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Today, I gave my 16 year old step daughter and her friends a lecture on respecting other people's privacy. Two hours later, I accidentally walked into her room without knocking. She and her friends were giving each other bikini waxes. Now her friends call me the hypocritical pervert. FML

#1885333
273 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13903) - you deserved it (73784)

On 05/12/2009 at 8:23pm - kids - by firewait (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got a call from my daughter's pre-school. Apparently, she is being suspended, for answering; "What do your parents do at home?" She told them, "My parents fuck." FML

#6712384
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13896) - you deserved it (34967)

On 12/11/2009 at 7:45pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a romantic moment when I made a Star Wars reference. I don't know what's worse, the fact that I said it or the fact that he seemed more turned on by it. FML

#17170147
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13894) - you deserved it (29951)

On 07/18/2011 at 11:23pm - intimacy - by RobinBunny713 - United States (Arizona)

Today, I really had to use the airplane lavatory. After I'd finished, the flight attendants continuously sprayed air freshener for two minutes. FML

#11959
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13893) - you deserved it (27559)

On 02/06/2009 at 4:50pm - misc - by yerbuagalapagos wonder (woman) - Ecuador (Galapagos)

Today, I was sitting at the computer when this really annoying fly kept landing on the keyboard. After a while, I took the bottom of a pen and squished it. Twenty minutes later I absentmindedly started chewing at the bottom of the pen. FML

#4321339
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13886) - you deserved it (56552)

On 08/05/2009 at 11:04pm - animals - by dumbblonde (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I started my job as an assistant to a beekeeper. I forgot to put gloves on, and got stung like crazy. My hands swelled up to the size of baseball gloves. Turns out, I'm allergic to bees. FML

#17479997
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13885) - you deserved it (32767)

On 08/15/2011 at 11:55am - work - by rr - Canada (Ontario)

Today, it was lovely outside so I decided to tan outside. I burn pretty easily, so I put on sunscreen. I fell asleep on my side, so when I woke up, I had a massive burn on only one side of my body, with sunglass lines. Tomorrow, I have a job interview. I'm going to go in looking like a racoon. FML

#1114607
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13879) - you deserved it (49950)

On 04/19/2009 at 11:17am - misc - by racoonface - United States

Today, my daughter wouldn't stop yapping on about not being able to register on the new Harry Potter website. The amount of whiny jibber-jabber emanating from her cake-hole made me want to boot her from our family tree, and I had to resort to booze to wash the pain away. I'm a terrible parent. FML

#17365411
428 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13867) - you deserved it (56840)

On 08/04/2011 at 9:41am - kids - by makeitstop (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I was in lying in bed with my boyfriend while he was asleep. He is going to school to be a doctor, and it appears that he says anatomical terms while asleep. My boyfriend can make me feel stupid in his sleep. FML

#13580175
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13864) - you deserved it (22239)

On 10/24/2010 at 7:17pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my brother had his hot friend over. I decided to make a move because he was staring at me and smiling all night. So I asked him which holiday was his favorite, Christmas or Easter while I batted my eyes and smiled. Thats when he said, "you have lettuce in your teeth." FML

#2428890
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13860) - you deserved it (42691)

On 05/30/2009 at 10:36am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, as my girlfriend was dropping me home, our goodbye kiss got kind of heavy. Still parked in my drive, we had fast, frenzied sex. After, we realised that she had never put the hand brake on and that we had rolled down my drive, blocking my dad who was patiently waiting to pull in. FML

#4407265
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13859) - you deserved it (53306)

On 08/09/2009 at 12:54pm - intimacy - by deflated - Ireland

Today, after having sex with my girlfriend, I jokingly held the condom above my mouth. Somehow, the condom busted, and everything went over my face. Worse still, we're now wondering just how safe this condom really was. FML

#19743887
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13853) - you deserved it (37115)

On 06/06/2012 at 12:02pm - intimacy - by Rob (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, when I was walking in to the grocery store, a van pulls up and a bunch of guys get out who look really drunk. I jokingly said to the sober-looking man who had driven the van "Sucks you have to be the designated driver!" Turns out the "Drunk" guys were actually mentally challenged. FML

#1178108
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13847) - you deserved it (61903)

On 04/20/2009 at 11:14pm - misc - by dummy441 - United States (Massachusetts)



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