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Today, as an introduction to the history of China, I asked my APA World History class to write a 500 word essay on a historical Chinese person. Out of a class of 18, five of them were about Mulan. FML

by desperate / 10/05/2012 at 5:47am / Malta / Work

Today, I got banned from a suicide prevention forum for "attention seeking." FML

by isellorangez / 10/09/2015 at 2:27pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I threw a punch at my sensei like he told me to, except he failed to block it like he assured me he would. Now I'm banned from his classes and I'm pretty sure he's going to get the police involved. FML

by Anonymous / 12/23/2015 at 10:48am / India (Maharashtra) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend asked me to text him when I got home after driving 40 miles in bad weather from his house back to mine. When I did, he broke up with me. FML

by SayItToMyFace / 11/11/2015 at 12:50pm / United Kingdom / Love

Today, a patient at the hospital I work at had a tracheal tube and couldn't speak. I'm unable to read lips, but I'm pretty sure he was mouthing the words 'stupid bitch' every time I tried to stop him from pulling out his IV. FML

by sirenmario / 01/19/2011 at 7:52pm / Work

Today, I saw a picture of me from a night of drinking that surprisingly looked really really good. I showed my boyfriend and he agreed with me. Then he added, "What's funny is it looks nothing like you!" FML

by Anonymous / 01/08/2010 at 10:09am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got on a two hour train ride to go to a concert. I had been so caught up in handling the train tickets that halfway to the concert, I realized I had left the concert tickets on my dresser. FML

by sirensaresexy / 07/24/2012 at 9:54am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend used my love handles as ACTUAL love handles. FML

by Abused / 10/13/2010 at 4:36am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy

Today, I let my imbecile of a brother borrow my car. The keys to his car are now jammed into the ignition of mine. FML

by thesmartone / 06/20/2012 at 11:44pm / United States / Transportation

Today, I was sitting on my 70 year old grandmothers bed with my older brother. I decided to snoop through the cabinet at the back of her bed, and I pulled out what I naively thought was a strange looking flashlight. When I twisted the bottom of it to see what would happen it started vibrating. FML

by You Wish / 03/07/2009 at 2:35am / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

Today, I was accused of shop-lifting by an old lady in a supermarket. Having proven myself innocent, I tried to storm off to show my displeasure at the situation. In my haste to make a dramatic exit, I tried to go out of the entrance and walked straight into the automatic door. FML

by Anonymous / 11/05/2010 at 6:05am / United Kingdom (Gwynedd) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was leaving the car wash when I saw my friend walking on the sidewalk. I pulled over next to her and asked if she wanted a ride. Only after getting a face full of the soda she was drinking did I realize I was talking to a complete stranger. FML

by Username / 11/12/2010 at 7:24pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was asked to cover work for someone because they have volleyball practice. Apparently, they haven't noticed that we've been on the same team for two years. FML

by eventer1919 / 08/03/2015 at 10:48pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Work