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Today, I brought my own thermos of coffee on the train with me, the kind that flips open to uncover the mouth part. I take a few swigs and notice a cute boy nervously smiling at me. Suddenly, I feel something drip down my nose. The flip part was leaving drops of coffee all over my forehead. FML

#15689448
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24129) - you deserved it (6046)

On 04/08/2011 at 1:11am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I figured I'd throw my ex-boyfriend a compliment and told him how "gifted" he was below the belt. He thinks he's paying me a compliment when he tells me how much he loves that little roll of skin that pops up over the top of my pants when I sit down. I'm trying to lose weight, asshole. FML

#1700
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24129) - you deserved it (7798)

On 01/19/2009 at 4:21am - love - by Noname - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was sitting on my boyfriends lap and we were hanging out, talking, and enjoying each other's company. Then he looked into my eyes and right when I thought he was going to kiss me, he said "I can feel your heartbeat on my dick." FML

#5136668
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24128) - you deserved it (4619)

On 09/08/2009 at 9:26pm - intimacy - by awkwardbf (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I discovered my son, who has recently moved out of our home, eating his dog's food. His excuse? He wanted the new Pokemon game, and "compromises had to be made". FML

#20122132
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24128) - you deserved it (2984)

On 10/18/2012 at 4:33am - kids - by anon - Australia

Today, my band got booed off stage. FML

#12470997
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24127) - you deserved it (46181)

On 08/12/2010 at 2:53am - work - by malos - United States

Today, my electric razor fell flat right after I had finished with my first cheek. And of course I don't have a manual one. FML

#362
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24125) - you deserved it (5559)

On 11/22/2008 at 2:02am - misc - by Goatkvlt - Sent from mobile version

Today, I walked outside to see the fireworks. I also got to see my neighbors burning a couch in the parking lot of my apartment complex to celebrate, right next to my car. FML

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Her dad showed me his gun collection, and said the first rule of gun safety is never to point a gun at something you don't intend to kill. All while waving a handgun in my direction and glaring at me with barely suppressed rage. FML

#21475965
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24126) - you deserved it (2076)

On 10/04/2015 at 9:21am - misc - by dead man walking? (man) - United States

Today, a man in a hurry asked me for a light. Not being able to find my lighter amongst the muddle inside my handbag, I handed him my lit cigarette so he could light his. He took it from me, started smoking it and walked off. FML

#20860218
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24124) - you deserved it (34561) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/30/2013 at 6:59am - misc - by Anonyme (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was babysitting a couple of kids. I'd spent time with them before, so I brought my video game console to play with them. I forgot to take it home with me. They soon sold it to another kid for $10. FML

#21474105
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24123) - you deserved it (6110)

On 09/29/2015 at 9:21am - kids - by Thatguynoonelikes - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my best friend told me to face my fear of cows and hop over the fence in with them. This resulted in me being chased by a raging cow, and thrusting myself head first over a fence. FML

#17087035
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24122) - you deserved it (15125)

On 07/12/2011 at 11:13pm - animals - by MooCow - United States (Montana)

Today, my roommate decided to turn off all appliances in the house to "save" electricity. This included the refrigerator. FML

#20088101
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24122) - you deserved it (1559)

On 09/25/2012 at 1:13pm - misc - by Jograd - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I met my boyfriend's grandma for the first time. Trying to make a good impression, I offered to wash the dishes. I accidentally broke the faucet. FML

#19994302
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24122) - you deserved it (3460)

On 07/31/2012 at 10:28am - misc - by gmd05 (woman) - United States



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