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Today, I slipped in a pile of vomit someone left for me on the train platform on the way to work, spraying puke all over both of my legs. It's only 6:30am. It's going to be a long day. FML

Today, I got a concussion while teaching a kid how to be a safe and cautious swimmer. FML

#18077732
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20740) - you deserved it (4686)

On 10/26/2011 at 12:31am - work - by rowanjusmc - United States (Missouri)

Today, my girlfriend decided that having OCD will help her lose weight. She is now convinced that walking in and out of doorways multiple times will burn fat. FML

#20033299
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20739) - you deserved it (2112)

On 08/21/2012 at 2:31am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)

Today, I spilled boiling water on my legs. A coworker told me that putting mustard on the burn would heal it. I ended up at the emergency room. When people walked by I could hear them say "it smells like hot dogs". FML

#19651204
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20734) - you deserved it (7953)

On 05/20/2012 at 11:03am - health - by jcdc - United States (Texas)

Today, after waiting a couple weeks, I finally slept with this guy I really like. It went like this: 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi, done. FML

#6002369
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20732) - you deserved it (4271)

On 10/26/2009 at 2:15am - intimacy - by kl (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, a male co-worker asked me in what shape I shave my pubic hair. Jokingly, I replied that I have a very nicely trimmed dodecahedron. Now he's telling everyone at work that I have a venereal disease. FML

#19954177
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20732) - you deserved it (6070)

On 07/18/2012 at 10:41am - work - by butterball (woman) - Israel (HaMerkaz)

Today, at work, I jumped under my desk in fear of a nuclear missile attack when the firestation next us let out its new awareness siren. I think I'm going insane. FML

#20410599
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20730) - you deserved it (7094)

On 12/21/2012 at 1:47am - misc - by Insane Guy (man) - United States

Today, whilst visiting an unfamiliar office site for work, I was conversing with my boss about the possibility of considering myself for a managing position in the future. I then unintentionally followed him to the bathroom whilst walking and texting. FML

Today, the only thing that managed to get me out of bed was scrambling to watch my neighbours have a screaming match in the middle of our street about which one of their brain-dead kids spray-painted "CUNT FLAPS" and a rudimentary knob on the communal garage door. FML

#17266152
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20726) - you deserved it (2649)

On 07/26/2011 at 10:05am - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was taking a relaxing bath. My cat decided to sit on the ledge, which is normal for her, but today she fell in. I never knew how painful it was to be scratched down there until today. FML

#20038908
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20727) - you deserved it (2433)

On 08/24/2012 at 5:33am - animals - by murphy22 - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, at university I was tearing off some "Help Japan" posters off the wall, figuring that they have been up for a while. Just as a group of visiting Japanese reporters passed by. FML

Today, I thought it would be a great idea to tell my co-worker to calm down when he appeared to be very uptight. He thought it would be a great idea to punch me right in the face. FML

#18037423
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20722) - you deserved it (11749)

On 10/21/2011 at 7:37am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my roommate came out of the bathroom, and asked me how the scales knew her weight in both pounds and kilos, even though "the exchange rate is always changing." I actually live with this idiot. FML



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