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Today, my dad found the ugliest picture my mom has ever taken. I show it to her laughing. She said it looks like me. I looked again and it kind of does. FML

by krt / 10/03/2010 at 7:29pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I met separately with the President and Chairman of the company regarding a product that I'm designing. Each ordered me to do the opposite of whatever the other instructed. FML

by beagle1 / 04/03/2012 at 11:10am / United States (Tennessee) / Work

Today, for the first time since kindergarten, I won! I came first! Yes, I'm first on the waiting list for the M.A. degree I applied to. FML

by winneuse / 06/04/2015 at 10:30pm / Miscellaneous

Today, my father went out to get batteries for the remote control helicopter I bought him for Christmas. In his excitement, he backed his truck into my car. FML

by Anonymous / 12/25/2009 at 10:13pm / United States (New Jersey) / Transportation

Today, after staying in bed all day for a week from sickness, I get up to tell my mom I have terrible back pain and feel extremely dizzy. After curling up on the chair next to her, not being able to keep my head up for too long, she simply stares at me and says, "Can I finish my dinner now?" FML

by Anonymous / 11/04/2010 at 10:22pm / United States (Arizona) / Health

Today, after much debate, my husband convinced me to let his scumbag brother babysit our seven-year-old son while we went out to a restaurant. When we got home, we found him teaching our son how to pick the lock to our liquor cabinet. My husband is unapologetic. FML

by shira512 / 08/10/2012 at 7:59pm / United Kingdom (Havering) / Kids

Today, I took the lid off my slow cooker to serve up a casserole that had been 12 hours in the making. A cockroach took the opportunity to dive in. My husband and I are now eating toast, while the delicious smell of casserole taunts us from the trash. FML

by MsMedea / 08/11/2015 at 8:02am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, it was very windy and snowy and the neighborhoods garbage cans were blowing everywhere. I had already brought mine in and I saw my neighbor's being blown away. Thinking I'd be nice, I went out to pick it up. Just before I could however, the wind smashed it into me and I fell on the ice. FML

by Dana / 01/29/2010 at 1:59pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was enjoying a nice bath, when one of my cats jumped up on the rim and started purring. I thought it was sweet, until my other cat ran in and body-slammed the first into the tub with me. Being a conscientious cat owner, I hadn't de-clawed them. FML

by Neutered / 11/27/2012 at 2:52pm / United States (Alaska) / Animals

Today, I sneezed while at the office. I felt snot shoot out, but I couldn't see anything on the tissue. I ignored it and went on with my day. When I went to the bathroom hours later, I noticed a huge wad of snot had dried onto the front of my shirt. No one told me about it. FML

by breebree-0 / 03/04/2012 at 2:36pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, as I was riding the bus, a lady told her daughter to sit next to me. She looked at me and started to scream and cry in horror. FML

by AmihayG / 03/27/2012 at 12:32pm / Israel / Transportation

Today, my boyfriend decided he is going to narrate everything I do. I can't get him to stop. FML

by types / 03/02/2012 at 10:01am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw my crush working the only open till at the grocery store. When she saw me approach her queue, she immediately called for more cashiers. FML

by rink.attendant.6 / 06/21/2012 at 11:40am / Canada (Ontario) / Love