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Today, I ran over a newspaper with the lawnmower, instantly volunteering myself to pick up confetti for hours. FML

#11875155
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15127) - you deserved it (24020)

On 07/14/2010 at 12:47pm - misc - by rofld (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was at church and saw a blind teenager who obviously felt lost. Feeling like I should help I went over and asked if he needed anything. He said, "I can't find my caretaker." I asked, "What does she look like?" FML

#159157
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15125) - you deserved it (59620)

On 02/28/2009 at 2:59am - misc - by wideman (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was in a store using the only bathroom there. After I was done, I realized I couldn't open the door. Panicked it locked me in, I banged on the door, and screamed for help. The security and a whole group of people gathered, only to find that I was pulling the door instead of pushing it. FML

#851826
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15125) - you deserved it (85051)

On 04/07/2009 at 11:51am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Japan

Today, while masturbating at the computer, I was interrupted by a flash of light out of the corner of my eye. As I turned to face it, I realized I forgot to close the blinds. Standing at the window in the appartment across the street were two girls, one had a camera and was snapping a second shot. FML

#1680929
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15122) - you deserved it (60880)

On 05/05/2009 at 11:41pm - intimacy - by JoeyDizz (man) - United States (New York)

Today, at school, I was trying to pee in the stall, but I couldn't. I repeatedly pushed my bladder. Unfortunately, I didn't realize a number of thing. My stall was open, I made noises from frustration, and I looked like I was jacking off. When I gave up, somebody clapped and yelled, "FINALLY!" FML

#2883400
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15119) - you deserved it (46270)

On 06/14/2009 at 11:54am - intimacy - by Bes (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, a drunk man wearing a sandwich-board proclaiming that, "The end is nigh" threw some so-called holy water at me while bellowing, "It's what Jesus would've wanted" and that I should "repent for being an evil shite." FML

#19674357
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15118) - you deserved it (1732)

On 05/24/2012 at 6:39pm - misc - by Notasinner (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I left my empty shower running so I could pretend I didn't still live alone. FML

#18790783
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15111) - you deserved it (25363)

On 01/12/2012 at 10:50pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. We were under the covers, and my little brother thought we were wrestling, so he got on top of the covers and started "wrestling" with us. FML

#19935872
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15108) - you deserved it (29406)

On 07/14/2012 at 3:09am - intimacy - by Leyla - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at Target buying four coloring books. As I was in line, the woman behind me said that buying coloring books was a good idea to keep my kids occupied. I smiled and said that it would give me a few minutes to relax. I am a 26 year old guy with no kids. The coloring books were for me. FML

#6664600
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15105) - you deserved it (33103)

On 12/08/2009 at 1:06pm - kids - by 2old4thiscrap (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to my girlfriend's house. She had promised me we'd get it on so I couldn't wait. When I got there, I didn't get it on. Instead, I got a list of reasons why I make her depressed. FML

#9387980
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15101) - you deserved it (20881)

On 03/25/2010 at 9:50pm - intimacy - by bad boyfriend - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was walking up some stairs and heard a noise as if someone was following me. The faster I went, the louder the noise got. I was too scared to realize that it was just my thighs causing my jeans to chafe. FML

#20016166
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15098) - you deserved it (9317)

On 08/12/2012 at 12:34am - misc - by FlorenceD - United States (Texas)

Today, like every day, I used my phone while taking a dump. As I reached for some toilet paper to wipe myself, my sister pounded on the door for me to hurry up. I yelled "Fine," and without realizing it, wiped myself with my phone. FML

#18239656
300 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15097) - you deserved it (52666)

On 11/13/2011 at 5:46pm - misc - by shootme - Canada

Today, I was texting my girlfriend and asked her for a picture, expecting something provocative. She sent me a picture of her holding a positive pregnancy test. We had sex once. FML

#19758301
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15096) - you deserved it (40842)

On 06/09/2012 at 12:51am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Mississippi)



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