Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, a stuffed ferret was the latest addition to the list of weird items my colleagues have found in our rubbish tip, and that they put in my office. The list also includes explicit fetish porn playing cards, live ammo and dead pheasants, to name a few. I need a new job. FML

#19220268
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18086) - you deserved it (2155)

On 03/05/2012 at 11:36am - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Gateshead)

Today, I was at work at Panera. A blind woman came in, ordered and said other blind people were going to come in soon, because they were having a meeting. Later, a man comes in and ask if any other blind people had showed up. I told him there was just one in here wearing a blue shirt. FML

#697530
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18081) - you deserved it (85174)

On 03/30/2009 at 2:18am - misc - by superstar (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I caught my mom trying to get secretly smashed out of her brain-box on booze at 8:00am. FML

#14389262
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18073) - you deserved it (2447)

On 12/30/2010 at 12:08am - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my dog somehow managed to swallow a ring that my mother had bought me. Now I must carefully poke and search through each pile of dog crap I find in my yard for the next week. FML

#19971657
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18073) - you deserved it (2423)

On 07/21/2012 at 11:58pm - animals - by summerbabe77 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I thought my house was being broken into in the dead of night. Frightened, I dismounted a floor lamp as a make-shift weapon and crept through the house, channelling my inner Ellen Ripley. It turned out to be the wireless printer with a paper jam. FML

#13847901
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18072) - you deserved it (6087)

On 11/15/2010 at 12:08am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I was driving home, when some kid on a motorbike shot in front of me from the pavement, almost running me off the road. When I confronted him, he screamed, "Watch where you're going next time!" If I could flush every last one of these human turds from the toilet of life, I would. FML

#19698892
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18072) - you deserved it (3034)

On 05/29/2012 at 1:10pm - misc - by cunting cunts (man) - United Kingdom (Ealing)

Today, my boyfriend and I were laying in his bed. I was watching the Terminator on T.V. A commercial came on in the middle of the movie. We just started having sex when the movie came back on he said "I'll be back." in the Arnold Schwartzenegger accent and rolled over to watch the movie. FML

#6705813
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18073) - you deserved it (3951)

On 12/11/2009 at 4:26am - intimacy - by Tee (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my boyfriend told me I smell like his grandma's house. FML

#19477089
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18072) - you deserved it (4419)

On 04/16/2012 at 2:53am - misc - by hdgyfjdzdfg (woman) - United States

Today, the roads were OK, so I cleaned the ice and snow off my car so I could go out. I rolled my window down a little bit while I was driving to clear the snow off the base of the window. A chunk of ice flew off my hood, in through the window, and hit my eye. I then hit a snowbank. FML

#8452983
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18068) - you deserved it (4975)

On 02/19/2010 at 7:37pm - misc - by ouch - United States

Today, I had to admit that I desperately need anti-anxiety medication. Apparently, when you walk around a grocery store avoiding eye contact and generally acting "sketchy", management will call the police on you, who will then pat you down to be sure you aren't shoplifting. FML

#20086255
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18061) - you deserved it (2086)

On 09/24/2012 at 3:18am - health - by AnxietyGirl - United States (Colorado)

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. Right as she orgasmed, she screamed out Megatron's name. When I later confronted her about this, she said that she always had a crush on him and wanted to be queen of the Decepticons. I've been dating this lunatic for a year and half now. FML

#20056354
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18059) - you deserved it (23392)

On 09/03/2012 at 9:02pm - intimacy - by Loserbot (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, someone told me they liked my personality when i'm drunk. I asked, "what about when I'm sober?". "No, only when you're drinking." FML

#2422
15 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18059) - you deserved it (3194)

On 01/24/2009 at 9:53am - misc - by the-yao - United States (California)

Today, I realized that the only thing I learned from my first serious relationship was how to fake an orgasm. FML

#6024374
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18058) - you deserved it (4121)

On 10/27/2009 at 2:49pm - intimacy - by kjirut (woman) - Norway (Oslo)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • The Xmas illustrated FML
  • Here we go, final lap before Christmas is finally upon us. Although, you could say we've been subjected to quite a few strains of Christmas already. The decorations are up since mid-August, and certain family…

Friday 19 December 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: