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Today, I was given a lapdance by a pregnant stripper. FML

#19720443
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13877) - you deserved it (36396)

On 06/02/2012 at 11:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, at my anniversary party and in front of all our friends, I accidentally called my husband-to-be by my ex-boyfriend's name. FML

#17163973
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13872) - you deserved it (43187)

On 07/18/2011 at 2:23pm - love - by Daria_Weiner (woman) - Russian Federation (Moscow City)

Today, I was stopped and searched by a cop, and he quickly found the bag of weed in my pocket. He didn't arrest or fine me, but he did confiscate my weed and told me to "get lost." Pretty sure I just got legally mugged. FML

#19449472
462 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13868) - you deserved it (36195)

On 04/11/2012 at 12:25pm - misc - by erockinthesuburb (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was working and eating. I was so tired that I crunched my pen and crushed my chocolate-filled pastry on my exercise book. FML

#479
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13861) - you deserved it (5677)

On 12/09/2008 at 8:50am - misc - by Heyme - Sent from mobile version

Today, my boyfriend, who's a bit older than me, introduced me to his daughter. I was expecting a toddler. Nope, she's a year older than me. FML

#6698211
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13860) - you deserved it (34716)

On 12/10/2009 at 7:28pm - misc - by ohcrap (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a romantic moment when I made a Star Wars reference. I don't know what's worse, the fact that I said it or the fact that he seemed more turned on by it. FML

#17170147
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13860) - you deserved it (29886)

On 07/18/2011 at 11:23pm - intimacy - by RobinBunny713 - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was sitting at the computer when this really annoying fly kept landing on the keyboard. After a while, I took the bottom of a pen and squished it. Twenty minutes later I absentmindedly started chewing at the bottom of the pen. FML

#4321339
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13859) - you deserved it (56433)

On 08/05/2009 at 11:04pm - animals - by dumbblonde (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was walking with the dog. I was throwing a stick in the lake so he could get it (he loves swimming). A friend called me. After I was done calling another friend came by, and we went talking for a while. When my dog barked, I accidentally threw my iPhone in the water instead of his stick. FML

#12753740
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13859) - you deserved it (36689)

On 08/26/2010 at 9:27am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - Netherlands (Noord-Brabant)

Today, I decided to start my exercise video routine. It's an African dance workout DVD. Just as I felt confident and motivated about getting in shape, I realized that my window was wide open and my neighbors were getting a front row seat to me waving my arms in the air like an idiot. FML

#15855723
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13855) - you deserved it (22422)

On 04/20/2011 at 4:27am - misc - by JenniWearsPrada -

Today, at the gym, I see a person laying unconscious on the ground with people crowded around. Previously being a lifeguard, and knowing CPR, I ran over and asked a man what happened, preparing to check his vitals. I then realized that the body was a dummy and the employees were doing a drill. FML

#50610
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13850) - you deserved it (26625)

On 02/16/2009 at 12:35am - misc - by thedullard (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, it was lovely outside so I decided to tan outside. I burn pretty easily, so I put on sunscreen. I fell asleep on my side, so when I woke up, I had a massive burn on only one side of my body, with sunglass lines. Tomorrow, I have a job interview. I'm going to go in looking like a racoon. FML

#1114607
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13847) - you deserved it (49870)

On 04/19/2009 at 11:17am - misc - by racoonface - United States

Today, my parents finally invited my boyfriend over for dinner. Everything was going great until my mother asked him his profession. He stuffed his mouth full of lasagna, snorted, and then responded, "I clean shit for a living." FML

#14256786
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13844) - you deserved it (21597)

On 12/19/2010 at 2:46am - love - by lovecrisis247 - United States (Texas)

Today, I got a call from my daughter's pre-school. Apparently, she is being suspended, for answering; "What do your parents do at home?" She told them, "My parents fuck." FML

#6712384
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13842) - you deserved it (34890)

On 12/11/2009 at 7:45pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)



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