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Today, it's Friday the 13th. I've never been superstitious, and I figured it would be a normal day, that is until my hot water heater exploded and rained water into my downstairs neighbour's apartment for two hours before anyone noticed. FML

by Anonymous / 01/13/2012 at 1:58pm / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous

Today, I chaperoned a school dance. A song I knew came on, and, wanting to be the fun teacher, I danced around a little. The students then pointed and laughed. I graduated in '87 and high school still hurts. FML

by highschoolsucks / 10/04/2012 at 10:44pm / United States / Work

Today, someone thought it would be funny to switch the signs on the bathroom doors. Fortunately, I knew which was the men's and went on in. The startled old woman inside, however, did not. FML

by Anonymous / 02/12/2010 at 2:30pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dick of a neighbor tried to file a noise complaint against me, all because I have the flu and am sneezing a lot. FML

by ACCCHHHOOOO!!!!!!!!! -_- / 09/04/2015 at 11:48am / United States (Maryland) / Health

Today, after confessing my love for my best friend, he looked at me and said "I'm not feeling it. But does this mean we can have sex?" FML

by Boned...hard / 01/27/2010 at 7:09pm / Intimacy

Today, a customer berated me and told me to stop whining because I have to work on the weekend. What did I do to deserve this? I said, "Hi, how are you doing today?" FML

by retail hell / 07/12/2015 at 9:11am / United States (Connecticut) / Work

Today, at work, a customer told me how unprofessional my piercing made me look, and insisted that someone else wait on his table. It's not a piercing, it's a mole. FML

by Mmorgan771 / 08/04/2015 at 1:02pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I was driving back home after hanging out with some friends. I drove pass a woman standing next to a broken down car. I felt bad, so went back and offered her a ride home. Turns out it wasn't her car and she was a hooker. FML

by Anonymous / 03/09/2010 at 2:47am / United States (North Carolina) / Transportation

Today, I bought a pack of toothpicks. There were 500 of them. When I got home I accidentally dropped the pack. After twenty long minutes of picking them up, I dropped them again. FML

by S. / 08/26/2012 at 12:20pm / Estonia / Miscellaneous

Today, my co-worker handed me the phone and said it was my boyfriend calling, so I answered "Hello, Love!" It was my boss. FML

by Lukey1028 / 07/13/2015 at 9:07pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I was walking in my apartment when I felt something stab my foot. Thinking it was a piece of glass, I looked down. It was one of my roommate's toenail clippings. FML

by Grrr / 07/20/2012 at 3:58am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to a bar which has two stories. I was on the top floor and then went downstairs. As I was going down, I recognised a boy in a wheelchair and his friends trying to get him up. I helped and took the wheelchair. One of his friends decided it would be a good moment to steal my wallet. FML

by sadsadboy / 09/07/2015 at 5:20pm / Peru / Money

Today, I was in the shops and the lights all of a sudden went out. I got really scared for no reason because it was pitch black and grabbed onto my mum's hand. When the light's got turned on I was holding on to a random guy's hand. FML

by Gina / 04/02/2010 at 7:33am / Thailand (Krung Thep) / Miscellaneous