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Today, my girlfriend and I were having ice cream and I jokingly asked "What's better? The sex or ice cream?" Apparently I don't pleasure her like Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream does. FML

#4204058
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18316) - you deserved it (44151)

On 08/01/2009 at 10:08am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I saw my picture in an architecture magazine. I'm not an architect. I was walking up a flight of "magnificently built" stairs as my skirt lifted to show an absence of underwear. FML

#17267205
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18314) - you deserved it (34405)

On 07/26/2011 at 12:22pm - misc - by crotchshothottie - United States

Today, I got into a huge fight with my boyfriend after driving 200 miles to see him. While arguing, I told him I never wanted to see him again and left after slamming the front door. I left my car keys in his kitchen. FML

#768625
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18315) - you deserved it (54860)

On 04/02/2009 at 4:16pm - misc - by nokeys (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I discovered that as thanks for my successful efforts to increase my company's monthly revenue, my dumbass of a boss has been awarded a pay bonus. He's wasted no time telling everyone about the sports car he's planning to buy with it. FML

#19699076
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18313) - you deserved it (1549)

On 05/29/2012 at 1:52pm - work - by vikts (man) - Luxembourg (Luxembourg)

Today, a customer smiled, looked me in the eye and described to me in graphic detail the swelling that occurred to his nuts after his vasectomy. FML

#20142730
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18313) - you deserved it (1511)

On 11/01/2012 at 9:52am - work - by tmi. - Australia

Today, during a workplace safety exercise at work, I managed to cut off the tip of my thumb. FML

#19673015
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18313) - you deserved it (3476)

On 05/24/2012 at 2:26pm - work - by thwack - United States

Today, my girlfriend came over to my house. Hoping to get a little action, i started to make out with her. Unfortunately I was wearing basketball shorts so when I got an erection all she did was bat it back forth like a cat toy. FML

#6890097
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18311) - you deserved it (4669)

On 12/22/2009 at 8:09pm - intimacy - by shallowvomit1013 (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, while at work, I used the restroom. After I noticed we were out of paper towels, I just tried shaking my hands dry. I then readjusted my bra, since it'd been driving me crazy all day. After getting back to my cubicle, I realized that I had two wet handprints over my boobs. FML

#20007867
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18308) - you deserved it (11169)

On 08/07/2012 at 3:17pm - work - by Employee (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, after being filled with joy after seeing my very elderly cat finally enjoying the sun in my garden, I skipped over to give her a hug. Turns out she was taking a shit. FML

#19435990
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18306) - you deserved it (8526)

On 04/09/2012 at 11:22am - animals - by Ew. (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I was caring for a bird that had flown into my window. I thought the poor thing wouldn't make it, when it shit in my hand, flew into my neck, then around my living room for ages before I could manage to get it out of the window. FML

#14209539
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18301) - you deserved it (6719)

On 12/15/2010 at 1:15am - animals - by Olive14 -

Today, I didn't have plans on shaving my pubic hair. My girlfriend's braces thought otherwise. FML

#18899300
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18301) - you deserved it (36333)

On 01/24/2012 at 3:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went to the free clinic down the street to prove to my girlfriend I don't have any STDs so that we can finally have sex. Turns out I have one. FML

#17979790
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18298) - you deserved it (49778)

On 10/14/2011 at 12:30am - intimacy - by happybudiess - United States

Today, I got into an argument with my dad in his hotel room. I lost my temper and stormed out onto the balcony for some fresh air, at which point he decided to lock the door behind me, trapping me there for half an hour while he watched TV. FML

#19468154
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18296) - you deserved it (10642)

On 04/14/2012 at 6:56pm - misc - by fuckbucket14 - Egypt (Al Bahr al Ahmar)



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