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Today, I took my dog for a walk down by the river. I was throwing sticks for him with one hand and talking on the phone with the other. Then I accidentally threw my phone in the river instead of the stick and was standing there talking to the stick while my phone sat at the bottom of the river. FML

#102926
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17344) - you deserved it (56203)

On 02/22/2009 at 9:52am - animals - by El Boz (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I accidentally deep throated a fork. FML

#17150480
278 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17343) - you deserved it (34457)

On 07/17/2011 at 3:15pm - intimacy - by CaoiiBieber - Ireland

Today, I was driving my car like any ordinary day. My dad has been harping on me about not checking the oil, so I finally checked it. Driving down the road my hood flew up and shattered my windshield. I forgot to latch my hood after checking the oil. $300 for a new windshield. The oil was fine. FML

#899403
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17342) - you deserved it (56832)

On 04/10/2009 at 10:35am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, I was running on a track above a basketball court. I noticed several cute guys playing a pick-up game, so I tried to run my hardest. Not paying attention, I didn't hear when they warned me about the ball flying towards me. It hit me in the head, I then ran into a wall and face-planted. FML

#1739978
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17341) - you deserved it (36463)

On 05/08/2009 at 12:18am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I bought myself a pair of beautiful, hand-crafted earrings with lighthouses on them. My mother was quick to point out the lighthouses look like dicks. I don't think I can ever wear them again. FML

Today, my girlfriend confronted me for forgetting to take the trash out. At some point during the argument, I tried to calm her down, and the words "I should of" escaped my lips. She spent the next ten minutes calling me stupid and laughing at how my grammar goes to hell when I'm distressed. FML

#20185423
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17337) - you deserved it (4243)

On 11/30/2012 at 2:30pm - love - by Gus (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, while traveling with my cat, I had a mini-freakout when I realized that I left his favorite toy in the hotel room. I'm a 30-year-old man. FML

#20030776
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17336) - you deserved it (8435)

On 08/19/2012 at 10:19pm - animals - by speshlk37 (man) - United States

Today, the bus came to pick up my daughter to take her to kindergarten. When it honked, I opened the door for her to let her run out to it. Halfway there she tripped and started crying. I couldn't run out because I was still in my underwear. Now her bus thinks I'm the worst mom ever. FML

#15313960
292 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17335) - you deserved it (38665)

On 03/14/2011 at 10:25pm - kids - by mommylovesu (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was recorded a video for my friend on her wall, I forgot to click "stop recording" and got undressed for a shower. When I got out of the shower I noticed I hadn't posted it. A few minutes later I started getting a lot of notifications. Everyone was commenting on my nude video. FML

#154846
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17331) - you deserved it (46484)

On 02/27/2009 at 6:15pm - misc - by paige (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I went to pick my date up at her house. When I got to the door, her dad answered. We talked for a little bit and he told me to take his 1958 Corvette. I politely refused and he told me, "If I can trust you with my daughter, I can trust you with my car." I crashed into his mailbox. FML

#6322729
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17330) - you deserved it (34503)

On 11/16/2009 at 2:32am - love - by Manstobe92 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was trying on clothes in a store that had just screens set up for changing. As I took off the first pair of pants had I tried on, my foot got hooked in the cuff and I fell out in my underwear in front of the whole store. FML

#2472
13 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17330) - you deserved it (2385)

On 01/24/2009 at 6:28pm - misc - by Teen - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I babysat my neighbour's spoilt bratty twins. When I told them it was their bed time, they pushed me over. One then started smashing me with a plastic sword, and as I lay helpless on the floor the other one peed on me. I got owned by two five year olds. FML

#13587317
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17325) - you deserved it (27801)

On 10/25/2010 at 6:06am - misc - by peestain (man) - United Kingdom (Bristol)

Today, while at my job as a hostess, I was seating a couple and their adorable little girl. I tried to ask how old she was, but what came out was, "Aww, what breed is she?" FML

#18039986
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17324) - you deserved it (31331)

On 10/21/2011 at 5:27pm - work - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)



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