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Today, I fell asleep after finishing my exam. I had a dream I was falling and woke up smashing my face on the desk. Everyone laughed. FML

by M_Kclift1994 / 01/20/2010 at 6:19pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Health

Today, when I logged onto facebook, I discovered a friend request from my ex who broke up with me and deleted me months ago. Upon adding her, I was taken to her profile where I saw dozens of status updates talking about how much she loves her new boyfriend, who she dumped me for. FML

by lmiller / 01/23/2010 at 10:29pm / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, was the first day of my new job. My boss admitted that they hadn't cleaned the employee bathroom for over two months. My first task: clean the employee bathroom. FML

by LesToiliettes / 03/25/2012 at 3:12am / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, my mum took away my laptop and my phone and won't let me call, text, or go out with friends for one month. Why? I left the toilet seat up. I'm writing this from a public library. FML

by Lord Buttfuck IV / 08/29/2015 at 10:06am / France / Miscellaneous

Today, I was rubbing my lips against my boyfriend's lips when I said "Your mustache tickles" in a sexy tone. His response was "So does yours." FML

by Username / 07/28/2010 at 7:20am / Intimacy

Today, I twisted my knee while cutting firewood with my grandpa. The pain was so crippling, I fell over screaming. His response? "Quit your bitching, I had my kneecaps blown off in Vietnam. They had to stitch 'em back on." He's never been to Vietnam, or even out of the country. FML

by fuckoffgramps / 01/24/2016 at 12:10pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

Today, it was so cold that I had to put slippers over my slippers. FML

by Anonymous / 11/10/2011 at 2:06am / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to a blood drive. The nurse taking my blood mentioned that she'd been called in on her day off, and she swore she wasn't drunk. I didn't know what to do, so I just smiled and blinked back tears as she savaged the vein in my arm. FML

by Anonymous / 04/14/2012 at 12:24pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I had to buy another pair of 'fat jeans', because my old 'fat jeans' became my new 'skinny jeans'. FML

by FML / 08/30/2009 at 10:15am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found the best cure for constipation is having my brother scare the literal shit out of me, in Walmart. FML

by crazyk2468 / 04/26/2012 at 1:29pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, a co-worker asked me if I had a comb he could borrow. I'm bald. FML

by poisonhand / 01/14/2009 at 10:32am / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, I had a friend over. We found my older brother's camera so decided to look through his photos but then we came across photos of him and his girlfriend having sex. We were laughing up until my friend decided to point out that they were having sex on my bed. FML

by badbed / 12/11/2009 at 12:07pm / United Kingdom (Milton Keynes) / Intimacy

Today, I received a compliment for the first time from a girl. She told me she admires my courage to go out in public since most ugly people don't like to. FML

by IHateMyLife / 09/22/2012 at 2:59am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous