 12/01/2008 at 11:57pm - love - by eleonor - Sent from mobile version

Today, since I'm too ashamed to go buy a proper sex toy, I used an old Star Wars toy sword instead. FML

#17436824
399 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11681) - you deserved it (51138)

On 08/11/2011 at 1:53am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Mexico (Distrito Federal)

Today, I realised that my flight back from Berlin was actually booked for the 29th of September instead of August. FML

#12818832
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11679) - you deserved it (22915)

On 08/30/2010 at 7:40am - misc - by Palf - Germany (Brandenburg)

Today, at some point, and for some reason I'll probably never fully understand, it seemed like a good idea to get completely shitfaced on tequila and try to shave my ballsack with a straight razor. I'm not sure if these wounds will ever heal. FML

#17334283
268 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11677) - you deserved it (65465)

On 08/01/2011 at 5:47pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, during my shift at a restaurant, my boss's daughter came in. I couldn't help but notice that she was almost popping out of her low-cut top. After having a private chat with her, my boss took me aside and said, "My daughter's got eyes you know, not just a pair of tits". FML

#3533033
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11676) - you deserved it (47789)

On 07/06/2009 at 7:28pm - work - by Cody (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, while on the phone with a client at work, I was planning on saying either "Yeah." or "Uh-huh." Without thinking, I combined the two and ended up saying "Yee-hah," like a cowboy. FML

#6550671
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11671) - you deserved it (29671)

On 12/01/2009 at 12:25pm - work - by Jen (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I asked my mom if she thought I looked skinny in my shorts. She jiggled my leg fat, looked up at me and walked away. FML

#7228491
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11668) - you deserved it (22268)

On 01/09/2010 at 12:36am - health - by Ashy104 (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my boyfriend and I were playing with my pet rabbit when my boyfriend discovered poop on his lap. As he brushed it off, I reminded him that there are a lot worse things in the world than rabbit poop. Almost as if on cue, my rabbit peed on both of us. FML

#14497989
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11659) - you deserved it (18346)

On 01/07/2011 at 3:22pm - misc - by RabbitOwner - United States

Today, I entered my first professional fight as a mixed martial artist. It's been my dream to become a UFC champion one day. All I do is train and watch UFC fights all day. I was out cold in a matter of seconds. FML

#19826563
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11658) - you deserved it (23326)

On 06/21/2012 at 11:07pm - misc - by yeah - United States

Today, a man on the train asked me if i had any change. I quickly responded with "no habla engles". He then tapped me on the shoulder and said "That would've been a lot more believable if you weren't reading that paper." FML

#271640
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11644) - you deserved it (127898)

On 03/11/2009 at 2:05pm - money - by nthor (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I realised I like Britney Spears. FML

#2831
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11637) - you deserved it (28923)

On 01/27/2009 at 12:33pm - misc - by embaressed - Canada (British Columbia)



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