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Today, my four-year-old son decided to bite my butt during prayer at church. The entire sanctuary heard me instinctively swear at him. FML

#19401263
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13698) - you deserved it (22783)

On 04/03/2012 at 2:19pm - kids - by potatoebee - United States (South Carolina)

Today, my boyfriend and I thought it'd be hot to have it off on the golf course once it was dark. Who would've thought that sprinklers start up once it's pitch dark. I got a lot wetter than I thought I would. FML

#11846185
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13695) - you deserved it (37172)

On 07/13/2010 at 4:31am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, at work I grabbed some customer keys off the board. I was checking out their cool flashlight keychain. At the exact moment I realized it wasn't a keychain, I pepper sprayed myself directly in the right eye. FML

Today, I had to use my butthole to negotiate with my husband so I can get a new tattoo. FML

#12753768
272 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13691) - you deserved it (47715)

On 08/26/2010 at 9:32am - intimacy - by H8TR (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, at 2 am on a Saturday, I purposely updated my Facebook status from my iPod so people will see that I posted from a 'mobile device' and think I'm out at a bar having a life, instead of sitting at home on my bed watching movies on my Netflix. FML

#12237713
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13691) - you deserved it (29232)

On 08/01/2010 at 1:05am - misc - by tbeemcgeebee - United States (New York)

Today, I noticed a car following me all the way to my house. It was dark so I got really nervous and called the police. The person got out of the car. It was my mom. FML

#3757766
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13689) - you deserved it (32785)

On 07/14/2009 at 9:16pm - misc - by dani911 (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I got bored and decided to try World Of Warcraft. FML

#2172
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13688) - you deserved it (25432)

On 01/22/2009 at 10:14am - misc - by insearch4i - United States (Arizona)

Today, it was pouring rain outside, I had 2 textbooks in my hands. I took a shortcut, and instead of running around the small pole that directed the line at the cafe, I decided to jump over it. In front of a group of guys, my foot got caught and I face planted with my books flying everywhere. FML

#1134670
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13674) - you deserved it (43036)

On 04/19/2009 at 9:40pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I was in the park for a walk when a ball rolled to my feet. Figuring it belonged to the kids not far off, I wound back and kicked. The ball had actually been kicked by someone else for their dog to chase and I ended up punting it in the head. FML

#2489611
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13673) - you deserved it (33876)

On 06/01/2009 at 12:50am - money - by steph (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I lost my dog. I looked around my neighborhood for hours, and found it under my bed asleep when I got home. FML

#16793307
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13668) - you deserved it (25690)

On 06/22/2011 at 1:48am - animals - by Morgan - United States (Texas)

Today, my mom told my girlfriend an embarrassing story about me, along the lines of whenever my parents would take me school clothes shopping, I'd cry because I hated all the choices they gave me. The most recent incident of this? Last year. I'm 18. FML

#18146377
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13668) - you deserved it (28655)

On 11/03/2011 at 10:23am - misc - by Czechplease - United States

Today, I was eating Star Wars gummy candies and I bit R2-D2 in half. My girlfriend looked at it and said "Oh look, now he's R1-D1". It was super cute, but I couldn't help thinking, "That's not how the numbering system works for droids." FML

#16657656
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13659) - you deserved it (47882)

On 06/14/2011 at 6:04am - misc - by techiefIve (man) - United States (California)

Today, I did a barbecue. My boss won't believe me tomorrow when I tell him that the main pages of his 2-months work file helped make the best sausages I've ever done. FML

#164
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13645) - you deserved it (24967)

On 10/30/2008 at 10:51am - work - by Sam - Canada (Quebec)



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