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Today, I was watching a movie alone with my girlfriend. She shifted positions as I put my arm around her, and ended up kneeing me in the crotch and shouldering me in the throat simultaneously. FML

#20016514
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21035) - you deserved it (2104)

On 08/12/2012 at 5:23am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was getting ready for a party and accidentally knocked my blender off the counter. After taking a half an hour to clean up all the glass, I went upstairs to get the spare blender I keep in the closet. I tripped, and broke the blender. I just applied for a waitressing job. FML

#7115601
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21034) - you deserved it (5823)

On 01/03/2010 at 12:04am - misc - by cutiepatootie (woman) - United States (Vermont)

Today, it was my first day of softball practice. I'm the youngest one on the team by about 2 years, so I wanted to prove I'm just as good as everyone else. Too bad I tripped in the outfield and got hit in the head with a bat. I have a concussion. FML

#8518590
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21035) - you deserved it (4202)

On 02/21/2010 at 2:12pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I have to be at work with a smile on my face, whilst sitting next to the asshole that dumped me last week. FML

#1869
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21033) - you deserved it (4925)

On 01/20/2009 at 10:16am - work - by Heartbroken - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was doing the laundry, but couldn't tell if one basket contained dirty clothes or clean clothes. I put my head down into the basket and took a whiff to check, and smelled something strong. I looked down and noticed I had shoved my nose into my mother's dirty panties and inhaled deeply. FML

#2771794
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21033) - you deserved it (57004)

On 06/10/2009 at 1:37pm - misc - by potpurri_needed (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I joined my school's film-making club so I could get an opportunity to act in the club president's screenplays. It turns out her idea of a tragedy is a creepy, sci-fi version of Romeo and Juliet, with elves, starring her as the perfect Mary Sue style lead character. I can't get out of this. FML

#17647973
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21033) - you deserved it (4800)

On 09/02/2011 at 9:59pm - misc - by Actor (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was telling my younger brother and sister how important it is to know how to use a knife properly : while slicing potatoes. Just as I was saying how stupid people can be with knives, the potato slipped on the counter. I sliced open my hand while talking about knife safety. FML

#569980
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21034) - you deserved it (55222)

On 03/24/2009 at 12:47am - misc - by nessacadesa (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I told my dog to give me the stick he had in his mouth so I could throw it for him. After I picked it up I realized it was a dried-out piece of shit. FML

#21338477
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21032) - you deserved it (12212)

On 01/16/2015 at 7:37pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was accused of shop-lifting by an old lady in a supermarket. Having proven myself innocent, I tried to storm off to show my displeasure at the situation. In my haste to make a dramatic exit, I tried to go out of the entrance and walked straight into the automatic door. FML

#13723966
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21031) - you deserved it (11668)

On 11/05/2010 at 6:05am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Gwynedd)

Today, a hooker refused my custom. According to her, "Even whores have standards." FML

#17548776
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21030) - you deserved it (43126)

On 08/22/2011 at 3:35pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I went over to this girl's house that I really like. I was planning on cooking her dinner. In the process, the grease in the pan got too hot and caught fire. We ended up having to call the fire department. FML

#13340119
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21029) - you deserved it (7535)

On 10/06/2010 at 5:31am - love - by fireman (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I met someone with the same name as me for the first time ever. I'm 20 years old, he is 97. FML

#467
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21025) - you deserved it (4185)

On 12/08/2008 at 3:46am - misc - by Heyhey - Sent from mobile version

Today, my wife and I convened our families for a joint dinner, followed by me breaking the news that my wife is pregnant. My father visibly scoffed, and my grandfather spent the rest of the evening muttering to him about how "breeders should be shot". Wonderful. FML

#19704356
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21025) - you deserved it (2102)

On 05/30/2012 at 12:45pm - kids - by unzucht (man) - Romania (Bucuresti)



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