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Today, my girlfriend told me I look like a fish gasping for breath when I "finish" during sex. FML

#8605732
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16441) - you deserved it (3837)

On 02/24/2010 at 12:05am - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Montana)

Today, yet again, I was getting intimate with my shower head. Some complete genius decided to flush the toilet downstairs halfway through, which sent scalding-hot water all up in my privates. I've yet to find a comfortable sitting position. FML

#20046536
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16439) - you deserved it (38323)

On 08/28/2012 at 5:22pm - intimacy - by Bethany (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I saw Les Misérables. I was singing along to one of the songs when the guy next to me dumped his soda over my head and told me to shut up. FML

#20447311
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16437) - you deserved it (91712)

On 01/08/2013 at 12:34am - misc - by maddiecat - United States (Missouri)

Today, I finally came to terms with the fact that my girlfriend considers me a glorified ATM. FML

#16144960
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16435) - you deserved it (27745)

On 05/12/2011 at 3:25pm - love - by ClearOne (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I found out that the little arrow next to my gas gauge actually points to the side of the car where the tank is. For the past year-and-a-half I've been sticking my head out the window and even calling my parents to ask which side it was on, because I can never remember. FML

#21071932
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16434) - you deserved it (46002)

On 02/26/2014 at 2:18am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I had to give a reference for a former employee. I tried to say he was always willing to give us a hand on the job. Instead, I said he was always willing to give us hand-jobs. FML

#16448858
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16426) - you deserved it (27796)

On 06/01/2011 at 8:35am - intimacy - by Username - Canada

Today, I sold my Xbox 360 on Craigslist. I met the dude at the mall. I gave him my Xbox and a handshake for buying. I left without the money. FML

#16294930
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16425) - you deserved it (63689)

On 05/22/2011 at 9:53am - money - by Derek Lee - United States (California)

Today, I tried to make my mom feel better about me leaving for camp for 2 weeks by saying I wish she would come too. She took me seriously and called the camp and is now a camp counselor there. The only problem is I lied about going to the camp, and I'm really going to my boyfriend's lake house. FML

#3957207
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16420) - you deserved it (75289)

On 07/22/2009 at 5:31pm - misc - by grounded4life (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I saw my dad help himself to a sex stamina drink. He and mom share the hotel bed next to mine. FML

#7336128
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16414) - you deserved it (1961)

On 01/14/2010 at 9:54am - intimacy - by windskurfer - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was watching a movie with my new boyfriend. I got tired so I thought it would be cute to fall asleep on him. He woke me up and said "You got me wet" Thinking it was a joke, I said smoothly, "That's what she said" He replied "No really." I looked down, I'd drooled all over his shirt. FML

#4320217
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16406) - you deserved it (36736)

On 08/05/2009 at 10:23pm - misc - by drooler (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend got off for real for the first time during sex. Apparently, he's been faking it for the past two months. I didn't even know guys could do that. FML

#9205385
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16407) - you deserved it (20748)

On 03/19/2010 at 12:11am - intimacy - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my teacher was giving a lecture about human genetics and how they are passed on to children. She projected a large picture of a baby on to the screen in the front of the room. I then proceded to joke about how this ugly baby must have some very unattractive parents. It was her baby. FML

#627489
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16404) - you deserved it (108943)

On 03/26/2009 at 6:44pm - misc - by biggmouth - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, to save money, I wanted to fix my own leaky roof instead of hiring someone. When I got on the roof, the ladder fell. As it was falling, it broke three windows and snagged the siding of my house ripping over half of it off. FML

#11803226
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16399) - you deserved it (26079)

On 07/11/2010 at 1:15am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)



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