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Today, I was enjoying a nice shower in the morning. While I was massaging the shampoo out of my hair, I saw the gardener walking past my bathroom window, yelling "Good morning" and waving in my direction. My left boob politely waved back at him. FML

#12726164
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13499) - you deserved it (24170)

On 08/24/2010 at 8:08pm - intimacy - by AlexaSt2611 (woman) - Paraguay (Central)

Today, I was attempting to teach a bunch of 2nd and 5th graders on why it's so important to face your fears and try your best. It was going pretty well, until I was attacked by a pair of butterflies. I am afraid of butterflies - I ran away screaming like a little girl. FML

#3682423
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13493) - you deserved it (51693)

On 07/12/2009 at 12:35am - animals - by tryscal - United States (California)

Today, I was trolling in a chat room when someone said, quote: "He's just a no-life, unemployed loser still living in his mom's basement. Probably spends all day stroking his tiny dong and fantasizing about having a real girlfriend." I actually started crying because it was so accurate. FML

#19517748
258 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13493) - you deserved it (48410)

On 04/23/2012 at 6:06pm - misc - by pathetic (man) - Poland (Mazowieckie)

Today, I was taking a piss at the urinal when a fly started buzzing around my head. It started getting in my face, so I tried to swat it away. After about 10 seconds of intense swatting, I looked down to find I had pissed all over my shoes and down the front of my trousers. FML

#1687586
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13491) - you deserved it (56294)

On 05/06/2009 at 10:07am - animals - by pissedoffandon (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I went to work to find two new beautiful trainees. I thought maybe I might be able to hook up with one of them, so I walk up and flash my blue eyes and begin to act like a gentleman. Not five minutes into our conversation the girls ask me if there are any cute guys working here. FML

#5764838
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13490) - you deserved it (33888)

On 10/10/2009 at 9:04pm - work - by SadisticSatire (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was late to dinner with my anal-retentive parents because my boyfriend was too busy making cock puppets in the shower to get ready to go. FML

#8339859
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13493) - you deserved it (2767)

On 02/16/2010 at 2:20pm - intimacy - by tacolove69 - United States (California)

Today, I was shopping for clothes. I thought this guy was a mannequin because he was standing perfectly still. I poked him and he screamed like a girl. FML

#16464729
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13490) - you deserved it (31841)

On 06/02/2011 at 6:05am - misc - by ohcrap - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I saw a fight so I went over to try and break it up. Someone thought I wanted to join in, so he gave me an unexpected whap in the happy sacks, and I also got a bloody nose for my troubles. FML

#4912143
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13489) - you deserved it (40597)

On 08/29/2009 at 6:58pm - misc - by deven (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I turned 18. My parents gave me a card that read "now that you're 18, it's time for some boozy fun... you can do all the things you did before but legally!" Taped to the inside was my fake id that I "lost" three months ago. FML

#1418497
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13483) - you deserved it (60656)

On 04/28/2009 at 10:12am - misc - by owned (woman) - Singapore

Today, I decided to wear string panties. While in line at the mall, they became untied. I was wearing a skirt. FML

#12781216
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13478) - you deserved it (34115)

On 08/28/2010 at 12:54am - misc - by wearingshorts - United States (New York)

Today, I got a phone call from a detective in response to my stolen car that has been missing since St. Patrick's Day. He told me that he had found my car, but was chuckling the whole time. Turns out, I had parked my car in a different lot. I haven't had it for a week. It was never stolen. FML

#555809
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13477) - you deserved it (86137)

On 03/23/2009 at 4:37pm - misc - by Blondie (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, on a first date, I finished eating my sushi, feeling proud to have managed chopsticks so elegantly and then rubbed my eye, oblivious to the fact I had just touched some wasabi. What followed was a classy exhibition on how to jump around screeching in pain. FML

#15937673
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13475) - you deserved it (23008)

On 04/26/2011 at 6:25pm - misc - by Jyocka (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I went our school's football game against their rival team. Before the games started, I got my school's logo painted on my face. After nearly 5 hours of watching the game, I went home to wash the paint off my face, only to find the logo had been sunburned onto my face. FML

#5471133
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13469) - you deserved it (30864)

On 09/25/2009 at 6:53pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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