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Today, an ultrasound tech complimented me on my "exceptionally full bladder". That's probably the best compliment I've received this week. FML

#21424908
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24596) - you deserved it (2259)

On 06/12/2015 at 9:02am - misc - by Jules7594 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, a guest at the hotel I work at started shouting at me. Apparently the street vendor selling sunglasses outside the hotel sold her a pair of 'genuine' Ray Bans for $5. She wanted me to phone the police because she realized two days later they were fake. FML

#21435445
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24597) - you deserved it (1651)

On 07/02/2015 at 4:25pm - love - by soo -

Today, someone put dog turds underneath all the decorative reindeers' butts in my front yard. The chief suspect is my curmudgeonly, holidays-hating fuckball of a neighbor. Last week he repositioned them in very suggestive poses. FML

#18565100
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24595) - you deserved it (5661)

On 12/20/2011 at 9:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I came home to find my eight-year-old son had basically set fire to the kitchen, after trying to practice some kind of stupid shit he'd seen on TV called "fire bending." FML

#20083631
362 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24596) - you deserved it (9498)

On 09/22/2012 at 2:11pm - kids - by SadDad (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has been cheating on me. I also found out that my best friend knew about it all along. When I confronted him, he tried to justify the betrayal by saying that she paid him to keep quiet. FML

#20000479
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24594) - you deserved it (1785)

On 08/03/2012 at 2:31pm - love - by gng2fckngkilluyoufckngfckr (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boss is on the phone with a Russian customer, who keeps saying, "Speak Russian please!" My boss asks me to translate, as he hired me for my knowledge of Russian. He says something, I translate in Russian, then the customer says, "Speak English please!" FML

#21434188
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24592) - you deserved it (1927)

On 06/30/2015 at 2:18am - work - by Claudine (woman) - Belgium (Liege)

Today, I found out my college friends are going to attack me after Christmas and attempt to tickle me to death. All because they know that I hate to be tickled. They are also going to make a Facebook group dedicated to the matter so people can join in if they wish. FML

#6908473
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24590) - you deserved it (5231)

On 12/23/2009 at 7:29pm - misc - by rie (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I said I wouldn't find her attractive in 20 years. What I actually said was that I wouldn't sleep with her mother now, who happens to be 20 years older than her. FML

#21460448
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24591) - you deserved it (3143)

On 08/25/2015 at 7:55am - love - by Shelling Ford - Germany (Bayern)

Today, I asked my boss for a raise. He gave me a cupcake. FML

#19235270
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24589) - you deserved it (3709)

On 03/07/2012 at 8:08pm - work - by Janitor (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I faced my fears. I've always had a weird fear of looking out of windows at night, afraid a face would suddenly appear. When I heard a strange noise outside, I looked out the window. Sure enough, the face of a man suddenly appeared. FML

#21509223
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24588) - you deserved it (1885)

On 12/29/2015 at 11:16pm - misc - by NeverLookingAgain (woman) - United States

Today, my dad finally used the electric shaver I bought him for Christmas. My dog now has bald patches. FML

#6987202
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24586) - you deserved it (3340)

On 12/28/2009 at 2:30am - animals - by dumbdad (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I took the lid off my slow cooker to serve up a casserole that had been 12 hours in the making. A cockroach took the opportunity to dive in. My husband and I are now eating toast, while the delicious smell of casserole taunts us from the trash. FML

Today, I was stung by a wasp. Startled, I stumbled and grabbed a nearby tree branch to regain my balance. The branch happened to be the location of the wasp's nest, which fell to the ground and split open. The wasps weren't happy. FML

#21476154
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24585) - you deserved it (1814)

On 10/04/2015 at 7:34pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (California)



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