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Today, I got a text from my roommate asking me if it was cool that my ex was coming over to console him because he's sick. FML

by dammed / 01/27/2009 at 2:41pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, we had our annual office Christmas party. The theme of the party was "Ugliest Sweater". The winner was a sweater that I have an exact replica of in my closet. It's my favorite 'special occasion', 'family portrait' and 'holiday' sweater. FML

by NotHauteCouture / 12/10/2009 at 3:52pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, after coming home from the hospital after I fractured my foot, I fell in the bathroom and dislocated my wrist. The ER doctor couldn't stop laughing. FML

by whovian221b / 08/25/2015 at 6:46pm / United States / Health

Today, I realised I haven't had a date in so long that I actually seriously considered meeting someone from online, purely based on the fact he could spell properly. FML

by Anonymous / 11/13/2010 at 1:09am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, my friends set me up on a blind date. I thought it went well, and while saying our goodbyes, I leaned in to give her a kiss. She pulled way, laughed, "I'm not drunk enough for that," and left. FML

by OMFG I LOVE MLP / 08/24/2012 at 5:00pm / Germany (Rheinland-Pfalz) / Love

Today, I was visiting my new in-laws for the first time. During an awkward silence, I took my phone and figured I'd send my friend a text jokingly saying "Mayday, mayday! Somebody save me!" My mood lightened up a little and I felt quite well until my mother-in-law's phone beeped. Yep. FML

by Anonymous / 05/28/2013 at 7:12am / Norway (Sor-Trondelag) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend of 8 years moved in with two other women. He's spent the past 2 years telling me he can't afford to move out of his parent's house. FML

by Anonymous / 09/30/2015 at 11:08am / United Kingdom (Renfrewshire) / Love

Today, I attended my first meeting with my bosses. For lunch we went to a restaurant. I choked on a piece of meat and couldn't breathe anymore. I had to take that piece of meat out of my throat with my fingers, and then put it back on my plate all chewed up. FML

by Macdaddy / 12/05/2008 at 7:49am / Work

Today, a customer wanted corporate's number because we aren't allowed to sell pies after midnight. After a drug-fuelled cuss-storm, she punched me in the face through the open window and peeled out of drive-thru like a bat out of hell. FML

by TheDrugsAreStrongWithThisOne / 07/20/2015 at 4:21am / United States / Work

Today, I got on a two hour train ride to go to a concert. I had been so caught up in handling the train tickets that halfway to the concert, I realized I had left the concert tickets on my dresser. FML

by sirensaresexy / 07/24/2012 at 9:54am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was accused of shop-lifting by an old lady in a supermarket. Having proven myself innocent, I tried to storm off to show my displeasure at the situation. In my haste to make a dramatic exit, I tried to go out of the entrance and walked straight into the automatic door. FML

by Anonymous / 11/05/2010 at 6:05am / United Kingdom (Gwynedd) / Miscellaneous

Today, a patient at the hospital I work at had a tracheal tube and couldn't speak. I'm unable to read lips, but I'm pretty sure he was mouthing the words 'stupid bitch' every time I tried to stop him from pulling out his IV. FML

by sirenmario / 01/19/2011 at 7:52pm / Work

Today, my roommate confided in me that she hadn't been taking showers while at school because she was afraid of being in the shower when the fire alarm goes off. She goes home once every month, and will only shower there. I have to live with her for the rest of the year. FML

by Utterly_Confused / 10/07/2015 at 6:07pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous