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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I noticed my kitten was growling and twitching in his sleep. I tried to wake him up by gently prodding him. He responded by waking up and attacking my face. FML

#13137584
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8401) - you deserved it (24885)

On 09/21/2010 at 12:38am - health - by meowmeow - Australia

Today, I removed the safety padding from around the trampoline because it seemed useless. This afternoon, I did a backflip, got my hair stuck in the springs, ripped out a chunk of my hair, and face planted it into the brick pavers. FML

#5501456
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8398) - you deserved it (67693)

On 09/27/2009 at 4:35am - misc - by Not-so-good-gymnast (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, a moth was flying around my house. Annoyed, I picked up a shoe to crush it with. The moth landed on a light fixture on the ceiling, so I made my move. Dead, the moth slipped gracefully through air and onto my head. So did the light fixture. FML

#4234116
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8395) - you deserved it (45436)

On 08/02/2009 at 5:20pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada

Today, I woke up with the worst hangover of my life. My best friend comes over and informs me that I had sex with my girlfriend's two best friends last night. Awesome! Then I realized her best friends are guys. FML

#4044
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8394) - you deserved it (40684)

On 01/31/2009 at 9:43am - intimacy - by Ah hell - United States (Ohio)

Today, I photocopied several hundred pages of my school's textbook because I didn't want to buy it. My school later says to just buy it and it will be reimbursed. FML

#18399255
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8394) - you deserved it (28188)

On 11/30/2011 at 10:52pm - work - by ChrisD2V - United States (California)

Today, I was vacuuming our house because I wanted to help my parents. I wore a headset while listening to REALLY loud music. The vacuuming job took me two hours and when I took of my headset I noticed that I hadn't started the vacuum cleaner. FML

#7415658
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8391) - you deserved it (55563)

On 01/18/2010 at 6:01am - misc - by Adrian16 (man) - Norway (Vestfold)

Today, my recently married friend took off her wedding ring to make bread. Being single and pathetic, I tried it on to see what it would look like. It got stuck on my finger. The ER doctor had to cut it off. FML

#14298065
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8390) - you deserved it (34718)

On 12/22/2010 at 1:03pm - love - by lisa (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I left work early, and discovered I was locked out of my house. I subsequently had to use a spoon I found on the ground to smash the bathroom window. I cut my leg on the glass when I climbed through. While inspecting the wound, I felt a lump in my pocket. It was my house key. FML

#18648133
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8391) - you deserved it (34591)

On 12/29/2011 at 10:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - China

Today, to impress my friends, I attempted to do a back flip. The only one impressed was the doctor who set my broken leg. FML

#15786221
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8389) - you deserved it (32644)

On 04/14/2011 at 6:27pm - health - by fail (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I ignored my phone, as my mother has dementia and calls me 15 or so times a day, thinking each time is the first. I braved horrendous rain and gale-force winds to go to work. Turns out it was work calling to tell me not to bother coming in. FML

Today, my boyfriend asked me to sniff his armpit to see if he was the one who smelled. I did because we are that comfortable with us. After a couple of sniffs I heard laughter. I forgot I was sitting in his living room and his family was watching me the whole time. I am now the BO finder. FML

#4397930
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8387) - you deserved it (33933)

On 08/09/2009 at 12:21am - misc - by broke_otaku (woman) - United States (California)

Today, before my date came to pick me up, I put tissues under my arms so I wouldn't leave wet marks. I forgot to remove them, and when we got physical, they fell out, looking like I'd stuffed my bra. FML

#8606978
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8387) - you deserved it (21358)

On 02/24/2010 at 12:54am - intimacy - by kiki (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I tried to close my desk drawer by hitting it with my hip, like they do in the movies. Everything on my desk fell off. FML

#17618685
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8386) - you deserved it (24709)

On 08/30/2011 at 2:30am - work - by rojin12 - United States (Maryland)



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