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Today, I was sleeping in after working a graveyard shift. I awoke to my girlfriend sneaking her stuff out of the house. She planned on leaving her key on my pillow and taking off without any notice whatsoever. FML

#19484961
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22093) - you deserved it (1680)

On 04/17/2012 at 4:53pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my friend joked to my co-workers that my kitty-cat of a husband was going to beat me for spending $200 on shoes. Later on, my rather large dog was so excited to see me when I walked in the door, he split my lip. Somehow, I don't think they'll believe me when I get to the office tomorrow. FML

#20150093
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22093) - you deserved it (2886)

On 11/06/2012 at 4:32am - work - by iLuvsIt (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, a homeless lady decided she needed to change underwear in the middle of the sidewalk. I turned around just in time to see her legs in the air with no undies on. I can never eat salami again. FML

#19988661
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22093) - you deserved it (2225)

On 07/28/2012 at 4:07am - misc - by em from Cali - United States (California)

Today, I slipped and sprained my ankle while shopping for a present for my husband, who later came home and tripped over my elevated leg, hurting my ankle again. Now I have an excruciating sprain, and a spouse who's furious at me because "I shouldn't have tried to surprise him." FML

#13502195
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22090) - you deserved it (2545)

On 10/18/2010 at 7:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, while I was at work, my boyfriend decided to give my Cocker Spaniel a haircut. I now have the equivalent of an over-sized naked mole rat running around my house. FML

#19083975
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22090) - you deserved it (2743)

On 02/15/2012 at 6:09am - animals - by workaholic (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was talking to a group of friends about the various problems in Africa. One of them interrupts me and asks with a straight face, "If it's so bad over there, why don't they all just leave?" FML

#19264925
244 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22087) - you deserved it (3588)

On 03/12/2012 at 3:48pm - misc - by dumbfriend - United States

Today, my dad came to pick me up. It would have been nicer if he'd had his clothes on. FML

#19476340
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22086) - you deserved it (1634)

On 04/16/2012 at 12:03am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)

Today, I received a package in the mail. It was a workout and weight-loss plan that I ordered last week. I finished an entire pizza and pint of ice-cream as I read the guidelines. FML

Today, I was at the doctor's office and the doctor asked me "have you been having any intimate relations?" and the first thing that I blurted out was, "you mean with other people?" FML

#722108
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22084) - you deserved it (68879)

On 03/31/2009 at 10:46am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I realised my dad speaks to me the same way he speaks to my dog when she's done something bad. FML

#13459944
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22083) - you deserved it (3131)

On 10/15/2010 at 3:35pm - animals - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my husband thought it would be funny to drive my car through a flock of vultures eating road kill. Since a bird hit the mirror and broke it, I now have to pay for a replacement. FML

#19276997
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22081) - you deserved it (3538)

On 03/14/2012 at 11:19am - money - by me - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to a fancy charity dinner. I'm a schmoozer, so I decided to introduce myself to someone important. I asked enthusiastically, "So, how are you involved with all of this madness?" He frowned at me. I then remembered that this particular charity assists people with mental issues. FML

#21164174
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22081) - you deserved it (39725)

On 06/05/2014 at 6:23pm - misc - by charitableidiot (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my mum bought a phone. Since teaching her how to text, I have received 27 messages, repeatedly saying the word "penis". FML

#19505040
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22081) - you deserved it (4195)

On 04/21/2012 at 5:26am - misc - by jaderie - Australia (New South Wales)



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  • It's the weekend so let's plaster on a fake smile and plough through this shit one more time. Sorry, I was channelling Bill Hicks there. I'll start again. Hi everyone, how are you doing? This week…

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