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Today, in a rush to get my clothes back on at my girlfriend's house at the sound of her parents opening the front door, I forgot to take the condom off. Her dad watched it fall out of my pant leg and onto the kitchen floor. FML

#19710621
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19093) - you deserved it (39644)

On 05/31/2012 at 4:53pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, after having recently moved into shared accommodations, my prankster of a room-mate has somehow made sure I've yet again woken up with a tampon in my mouth. It's been three times in the past week. FML

#20036157
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19093) - you deserved it (1837)

On 08/22/2012 at 7:10pm - misc - by idontbleedfromthere (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up to a glorious sunrise, fresh coffee, and a bleached lawn. My neighbors on both sides have constantly fought with each other since before I even moved in, which I guess explains the note taped to my window saying, "Pick a side." FML

#20071743
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19092) - you deserved it (1303)

On 09/14/2012 at 3:50pm - misc - by thefuckman (man) - United States

Today, the only cute girl in my office made fun of me because I'm 27 and bring fruit cups with my lunch. FML

#1197
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19091) - you deserved it (3915)

On 01/15/2009 at 6:36am - love - by liltravol23 - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was telling my sister about the stupid sorts of questions I get asked at work. She looked at me and said "I give you five years until you turn into a raging, chain-smoking corporate bitch." My mom agreed. FML

#9031003
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19091) - you deserved it (3879)

On 03/12/2010 at 8:23pm - work - by ams (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my cat played dead just so I would leave him alone. FML

#20126149
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19091) - you deserved it (5426)

On 10/21/2012 at 1:59am - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me because of the scratch marks on my back. I didn't have the nerve to tell her I tried to shower with the cat. FML

#21300928
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19090) - you deserved it (30653)

On 11/17/2014 at 7:56pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my boyfriend's mother told me she had fantasies about throwing him out a window when he was a baby because she was so depressed and couldn't handle the stress. The worst part is he wants to get married. She'd be my mother-in-law. FML

#1751
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19089) - you deserved it (3421)

On 01/19/2009 at 12:59pm - love - by lovekills99 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I needed to pay off a $35 parking ticket. To try and get some sort of revenge, I went to the bank and got 3,500 pennies, dumped them into a bucket, and refused to pay with anything besides the pennies. They called the police. I was arrested and cited $147. FML

Today, I got a call from my optometrist. I ignored the call, because I already knew I had my appointment tomorrow. When I listened to my messages later, I found out it was from his secretary, saying all of his appointments have been canceled due to him passing away last night. FML

#8824133
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19084) - you deserved it (8109)

On 03/04/2010 at 2:41pm - misc - by dpod121 (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I took my best friend to an 80's party. She drank too much and ended up puking all over the interior and exterior of my car as well as inside my right legwarmer on the 30 mile trip back home. FML

#8293318
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19083) - you deserved it (4090)

On 02/15/2010 at 9:22am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was pitching at a fastpitch softball game. The other team chanted about the ball being too high and almost hitting the batter in the eye. After throwing the next pitch, the ball was savagely returned by the batter, straight into my eyes. FML

#20009467
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19082) - you deserved it (2376)

On 08/08/2012 at 12:00pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, it was me and my husband's anniversary. He was at work, so I decided to dress up "sexy". You know, the typical lacey thong and fishnets. I heard the door open, and what I thought was him was actually my brother who'd visited to wish me a happy anniversary. FML

#6199211
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19080) - you deserved it (5088)

On 11/07/2009 at 5:22pm - intimacy - by sexysue (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)



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