Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, it was the first time my boyfriend had seen me naked. He grabs my breasts and then begins to sing "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts." He is 22. FML

#7152531
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18870) - you deserved it (5294)

On 01/04/2010 at 9:27pm - intimacy - by ambermcnulty - Sent from mobile version

Today, I tripped on the way back from collecting a prize in front of 600 students and their parents. I got more applause than I did when collecting the prize. FML

#19877317
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18868) - you deserved it (1930)

On 07/01/2012 at 7:03pm - misc - by plzdontclapme -

Today, I found one of my roommate's giant yellow toenail clippings on the counter next to the kitchen sink. When I confronted him about it, he told me the cat must have carried it out of his bedroom and put it there. FML

#19200408
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18861) - you deserved it (1763)

On 03/02/2012 at 12:46am - misc - by Peach - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I had a dream about the damn cappuccino machine at work. FML

#19170840
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18860) - you deserved it (3407)

On 02/26/2012 at 9:43pm - misc - by slickrick22 (man) - United States

Today, I learned that just because the actual part of the pan that does touch the stove isn't hot doesn't mean that the handle won't give you third degree burns, a broken nose from passing out from the pain, and an expensive trip to the emergency room. FML

#20040720
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18858) - you deserved it (5943)

On 08/25/2012 at 9:15am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me I smell like his grandma's house. FML

#19477089
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18860) - you deserved it (4525)

On 04/16/2012 at 2:53am - misc - by hdgyfjdzdfg (woman) - United States

Today, I gave my boyfriend a spontaneous blowjob while we were watching TV. After he finished, I tried to pull a sexy move I'd seen in a porno by zipping his pants back up with my teeth. His foreskin got caught in the zipper and we spent the next few hours in the emergency room. FML

#3604059
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18855) - you deserved it (58643)

On 07/09/2009 at 3:35am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, after weeks of coming home to find my furniture all tipped over, thinking the place was haunted, and accepting my boyfriend's offers to come over and "comfort" me, I came home from work early. I found my boyfriend in the kitchen, kicking over all the chairs. FML

#20116490
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18855) - you deserved it (7787)

On 10/14/2012 at 1:03pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Estonia

Today, I was showing my boyfriend some stuff I bought that day: a new thong and a bag of his favorite brand of peanuts. He was more excited about the peanuts. FML

#20053819
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18855) - you deserved it (4524)

On 09/02/2012 at 9:38am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Maryland)

Today, my doctor called with my test results, which seem to tell him that there's absolutely nothing wrong with me. I'm still sitting here with an appendage that I'd swear was dispensing napalm, but now I have a $500 bill to go with it. FML

#2743
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18849) - you deserved it (1790)

On 01/26/2009 at 9:18pm - health - by ouch - United States (Washington)

Today, it was laundry day. After my fifth and final load, I noticed I never added any laundry detergent. FML

#18239107
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18846) - you deserved it (21082)

On 11/13/2011 at 4:47pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I was babysitting four kids. I turned the TV on for them, and set the youngest on my lap. She started giggling and pointing at every single pimple I have, exclaiming "Boo-boo!" This went on for half an hour. FML

#20114676
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18840) - you deserved it (2705)

On 10/13/2012 at 7:22am - kids - by Shiverice - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went to withdraw 200 dollars. At the ATM, I noticed a suspicious man standing really close to me. I was nervous about entering my pin number, and worrying he was looking at my account information. In my panic, I got all the way home before realizing that I left the cash in the machine. FML

#518934
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18839) - you deserved it (77307)

On 03/21/2009 at 9:41pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)



Sophie Marie's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • OK jkjk it was FMLS April Fools
  •   Yah its know over, ive stoppd wrotting… Sorry, I'll try again. There, it's over, I can stop typing TXT language with my forehead. Yes, you probably cottened on that it was our little…

Monday 30 March 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: