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Today, I was applying some Icy Hot to my sore thighs, when I accidentally got a little on my dime sacks. For the next hour, it felt like someone had lit a match under my plums. FML

#14345671
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9893) - you deserved it (22632)

On 12/26/2010 at 12:59pm - health - by person - Jordan (Amman Governorate)

Today, I found out that driving for 2 weeks on 3/4 of a tank doesn't mean my truck magically got more efficient, it means my gas gauge is broken. FML

#19092080
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9892) - you deserved it (25077)

On 02/16/2012 at 7:49am - misc - by Kramer - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got a bikini wax. They said it wouldn't hurt too badly, and that it would just sting. My friend heard me screaming from all the way down the hall in the waiting room. FML

#19739055
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9890) - you deserved it (15465)

On 06/05/2012 at 3:42pm - misc - by higgles15 (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my cousin told me that the stop signs outlined with a white line were optional. Later, a cop pulled me over, when I asked why he said, "You ran that stop sign back there." I explained what my cousin had told me and he looked at me funny and replied, "All stop signs have a white outline." FML

#3593613
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9887) - you deserved it (93344)

On 07/08/2009 at 9:34pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I saw my boyfriend for the first time in a while. When he came over we realized that we had not only gotten the same haircut, but we were also wearing the same sweater. We are a matching old couple at 17. FML

#8764219
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9886) - you deserved it (20567)

On 03/02/2010 at 12:15am - love - by oldandmarriedapparently (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was speaking to my mother on the phone, when she mentioned that my dad had surprised her last week with a pearl necklace. Before I could quite grasp what was going on, I'd popped a boner and visualised the scene. What the hell is wrong with me? FML

#19987975
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9887) - you deserved it (36434)

On 07/27/2012 at 8:30pm - intimacy - by clayton (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, when I went to pay for my groceries, I accidentally handed the cashier a condom instead of my $20. FML

#19902817
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9883) - you deserved it (22888)

On 07/07/2012 at 12:08am - misc - by totallyembarassed - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my pants felt a little looser than usual. Thinking I'd lost weight, I proudly went about my day. It wasn't until much later that I realised I hadn't lost any weight at all; my fly was down. FML

#16284011
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9882) - you deserved it (24728)

On 05/21/2011 at 5:16pm - misc - by woodchuck0022 - Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador)

Today, my coworker told me that the framed picture our boss put on her desk last week was not, as I originally thought, a picture of her father, but a picture of Rupert Murdoch. FML

#999
8 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9881) - you deserved it (2487)

On 01/12/2009 at 11:03am - work - by newscorp employee - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I send a text message to my ex-boyfriend, who dumped me four months ago, telling him to come back. His answer: "feeling-wise I won't come back to you, but sexually, why not". FML

#602
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9872) - you deserved it (20202)

On 12/26/2008 at 2:53am - intimacy - by Laloose - Sent from mobile version

Today, I brought my boyfriend home, and I introduced him to my parents. Afterwards, I took him to my room so we could have some "bonding" time. Right as things got pretty intense, I heard my dad yell, "Stop faking, honey." FML

#19643337
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9871) - you deserved it (27312)

On 05/18/2012 at 7:01pm - intimacy - by iris (woman) - Portugal (Lisboa)

Today, I took my daughter to the lake. She told me she had to go to the bathroom and I whispered to her "just pee in the lake, it's fine, but go in a little deeper." She went in the lake and turned to me to yell "MOM, IS THIS DEEP ENOUGH FOR ME TO PEE?" FML

#3804490
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9870) - you deserved it (52491)

On 07/16/2009 at 3:04pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was the best man at a wedding and I was flirting with a cute bridesmaid. Then this old guy decides to give the newlyweds a toast. He made a crappy joke and barely anybody laughed. So I say to the girl, "Wow that sucked, who the hell does he think he is?" The girl replies, "That's my dad". FML

#1223520
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9870) - you deserved it (65115)

On 04/22/2009 at 2:24pm - misc - by derranged - China (Tianjin)



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  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

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