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Today, I argued heavily with my dad over being dragged to a family game of lacrosse. All through the game, he kept "accidentally" hurling the ball straight at me on the sideline. After he eventually nailed me straight in the heart, he screamed at me to "get out of the fucking way". FML

by just me / 05/13/2012 at 2:54pm / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Kids

Today, I was walking down the street when I had a coughing fit. The next thing I know I'm being pushed about by a group of guys who were smoking, because they thought I was coughing deliberately to send them a message about smoking being bad. FML

by Tyler / 09/03/2012 at 5:37am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I met separately with the President and Chairman of the company regarding a product that I'm designing. Each ordered me to do the opposite of whatever the other instructed. FML

by beagle1 / 04/03/2012 at 11:10am / United States (Tennessee) / Work

Today, I was forced to listen to a client rant about her lackluster sexual encounters with her husband. I was also given a rather detailed description of his manhood. Apparently, it's small. FML

by raraisbang / 06/18/2012 at 9:07pm / United States (Louisiana) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, wanting to be romantic, I came home with flowers, and told my girlfriend I love her and that I never want us to fall apart. Before I could finish my second sentence, she farted, said, "Aww, that's so sweet" and quickly excused herself to the bathroom. FML

by Anonymous / 08/14/2012 at 8:12pm / United States / Love

Today, for the first time since kindergarten, I won! I came first! Yes, I'm first on the waiting list for the M.A. degree I applied to. FML

by winneuse / 06/04/2015 at 10:30pm / Miscellaneous

Today, my father went out to get batteries for the remote control helicopter I bought him for Christmas. In his excitement, he backed his truck into my car. FML

by Anonymous / 12/25/2009 at 10:13pm / United States (New Jersey) / Transportation

Today, as I sat down for my flight, I realised that the passenger I had to sit next to for the next seven hours was wearing a necklace made from tampon packaging. FML

by lotd / 07/31/2012 at 7:28pm / United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, an ultrasound tech complimented me on my "exceptionally full bladder". That's probably the best compliment I've received this week. FML

by Jules7594 / 06/12/2015 at 9:02am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was greeting customers at work. After saying good morning to one man, he stopped and looked at me from head to toe before smirking and saying, "Mmmm." He then turned around and said, "It's starting." It's only my first day. FML

by Anonymous / 01/25/2012 at 11:59pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was enjoying a nice bath, when one of my cats jumped up on the rim and started purring. I thought it was sweet, until my other cat ran in and body-slammed the first into the tub with me. Being a conscientious cat owner, I hadn't de-clawed them. FML

by Neutered / 11/27/2012 at 2:52pm / United States (Alaska) / Animals

Today, after repairing the toilet, the light, the shower, the cooker and the heater in the flat I've just moved into, my boiler dies. It's mid December, about 1 degree outside. FML

by Melie-Melo / 12/16/2008 at 2:55am / United Kingdom (East Sussex) / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw my crush working the only open till at the grocery store. When she saw me approach her queue, she immediately called for more cashiers. FML

by rink.attendant.6 / 06/21/2012 at 11:40am / Canada (Ontario) / Love