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Today, my professor, who was born without arms, asked somebody "need a hand?" There are over 300 students in that class and I was the only one laughing. FML

Today, by request from my new boss, I came into work over an hour early to finish some backed-up filing. This seemed like a great opportunity to earn some extra overtime pay. After spending an hour and half filing, I realized I hadn't clocked in for the day. FML

#3170547
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16580) - you deserved it (36846)

On 06/24/2009 at 10:34am - work - by Tottie (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I learned that shaving while feeling upset is a very bad idea. FML

#19661227
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16579) - you deserved it (5707)

On 05/22/2012 at 6:35am - health - by Anonymous - Philippines

Today, I changed the C on my report card into a B so that I wouldn't get in trouble with my parents. I spent the entire day perfecting the B's positioning and cut exactly around the edges of the size 10 font and sliced my finger in the process. Turns out, I'm still grounded for getting a B. FML

Today, I found out that the car I got a great deal on a few days ago, needs a new transmission. I'm now the proud owner of a very large and very expensive paperweight. FML

#20066208
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16572) - you deserved it (5767)

On 09/10/2012 at 12:48pm - money - by BuspassBob - United States

Today, I was watching TV when a Toy Story 3 commercial came on. My Mom said, "Oh, I remember when I took you to see Toy Story. Now Andy's all grown up and so are you. The only difference is Andy is going to college and you're not." FML

#12463713
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16566) - you deserved it (41475)

On 08/11/2010 at 9:55pm - misc - by Chris (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I opened my laptop in the train to watch a good film I had downloaded. Of course, it was a fake and the whole carriage was allowed to watch and hear five seconds of butt licking. FML

#499
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16565) - you deserved it (9827)

On 12/12/2008 at 1:05am - misc - by Jumanji - Sent from mobile version

Today, my boyfriend said we should re-enact a porn episode he saw. I jokingly said yes. He had an outfit and everything. I thought it was going to be fun, until he started playing Bon Jovi in the background. FML

#8910631
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16562) - you deserved it (5494)

On 03/08/2010 at 12:42am - intimacy - by Ah - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was called a pervert. On a phone sex line. FML

#17857316
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16559) - you deserved it (51086)

On 09/28/2011 at 6:16pm - intimacy - by Hypocrisy (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I climbed the tree in my backyard so I could cut off some stray branches. I ended up getting stuck, and instead of immediately getting help, my wife started laughing and recording me. The video is now circulating on Facebook, and my new nickname is "Hawkeye." FML

#20029971
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16557) - you deserved it (3064)

On 08/19/2012 at 2:09pm - misc - by spasticock (man) - Portugal (Setubal)

Today, the kids I teach informed me that I had spelled my name incorrectly on the board. I looked at it and assured them that I had spelled it correctly. I'm 22 and a graduate student, they're six and mentally challenged. Guess who was right? FML

#260093
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16553) - you deserved it (63190)

On 03/10/2009 at 11:46am - work - by Noname (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I overheard someone at the mall telling his friend, "So I'm going in for a brain scan." Trying to be funny, I piped up, "Better hope they find something!" Turns out that had been the end of his sentence, and the scan is to see if his cancer has spread. FML

#21134153
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16552) - you deserved it (67385)

On 05/08/2014 at 3:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I noticed that whenever someone belches, I immediately think of my boyfriend. FML

#19636097
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16550) - you deserved it (3200)

On 05/17/2012 at 8:00am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States



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