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Today, I was informed, after being broken up with, that my girlfriend's father only set her up with me so that she would have more motivation to shower on a regular basis. He actually yelled at me for being broken up with. FML

by Anonymouss / 06/24/2015 at 11:54pm / United States / Love

Today, I was video chatting with my boyfriend, when his doorbell rang. He said it was his friend and that he'd be back soon. He shut off his video feed but forgot to mute his audio. A few minutes later, I heard him and some orgasm-faking girl getting it on in the background. FML

by Anonymous / 04/21/2016 at 4:28pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I came back from a holiday and the friend who'd been looking after my cats returned my spare key. When I wanted to put some relaxing music on, I noticed that he'd switched most of my CDs around in their cases. I have over a thousand of them. Very funny, thanks. FML

by Veryfunny / 02/23/2012 at 6:52pm / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, it's Friday the 13th. I've never been superstitious, and I figured it would be a normal day, that is until my hot water heater exploded and rained water into my downstairs neighbour's apartment for two hours before anyone noticed. FML

by Anonymous / 01/13/2012 at 1:58pm / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my college friends are going to attack me after Christmas and attempt to tickle me to death. All because they know that I hate to be tickled. They are also going to make a Facebook group dedicated to the matter so people can join in if they wish. FML

by rie / 12/23/2009 at 7:29pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was in the shops and the lights all of a sudden went out. I got really scared for no reason because it was pitch black and grabbed onto my mum's hand. When the light's got turned on I was holding on to a random guy's hand. FML

by Gina / 04/02/2010 at 7:33am / Thailand (Krung Thep) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a graded performance in my drama class. I had to play a murderer in an interrogation room. I got really into it and started pounding on the windows to try to "escape". The thin glass smashed. Four hours in casualty, stitches and plastic surgery pretty much sum up my mood. FML

by anonymous / 09/16/2011 at 1:18pm / United Kingdom (West Sussex) / Health

Today, I went to buy some Ibuprofen and got asked for ID. You have to be over 16 to buy it. I'm 25. FML

by noneoftheabove / 01/28/2009 at 12:21am / United Kingdom (Nottingham) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I were watching TV and there were penguins laying eggs. He said, "Penguins are mammals, they don't lay eggs." I replied, "Penguins are birds." We fought about it for ages until he realised that I was right, and has since stopped talking to me. FML

by difference between birds and mammals. / 09/02/2012 at 8:10pm / Australia / Animals

Today, I was reciting lines for a play that I'm in. It was going great, until I realized that I was actually reciting my scripted sales pitch from my telemarketing job. FML

by sales ham / 03/06/2013 at 12:44am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I bought a pack of toothpicks. There were 500 of them. When I got home I accidentally dropped the pack. After twenty long minutes of picking them up, I dropped them again. FML

by S. / 08/26/2012 at 12:20pm / Estonia / Miscellaneous

Today, I was driving back home after hanging out with some friends. I drove pass a woman standing next to a broken down car. I felt bad, so went back and offered her a ride home. Turns out it wasn't her car and she was a hooker. FML

by Anonymous / 03/09/2010 at 2:47am / United States (North Carolina) / Transportation

Today, I failed my driving test. I've been a legal driver in my home country for 8 years, but can't pass the test here. FML

by Anonymous / 11/10/2010 at 12:56pm / United Kingdom (Edinburgh) / Transportation