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Today, I had to give a speech on the importance of dental hygiene. I got really nervous, so I did what I've heard in movies. I pictured everyone naked, began staring at a hot blonde in the front, and got hard. FML

#4906491
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13815) - you deserved it (47825)

On 08/29/2009 at 2:06pm - intimacy - by SOdamnNervous (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I was singing the National Anthem at a school game and totally forgot the words. So I kept singing the same two lines over and over. FML

#18788734
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13815) - you deserved it (29104)

On 01/12/2012 at 8:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, after five months of working overtime and doing my own repairs around the house, such as patching my own roof to save money, I walk into my home office. I find my $2500, week old, top of the line laptop won't turn on because it's drenched in water. Apparently there's a leak in the roof. FML

#6706236
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13814) - you deserved it (21170)

On 12/11/2009 at 6:11am - misc - by LostFocus - United States (California)

Today, I was walking with my boyfriend down the street and a really hot guy walked past with no shirt on. While distracted by his hardened stomach muscles, I promptly walked into a pole, then became single. FML

#4994498
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13812) - you deserved it (64304)

On 09/02/2009 at 5:21am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, I got a new girlfriend. Unfortunately, the last girl I asked out just responded to my relationship request on Facebook. It's been 4 hours, and my new girlfriend already thinks I'm cheating on her. FML

#20460941
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13810) - you deserved it (41853)

On 01/15/2013 at 3:53pm - love - by George - United States (Washington)

Today, I was at the airport, when a lady came up and loudly asked if she could sit next to me. I have serious social issues, so to avoid having to talk to her, I pretended I was deaf and couldn't hear her. She immediately broke out her sign language skills. FML

#20538296
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13807) - you deserved it (44384)

On 03/10/2013 at 3:54pm - misc - by human lava lamp (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I borrowed a van to move some of my furniture. I wasn't used to the brakes so when I stopped at a red light, I pretty much ended up in the cross walk. Suddenly I heard a loud thud at the side of the van. I turned to see what idiot would walk into a van. It was a blind man. FML

#174723
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13802) - you deserved it (46434)

On 03/01/2009 at 8:09pm - misc - by jazojigga (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was chatting with a customer who comes regularly to my job. He sticks his hand out and I put my hand on his, thinking he's giving me a high five. He was just waiting for his receipt. FML

#18002643
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13801) - you deserved it (19194)

On 10/16/2011 at 10:50pm - work - by Kate - United States

Today, I was watching a video about spiders. When I felt a tickle on my foot, I kicked hard in panic. It was one of our newborn kittens walking. I almost killed it. FML

#12750103
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13794) - you deserved it (49603)

On 08/26/2010 at 1:33am - animals - by Aaron (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I decided to use fake tan, seeing as I am so pale. Everywhere I have been today, I have had children behind me. Singing the Oompa Loompa song. FML

#2991073
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13792) - you deserved it (57293)

On 06/18/2009 at 9:32am - misc - by OompaLoompa (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I checked an old photosharing account. I got a new phone last year and didn't realize all the pictures I took with the new phone would still automatically upload to my account. Unknowingly, I posted naked pics of myself online. Not one of my friends told me. FML

#3884165
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13788) - you deserved it (51092)

On 07/19/2009 at 4:14pm - misc - by nudie (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was at the mall with my little brother. I saw him touching some expensive objects, so I slapped his arm. I noticed he wasn't my brother when he started crying and his real mom slapped me in the face. FML

#4402350
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13787) - you deserved it (50187)

On 08/09/2009 at 3:28am - kids - by mochiko (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I baked a chicken pot pie in the oven. I pulled it out, and noticed a big piece of tasty-looking, flaky pastry had come loose. Without thinking I ripped it off and popped it into my mouth. I HEARD the skin on the inside of my cheeks burn. FML

#1713155
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13783) - you deserved it (79159)

On 05/07/2009 at 8:09am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)



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