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Today, I was walking down the street and spotted a man who was about 6 and a half feet tall passing by me. As he passed me, I turned and asked him "How's the weather up there?" He then turned around, spat on me, and replied "Raining." FML

#12099804
308 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12611) - you deserved it (112982)

On 07/25/2010 at 5:06am - misc - by spriggs (man) - United States (California)

Today, my physics teacher asked who had implants. I raised my hand. Then he asked me to show him the implants. Shocked at his request I called him a perv. I later discovered he meant dental implants as he was teaching x rays not breast implants. FML

#232961
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12608) - you deserved it (111216)

On 03/07/2009 at 8:40am - misc - by Noname - Pakistan (Islamabad)

Today, my boyfriend called me in the middle of the night and told me he got mugged and was on his way to the hospital. I told him to fuck off because that was a horrible April Fool's joke. He asked if I wanted to talk to the paramedic. I told him to stop bothering me. Turns out it was true. FML

#764209
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12607) - you deserved it (125154)

On 04/02/2009 at 9:52am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I told my boyfriend to stop tickling me, since I absolutely hate being tickled. He got extremely pissed at me and left the room. It took me a full five minutes to realize that I'd called him by my ex's name. FML

#17184494
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12600) - you deserved it (68996)

On 07/20/2011 at 12:07am - love - by sarahbeth93 - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I was over at a friend's house feeding her cats while she was on vacation. After feeding the four of them, I found an extra cat under the sofa. Thinking it was an intruding stray, I kicked it out. She actually has 5 cats. FML

#20548954
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12599) - you deserved it (51206)

On 03/18/2013 at 5:17am - animals - by anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML

#6392894
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12592) - you deserved it (34174)

On 11/21/2009 at 7:15pm - misc - by jibberish (man) - United States (California)

Today, while cooking with my girlfriend, I thought it would be funny to slap her with a raw porkchop. She thought it would be funny to throw the hot cooking grease on me. FML

#18042854
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12590) - you deserved it (48548)

On 10/22/2011 at 12:07am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was babysitting my boss' kids. I brought chocolate for them and the youngest said he had never had chocolate and didn't want any. I told him he should always try new things and should eat it. He did. He's allergic. FML

#5564554
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12582) - you deserved it (36579)

On 09/30/2009 at 11:39am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was leaving a campus parking garage. Suddenly, a huge man appeared behind me and kept saying "HEY!" "STOP!" In a gruff voice. I picked up my pace and so did he. I finally turned to him with a can of mace and threatened to use it. He was trying to return the $5 bill I dropped. FML

#1615706
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12580) - you deserved it (57038)

On 05/04/2009 at 1:08am - misc - by CriminalMistake (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I went to see Terminator. Not wanting to spend an outrageous amount of money at the concession stand, I sneaked a Dr. Pepper into the theater. I thought I had gotten away with it, until I opened the bottle and it exploded all over me and four other people that I didn't know. FML

#2298945
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12579) - you deserved it (47428)

On 05/26/2009 at 12:51am - misc - by embarrassed (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, when his sister knocked on the door and asked if she could borrow the zombie movie we were watching after we were done with it. We weren't watching a movie; I was just moaning. FML

#19406628
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12579) - you deserved it (29592)

On 04/04/2012 at 1:45pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, in an attempt to impress a girl I like, I tried to crush a soda can by hitting it with my forehead. Not only did I fail, I knocked myself out in the process. When I regained consciousness, the girl was gone and someone had taken the liberty of drawing a penis on my face. FML

#15296176
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12575) - you deserved it (67233)

On 03/13/2011 at 6:26pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, while driving through town, I was distracted by a pretty girl walking on the nearby pavement and accidentally rear-ended the car in front of me. Not only did the pretty girl witness the crash and give a statement, it turned out she was a very feminine man. FML

#11999440
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12570) - you deserved it (43825)

On 07/20/2010 at 6:12am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Gloucestershire)



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