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Today, I went on my first date with a girl I have been infatuated with for months. At the restaurant, the waiter came while she was in the bathroom. I ordered steaks for both of us. Turns out, she is vegetarian, and doesn't like it when men are "overly aggressive". She called me a cow murderer. FML

#9123015
347 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14018) - you deserved it (37259)

On 03/16/2010 at 12:28am - love - by meatballz (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I tried for 45 minutes to convince my psychiatrist to take me off my antidepressant. When he finally agreed to do so, I broke down into tears and sobbed uncontrollably for 10 minutes. Hello, increased prescription. FML

#19854055
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14018) - you deserved it (18805)

On 06/27/2012 at 1:29am - health - by purpleskylight - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my best friend resolved things with her boyfriend after he had admitted to cheating on her. I felt really guilty because I drunkenly hooked up with her boyfriend last month. She said, "I felt better when he told me that the girl was extremely ugly and bad in bed." FML

#252691
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14012) - you deserved it (99921)

On 03/09/2009 at 4:52pm - misc - by collegegirl90 - United States (Texas)

Today, I was chatting with an amazing guy online. He was perfect for me. After five hours he told me he loved me and I said it back. So than we decided to trade nudes. I sent mine. Within two seconds my niece calls, laughing her ass off, telling me how weird my birthmark is. FML

#3442749
294 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14007) - you deserved it (98513)

On 07/03/2009 at 12:20am - misc - by Uriah (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, at the gym, I see a person laying unconscious on the ground with people crowded around. Previously being a lifeguard, and knowing CPR, I ran over and asked a man what happened, preparing to check his vitals. I then realized that the body was a dummy and the employees were doing a drill. FML

#50610
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14002) - you deserved it (26836)

On 02/16/2009 at 12:35am - misc - by thedullard (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I woke up late for a job interview. I hadn't shaved in six days, but figuring I could do so en route, I grabbed my electric razor and ran for the bus. While shaving, the razor's battery died midway through, leaving me to attend the job interview with a Miami Vice scruff on half my face. FML

#16117533
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13991) - you deserved it (33465)

On 05/10/2011 at 1:24pm - work - by scruffy (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was brushing my teeth in my bathroom. As I looked in the mirror I spotted a zit on my forehead. Keeping my toothbrush in my mouth, I quickly lean in towards the mirror to pop the pimple meanwhile lodging my toothbrush down my throat. I temporarily can't talk. FML

#4927386
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13987) - you deserved it (39271)

On 08/30/2009 at 11:22am - misc - by Mirroronthewall (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was working and eating. I was so tired that I crunched my pen and crushed my chocolate-filled pastry on my exercise book. FML

#479
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13987) - you deserved it (5692)

On 12/09/2008 at 8:50am - misc - by Heyme - Sent from mobile version

Today, I planted a bit of a condom wrapper in my bed so my housekeeper would think I have a love life. FML

#7161504
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13982) - you deserved it (30045)

On 01/05/2010 at 9:06am - love - by PJ (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend, who's a bit older than me, introduced me to his daughter. I was expecting a toddler. Nope, she's a year older than me. FML

#6698211
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13982) - you deserved it (34911)

On 12/10/2009 at 7:28pm - misc - by ohcrap (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was on Skype with the guy I like. After a while of being on Facebook I forgot I was on webcam to him and started picking my nose. He ended the call. FML

#18716457
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13975) - you deserved it (50387)

On 01/05/2012 at 2:35pm - love - by louise (woman) - United Kingdom (Bristol)

Today, I am supposed to be doing my homework. Instead, I'm wasting my time on here. Yeah, it's kinda my fault. FML

#94
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13970) - you deserved it (102490)

On 10/27/2008 at 10:53am - misc - by me - United States (New York)

Today, while I was on a date, I noticed my ex-boyfriend in the restaurant, and he looked sad. So I walked over to see him and jokingly said, "You look like your mom died or something!" She had. FML

#12712941
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13969) - you deserved it (46340)

On 08/24/2010 at 12:21am - love - by perfectlybrokenx - Canada (Ontario)



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