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Today, I heard the ice cream truck. Being the idiot that I am, I ran down the steps and almost immediately fell down them. I needed four stitches. I didn't even get my ice cream. FML

#19594903
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18346) - you deserved it (8364)

On 05/08/2012 at 9:59pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my dentist pulled a pubic hair out of my braces. FML

#14672798
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18343) - you deserved it (50888)

On 01/22/2011 at 11:04am - intimacy - by mortified (woman) - United Kingdom (Bristol)

Today, while taking the trash out, the old cranky elevator in my apartment complex finally gave up on life. For a long hour I was stuck between floors 4 and 5, practically embracing my bio-waste can. FML

Today, I found myself trying to explain to my puppy why I'm still single. I think I just found out why. FML

#20028660
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18332) - you deserved it (5711)

On 08/18/2012 at 7:02pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was taking a pizza order at work, and had to ask the customer's name. I couldn't quite hear what he said, so rather than asking him to repeat himself, I asked how it was spelled. He gave me a funny look and said, "Um, A.J.?" FML

Today, I saw a spider crawling across a poster in my bedroom, so I smacked the spot below it to scare the spider into climbing back up the wall. Instead, because the poster wasn't completely flat to the wall, I catapulted the spider straight into my face. FML

#15793137
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18322) - you deserved it (29085)

On 04/15/2011 at 7:47am - animals - by spiderwoman (woman) - United Kingdom (East Sussex)

Today, I got married. My new husband wanted to carry me over the threshold of our apartment, but he couldn't pick me up. FML

#10922943
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18319) - you deserved it (27499)

On 06/02/2010 at 5:31pm - health - by Official_Person (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my girlfriend and I were having ice cream and I jokingly asked "What's better? The sex or ice cream?" Apparently I don't pleasure her like Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream does. FML

#4204058
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18317) - you deserved it (44151)

On 08/01/2009 at 10:08am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I saw my picture in an architecture magazine. I'm not an architect. I was walking up a flight of "magnificently built" stairs as my skirt lifted to show an absence of underwear. FML

#17267205
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18315) - you deserved it (34406)

On 07/26/2011 at 12:22pm - misc - by crotchshothottie - United States

Today, a customer smiled, looked me in the eye and described to me in graphic detail the swelling that occurred to his nuts after his vasectomy. FML

#20142730
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18315) - you deserved it (1512)

On 11/01/2012 at 9:52am - work - by tmi. - Australia

Today, my girlfriend came over to my house. Hoping to get a little action, i started to make out with her. Unfortunately I was wearing basketball shorts so when I got an erection all she did was bat it back forth like a cat toy. FML

#6890097
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18313) - you deserved it (4669)

On 12/22/2009 at 8:09pm - intimacy - by shallowvomit1013 (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, during a workplace safety exercise at work, I managed to cut off the tip of my thumb. FML

#19673015
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18313) - you deserved it (3477)

On 05/24/2012 at 2:26pm - work - by thwack - United States

Today, I discovered that as thanks for my successful efforts to increase my company's monthly revenue, my dumbass of a boss has been awarded a pay bonus. He's wasted no time telling everyone about the sports car he's planning to buy with it. FML

#19699076
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18315) - you deserved it (1549)

On 05/29/2012 at 1:52pm - work - by vikts (man) - Luxembourg (Luxembourg)



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