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Today, was the first time giving head to my boyfriend. He couldn't finish, so I tried a handjob. In the end he kind of pushed my hand away so he could finish himself off. FML

#21487113
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25563) - you deserved it (6791)

On 11/01/2015 at 10:13pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my class was assigned lockers. Out of all the lockers in the entire school, mine is the only one to still have graffiti on it from last year. The tagger's choice of words? "Poop face." FML

#17804369
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25560) - you deserved it (2878)

On 09/22/2011 at 12:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I went grocery shopping. As I was leaning in to pick up some produce, someone viciously slapped me on the butt. I whirled around and nobody was anywhere in sight. Now I'm starting to worry that I'm losing my mind. FML

#19517929
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25561) - you deserved it (2739)

On 04/23/2012 at 6:41pm - misc - by beleria (woman) - United States

Today, my wife is totally convinced that she was abducted by aliens last night, all because she fell out of bed. FML

#18464914
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25557) - you deserved it (2509)

On 12/08/2011 at 11:15pm - misc - by ET (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I found out why my mother-in-law kept asking for one particular photo of our baby. She just wanted to show off the blanket that she had made to her friends on Facebook. Her first grandchild was almost completely cropped out of the picture. FML

Today, I found out that the so-called vegetarian soy sauce my mom has made for me several times has minced meat in it. FML

#9068336
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25552) - you deserved it (12902)

On 03/14/2010 at 6:21am - misc - by Vegetarian (woman) - Finland (Western Finland)

Today, as part of the treatment for my bulimia, my doctor informed me that I will not be allowed to go to the bathroom unsupervised. Meaning there will have to be another person in the bathroom with me at all times. I have a nervous bladder. I couldn't go if I wanted to. FML

#17977413
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25552) - you deserved it (13399)

On 10/13/2011 at 8:07pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, after years of lobbying for a travel job, I'm finally in Africa. Everything I eat or drink comes violently back out both directions. When I don't eat or drink, I pass out. Essentially I have to choose between illness and consciousness. Hello, fabulous new job. FML

#19714099
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25551) - you deserved it (6630)

On 06/01/2012 at 4:41am - health - by sicksicksick (woman) - Senegal

Today, I learned just how much change a toddler can stuff in to a Nintendo Wii. I also learned that those things are put together with special screws. FML

#6919717
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25545) - you deserved it (3932)

On 12/24/2009 at 10:49am - kids - by Gameless Guy - United States

Today, I found out that a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser will erase the paint right off your wall. FML

#18301043
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25545) - you deserved it (6417)

On 11/20/2011 at 7:29pm - misc - by jazzybell - United States (Michigan)

Today, my mom turned off all internet access in our house because she thought I spent too much time on the computer. She later asked me why she couldn't get on Facebook. FML

Today, while on a walk during lunch, I urgently needed to pee. Not thinking I could make it back to the office, I slipped into some bushes to relieve myself. As I was going, I looked to the side and saw two coworkers staring back at me. They were having sex, and I'm there with my dick out. Awkward. FML

#21483245
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25546) - you deserved it (3565)

On 10/23/2015 at 12:05am - work - by Embarrassed ass. (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, it was my first day at work as a cashier. I was so nervous that my whole body got numb and my eye sight completely blurred. I ran to the bathroom blind while bumping into everything in the store, making sure that everyone knew I had a problem. FML

#14905447
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25545) - you deserved it (7279)

On 02/09/2011 at 2:32am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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