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Wednesday 11 June 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I ran into my girlfriend by chance while out shopping. She looked different than usual. Maybe it was the wedding ring she was wearing, or how she had her arm around another gentleman, gee, I don't know. That's two years of my life wasted. FML

#21168433
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65311) - you deserved it (5287)

On 06/09/2014 at 5:03pm - love - by wrecked (man) - United States

Today, I went to CVS to buy some tampons. The cashier said, "Ewwww... You're on your period." FML

Today, I found out that my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I have in our last year of marriage. FML

#21175587
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60090) - you deserved it (5705)

On 06/15/2014 at 3:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my daughter told me that she liked her "other daddy" better. I don't know who's she talking about, but my wife is doing a good job telling her to be quiet. FML

#21177000
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58768) - you deserved it (4147)

On 06/16/2014 at 5:38pm - kids - by FirstDaddy (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I became the town racist for saying "black" instead of "African-American". I'm black. FML

#21179835
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57224) - you deserved it (5301)

On 06/18/2014 at 9:14pm - misc - by guest - United States (California)

Today, I was trying on bikinis at a local store. When I put my pants back on, my foot got stuck, I tripped and fell through the curtain of the fitting room, topless. FML

#21176636
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56533) - you deserved it (8063)

On 06/16/2014 at 11:24am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Germany

Today, my 8-year-old son microwaved his pet hamster. FML

#21173596
282 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53443) - you deserved it (8994)

On 06/13/2014 at 6:53pm - animals - by sunil (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, the girl who broke up with me and disappeared 6 years ago wished me a happy Father's Day. FML

#21176638
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53379) - you deserved it (6071)

On 06/16/2014 at 11:30am - misc - by IneedMaury (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I sent my girlfriend a request to confirm our relationship on Facebook. She accepted, then changed her screen name into "His Hand". FML

#21169063
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52692) - you deserved it (11524)

On 06/10/2014 at 12:02am - love - by MiserableMan (man) - Vietnam (Ho Chi Minh)

Today, we had a guy come into the hospital with a carrot stuck deep in his anus. I've heard all kinds of ridiculous cover stories, but his took the cake; he claimed the phone rang while he was showering and he slipped onto a box of vegetables. Guess who had to extract the carrot. FML

#21179512
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52612) - you deserved it (4621)

On 06/18/2014 at 3:06pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at Sea World and was about to take a picture of the big walrus. I noticed my phone was still set to use the front camera, and I muttered "Oops, selfie mode." A guy next to me turned, looked at me, and said "Not like there's a difference for you." FML

#21175629
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50346) - you deserved it (8436)

On 06/15/2014 at 4:01pm - animals - by furball (woman) - (Perth and Kinross)

Today, I woke up screaming like a little bitch. I'd been having a bizarre dream where I was having sex with Homer Simpson, when he suddenly had a heart attack and fell on me, crushing me to death. I think my brain needs a douching. FML

#21171240
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50296) - you deserved it (7649)

On 06/11/2014 at 6:20pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I put my headphones on and laid down to relax to some music. I fell asleep, and woke up later to a police officer busting into my house. My neighbor had been knocking on my door, then looked through my window and saw me on my couch, and was convinced I'd died. FML

#21168349
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50261) - you deserved it (4897)

On 06/09/2014 at 3:37pm - misc - by I'm Not Dead Yet - United States (Arizona)



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