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Today, my family got together for a big game of paintball. My grandpa wanted to play too, but I told him he was a bit too old for such a rough sport. He joined anyway, and spent the whole 2 hours hunting my dumb ass down. I'm now in constant pain after being riddled with paintballs. FML

#20941762
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21500) - you deserved it (50451)

On 11/01/2013 at 7:55pm - health - by nl4 (man) - Israel (Tel Aviv)

Today, I found out that since no other procedures are working, I was required to stop eating, and drink a bunch of foul tasting 'goo', which will in turn give me constant diarrhea. This will then prepare me nicely for the long tube with a camera on the end of which will be shoved up my rectum. FML

#14630970
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21499) - you deserved it (3304)

On 01/18/2011 at 8:51pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I got a brand new couch. My husband told me to keep our puppy off of it so we could keep it nice. She jumped on it, and as I picked her up to put her back on the floor, her claws dragged across it and ripped 2 of the cushions. FML

#13050784
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21499) - you deserved it (8677)

On 09/14/2010 at 5:46pm - misc - by miss Suzanne - United States (New York)

Today, I managed to multitask too much at work. I turned around, adjusted my glasses, swept hair out of my face, and blinked. In the process I walked into my manager, causing me to simultaneously punch myself in the mouth. FML

#12097441
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21498) - you deserved it (6342)

On 07/25/2010 at 2:13am - work - by longday (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was texting a friend of mine. She mentioned it was her dad's birthday. I typed "Tell him Happy Birthday for me!" and as I pressed send I remember her dad was dead. FML

#3169112
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21497) - you deserved it (42741)

On 06/24/2009 at 8:11am - misc - by blind (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, I woke up at midnight crying, stood up to turn on the lights and face-planted into my wall. FML

#18642505
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21497) - you deserved it (4326)

On 12/29/2011 at 7:01am - health - by Girl-of-very-little-brain (woman) - Canada

Today, I let a friend borrow a power saw. When I found it on my porch later, the blade was missing and the cord was cut. Looking closer, I realized it was his saw. He kept my new one. He totally denies that he switched them and now won't answer his door. FML

#20128630
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21497) - you deserved it (1893)

On 10/22/2012 at 6:34pm - misc - by petra84 - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was sitting in on a boring presentation at work. I yawned and shifted in my chair, accidentally sitting on my testicles. I shrieked in pain and spent the next five minutes choking back tears, while my boss told me to shut my mouth and stop fucking around. FML

#20066447
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21495) - you deserved it (7393)

On 09/10/2012 at 5:20pm - work - by kevcng (man) - United States

Today, I got into a car crash, in my own garage. FML

#20643761
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21492) - you deserved it (41234)

On 05/05/2013 at 7:51pm - misc - by LilaTheGreat - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I discovered that just because I got my braces removed does not mean my painful mouth ulcers will stop. I now have them under my tongue. I can't even lick my lips. FML

#14541152
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21491) - you deserved it (2318)

On 01/11/2011 at 1:38am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, my manager came into the dog grooming salon I work at, lecturing about the importance of staying out of a dog's "bite zone". Right then, the dog I was working on bit me. FML

#18765091
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21490) - you deserved it (3970)

On 01/10/2012 at 7:50am - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I moved into my aunt's house. She had a little too much fun in the sixties and now tells everyone about her many imagined conquests, including her church minister and several has-been celebrities. As a plus, I discovered she has a habit of wandering around the house in the nude. FML

#8920023
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21490) - you deserved it (3233)

On 03/08/2010 at 2:31pm - misc - by Kristopher (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my husband had a temper tantrum because I wouldn't get him a chocolate bar at the store register. FML

#20031596
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21488) - you deserved it (5514)

On 08/20/2012 at 8:12am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)



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