Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I overheard a conversation two of my friends were having about Homer, so I interjected with a quip about a Simpson's episode I had seen before. They were talking about the poet. I'm an AP literature student. FML

#718521
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12443) - you deserved it (65074)

On 03/31/2009 at 1:12am - misc - by apenglishstudent (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my mother walked in on my boyfriend licking whipped cream off my nipples. FML

#8663511
367 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12443) - you deserved it (26191)

On 02/26/2010 at 12:54pm - intimacy - by hannah12345 - Sent from mobile version

Today, a spider crawled across my glasses' lens. My first reaction was to smack myself in the face. FML

#6793560
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12440) - you deserved it (23791)

On 12/17/2009 at 2:09pm - animals - by ohmy (woman) - Canada

Today, I went to my hair dresser to get my haircut. When she asked me what I wanted, I told her "the usual". She confused me with another customer and gave me a mullet. FML

#8364767
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12436) - you deserved it (27686)

On 02/17/2010 at 1:30am - misc - by Craig (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend came over to stay the night. Before she arrived, I popped a viagra to spice things up. She then informed me that she was on her period and didn't feel comfortable doing it. I had a headache and a massive boner all night. FML

#17538243
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12416) - you deserved it (41557)

On 08/21/2011 at 1:36pm - intimacy - by RohnAbheek - India (Maharashtra)

Today, I was snuggling in bed with my girlfriend. She was depressed, so I complimented her strong legs, saying they were "like a horse." I spent the next hour and a half trying to stop her crying. FML

#3517987
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12413) - you deserved it (70586)

On 07/06/2009 at 12:03am - love - by Seabiscuit (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my new roommate told me he was bisexual. A little concerned, I opened up and told him that made me uncomfortable. His reply: "Oh don't worry, I'm only attracted to good looking guys." FML

#19232371
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12413) - you deserved it (44302)

On 03/07/2012 at 9:01am - misc - by Leland - Canada (Quebec)

Today, while riding the train home, I noticed a man who kept looking at me. Annoyed, I told him to be less obvious and to stop staring. He promptly responded, "Bitch, I'm gay, and even I can tell no one would want to look at you." FML

#20505985
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12403) - you deserved it (52712)

On 02/14/2013 at 2:39am - misc - by assoutofuandme (woman) - United States (California)

Today, there were a few loud and annoying kids running around my store. My coworker and I started talking and I jokingly stated "Yeah, kids ruin everything." But before I could get out "God knows I'm not ready to be a dad," my phone rang. It was my one night stand. I'm going to be a daddy. FML

#13180863
293 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12399) - you deserved it (67674)

On 09/24/2010 at 7:25am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was out drinking with some friends in a Safeway parking lot, when I saw a familiar-looking vehicle pull up beside us. It was my dad, who angrily got out and demanded that I come home. I'm twenty-four, and now the laughingstock of my social circle. FML

Today, while at work as a cashier, I tried to be sweet and ID an elderly man buying a bottle of wine. He responded by calling me a "blind-ass bitch" and calling my manager for "harassing" him. FML

#19552160
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12380) - you deserved it (24441)

On 04/30/2012 at 5:24am - work - by zomg - United States (Florida)

Today, I went on a bad first date and the guy was more into it than me. I tried to scare him away by only speaking in robot voice, with robot arms. He thought it was adorable, and told me I reminded him of his mother. FML

#20098216
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12377) - you deserved it (23994)

On 10/02/2012 at 10:42am - love - by Queso Dog (woman) - Japan

Today, I told my boyfriend that I like it when he moans while we're having sex. Unfortunately, he interpreted that as "milk it". The sound is so obnoxious, it's starting to ruin the sex. FML

#12271784
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12370) - you deserved it (23282)

On 08/02/2010 at 7:32pm - intimacy - by toomuchlove (woman) - United States (California)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #2: In slow-moving hell
  • It was once a dream, now it’s come true. We’re at the place that was allocated months ago for preprogrammed, enforced holiday fun time. We’ve put on some cargo shorts, slipped on some of those…

Wednesday 13 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: