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Today, I fell asleep while masturbating. I'm so bad that I bore myself. FML

#7100685
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19986) - you deserved it (6762)

On 01/02/2010 at 5:30am - intimacy - by Lonely (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, whilst celebrating my birthday with my friends and family, I met a girl at the bar who seemed interested. She became very disinterested and left after my mother whispered in her ear "If you go home with my son make sure he wears a condom." FML

#5889966
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19980) - you deserved it (2463)

On 10/19/2009 at 12:32am - intimacy - by Joe (man) - Cambodia (Phnum Penh)

Today, I told my mom I want to get liposuction. She said "Whats the point? Its not like you can get lipo on your face!". FML

#2174
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19974) - you deserved it (3505)

On 01/22/2009 at 10:22am - health - by radiant - United States (Michigan)

Today, my neighbors got a motion sensor light that points at my window. It's so sensitive that it goes off every time an insect flies past. FML

#19601111
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19973) - you deserved it (1540)

On 05/10/2012 at 2:25am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, I'm at work on a construction site for a high rise building, on the 12th floor today. I've developed a severe case of the runs, causing me to need to rush to the nearest toilet periodically. Luckily for me it's conveniently located on the ground floor. FML

#20154818
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19973) - you deserved it (1397)

On 11/08/2012 at 9:36am - health - by bob the builder - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I was taking the subway to work when I saw a really hot girl. Noticing that she, like me, had a Dunkin' Donuts coffee, I tried to start a conversation by saying, "Is that Double Ds you have there?" She didn't pick up that I was talking about the coffee. FML

#1466459
291 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19971) - you deserved it (92627)

On 04/29/2009 at 6:46pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was leaning over a fence in a pasture to get a closer look at something. Nobody warned my nuts that it was an electric fence. FML

#19355667
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19966) - you deserved it (9752)

On 03/27/2012 at 1:52am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I came home to find that the entire ceiling in the kitchen of my apartment had caved in due to an extremely leaky water pipe. The same water pipe maintenance said they had fixed three days ago. FML

Today, a customer smiled, looked me in the eye and described to me in graphic detail the swelling that occurred to his nuts after his vasectomy. FML

#20142730
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19959) - you deserved it (1647)

On 11/01/2012 at 9:52am - work - by tmi. - Australia

Today, during a basketball game, I fell into metal chairs which then decided to fold in, causing me to fall to the floor in a very dramatic and painful fall. When I stood up, so did everyone else and they were all clapping, including the other team. FML

#7925072
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19958) - you deserved it (2971)

On 02/06/2010 at 1:25am - health - by aurorason - Sent from mobile version

Today, my boyfriend borrowed my Jane Norman dress to wear to a Halloween party. He got hammered, threw up all over it, and fell unconscious on the shower floor. FML

#13664079
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19958) - you deserved it (7181)

On 10/31/2010 at 2:25pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, while on the bus, a small child asked me if I was having a baby, and I replied "Yes." I'm not. I was just too ashamed to admit I was fat. FML

#20040876
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19957) - you deserved it (9600)

On 08/25/2012 at 11:48am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)

Today, I walked into school confident about the new hair color I'd had done over the weekend. My drama teacher apparently dyed her hair the same color; everyone noticed and thought I'd copied her. FML

#20190350
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19955) - you deserved it (2012)

On 12/04/2012 at 12:01am - misc - by Anonymous - United States



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