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Today, I got a text from my roommate asking me if it was cool that my ex was coming over to console him because he's sick. FML

by dammed / 01/27/2009 at 2:41pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, a customer called the Chinese restaurant where I work and complained about her takeout order not including donuts. After informing her that we don't have them, she started to curse at me while citing the website as proof. She thought wontons were synonymous with donuts. FML

by taylorbrown97 / 06/07/2015 at 3:05pm / United States (Illinois) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I accidentally threw a glass of iced tea in my own face, because the restaurant I'd patronized for over a decade switched from heavy glass mugs to identical light-as-a-feather plastic mugs. FML

by BlueMacaw / 09/16/2015 at 2:53am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to listen to my grandma talk about how she's "allergic" to toilet paper, and how she lets nature "take care of it". FML

by WhatTheFuck / 07/30/2015 at 11:30am / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, I had to ask one of my coworkers if we were supposed to return a client's teeth to her. I work at a jewellery store. FML

by grossedout / 05/22/2015 at 11:02am / United States (Indiana) / Work

Today, I overheard my mother-in-law and sister-in-law over the baby monitor. They were talking about how much better off my daughter would be if I were to die. FML

by Anonymous / 12/31/2015 at 1:55pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was apparently tired enough to spray silly string under my armpits rather than deodorant. FML

by ParkerRommel / 01/26/2012 at 10:22pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I tried to convince my daughter that the "To boldly go where no man has gone before" speech is from Star Trek, and is not an actual historical speech by the first man on the moon. She has decided to include it in her university essay on Neil Armstrong anyway. FML

Today, my patient had her call bell on. When I went to see what she needed, she replied that she was very itchy and could not reach to scratch the itch. I basically got called in to scratch my patient's crotch. FML

by akasha / 04/06/2012 at 2:15am / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, my financial situation is so dire that I tried to steal toilet paper from work. I got caught. FML

by PoorGal / 10/19/2015 at 2:04pm / United States (Louisiana) / Work

Today, my boss bragged to a coworker, in front of me, about how much money he saved on a project because he majorly underpays me. My boss is my dad. FML

by trustyourfamily / 09/14/2015 at 6:56pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, a patient at the hospital I work at had a tracheal tube and couldn't speak. I'm unable to read lips, but I'm pretty sure he was mouthing the words 'stupid bitch' every time I tried to stop him from pulling out his IV. FML

by sirenmario / 01/19/2011 at 7:52pm / Work

Today, I got hit in the face by a ping-pong ball. It hit me so hard, it burst a big zit on impact. FML

by Anonymous / 07/04/2015 at 2:25am / Japan (Tokyo) / Health