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Today, I gave up smoking. A few hours later, I caught myself daydreaming about brutally killing a guy that gave me a mean look at the bus. Maybe I should go back to smoking. FML

#19949441
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23043) - you deserved it (5205)

On 07/17/2012 at 9:54am - health - by Anonymous - Greece (Attiki)

Today, my boyfriend came over for a family brunch, during which he told my mother, in vivid detail, how he gets the shits whenever he eats kale chips. FML

#20483441
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23043) - you deserved it (2736)

On 01/28/2013 at 6:02pm - health - by shitty situation - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my grandma called me to tell me that a couple of cute boys stopped by her house to borrow something. She told them all about me, and that I would be interested in them. My love life is so pathetic, even my grandmother is trying to hook me up. FML

#8394792
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23041) - you deserved it (4191)

On 02/18/2010 at 12:07am - love - by loveless - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, during a blowjob, my girlfriend decided to try something new by squeezing my balls as hard as she could as I came, for a "more intense orgasm". All she gave me was a ruptured testicle. FML

#21448216
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23041) - you deserved it (1827)

On 07/27/2015 at 8:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my parents staged an intervention because I ate a year's supply of noodles in 2 weeks. FML

Today, I wanted to be creative. I hid an engagement ring for my girlfriend inside one of her running shoes. I expected her to find it and wake me up, but she didn't. Later, when I asked if there was anything in her shoe, she responded, "There was a rock. I just shook it out outside. Why?" FML

#4880927
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23037) - you deserved it (54437)

On 08/28/2009 at 11:08am - love - by fmlll (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend informed me that sharing a bed with me was like sleeping with a seizing cat. FML

#7330766
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23037) - you deserved it (4073)

On 01/13/2010 at 11:27pm - love - by meow (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I was quite happily glossing my new bathroom door, when my useless, alcoholic, housemate came rolling in, knocked the paint over, stood in it and without realising, walked it all the way down the stairs. I had just had a brand new carpet fitted. FML

#8819773
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23037) - you deserved it (3176)

On 03/04/2010 at 7:49am - misc - by Heather (woman) - United Kingdom (Bath and North East Somerset)

Today, I was at a job interview at McDonalds. All was going well until the manager told me that I'd have to remove the piercing that I have on my eyebrow. I didn't think that my mole would be so confusing. FML

#630
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23036) - you deserved it (1893)

On 12/30/2008 at 4:35am - work - by Cody - Sent from mobile version

Today, my boyfriend and I were arguing about how he was too busy for me. During that conversation, he was texting his best friend and then called by his brother to drive him home. Instead of returning to finish our conversation, he left to prepare for his fishing trip with his mates tomorrow. FML

#14081508
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23036) - you deserved it (5429)

On 12/04/2010 at 7:03am - love - by anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my two favorite things in the world are Pizza and Beer... I now discover I have Celiac and can't have either. FML

#760
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23034) - you deserved it (2692)

On 12/30/2008 at 5:41am - health - by - Sent from mobile version

Today, I found out that my company is paying more for hors d'oeuvres at one party than I will receive for my entire year long internship. FML

#17579253
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23034) - you deserved it (3076)

On 08/25/2011 at 5:55pm - work - by OfficeSlave (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, during my first man-to-man conversation with my girlfriend's father, he decided to mention the details of lion mating patterns he'd once witnessed. After a lengthy description of the lion's barbed penis, he said, "It also made me feel better about myself that I could last longer than a lion." FML

#19410282
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23030) - you deserved it (2294)

On 04/05/2012 at 1:11am - intimacy - by Lionman (man) - United States (Michigan)



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