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Today, my boyfriend and I snuck into the bathroom together at his house for a quickie. Just as we unzipped our pants, his step-dad knocked on the door. Panicking, I jumped into the closet to hide. When his step-dad came in, he went to put some towels away. In the closet. FML

#17355193
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13571) - you deserved it (37067)

On 08/03/2011 at 1:03pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I saw my upstairs neighbor outside getting the mail. She asked how my day was, and then apologized that the sound of her baby's crying through the walls kept me up last night. Apparently she heard me when I yelled at 2am for her fucking demon spawn to shut up. FML

#18086804
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13570) - you deserved it (34706)

On 10/27/2011 at 2:41am - misc - by Deborah - United States

Today, I went to my doctor to get the morning after pill. I explained to her that the condom broke and I was nervous. She simply asked me "when" so I replied "...towards the end". I didn't realize she was really asking what day this happened. FML

#2503309
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13569) - you deserved it (59362)

On 06/01/2009 at 4:11pm - intimacy - by embarrassed (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, while finishing up raking leaves, I decided it would be a fun idea to jump into them. After rolling around in the leaves for a bit, I smelled something funny. Turns out I was rolling around in dog shit. FML

#6226609
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13564) - you deserved it (33075)

On 11/09/2009 at 10:18am - animals - by Kirta (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I finally met the guy I've been talking to online for a year. I'd dropped 10lbs off my weight. He'd shaved 20 years off his age. FML

#11364418
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13564) - you deserved it (34660)

On 06/21/2010 at 8:27pm - love - by keisha89 (woman) - United States

Today, I got expelled from school. I was walking down a flight of stairs when I tripped and bumped into a kid ahead of me by mistake. He fell forward and took half a dozen people down with him. The staff think I did it on purpose, and there's talk of charges being pressed. FML

#21220439
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13564) - you deserved it (1019)

On 07/25/2014 at 4:19pm - misc - by asshalf15 (man) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted to spice up our sex life, so we went and had sex in the park. We had 30 minutes of "spice", just to spend seven hours in jail. FML

#16954796
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13562) - you deserved it (44747)

On 07/02/2011 at 11:01pm - intimacy - by T-Guy (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I woke up, rolled over, and kissed the boy who was peacefully sleeping next to me, cheerfully saying, "Good morning, baby!" That boy is my dog. FML

#16284228
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13559) - you deserved it (30628)

On 05/21/2011 at 5:29pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Denmark

Today, I walked into work to see my boss's hot son. I wanted him to notice me, so I did my "sexy walk". I then slipped and fell onto my desk, broke my desk, and sprained my wrist. Oh he noticed me alright. FML

#11105211
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13558) - you deserved it (44612)

On 06/10/2010 at 3:26pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was masturbating, and out of the corner of my eye I saw a figure. It was my neighbor staring at me through the window with a total look of disgust. I moved in this weekend and hadn't yet introduced myself to her. FML

#19277377
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13549) - you deserved it (28180)

On 03/14/2012 at 3:31pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, at the gas station I work a lady called wanting to know the "password" and if I was okay. Thinking it was a prank I hung up. A couple of minutes later she called back, this time asking if I could see the cops outside and telling me I'd be alright. I saw four of 'em. I'd hit the silent alarm by accident. FML

#4649548
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13544) - you deserved it (35470)

On 08/19/2009 at 3:53am - work - by Keldar (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got arrested for shoplifting. I don't know what's worse, that I stole a one dollar bottle of chocolate milk, or that I didn't have the dollar to pay for it. FML

#15304512
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13544) - you deserved it (68739)

On 03/14/2011 at 3:32am - money - by kb10 -

Today, I received the results of the exams that I re-took in order to improve my grades. I got exactly the same grades as before in all four exams. Point for point identical. FML

#19237669
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13543) - you deserved it (16273)

On 03/08/2012 at 3:06am - work - by stuckonrepeat (woman) - United Kingdom (Hampshire)



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