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Today, I was at a power lifting meet when a girl I really liked walked in. Trying to impress her, I increased my bench to 350, when I have only done 300 before. She then watched me drop it on my chest, breaking my breast bone, and also crying in the process. FML

#14763055
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11148) - you deserved it (63015)

On 01/29/2011 at 7:35pm - love - by wowimdumb (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while talking to one of my parents' friends, we discovered that the house he grew up in is the same house my boyfriend now lives in. When he recalled that he lost his first tooth there, the only response I could come up with was, "Oh my gosh, I lost my virginity there!" FML

#20440379
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11147) - you deserved it (39875)

On 01/03/2013 at 5:34am - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was using a penis pump for the first time. It was awesome until it sucked my left testicle into the tube. I'll be singing soprano for a while now. FML

#19949637
283 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11142) - you deserved it (38821)

On 07/17/2012 at 11:32am - intimacy - by tuggernuts (man) - United States

Today, I got pulled over for going about 88mph. When the cop asked why I was speeding, I replied, "I was trying to go back in time". He didn't like that answer and gave me a ticket. FML

#16248002
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11141) - you deserved it (62941)

On 05/19/2011 at 1:30am - work - by 613tanner -

Today, I put aftershave on my fingers to encourage myself to stop biting my nails. I absentmindedly rubbed my eye a few minutes later. It burnt like hell. FML

#15102552
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11133) - you deserved it (31505)

On 02/24/2011 at 2:32pm - health - by Steve - United States (California)

Today, I'm a shy guy normally, and when I talk to my friends I don't keep eye contact so I always look down even when I'm listening. My friend asked me why I always look at her boobs. FML

#4684
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11130) - you deserved it (20628)

On 02/01/2009 at 11:48am - misc - by foo - United States (Illinois)

Today, while on the phone with my boyfriend, I really needed to poop. Badly. He was in the middle of telling a story, so I figured I could get away with muting the phone while on the toilet. Halfway through, he suddenly went silent. I forgot to mute the phone. FML

#18060415
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11130) - you deserved it (39654)

On 10/24/2011 at 1:04am - love - by ShitHappens - United States

Today, I was on the plane asleep. I woke up after feeling the plane jolt and I screamed at the top of my lungs. The little girl next to me told me I was a sissy. Everyone on the plane laughed. FML

#14494706
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11125) - you deserved it (26167)

On 01/07/2011 at 6:24am - kids - by G-6 -

Today, I hired a professional makeup artist to apply my makeup for a wedding. After paying her $500 for the excellent job she does, and getting dressed, I grabbed the invitation to check out the address, and it said the wedding was on December 2. Today is December 3. FML

#6586443
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11123) - you deserved it (53582)

On 12/03/2009 at 5:29pm - money - by DidntCheckTheCalendar (woman) - Kuwait

Today, I lost my house keys while staggering home drunk, so I decided to climb through an opened window and promptly went to bed. Twenty minutes later the police wake me up while attempting to search my place. The neighbors thought I was a burglar and called the cops. FML

#5916110
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11120) - you deserved it (31088)

On 10/20/2009 at 5:31pm - misc - by FailedEngineer (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, while at Costco, I was eating a hotdog when I saw a really hot guy walking over. Trying to be sexy, I bit my hotdog cutely and winked. I ended up choking and dropping the ketchup covered hotdog all over my lap. FML

#16882947
327 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11120) - you deserved it (56192)

On 06/27/2011 at 3:15pm - misc - by ashhatches - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was messing around with my wife. I grabbed her boobs and said, "Honk honk". Unbeknownst to me, my daughter saw it. Now my 3-year-old girl runs around honking everyone. Even her grandparents. FML

#20172916
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11117) - you deserved it (27103)

On 11/21/2012 at 8:20pm - kids - by piemasterzim (man) - Canada

Today, I learned that if I don't clean out the litter box everyday, my cat will resort to shitting in the laundry basket. FML

#15188844
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11113) - you deserved it (30248)

On 03/03/2011 at 7:45pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)



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