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Today, I went back to work after being sick for a week. While I was gone, they hired a new manager. Trying to score bonus points, and possibly a raise, I went to shake her hand and introduce myself. Just as I was about to say "Hello, my name is-" I sneezed right in her face. FML

#13686698
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25149) - you deserved it (6122)

On 11/02/2010 at 10:20am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I drove for hours to attend a martial arts tournament, and then I waited ages for it to finally start. I lost in less than a minute. FML

#19548307
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25149) - you deserved it (6405)

On 04/29/2012 at 3:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (South Dakota)

Today, my husband sweetly asked me, "You know what I'd really like to do if I had an extra $4,000?" Expecting a romantic answer, I asked what. He said, "I'd get you a tummy tuck." He still can't figure out what he said wrong. FML

#20125706
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25148) - you deserved it (4772)

On 10/20/2012 at 8:22pm - love - by cargaljen (woman) - United States

Today, I learned that the only reason most of my students come to lecture is that they have a running bet on how many times I say "OK" in two hours. It was 137 last week. FML

#18025254
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25146) - you deserved it (9612)

On 10/19/2011 at 6:42pm - work - by Habit - United Kingdom (Leeds)

Today, my parents were awake while I was still in bed on my iPod touch. I decided to play The Smurfs Village. One of its minigames involves shaking the iPod, so I was breathing heavily. Later, my parents sat me down for a little "talk". FML

#19833260
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25148) - you deserved it (7478)

On 06/23/2012 at 9:11am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I had to have a long and awkward meeting with my boss. It wouldn't have been too awkward though, if I didn't have to avoid staring at her exposed breast whilst she fed her 8 week old baby. FML

Today, I went to reach for a long piece of lint next to my dryer. It was a snake. FML

#21466401
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25145) - you deserved it (2164)

On 09/09/2015 at 3:34am - animals - by StillLoveMyDogs (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I finally moved all my boxes into my new apartment. I was settling in when my alarm clock that was stashed in one of the boxes began ringing. Two hours and several boxes later, I still can't find it. FML

#14249611
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25142) - you deserved it (5531)

On 12/18/2010 at 4:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I was having lunch and I started throwing crumbs at my friend at the other table. Then I accidentally hit the kid next to him. He got really mad and came over and hit me in the shoulder with a brick. A brick. He just had a brick in his bag. FML

#21474273
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25140) - you deserved it (8657)

On 09/29/2015 at 6:00pm - work - by horp - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I got stuck in the elevator at work. When I was finally let out, my boss decided I shouldn't get a lunch break, because I'd already had over an hour off work while in the elevator. I had to starve through 5 more hours of work. FML

#21460168
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25140) - you deserved it (1619)

On 08/24/2015 at 5:28pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Italy (Liguria)

Today, I heard the sound of footsteps in the basement. Thinking it was burglars I grabbed a baseball bat and hurried down the stairs. I then tripped on the stairs, fell down them and smacked my head on the bat. The sound of footsteps I heard? It was my cat playing in some cardboard boxes. FML

#7775610
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25139) - you deserved it (6971)

On 02/01/2010 at 8:45am - animals - by dontbadouche - Senegal

Today, after weeks of wondering if my cat has a fetish for licking my bed covers, I finally witnessed him licking up an ant off of the covers. Turns out that my bed is infested with ants. FML

#20138030
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25139) - you deserved it (5111)

On 10/29/2012 at 12:23am - animals - by lifelike (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my fiancée showed me her wedding plans. It will be themed on one of her video games, the best man will be dressed as an alien warlord, and the vows talk about how we'll beat the odds and be blessed by the "Goddess Kalahira". Apparently, I have no say in this. FML

#20021119
259 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25138) - you deserved it (5931)

On 08/14/2012 at 6:50pm - love - by cestquoicebordel?? (man) - France



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