Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I decided to use fake tan, seeing as I am so pale. Everywhere I have been today, I have had children behind me. Singing the Oompa Loompa song. FML

#2991073
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13794) - you deserved it (57294)

On 06/18/2009 at 9:32am - misc - by OompaLoompa (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I was watching a video about spiders. When I felt a tickle on my foot, I kicked hard in panic. It was one of our newborn kittens walking. I almost killed it. FML

#12750103
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13794) - you deserved it (49607)

On 08/26/2010 at 1:33am - animals - by Aaron (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I checked an old photosharing account. I got a new phone last year and didn't realize all the pictures I took with the new phone would still automatically upload to my account. Unknowingly, I posted naked pics of myself online. Not one of my friends told me. FML

#3884165
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13790) - you deserved it (51094)

On 07/19/2009 at 4:14pm - misc - by nudie (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was at the mall with my little brother. I saw him touching some expensive objects, so I slapped his arm. I noticed he wasn't my brother when he started crying and his real mom slapped me in the face. FML

#4402350
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13787) - you deserved it (50187)

On 08/09/2009 at 3:28am - kids - by mochiko (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I baked a chicken pot pie in the oven. I pulled it out, and noticed a big piece of tasty-looking, flaky pastry had come loose. Without thinking I ripped it off and popped it into my mouth. I HEARD the skin on the inside of my cheeks burn. FML

#1713155
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13783) - you deserved it (79160)

On 05/07/2009 at 8:09am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got stumped by a childproof door. Twice. FML

#20034503
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13782) - you deserved it (6514)

On 08/21/2012 at 8:37pm - misc - by mr_flarpin (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, I shaved my legs and pits for the first time this summer. It took 3 disposable razors and an hour to get the job done. I've clearly been single for far too long. FML

#10645029
277 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13770) - you deserved it (42791)

On 05/20/2010 at 7:04am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my father described my method of hiding porn on the computer as "extremely naive." I don't know what's worse, that he found my porn or that he's better at hiding his. FML

#17355866
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13767) - you deserved it (28110)

On 08/03/2011 at 2:31pm - intimacy - by Alohaporno (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my boyfriend and I snuck into the bathroom together at his house for a quickie. Just as we unzipped our pants, his step-dad knocked on the door. Panicking, I jumped into the closet to hide. When his step-dad came in, he went to put some towels away. In the closet. FML

#17355193
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13767) - you deserved it (37464)

On 08/03/2011 at 1:03pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, after years of secretly faking my orgasms, my husband gave me my first real one. Afterward was also the first time he ever accused me of faking it because, "It was different from all the other times." FML

#19423040
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13766) - you deserved it (40496)

On 04/07/2012 at 11:27am - intimacy - by anonomous - United States

Today, I found out that using a certain hand sanitizer as masturbation lube will put you in the hospital and result in having to wear an adult diaper for a week. FML

#15542094
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13766) - you deserved it (69160)

On 03/29/2011 at 2:28am - intimacy - by JJMan217 (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, after 30 minutes of pre-heating the oven to make a special meatloaf for my husband's birthday, I remembered that I had hidden the cake in there. FML

#13701417
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13755) - you deserved it (27186)

On 11/03/2010 at 1:14pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I came home to find my house destroyed. I was so devastated, I cried. I had spent days hand-crafting the house to perfection, down to the finest detail. On Minecraft. FML



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: