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Today, I took a crap at work. When I go to flush the toilet, it clogs and begins to overflow. I leave the bathroom the way it is and as I walk out, my boss comes in. FML

#1353
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15774) - you deserved it (8712)

On 01/16/2009 at 9:45am - work - by DonPedro - United States (New York)

Today, I changed the C on my report card into a B so that I wouldn't get in trouble with my parents. I spent the entire day perfecting the B's positioning and cut exactly around the edges of the size 10 font and sliced my finger in the process. Turns out, I'm still grounded for getting a B. FML

Today, I nervously started a new job, and my co-workers were telling me silly rules about our boss. Later, I accidentally bumped into him, and blurted "Rule #7, don't touch George." He definitely heard. FML

#20564827
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15770) - you deserved it (31394)

On 03/29/2013 at 12:38am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family. I watched as my uncle and his girlfriend snuck off to the bathroom together, where they stayed until someone else tried to get in. When they came out, she was wiping her mouth. I need new eyes. FML

#21306928
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15787) - you deserved it (1261)

On 11/27/2014 at 3:38pm - intimacy - by Trainer Calypso - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I saw a psychiatrist for the first time. He asked me what had brought me there, so I said I needed to get over some issues. He told me to close my eyes and visualize myself constructing a bridge. I paid to get told to build a bridge in my mind's eye. FML

#19664202
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15768) - you deserved it (4086)

On 05/22/2012 at 7:54pm - health - by fml - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I decided to surprise my wife at her softball game. I saw her distinctive motorcycle jacket through the canvas dugout wall and decided that I would feel her up from behind, to surprise her. She lent her jacket to a friend. FML

#6433707
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15767) - you deserved it (9363)

On 11/24/2009 at 5:58am - intimacy - by rider (man) - Qatar (Ad Dawhah)

Today, I got back from vacation and realised I still had the motel key. The key-ring has the address on it, so you can post it back to them. I drove to the postbox and posted the key. I then discovered that the motel key won't start my car. FML

#5425393
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15764) - you deserved it (37769)

On 09/23/2009 at 9:15am - misc - by fmlxxxx (man) - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, I spilled a glass of iced tea all over my desk. It trickled down the wall and fried an extension cord. FML

#8615940
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15764) - you deserved it (8340)

On 02/24/2010 at 2:43pm - misc - by dumbbass (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, a man with a clipboard came up to me in the street to ask me if I was happy with my life insurance. I couldn't bring myself to admit to him that I'm so clueless about my own life that I wasn't sure I was even happy with the Twix I was eating at the time. FML

#20095768
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15764) - you deserved it (3061)

On 09/30/2012 at 8:49pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I met a new client in person for the first time. When I went to shake his hand, it was made of plastic. Startled, I laughed thinking it was a practical joke. It wasn't. FML

#813501
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15761) - you deserved it (57671)

On 04/05/2009 at 4:48am - work - by HDCkid (man) - United States (California)

Today, a stoplight turned yellow as I was approaching it. I was about to go through but saw a cop, panicked, and slammed on the brakes. I ended up in the middle of the intersection and had to reverse. Soon the light turned green, and I stepped on the gas. My car was still in reverse. FML

#142298
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15756) - you deserved it (49709)

On 02/26/2009 at 11:17am - misc - by River (woman) - United States (Delaware)

Today, my car was broken into. They broke the passenger side window and took my radio system. But they didn't take the remote for it. FML

#800
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15754) - you deserved it (1877)

On 01/07/2009 at 9:28pm - misc - by Donezoo - United States (California)

Today, I was getting it on with my boyfriend when my dad opened the door. I thought I hadn't been seen because the door was only open a tiny bit. I then looked into the mirror by the door to see my dad's reflection, staring at mine, horrified. I was on top. FML

#6809033
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15745) - you deserved it (8230)

On 12/18/2009 at 10:20am - intimacy - by eatmyshipoopie (woman) - United Kingdom (Neath Port Talbot)



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