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Sunday 20 April 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex and in the heat of the moment I cried out for him to go harder. He had an exasperated expression on his face, and in an adamantly offended tone he said, "Don't tell me what to do." Then he stopped and left the room. FML

#21115855
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60995) - you deserved it (8646)

On 04/17/2014 at 10:27pm - intimacy - by belljars (woman) - United States (California)

Today, in the middle of sex, my girlfriend yelled, "STUFF ME LIKE A TURKEY!" I couldn't finish. FML

#21112870
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60719) - you deserved it (7707)

On 04/14/2014 at 4:12pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I realised that when I asked my girlfriend 4 months ago if was she on the pill, she thought I meant hay fever tablets. I'm going to be a father. FML

#21123315
277 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59679) - you deserved it (28456)

On 04/26/2014 at 8:28am - intimacy - by Sniffles (man) - Ireland

Today, my boyfriend stayed over at my place for the first time. I left him in the bedroom for a couple of minutes while I used the toilet, and when I came back, he was holding my vibrator. He angrily asked me, "What the hell is this? You know this is cheating, right?" FML

#21113687
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58523) - you deserved it (9017)

On 04/15/2014 at 12:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, at my wedding, my husband stood up to give a speech. It started out beautiful, until he told everyone how he started to fall in love with me after I blew him on our first date. FML

#21118892
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57703) - you deserved it (14419)

On 04/21/2014 at 11:43am - intimacy - by Sue Ellen (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, one of my most problematic students remained after class, whence he strongly insinuated his interest in receiving oral sex; I tried to convey just how inappropriate that was, when he interrupted, "Look, will you at least touch it?" FML

#21114779
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55460) - you deserved it (5720)

On 04/16/2014 at 6:03pm - intimacy - by MILF (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my house was robbed. My two 70-pound German Shepherds obeyed me when I told them to attack. They also obeyed the robber when he said, "Sit". FML

#21113538
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54684) - you deserved it (4945)

On 04/15/2014 at 8:08am - animals - by stupiddog (man) - United States (California)

Today, when I went to the shopping centre, the automatic door wouldn't open for me. I had to stand there and wait until someone else walked by to open it for me. I suffer from dwarfism and this is a daily occurrence. FML

#21118654
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54454) - you deserved it (4190)

On 04/21/2014 at 12:11am - misc - by shorty (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my boyfriend's parents' parrot won't stop imitating my sex moans, and keeps doing it whenever I speak. FML

#21119041
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53899) - you deserved it (15041)

On 04/21/2014 at 2:42pm - intimacy - by sexual parrot -

Today, my guide dog sneezed so hard that it slammed its head on the floor and knocked itself out. I have to trust this dog with my life. FML

#21117679
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53729) - you deserved it (4711)

On 04/20/2014 at 12:03am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Idaho)

Today, after years of marriage and my lazy husband letting himself go, I can now finish a bottle of wine and still be sober. This means I've built immunity to the last thing that can make me want to have sex with him. FML

#21119490
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53275) - you deserved it (14361)

On 04/21/2014 at 11:00pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my ex-husband came to pick up our two kids for his weekend with them. Seeing his new girlfriend was in the car, and desperate for conversation, I asked her name. My kids unhesitatingly blurted out, "Mom". FML

#21115862
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52483) - you deserved it (5001)

On 04/17/2014 at 10:31pm - kids - by mommy (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I accidentally walked in on my mom cheating on my step-dad with my real dad. FML



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