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Today, I learned that an inspired gardening spree is not as fulfilling as some would have us believe. One punctured hand, cactussed foot and bruised ankle later, I'm beginning to regret waking up this morning and thinking, "What the hell, I'll nuke the shit out of some weeds." FML

Today, I was eating dinner with my family. My parents didn't want me to hear what they were talking about so they decided they would spell out the words so I wouldn't understand. I didn't. FML

#4299271
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12791) - you deserved it (52889)

On 08/05/2009 at 1:15am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I woke my husband up at 2am, screaming that there was a badger in our bedroom. We both screamed for a bit until he finally says, "What are we screaming about!?" I took a second look at the badger, and realized it was my four year old daughter with her blanket. FML

#15947062
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12791) - you deserved it (38662)

On 04/27/2011 at 9:35am - kids - by BadgerSpirit (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was on the internet with my Dad looking up information about allergies. I began to type 'allergies' into the Google Search Box and as I typed 'a', the phrase 'amazing sex positions' popped up as a search I had already looked up. My Dad asked me if any of the positions worked out. FML

#21100
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12789) - you deserved it (43365)

On 02/10/2009 at 3:46pm - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I purposely went offline on Facebook chat, just so people would think I actually have a life. FML

#16189059
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12774) - you deserved it (30393)

On 05/15/2011 at 2:49pm - misc - by NoLife (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was getting a spray tan and realized I didn't have a hair tie, so I used a thong instead. I lost track of time and realized I needed to go pick up my daughter. I threw on my clothes, drove to pick her up, went to the store, and went for ice cream... thong still in my hair. FML

#20438564
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12767) - you deserved it (41986)

On 01/02/2013 at 12:33pm - health - by Embarrassed - United States

Today, my roommate and I finally got fed up with this increasingly, horrible stench that has been in our apartment for a few days now. Leaving it for our other roommates to handle, we selfishly left to get yogurtland. Moments later, we both expressed that we haven't seen our cat in a while. FML

#185319
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12763) - you deserved it (49006)

On 03/02/2009 at 4:32pm - animals - by pacificbeach - United States (California)

Today, I decided to put on my Halloween make-up to be sure that I could and that it would look nice. I was satisfied with my results, and went to wash it off. Everything came off fine, except for the eye liner and eye shadow. It's bright purple. I'm a man. Halloween isn't until Sunday. FML

#13615434
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12759) - you deserved it (27232)

On 10/27/2010 at 2:57pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was at my favorite Mexican restaurant when I realized my really cute waiter, along with his buddies kept looking at me and smiling. Trying to be cool, I took a bite of my burrito, choked, and spilled ground beef down my new shirt and in my bra. They laughed the whole time. FML

#4929895
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12742) - you deserved it (34289)

On 08/30/2009 at 2:09pm - misc - by pootythe5th (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I found out that if you whistle Christmas carols while shitting in a public bathroom, a little boy might just look under the stall to see if Santa is pooping. FML

#19784207
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12741) - you deserved it (23059)

On 06/13/2012 at 9:17pm - misc - by ww2freak - United States (Virginia)

Today, my mom told me she was getting tired of that smell of marijuana in the house. So I confess and tell her I will never bring it home again. She was talking about my neighbors. FML

#4874504
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12740) - you deserved it (60712)

On 08/28/2009 at 12:42am - misc - by Dumbweed (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I sold my Xbox and Kinect to a guy. I forgot that sometimes I'd play Dance Central naked, and the Kinect would make videos. This guy now has videos of me, naked, badly dancing. FML

#18791715
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12740) - you deserved it (46512)

On 01/13/2012 at 12:05am - misc - by anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I showed off my new tattoo to my friends. Too bad it says "Walk Earless" now instead of "Walk Fearless." That's right, I'm now supporting Van Gogh. FML

#18997714
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12736) - you deserved it (26596)

On 02/05/2012 at 12:54am - misc - by inked - United States (Alabama)



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  • So, is everyone back from their vacation? Can we get back to regular programming? No? OK, I get it. You're all still crying about not being at the beach any more, well, I am anyway. And this time of year…

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