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Today, I had to go to the hospital to get a harmonica removed from my mouth. FML

#17675757
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12509) - you deserved it (23796)

On 09/05/2011 at 10:52pm - health - by wheezy (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out that the double spacing format in an essay refers to the space between each line, not the words. I've been pressing the space bar twice between each word all through high school and halfway through college. FML

#17821676
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12504) - you deserved it (75448)

On 09/24/2011 at 2:47pm - misc - by essay2 - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend said he wanted to marry me. Since he doesn't know my ring size he asked for me to find a ring that I liked and he would buy it and propose. The only problem is that he won't spend more than 200 dollars on it. Oh the generosity. FML

#9062529
439 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12500) - you deserved it (31264)

On 03/14/2010 at 12:04am - love - by anonymous - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, my daughter-in-law taught my 4-year-old grandson to burst into tears and yell, "Am I not good enough for you?" whenever I ask her if she's going to have any more children. FML

#18254436
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12500) - you deserved it (56727)

On 11/15/2011 at 10:16am - kids - by Margo (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was helping supervise a 5 year old's birthday party in an inflatable obstacle course. I was playing hide and seek with them. I saw the birthday boy and crept around the corner and yelled "Found you!" He peed his pants. FML

#37065
16 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12499) - you deserved it (30038)

On 02/13/2009 at 1:39pm - misc - by The V Sal - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was fooling around with my husband on the bed. I was excited as he lifted my arms up in a seductive way, only to roll deodorant under my armpits. FML

#19337633
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12490) - you deserved it (32148)

On 03/24/2012 at 8:14am - intimacy - by SG - United States

Today, after masturbating in the shower, I heard my phone go off outside the bathroom. After my mom saw me get my phone to check my messages she said "I think you're addicted to that", to which I said "but it feels so good and every guy does it." She was talking about how I text people a lot. FML

#2682803
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12487) - you deserved it (72003)

On 06/07/2009 at 2:47am - intimacy - by Jon (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my parents asked me if I had a nice time with my girlfriend at the amusement park I took her to yesterday. She was pretty freaked out by some of the rides so without thinking I said, "Yeah, but she sure is a screamer." My parents then exchange a look and say, "Oh trust us, we know." FML

#13836763
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12488) - you deserved it (27261)

On 11/14/2010 at 2:36am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Reserved

Today, at work a really hot guy came up to me and asked "what are your hours?" Excited, I told him I get off at 4 but might be able to get out sooner. He started laughing and then said "I meant your store hours". He turned around and walked away, shaking his head and laughing. FML

#8293432
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12474) - you deserved it (28191)

On 02/15/2010 at 9:29am - work - by Dumbdumb (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was pestering a co-worker, so she jokingly stated "I'll bury you!" and I replied "I'll bury your mom!". Her moms funeral was last week. FML

#34420
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12472) - you deserved it (42778)

On 02/12/2009 at 11:12pm - misc - by idkmybffjill? (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, after an argument with my pianist girlfriend about how bad my favourite song would sound on the piano, she stormed out of the room crying, leaving behind a CD. It was the piano version of the song she'd made for me. FML

#20528725
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12469) - you deserved it (71080)

On 03/02/2013 at 10:38pm - love - by douchegamer - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, while bitching some girl out for spilling coffee all over me, she looks at me with accepting eyes and says after I'd finished, "I can understand your anger, big girls like you get grumpy when they're hungry." FML

#17606800
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12466) - you deserved it (42823)

On 08/28/2011 at 5:41pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, thinking I was alone in a public bathroom, I started singing the words to my favorite song. A minute later that I heard a toilet flush, so I just sat there petrified. The other person sarcastically picked up the singing from where I left off. FML

#17439919
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12464) - you deserved it (32308)

On 08/11/2011 at 12:09pm - misc - by bathroomgirl (woman) - United States (California)



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