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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I had to jump into my car while it was still moving. Apparently, just because you put it in park and turn it off, doesn't mean it won't take off towards a ditch without warning. FML

#18473570
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22567) - you deserved it (8382)

On 12/10/2011 at 1:28am - misc - by CassieMarieee - United States (Texas)

Today, a guy asked for my number. He used the rather annoying "You know, this iPhone has everything... but you know the only thing that's missing is your number." I might have given it to him, if he did have the iPhone, not the makeshift box of Mini Wheat Thins he had in his hand. FML

#13502954
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22568) - you deserved it (5449)

On 10/18/2010 at 8:23pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, a senile old lady came up to me and offered me chocolate. I noticed that it was ex-lax, so I politely told her no. My 4-year-old daughter pushed me aside and ate the ex-lax, because she thought it was candy. I now have a stinky child on a 3 hour bus ride, with no stops. FML

#20197580
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22566) - you deserved it (10289)

On 12/09/2012 at 11:29am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, at a job interview, I was asked what I thought of twerking. It was a bizarre question, but trying to get on the interviewer's good side, I said I thought it was pretty cool. He snorted and said I'll be job-seeking for a while yet. FML

#20870423
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22564) - you deserved it (44874)

On 09/06/2013 at 5:23pm - work - by howprofessional (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my mom tried to give me advice on how to improve my looks. I scoffed at her but listened to her advice anyway. She ended her tirade with, "I just want you to get laid someday." FML

#6480993
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22563) - you deserved it (3317)

On 11/27/2009 at 4:45pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Idaho)

Today, my dad offered to take me and my sister to school because we just moved houses. On the way, he asked us why we looked so tired. We just said we were tired from moving house. Truth is, our room is right next to theirs. We heard everything. Loud and clear. FML

#6604367
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22560) - you deserved it (2116)

On 12/04/2009 at 7:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, we found out where our daughter had been hiding her crayons. We also found out why our stereo stopped working. FML

#18619223
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22560) - you deserved it (2648)

On 12/26/2011 at 9:24pm - kids - by Peter - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I got a phone call letting me know my grandmother was arrested for trying to light my grandpa on fire. She's now in jail, asking for bail money. FML

#21461945
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22591) - you deserved it (1312)

On 08/29/2015 at 12:29am - misc - by tkoester - United States (Illinois)

Today, I have to be at work with a smile on my face, whilst sitting next to the asshole that dumped me last week. FML

#1869
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22560) - you deserved it (5164)

On 01/20/2009 at 10:16am - work - by Heartbroken - Australia (Queensland)

Today, a woman walked out of the Humane Society with a cat carrier. I said, "Oh did you adopt him?" She walked past and started crying. She had just brought her cat in to be euthanized. FML

#6800
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22557) - you deserved it (7981)

On 02/03/2009 at 6:19pm - animals - by Ves (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my girlfriend and I reconciled after having a huge fight last week. We went out drinking, and things got pretty intense, so we went back to my place. We made it to the bedroom, but somewhere between her taking off my shirt and me taking off her pants, we both passed out. FML

#20043150
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22557) - you deserved it (12976)

On 08/26/2012 at 7:18pm - intimacy - by unfucked (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I received frantic calls and messages from my husband wondering where I was and if I was cheating on him. I was in the same house as him. FML

#20108635
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22557) - you deserved it (1896)

On 10/09/2012 at 1:42am - misc - by Katie (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I decided to go for a run to try and work on getting in shape. Nine steps in, I slipped in some slimy moss, almost broke my hip on the pavement and gashed open my elbow. I'll be surprised if I can walk straight in the morning. FML

#13154158
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22556) - you deserved it (3602)

On 09/22/2010 at 8:11am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Japan



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