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Today, I found out that my girlfriend has been cheating on me. I also found out that my best friend knew about it all along. When I confronted him, he tried to justify the betrayal by saying that she paid him to keep quiet. FML

by gng2fckngkilluyoufckngfckr / 08/03/2012 at 2:31pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I had pizza for lunch. Later, I passed out in front of a customer. Now I get to explain to my boss that I fainted on the job because of heartburn. FML

by Thisismylife / 01/26/2015 at 1:55am / Canada / Work

Today, I woke up to what sounded like twigs snapping. Turns out it was the skull of a live mouse being crushed in my cat's jaws. FML

by Anonymous / 03/30/2012 at 3:45am / Australia (Western Australia) / Animals

Today, a guest at the hotel I work at started shouting at me. Apparently the street vendor selling sunglasses outside the hotel sold her a pair of 'genuine' Ray Bans for $5. She wanted me to phone the police because she realized two days later they were fake. FML

by soo / 07/02/2015 at 4:25pm / Love

Today, our outgoing boss told us about guy who's replacing him, saying he's very nice but very anal about things. Without thinking, I shrugged and said "Anal's not bad." Now everyone's calling me Anal-Girl. FML

by very analytical / 06/26/2015 at 3:56pm / United States (Kentucky) / Work

Today, while changing the litter in the cat box, the brand new carton ripped open, spilling all twelve pounds of cat litter over my kitchen floor. Both cats promptly rushed over and began frantically urinating all over it. FML

by misfitunfit / 11/10/2015 at 8:24pm / United States (Texas) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I learned how awful intertrigo smells. I spent a ton of money and years of my life to become a health care provider apparently to treat the yeast infection between an obese woman's fat folds. FML

by Sheliton / 01/17/2012 at 8:39pm / United States / Work

Today, I brought a girl home. My dad's first reaction was to pull out the camera and snap away. She now won't reply to my texts or calls. FML

by jasonnn / 03/30/2012 at 1:00am / Australia / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my husband and my cat have something in common; they both like to lick themselves. FML

by Anonymous / 06/19/2012 at 6:51am / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, I realised that my closeted gay friend has dated more women this year than I have in my 28 years of life. FML

by Anonymous / 08/08/2015 at 8:03pm / United Kingdom (North Somerset) / Love

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I brought to her attention a rather large zit on the corner of her mouth. She called me an insensitive prick. I only pointed it out because I didn't want other people to see it and make fun of her. FML

by pickit / 02/24/2010 at 9:26pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I was stung by a wasp. Startled, I stumbled and grabbed a nearby tree branch to regain my balance. The branch happened to be the location of the wasp's nest, which fell to the ground and split open. The wasps weren't happy. FML

by Anonymous / 10/04/2015 at 7:34pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I gave my husband an expensive watch. The first words out of his mouth were, "You didn't use our joint bank account for this, right?" He then asked if I still had the receipt. FML

by moneycatious / 03/19/2012 at 7:50pm / United States (Washington) / Money