Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I went on a bad first date and the guy was more into it than me. I tried to scare him away by only speaking in robot voice, with robot arms. He thought it was adorable, and told me I reminded him of his mother. FML

#20098216
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12273) - you deserved it (23826)

On 10/02/2012 at 10:42am - love - by Queso Dog (woman) - Japan

Today, I realized my boyfriend uses sex as a way to get me to stop talking. FML

#19936379
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12272) - you deserved it (27880)

On 07/14/2012 at 7:15am - intimacy - by zstarr - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was watching a movie online. There was a 15 minute ad. 13 minutes into watching an ad about birth control, I noticed that there was a "skip this ad" button in the corner. FML

#15949369
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12265) - you deserved it (47630)

On 04/27/2011 at 2:33pm - misc - by popcorn - United States (California)

Today, I had to take a urine test. I drank a lot of water so that I wouldn't force it. When I got there, I had to pee really bad. The cup was too small and when I relieved my bladder, it was a jet that rebounded off of the cup and overflowed going all over my hands, clothes, toilet, and floor. FML

#6805799
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12261) - you deserved it (22334)

On 12/18/2009 at 1:42am - misc - by Tib (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was walking out of my girlfriend's house with her when I saw her thong drying on the rack. I picked it up, sniffed it and put it on my face as a joke. She replied with, "Those are my mother's." FML

#20461976
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12260) - you deserved it (47767)

On 01/16/2013 at 12:52am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my dad walked in on me singing "Bohemian Rhapsody", while spinning in circles with the cat in my arms. I thought I was home alone. FML

#12797830
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12258) - you deserved it (25773)

On 08/29/2010 at 12:54am - animals - by Hobbsie - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend and I were fooling around in his car when things got hot and heavy and we decided to climb in the back. After we finished we started to put our clothes back just as a someone's brights flooded into the car. It was a cop, and he had been there the entire time. FML

#5180905
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12244) - you deserved it (35868)

On 09/11/2009 at 12:23am - love - by suzanneallen (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. Devastated, he withered onto the floor into an inconsolable wreck in front of dozens of people. The ribbon of embarrassment that went down my spine was too much for me to handle, so I had to tell him I was "only joking." FML

#17901380
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12243) - you deserved it (38715)

On 10/04/2011 at 1:22am - love - by backtosquareone - Asia/Pacific Region

Today, I was woken by my alarm. I got really tangled up in my blankets, and struggled frantically to untangle myself so I could turn off the alarm. I not only kneed myself in the face, but I accidentally punched myself in the nuts too. Hard. FML

#8555278
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12236) - you deserved it (20106)

On 02/22/2010 at 2:51pm - misc - by sacked (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was in my room and I drew a Harry Potter lightning bolt on my forehead in eyeliner because it cheers me up. Then some friends came over, so we went out to get yogurt, and when I got back I realized the lightning bolt was still there. I'm in college. FML

#150971
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12221) - you deserved it (68547)

On 02/27/2009 at 3:57am - misc - by Fenny (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was suffering from a persistant, irritating itch on my butthole. Worried, I took a picture with my iPhone to get an idea of what was causing said itch. I never found the source, but my Mum and grandmother did, on the iPad. Thanks, Photo Stream. FML

#19208526
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12216) - you deserved it (27276)

On 03/03/2012 at 11:12am - health - by Buttscratcher (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I thought it would be funny to touch my girlfriend's back with my cold hands. She thought it would be funny to crush my left testicle with her knee as I was trying to fall asleep. FML

#6378966
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12199) - you deserved it (35601)

On 11/20/2009 at 10:51am - love - by inpain (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boss showed us a small picture of his family on his phone. Jokingly, I commented on how the orange shirt he was wearing reminded me of a big pumpkin. He wasn't wearing an orange shirt. His wife was. FML

#18390647
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12199) - you deserved it (24504)

On 11/30/2011 at 12:23am - work - by TheCrossingChick (woman) - United States (Nevada)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: