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Today, I listened to my voice mail messages for the first time in months. One was from my Grandma that must have been meant for Gramps. I think I know now why my mother has so many siblings. FML

#5502939
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20960) - you deserved it (1745)

On 09/27/2009 at 8:52am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my car alarm went off so I went outside to investigate. Apparently, the abundant rain water in my street had swept a trash can five houses down, only to be stopped by my car. My bumper was dented by a run-away waste receptacle. FML

#7837909
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20961) - you deserved it (2190)

On 02/03/2010 at 1:27am - misc - by rainey (woman) - United States (California)

Today, as a medical student working in a hospital, I asked a patient if he had any questions for me or his physician. His only question: whether or not my breasts are real. FML

Today, I woke up and decided that I no longer give a fuck what I look like. Today is also the day a very attractive exchange student joined my private band lessons. FML

#18943419
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20956) - you deserved it (11667)

On 01/29/2012 at 2:15pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, I left my sunroof on my truck open for 5 minutes while I ran into the bank. When I came out a seagull had gotten into my truck. I managed to open the doors and get it out but not before it tore up a seat and pooped everywhere inside my truck. FML

#19914260
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20955) - you deserved it (6703)

On 07/09/2012 at 11:44am - misc - by seagull hater - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I went for a ride in a paddle-boat. He decided it would be fun to paddle near the fountain. The fountain decided it would be fun to shower me, him and all of our things in filthy, stinking duck water. I had to ride the bus home by myself. FML

#8740298
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20952) - you deserved it (3760)

On 03/01/2010 at 1:43am - love - by duckwater (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I found out that the "vines" I was cutting down this morning were actually poison oak. I can only see out of one eye, and I'm virtually unrecognizable due to the facial swelling. FML

#20052545
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20951) - you deserved it (3730)

On 09/01/2012 at 1:37pm - health - by merissa22 - United States (Illinois)

Today, my fiancé told my mom that she screwed me up. I now have to write an apologetic e-mail to her for something that I agree with, in order for her to stop calling me crying. FML

#5847291
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20948) - you deserved it (3268)

On 10/15/2009 at 11:36pm - misc - by sighoutloud (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was sleeping with my boyfriend and woke up in his arms to hear him say "Mom, Mom." FML

#2485
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20947) - you deserved it (1902)

On 01/24/2009 at 9:47pm - love - by ohfantastic - United States (California)

Today, my husband has been painting our house all weekend and plans to finish the job after work today. I decided to surprise him by completing the job myself. Painting the last window frame, I dropped the open tin of white paint, right onto our car roof. FML

#14696653
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20947) - you deserved it (9518)

On 01/24/2011 at 9:43am - misc - by Llaurin (woman) - United Kingdom (Bath and North East Somerset)

Today, I was fired. Why? Because I called in sick on my daughter's birthday, even though you cannot "abandon work for personal affairs". My boss's favorite employee got to skip work on his wife's birthday two weeks ago. He still works here. FML

#8219030
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20944) - you deserved it (6129)

On 02/13/2010 at 7:29pm - work - by firedofbirthday - Sent from mobile version

Today, my dad forced the whole family to sit through a two-hour lecture, with supporting research, on how the "Mayan prophecy" is actually a load of shit fabricated by conmen. Nice to know he thinks we're all borderline brain-dead, gullible fuckwits who believed it to begin with. Thanks, dad. FML

#20400784
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20943) - you deserved it (4332)

On 12/15/2012 at 1:43pm - misc - by oh gee, you don't say (woman) - United Kingdom (Southampton)

Today, my boyfriend and I went out on his boat. We got in the water and started to have sex when a fishing boat came by and chummed. There's nothing more romantic than bloody fish guts. FML

#19666580
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20943) - you deserved it (9929)

On 05/23/2012 at 5:38am - intimacy - by Fire0fisis (woman) - Hong Kong



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