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Today, I used a porta-potty. After I came out, my mom came out of one and said "I really wish I could wash my hands." I explained that I used the little soap bar that was on the side of the toilet in mine. She told me that was a urinal and the soap bar was a disinfectant bar. FML

#2903638
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14886) - you deserved it (56188)

On 06/15/2009 at 2:08am - misc - by hockeyfanaticx87 (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my 8-year-old sister matter-of-factly said that she's going to get married before me if I don't stop wearing track pants. FML

#20462592
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14881) - you deserved it (27265)

On 01/16/2013 at 1:28pm - misc - by Kendra_Nine (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I heard that a boy in my class had written a song about me. Intrigued, I went to see him perform. I spent 3 excruciating minutes listening to a song about 'the girl of his dreams', his tear-filled eyes staring into mine the whole time. I have to sit next to this freak for the next 2 years. FML

#17488999
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14878) - you deserved it (49863)

On 08/16/2011 at 9:20am - love - by worried (woman) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, I was in bed, thinking about my crush and playing with myself, when I remembered the complicated spreadsheet my boss asked me to make tomorrow. That got me more excited than the thought of my crush. FML

#5932457
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14872) - you deserved it (6242)

On 10/21/2009 at 6:40pm - intimacy - by anonymous - Sent from mobile version

Today, I sat next to an attractive punk/rock guy on a plane. I decided to try to impress by playing music I thought he would like. I clicked The Who and opened a large window with the album cover, so he could see. The track then shuffled, and he was face to with a giant image of Miley Cyrus. FML

#333328
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14869) - you deserved it (108204)

On 03/15/2009 at 12:22am - love - by UH-OH (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my older brother told me that no matter how fast you run at automatic sliding doors, they'll open in time. So I ran at a pair. They don't. FML

#3016666
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14854) - you deserved it (99965)

On 06/19/2009 at 12:04am - misc - by kat9232000 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, before class I was trying to prove I can twist myself like the people on the front of my anatomy textbook, I got onto a table and twisted my ankles behind my head. Everyone seemed impressed until I farted so loudly that it echoed in the hallway. I couldn't get my legs unstuck. FML

#5050946
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14846) - you deserved it (44491)

On 09/04/2009 at 11:07pm - misc - by flexibleflatulance (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I yelled at my little brother for leaving the toilet seat up and told him he needed to go around the house and make sure they were all down. I went to the bathroom later to find that the toilet seats and covers from every toilet had all been removed and were sitting on my bed. FML

#225937
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14844) - you deserved it (62150)

On 03/06/2009 at 12:49pm - kids - by wetbutt (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, on my way to work, I hit a pothole about the size of Alabama, bending my wheel and flattening my tire. After changing it and having to explain myself to my furious boss, I went back on that road in my other car to take a picture of the pothole. While looking for it, I hit it again. FML

#20487332
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14843) - you deserved it (37522)

On 01/31/2013 at 6:34am - money - by Well... fuck me sideways and call me Eustace (man) - United States (California)

Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML

#16009360
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14841) - you deserved it (44620)

On 05/01/2011 at 8:21pm - animals - by Cassie -

Today, I grabbed my t-shirt off the floor beside the bed and got up to walk my boyfriends dog. After several trips around the block and plenty of strange looks I got back upstairs and saw the used condom stuck to my sleeve from the night before. FML

#16000939
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14835) - you deserved it (41412)

On 05/01/2011 at 4:20am - intimacy - by Username - United States

Today, my boyfriend, who is supposed to protect me from murderers and rapists, had an emotional breakdown because he was so excited that I'd cooked french fries for dinner. FML

#18833422
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14822) - you deserved it (23435)

On 01/17/2012 at 8:20am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia

Today, my husband was planning on getting me my favorite movie as an anniversary present; I ended up buying it. He had to give me the money and leave because he is severely arachnophobic and couldn't even pick up the box. I have to hide the movie for fear of it being destroyed. Again. FML

#20134119
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14808) - you deserved it (3676)

On 10/26/2012 at 11:20am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States



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