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Today, I finally got to a point where I could ask my mother about how enthusiastically she used to beat me. First sentence out of her mouth was, "It didn't change your behaviour, but it did make me feel better." FML

by MeAgainDr... / 11/13/2015 at 12:24am / Australia (Western Australia) / Health

Today, my mum thought it was perfectly acceptable to post a status on Facebook about how well she is healing up after her hemorrhoid surgery, and tag me in it. FML

by unacceptable / 06/04/2012 at 11:02am / Australia / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I brought to her attention a rather large zit on the corner of her mouth. She called me an insensitive prick. I only pointed it out because I didn't want other people to see it and make fun of her. FML

by pickit / 02/24/2010 at 9:26pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, at work, a regular started talking to me. Subject of choice? His overwhelming amount of earwax. Apparently he'd like to make a candle out of it once he goes to the doctor to get it removed. FML

by Breanne / 07/14/2011 at 11:25am / Canada (Manitoba) / Work

Today, I shaved my legs and armpits for the first time in 6 weeks. Unfortunately, I didn't have a hot date, I just had my yearly gyno exam. FML

by hairybetty / 01/04/2010 at 8:43pm / United States (Colorado) / Health

Today, I found out that I wasn't going to be a father. My best friend is going to be the father to my girlfriend's child, though. FML

by zefronke8 / 04/17/2016 at 2:01pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I picked up a warm blanket that just came out of the dryer. Despite wearing pants, the static electricity from the blanket delivered a shock straight to my crotch. FML

by Anonymous / 02/23/2012 at 1:01pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend. At the right moment, I got down on one knee. As I was reaching into my pocket to get the ring, she got so freaked out she kicked me in the face. I chipped a tooth and the ring flew off, and now I can't find it. FML

by sothatsano / 12/16/2015 at 3:56am / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, my boss sent me home from work because she saw me not checking under my customer's cart to see if they had any hidden groceries. I didn't check because the customer threatened to "kick my ass" if I "accused him of stealing" by checking. FML

by bad_luck / 12/31/2010 at 10:51am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work

Today, I was observing a children's class as a part of a training program. The teacher asked me to take one kid to the nurse's office because she wasn't feeling well. As soon as we step outside, I slip and fall down, taking the little girl with me. FML

by future teacher / 07/09/2015 at 2:21am / Paraguay (Central) / Kids

Today, I found out why this crazy bitch slashed the tires of my car to prevent me from going to my exam. It's because I'm supposedly the curve setter for the class and she wants to get into medical school without me fucking it up for her. FML

by notmyfault / 01/14/2016 at 5:21pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad finally used the electric shaver I bought him for Christmas. My dog now has bald patches. FML

by dumbdad / 12/28/2009 at 2:30am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I went over to my neighbours' to politely complain about their dog, which had been barking non-stop for hours. This issue has been going on for months, and I finally decided today, of all days, was the day to resolve it. When I got there, they'd just got home from giving birth at the hospital. FML

by Lentil / 01/31/2012 at 8:13am / Australia / Miscellaneous