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Today, I was bored and started touching myself watching TV. My mother walked into my bedroom with a phone in her hand and yelled, "Stop jacking off and talk to your grandmother." FML

#18749585
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17226) - you deserved it (31319)

On 01/08/2012 at 7:43pm - intimacy - by caught - United States (Washington)

Today, I am studying abroad in Mexico and someone asked me what it's like to be from Minnesota. I responded in Spanish, in front of thirty people, what I thought translated to, "If you get cold, you can just put on a jacket." Apparently, what I thought meant "jacket" actually meant "masturbate". FML

#2562
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17225) - you deserved it (4409)

On 01/25/2009 at 7:06pm - misc - by Sally - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my mom decided to subtly bring up her desire for grandchildren. "You really need a girlfriend. I'm surprised you don't have a crippling case of Carpal Tunnel by now." FML

#20102423
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17225) - you deserved it (2574)

On 10/05/2012 at 1:59am - misc - by alittlepersonal (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I drunk dialed my mom and told her I was so high and drunk that I thought the KGB was coming after me. When I woke up this morning, my mom told me that she's no longer paying for college. FML

#90754
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17222) - you deserved it (113033)

On 02/20/2009 at 6:42pm - money - by Noname (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was with my girlfriend, thinking we were alone in the house. Her little brother found us having sex on the couch, took a pic and said, "You are now both my slaves." He ran upstairs and locked his bedroom door. FML

#9797503
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17220) - you deserved it (40979)

On 04/11/2010 at 4:11am - intimacy - by junior - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was staying at my boyfriend's house for the first time. It's a small, old cottage in the countryside. I went up for a shower and didn't realise that the plug hole was blocked. Before I knew it, the bathroom floor was completely flooded and the ceiling below was dripping. FML

#19748438
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17217) - you deserved it (6602)

On 06/07/2012 at 3:47am - misc - by Sophie (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend and I reached that point in our relationship where just a simple phone conversation was too boring. His idea to spice things up? Playing Minecraft together. FML

#20035502
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17217) - you deserved it (5776)

On 08/22/2012 at 11:13am - love - by Minecraftwhyyy (woman) - United States

Today, while giving a lecture on gender equality in the workplace, a woman yelled from the back, asking me why I'm not out starting a war somewhere. I stopped talking and tried to pinpoint her in the crowd, which she took as a sign to snort and call me a pussy. Nobody would back me up. FML

#20168119
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17212) - you deserved it (2149)

On 11/18/2012 at 1:40pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Latvia (Riga)

Today, the girl I like called me and said she liked me. After I told her I liked her too, she didn't say anything. Thinking the call was a joke, I started screaming at her and calling her a slut. Turns out it wasn't a joke, she had just hit mute on her phone by accident. FML

#1900118
323 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17207) - you deserved it (122510)

On 05/13/2009 at 11:35am - love - by your_mother - United States (New Jersey)

Today, the imperial fist of spring allergies knocked me flat on my ass. The time I was going to spend at the outdoor concert I paid $80 for was instead spent in my car, driving back home. FML

#19543754
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17207) - you deserved it (2416)

On 04/28/2012 at 6:44pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was taking a dump in the bathroom. The lights turned off and I was too embarrassed to come out of the stall. The janitor walked in, turned the lights on and asked If anyone was there. I stayed quiet. He turned the lights back off and locked me in the bathroom. FML

#20630741
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17205) - you deserved it (58124)

On 04/29/2013 at 5:11pm - misc - by random - Canada

Today, I was interviewing a cute guy for my journalism class, and he asked to borrow my laptop to check his email quickly. After the interview, I realized that the last thing I had searched for on my browser's Google box was "ingrown pubic hairs," and it was still up there. FML

#115661
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17204) - you deserved it (31968)

On 02/23/2009 at 5:50pm - misc - by loserface (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I called an airline's customer service line. Apparently the way that they deal with uncommon problems is by having someone put you on hold for twenty minutes, answer and yell something unintelligible at you, put you back on hold, and repeat. This went on for over an hour. FML

#19397003
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17203) - you deserved it (1725)

On 04/02/2012 at 7:40pm - money - by unfriendlyskies (man) - United States (Rhode Island)



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