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Today, I discovered that as thanks for my successful efforts to increase my company's monthly revenue, my dumbass of a boss has been awarded a pay bonus. He's wasted no time telling everyone about the sports car he's planning to buy with it. FML

#19699076
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18314) - you deserved it (1549)

On 05/29/2012 at 1:52pm - work - by vikts (man) - Luxembourg (Luxembourg)

Today, while at work, I used the restroom. After I noticed we were out of paper towels, I just tried shaking my hands dry. I then readjusted my bra, since it'd been driving me crazy all day. After getting back to my cubicle, I realized that I had two wet handprints over my boobs. FML

#20007867
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18308) - you deserved it (11169)

On 08/07/2012 at 3:17pm - work - by Employee (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, after being filled with joy after seeing my very elderly cat finally enjoying the sun in my garden, I skipped over to give her a hug. Turns out she was taking a shit. FML

#19435990
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18309) - you deserved it (8526)

On 04/09/2012 at 11:22am - animals - by Ew. (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I was caring for a bird that had flown into my window. I thought the poor thing wouldn't make it, when it shit in my hand, flew into my neck, then around my living room for ages before I could manage to get it out of the window. FML

#14209539
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18303) - you deserved it (6719)

On 12/15/2010 at 1:15am - animals - by Olive14 -

Today, I didn't have plans on shaving my pubic hair. My girlfriend's braces thought otherwise. FML

#18899300
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18302) - you deserved it (36334)

On 01/24/2012 at 3:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went to the free clinic down the street to prove to my girlfriend I don't have any STDs so that we can finally have sex. Turns out I have one. FML

#17979790
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18298) - you deserved it (49779)

On 10/14/2011 at 12:30am - intimacy - by happybudiess - United States

Today, I got into an argument with my dad in his hotel room. I lost my temper and stormed out onto the balcony for some fresh air, at which point he decided to lock the door behind me, trapping me there for half an hour while he watched TV. FML

#19468154
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18297) - you deserved it (10643)

On 04/14/2012 at 6:56pm - misc - by fuckbucket14 - Egypt (Al Bahr al Ahmar)

Today, a girl was tailgating me, even though I was going at speed limit. Annoyed, I drove 10 mph under the speed limit, and every time she honked, I went 5mph slower. Too bad she got the last laugh... I was pulled over for "reckless driving." FML

#4589153
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18296) - you deserved it (42643)

On 08/17/2009 at 12:44am - misc - by tailgaterhater - United States (Washington)

Today, I made heart shaped cookies for my girlfriend. My mom's reaction? "They look like dicks." FML

#8268045
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18293) - you deserved it (3567)

On 02/14/2010 at 9:16pm - intimacy - by adam - United States (Illinois)

Today, I learned that what happens in Vegas doesn't always stay in Vegas. This includes my one night stand who turned up outside my front door with a suitcase in her hand. FML

#14140366
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18291) - you deserved it (40028)

On 12/09/2010 at 7:31am - intimacy - by NeverDrinkingAgain - Canada

Today, I got punched in the face after a stranger asked for a light, didn't realize it was a butane lighter and burnt the tip of his nose lighting his cigarette. Now my nose looks worse than his. FML

#20193519
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18283) - you deserved it (2945)

On 12/06/2012 at 6:30am - misc - by chinousmc - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting it on in his room. In a sexy voice, I asked him, "What are you thinking right now?" He replied, "I'm thinkin' Arby's." FML

#7225857
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18282) - you deserved it (5098)

On 01/08/2010 at 10:30pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my father came over to my house. I realized there were condoms on the table, so I subtly moved a vase to hide them. He then gave me an unamused look and said "I know you have sex. You've been married for nine years. Grow the fuck up, dumbass." FML

#15356314
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18282) - you deserved it (83027)

On 03/17/2011 at 7:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)



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