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Today, while I was shopping at a store with my friend, I noticed a cute girl smiling at us. My friend said "She's all yours," and walked away. When I approached her, she asked me if my friend was single. FML

by ZAS / 08/22/2012 at 12:57pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that I can't pass a field sobriety test while sober. FML

by sos / 01/16/2011 at 10:59pm / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, against the will of the kids in my class, we played kick ball. The first time I rolled the ball, the tallest, biggest kid kicked it as hard as he could. I caught it though, with my nuts. FML

by ouch / 01/29/2010 at 3:19pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, my mother gave me hell for my "video game addiction". The "game" in question? A professional flight simulator program that I'm using to complement my flight school lessons. FML

by simugeek / 08/15/2015 at 1:53am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my husband is sulking because I wouldn't let him do what he's always wanted to do: throw our cat out the second floor window to see if she would land safely and on all fours. FML

by WaffleJesus / 10/07/2015 at 4:29am / United States / Animals

Today, my mom told me that she doesn't want me to help any of my friends get a job at the restaurant I work at. Apparently, she thinks that they would do a better job than me and get me fired. FML

by son / 03/18/2010 at 7:15am / Israel (Tel Aviv) / Work

Today, I had to climb over a tall gate. Getting to the top wasn't a problem, but falling face first on the way down wasn't what I'd had in mind. FML

by Anonymous / 04/23/2011 at 5:26pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was drinking coffee out of my favorite mug, when it slipped out of my hand. I caught it, but not before most of the hot coffee spilled all over my lap. In reaction, I dropped the mug again, shattering it. FML

by Anonymous / 11/11/2010 at 12:46pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I wanted to take a bubble bath with the jets in the bath that I haven't used in years. When I got in, it took me a while to realize that the jets had squirted out slime and a family of unidentifiable bugs that have probably been living there for years. FML

by juliannamelissa / 09/06/2012 at 2:38am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, while working, a woman complained that she didn't ask for sauce on her sandwich. After examining the sandwich, I realized it was just melted cheese. When I told her, she threw the sandwich at me. FML

by Sara / 10/02/2012 at 11:33pm / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, I was riding my newly trained horse. I've recently been suffering from bad gas, and ended up farting so violently, it spooked my horse into bucking me off and running away. FML

by Anonymous / 06/02/2015 at 11:23am / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, my girlfriend decided to break the news that she wanted us to be "just friends." However, she did it not in just any old way - while ice-skating. I'm currently in hospital getting stitches in my arm after I tripped in shock and she ran me over. FML

by Ice cold / 11/22/2012 at 12:35am / Australia (Victoria) / Love

Today, I was walking down the street in downtown Charleston where there are a lot of horse-drawn carriage tours and I decided to pick up some litter. Some of it was in a puddle of water, but after I picked up the trash, I realized the puddle was horse urine. FML

by Leash / 10/23/2009 at 12:22am / United States (South Carolina) / Animals