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Today, I was apparently tired enough to spray silly string under my armpits rather than deodorant. FML

by ParkerRommel / 01/26/2012 at 10:22pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was operating on a young girl, when she began to awaken during the surgery. We quickly put her back under, of course, but now I'm terrified that she'll remember my profuse cursing and get me in the shit with my curmudgeonly killjoy of a boss. FML

by Anonymous / 06/03/2012 at 4:27pm / United States / Work

Today, my boyfriend was coming home after a month of being away. When I heard him knock on the door, I rushed to open it and jumped into his arms for a hug. It wasn't him; it was the mailman. FML

by SquishFish / 08/17/2012 at 12:08am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I went on a date with my boyfriend to our local park, and I playfully climbed into one of the baby swings. I planned on having him push me, not getting stuck and having to be cut free from the seat while he laughed. FML

by BabyButt / 04/09/2014 at 1:50pm / United States (Hawaii) / Love

Today, I thought it would be nice to park my new car under a big, shady oak tree to prevent it from heating up in the sun. The big, shady oak tree thought it would be nice to shed a massive branch on top of my new car. FML

by Anonymous / 12/08/2012 at 4:28am / Australia (New South Wales) / Transportation

Today, my financial situation is so dire that I tried to steal toilet paper from work. I got caught. FML

by PoorGal / 10/19/2015 at 2:04pm / United States (Louisiana) / Work

Today, I overheard my mother-in-law and sister-in-law over the baby monitor. They were talking about how much better off my daughter would be if I were to die. FML

by Anonymous / 12/31/2015 at 1:55pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I tried to convince my daughter that the "To boldly go where no man has gone before" speech is from Star Trek, and is not an actual historical speech by the first man on the moon. She has decided to include it in her university essay on Neil Armstrong anyway. FML

Today, I let my imbecile of a brother borrow my car. The keys to his car are now jammed into the ignition of mine. FML

by thesmartone / 06/20/2012 at 11:44pm / United States / Transportation

Today, tears and 3 hours on the toilet have made me reevaluate my desire for new culinary experiences. FML

by Anonymous / 05/30/2015 at 6:59am / United Kingdom / Health

Today, my only pair of shoes that I brought got stolen at the airport while I was being checked by security. I'm now stuck 1000 miles from home with no shoes. FML

by NOOOOOO / 08/16/2015 at 7:18pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I got hit in the face by a ping-pong ball. It hit me so hard, it burst a big zit on impact. FML

by Anonymous / 07/04/2015 at 2:25am / Japan (Tokyo) / Health

Today, my boyfriend got mad at me because I refused to keep him company while he took a shit. FML

by HK / 05/16/2012 at 6:38pm / United Kingdom (West Sussex) / Love