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Today, I invited my boss for supper as we get on pretty well. Everything was going well, until my German Shepherd bit him. FML

#8331914
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21489) - you deserved it (4735)

On 02/16/2010 at 5:46am - work - by MikeIsMaster (man) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, I went to a restaurant and asked for vegetarian options. They told me, "We have a chicken Caesar salad, will that work?" FML

#21436862
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21489) - you deserved it (5926)

On 07/05/2015 at 3:20pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, my husband thought it would be funny to tell my 10-year-old son that if he wanted to get girls, he had to do the Gangnam Style. My son has now non-stop been doing the Gangnam Style. FML

#20136801
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21486) - you deserved it (4141)

On 10/28/2012 at 10:53am - kids - by friedbutter - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after therapy for obsessing over every woman who talks to me, all I could think about was how I could seduce my therapist. I think I still need a lot of help. FML

#20133155
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21483) - you deserved it (5323)

On 10/25/2012 at 7:09pm - love - by mental - United States

Today, I finally got to hook up with this hot guy I'd been talking to for a few weeks. To my surprise, he was sinfully drunk when he arrives. As we were going at it, he shits on my white carpet. Now the phrase "f***ing the shit out of someone" has a brand new meaning for me. FML

#8471213
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21483) - you deserved it (5480)

On 02/20/2010 at 5:47am - intimacy - by jo - United States

Today, my husband was looking at a bariatric surgery website and asked him what he was reading. He said, "Oh, your anniversary gift. Surprise!" He wasn't kidding. He got mad when I politely declined his gift, then angrily said "You know, it really hurts when you don't like the things I get you." FML

#13794199
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21481) - you deserved it (4217)

On 11/10/2010 at 8:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I finally achieved the perfect hourglass figure. Too bad I'm a guy. FML

#19844120
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21481) - you deserved it (4888)

On 06/25/2012 at 10:05am - misc - by Wwiimaniac (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my house got egged and since it is the winter the eggs froze. They used two dozen eggs. FML

#1499
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21479) - you deserved it (1949)

On 01/17/2009 at 7:52pm - misc - by Noname - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone, when I accidentally let rip a monstrous fart. He swore at me for being a pig, hung up, and has ignored all my subsequent calls. I try not to date idiots, but it's like I have a big old shithead-attracting magnet attached to me or something. FML

#19720821
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21479) - you deserved it (13773)

On 06/02/2012 at 12:46pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland (Carlow)

Today, before leaving my house, I OCD-checked all of my doors 16 times to make sure that they were locked. When I got home, my house had been broken into. Turns out I accidentally unlocked my front door when trying to lock it for the last time. This is why I have OCD. FML

#20141026
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21479) - you deserved it (9353)

On 10/30/2012 at 11:02pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I drove into my school. Literally drove into my school. FML

#121869
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21478) - you deserved it (51580)

On 02/24/2009 at 8:43am - misc - by shilpajayseanfan (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, maintenance came to fix the constantly beeping alarm system near my apartment. They changed it from beeping on-and-off to one never-ending beep, similar to the sound of my sanity flat-lining. FML

#20138046
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21477) - you deserved it (1363)

On 10/29/2012 at 12:31am - misc - by tcm123 - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was drunk at my nan's birthday party. My boyfriend texted me asking if I could go out, to which I replied "No, I'm at my nan's house." He then dumped me, calling me a 'cheating whore.' I was confused, until I realised I'd misspelt nan and said "No, I'm at my man's house." FML

#169078
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21476) - you deserved it (42868)

On 03/01/2009 at 9:20am - love - by Mandy (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)



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