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Today, for once, I managed to get my boyfriend's mind off the hockey game. I muted the TV and cuddled up to him. Only thirty seconds into snuggling, he shoved me onto the floor and screamed, "GOAL!" FML

#13626232
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15985) - you deserved it (26961)

On 10/28/2010 at 12:29pm - love - by Fatality (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend still won't talk to me, after I caused him the "worst embarrassment" of his life in front of his friends. What did I do wrong? I joined their conversation and ended up confusing the fictional characters of Gollum and Yoda with one another. FML

#20545430
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15983) - you deserved it (57822) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 03/15/2013 at 8:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - France (Centre)

Today, while working at a pizza shop near a college campus, I got an order to deliver to the dorms. Extremely busy at work and annoyed that someone wouldn't take 3 minutes to walk over, I spat on the pizza. When I arrived to the dorm, a woman in a wheelchair opened the door. FML

#1767727
693 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15969) - you deserved it (240554)

On 05/09/2009 at 12:43am - work - by pizzagurl (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I walked out of the bathroom when two guys were checking me out and said "nice tail" I smiled and strutted to my next class. When I was about to sit down in my desk, the girl behind me said "did you know you have toilet paper hanging out of your pants?" FML

#79347
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15968) - you deserved it (32385)

On 02/19/2009 at 4:11pm - misc - by Christen (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. I got a little too enthusiastic during it, and wound up cracking my neck loudly, and had to stop while the pain settled down. FML

#12946096
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15966) - you deserved it (20235)

On 09/07/2010 at 6:18am - intimacy - by neckcrack (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my boyfriend and I went on a romantic date to a botanical garden in the hills. A giant bushfire erupted in the hills on our way, meaning we're now stuck out here because the roads are closed. So romantic. FML

#20132703
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15967) - you deserved it (2040)

On 10/25/2012 at 12:27pm - love - by not even a sexy bushfire - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was sitting in my car outside my apartment complex when a man came around the corner holding something shiny, and I thought was a gun. Thinking I was about to get robbed at gun point, I bugged out and threw up. It was a silver watering can. He asked if I was okay. FML

#19440828
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15960) - you deserved it (11143)

On 04/10/2012 at 12:35am - health - by logkitty - United States (California)

Today, after working out and feeling really confident, I entered a mixed wrestling competition. My first match was against a woman who was over a foot taller than me. She managed to easily lift me over her head and toss me out of the ring within seconds. Confidence: gone. FML

#20160946
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15958) - you deserved it (6690)

On 11/12/2012 at 8:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I decided to get a Blizzard from Dairy Queen. As bent down to put my pen away, my Blizzard somehow defied the laws of gravity and fell on me. FML

#2150
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15952) - you deserved it (3563)

On 01/22/2009 at 6:10am - love - by sadtimes - Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador)

Today, I emailed my potential boss a copy of my résumé. However, I didn't realize until too late that it was my fake resume, created for an English class project. Some of my former jobs included being a certified gangster, as well as the former president of Canada. FML

#15334821
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15949) - you deserved it (47545)

On 03/16/2011 at 9:01am - work - by Almostfunny (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I cheated at card games to let my boyfriend win. I did it because I don't like him to throw the cards at me when I win. Now he just thinks I'm 'so slow a turtle could kick my ass' and that he has 'a cute little bubbly spud-brained girlfriend.' FML

#5876012
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15944) - you deserved it (33177)

On 10/18/2009 at 7:30am - misc - by cheat - United States (Texas)

Today, my best friend and I came home from Japan. Her boyfriend and I have been having an affair before I left so I decided not to tell him she was coming with me. We just got off the plane and got a bite to eat, he was waiting for me so he could propose, my best friend was standing next to me. FML

#786333
417 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15943) - you deserved it (202025)

On 04/03/2009 at 5:43pm - love - by C0olgirl (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, while at work, a Beatles song came on the radio. I jokingly said, "These guys are pretty good, are they new?" Everyone thought I was being serious, and now they're convinced I'm an idiot. FML

#20446711
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15942) - you deserved it (32081)

On 01/07/2013 at 7:58pm - misc - by EffUrEll - Canada (Ontario)



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