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Today, I was feeling sick, so I called my boyfriend who lives down the street to come and keep me company. He replied with, "no, I can't come over, I'm busy, I'm playing xbox." FML

by vidzgrl / 01/28/2009 at 2:51pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I woke up with a pimple on my eyelid. Not only is it impossible to cover up with makeup, I can't pop it either. Now I'll be spending the rest of the day trying not to blink. FML

by CantBlink / 07/16/2012 at 2:25pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, after a week of sporting what I thought was a flattering pixie cut, I realised that without my long hair, my body shape closely resembles a snowman's. FML

by Karin / 08/13/2011 at 4:29pm / Germany (Berlin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to a 'haunted' theme park, actors had been trying to scare me the whole night. I was waiting by an outdoor heater for my friend when a hand came out of nowhere close to my face. I screamed at the top of my lungs, but it was only some chick wanting to warm her hands by the heater. FML

by mack / 10/25/2009 at 4:54am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friends are going to see "The Social Network". They talked about it all through dinner, even though I was sitting right there and I hadn't been invited. When I asked about it, one of them said, "You wouldn't be interested", presumably because I don't use Facebook. He doesn't either. FML

by Anonymous / 10/01/2010 at 9:52pm / United States (California) / Geek

Today, after hanging up the phone, I realised that telemarketers are my only form of social life. FML

by oxbonxo / 02/07/2011 at 3:38am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was in the shower, when I heard my daughter scream and shout, "Mommy, mommy! Help! Come quick!" I panicked and rushed downstairs without even looking for a towel to cover myself, all so I could find out she'd just gotten a piece of dirt on her shoe. FML

by Sh*t / 07/02/2012 at 5:17pm / Venezuela (Distrito Federal) / Kids

Today, I was suntanning outside, when I had a bout of nausea. I rushed to the toilet, hoping at all costs to just dry-heave it away. When I lifted the lid, I was faced with two of the most rancid floaters I've ever seen, courtesy of my live-in gran. Well, my stomach's empty now. FML

by rainbows? more like shitstorms / 08/16/2012 at 8:22pm / United States / Health

Today, I went to a job interview, and my father in law's house. As soon as I got home I went to the bathroom and noticed my bloody pantyliner had fallen out at one of these places. I don't know which one is worse. FML

by organizse / 06/20/2015 at 10:03am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a text from the guy I've been in love with for 3 years, saying: "So um, I've been wondering. Did you used to be a man?" FML

by butchapparently / 08/10/2015 at 11:35am / Love

Today, I discovered that nothing kills a wet dream faster than a kitten who pounces on things that wiggle under the blanket. FML

by JohnB / 10/19/2009 at 8:43pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, while swimming in my neighborhood pool, I noticed what looked like several cigarettes resting at the bottom and decided to investigate. Turns out it was actually just a used, bloody tampon that had spent enough time underwater to be broken into multiple pieces, and spread across the pool. FML

by Anonymous / 07/02/2015 at 6:31pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was talking to the guy that has been in love with me for two years. He said "There is a shortage of perfect breasts in the world. It would be a shame to lose yours." He then creepily looked at me and said "It's true." Thanks, Princess Bride, for supplying creepers with material. FML

by creeped / 12/28/2009 at 7:50pm / United States (Ohio) / Love