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Today, my 8 year old son cut his own hair. He did a better job than I ever did. I'm a hairdresser. FML

#17279085
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16056) - you deserved it (30076)

On 07/27/2011 at 12:35pm - kids - by buiuuum - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was enjoying some "alone time" with the detachable shower head when someone flushed the toilet, causing the cold water to run out and badly scald my genitals. It hurts to walk. FML

#5793265
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16054) - you deserved it (18663)

On 10/12/2009 at 8:34am - intimacy - by ravestradamus (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I started my research project on horror stories and people's fascination with them. I did some research and wound up reading H.P. Lovecraft. On the upside, I can now pee more easily. On the downside, it's likely to be in my pants. FML

#19340135
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16050) - you deserved it (3911)

On 03/24/2012 at 6:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up and I'm still in the Marine Corps. FML

#2960
13 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16048) - you deserved it (37939)

On 01/28/2009 at 4:24am - work - by carboat - United States (California)

Today, I had a job interview. I was feeling good about it until I saw the interviewer. It was a guy I had sex with and never called again. He remembered me too. FML

Today, I got up early to prank my family. I put a bucket of ice water on top of a door frame so whoever walked through would get an icy surprise. After I was done, I went back to bed. I woke up groggy and disoriented like always and walked right through the doorway I had rigged. FML

#742417
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16043) - you deserved it (153724)

On 04/01/2009 at 6:42am - misc - by blackvogue (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I had a sexy dream, woke up and started to masturbate quite vigorously. When I finished, I hopped off the top bunk naked to see my brother and his girlfriend laying in the bottom bunk. FML

#6850
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16044) - you deserved it (46623)

On 02/03/2009 at 6:47pm - intimacy - by thermos (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was woken up to my mom playing the piano awfully. I screamed down the stairs "you suck, stop playing!" Turns out it was my 5 year old cousin playing a recital. For my entire family. FML

#983061
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16045) - you deserved it (80804)

On 04/15/2009 at 1:14am - misc - by christinabear (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had to explain to my sister why it's unhygienic, socially unacceptable and downright inappropriate to apply Thrush ointment in the lounge room. I realised I wasn't getting through to her when she called me ''Uptight,'' ''Victorian" and ''prudish'' to name a few. FML

#9017056
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16040) - you deserved it (2506)

On 03/12/2010 at 3:26am - intimacy - by 1378 (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was giving a strip tease over Skype to my boyfriend. My mom walked in mid-way through, took a long look at me, said hi to my boyfriend, and walked out. FML

#15606903
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16034) - you deserved it (45623)

On 04/02/2011 at 3:46pm - intimacy - by lovely321 (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, when I tried on a pair of pants at the mall, I asked the salesperson if I could have the next size up. She informed me that there wasn't a next size up. I have to LOSE weight to fit into the biggest pair of pants the store makes. FML

#29334
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16036) - you deserved it (33611)

On 02/12/2009 at 12:45am - misc - by ardenm - United States (California)

Today, my smartphone addiction reached a new level of pathetic when I checked my weather app to see if it was cloudy outside. There was a window right behind me. FML

#20887801
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16029) - you deserved it (36417)

On 09/19/2013 at 2:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I saw a man in an army uniform. As a bit of a patriot, I went up to thank him for his service. After about 10 minutes of me going on and on, he started laughing. He wasn't a soldier. FML

#20405129
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16028) - you deserved it (25856)

On 12/18/2012 at 2:48am - misc - by Anonymous - United States



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