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Today, I went to my girlfriend's house. She had promised me we'd get it on so I couldn't wait. When I got there, I didn't get it on. Instead, I got a list of reasons why I make her depressed. FML

#9387980
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15101) - you deserved it (20881)

On 03/25/2010 at 9:50pm - intimacy - by bad boyfriend - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was walking up some stairs and heard a noise as if someone was following me. The faster I went, the louder the noise got. I was too scared to realize that it was just my thighs causing my jeans to chafe. FML

#20016166
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15099) - you deserved it (9317)

On 08/12/2012 at 12:34am - misc - by FlorenceD - United States (Texas)

Today, like every day, I used my phone while taking a dump. As I reached for some toilet paper to wipe myself, my sister pounded on the door for me to hurry up. I yelled "Fine," and without realizing it, wiped myself with my phone. FML

#18239656
300 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15097) - you deserved it (52666)

On 11/13/2011 at 5:46pm - misc - by shootme - Canada

Today, at lunch, I told a bunch of people how I had been in love with this guy since freshman year. I made a bunch of jokes about how I was going to marry him and our kids would be so attractive. He was at the table next to mine and looked back at me as soon as I finished. FML

#2341
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15091) - you deserved it (14437)

On 01/23/2009 at 12:31pm - love - by Noname - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was on my grandparents' computer looking for my old high school resume. I came across a word document titled "Experiences". Thinking it was part of my resume, I opened it up and started reading. It was a brief, yet explicit record of my grandfather's recent sexual frustrations. FML

#7631314
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15086) - you deserved it (4677)

On 01/28/2010 at 12:00am - intimacy - by nick (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I asked my friends what NNAS was code for. They have been using this for about a month. After bothering one of them for a few hours, he finally told me. NNAS stands for Nataly Needs A Shower. I'm Nataly. FML

#4617560
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15078) - you deserved it (47748)

On 08/18/2009 at 12:38am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I woke up and realized I have experienced my first "nocturnal emission". I am a 24 year old male who has been married for 3 months. Guess who isn't getting any. FML

#7025515
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15075) - you deserved it (2530)

On 12/29/2009 at 11:58pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was using the bathroom and checking Facebook on my phone. As I'm checking my news feed, I notice a new photo upload by my brother. I guess I forgot to shut the door to the bathroom, because it's me on the toilet. FML

#18291924
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15075) - you deserved it (34198)

On 11/19/2011 at 7:52pm - misc - by beccabooyah - United States

Today, everyone at work asked about the awful, twisted wound on my hand. I was too embarrassed to admit to having torn my skin apart with a pair of tweezers while trying to remove a splinter. FML

#20055992
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15075) - you deserved it (4054)

On 09/03/2012 at 4:20pm - health - by frustrated (man) - United Kingdom (Hampshire)

Today, I was chastised by the CEO in the middle of a management meeting for showing up late to work every day, despite being in my office before 9:00am every morning. It was my 5th day on the job and no one had bothered to tell me that the office opens at 8:00am, and not 9:00am. FML

#5542217
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15073) - you deserved it (35043)

On 09/29/2009 at 1:26am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I bullied a kid at school, just so someone would talk to me. FML

#9154406
311 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15072) - you deserved it (72538)

On 03/17/2010 at 5:22am - kids - by Kid (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I went from a party where both of my girlfriends decided to show, to a hospital bed with no girlfriends and a painful left testicle. FML

#16689937
493 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15069) - you deserved it (215075)

On 06/16/2011 at 2:20am - intimacy - by crushed dreams - United States

Today, I went to the movies with my best friend. While waiting for it to start, I went on to describe this guy I really liked and how badly I wanted to do him. Just then the girl sitting behind us leans down and says "That's my little brother. So you're the creeper he talks about." FML

#4420726
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15066) - you deserved it (52616)

On 08/10/2009 at 2:12am - love - by HouseMdFangirl (woman) - United States (Texas)



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